"I have to go back home."

I waited till it was just me and Finch, Theo left to go get changed again and Ronan went to go get the truck. I could see curse words pretty much spewing out of Finch's mouth, but couldn't hear it over the loud chatter of everyone around us. He was shaking his head at me when the truck pulled up at the curb, the engine shutting off as Ronan stepped out. The crowd pretty much parted like the Red Sea as he walked through, his broad shoulders and wide frame forcing people away, although it didn't stop their staring at him like he was some type of god.

"No." Finch had stepped closer to me, his lips gracing against the shell of my ear the entire time. It stirred something within me that I had to squash down, forcing it away for a different day, week, hell maybe a different fucking year.

"I have too, other wise she'll call the cops. Please Finch, I don't want to, but I have too." I feel pain coursing through me as how hurt he looks, how utterly defeated he seems. It isn't something I ever want to see on him, on him or any of the boys.

"You have to tell Ronan." I narrowed my eyes at him, his tongue darting out and pointing at me mockingly. Traitor.

"Tell Ronan what?" My lip came in between my teeth as I looked back up to Ronan, his blue eyes blazing as he looked back at me.

"I have to go home." I expected yelling, shouting, but all he did was grit his teeth and nod.

"What, you're not going to tell her no?!" Finch exasperated, his hands waving around furiously.

"Her mothers leaving and won't fully leave until she sees her again, she'll just have to call us if something bad happens." Ronan looked just as defeated as Finch, which spread quickly to Theo when he walked up to us carrying his duffel bag.

"Let me guess, we have to bring her home?" Theo sighed in disbelief, his shoulders slumping as we all trudged to the truck.

The ride was quick, quicker than I really wanted it to be. The truck pulled into the driveway, my eyes finding the single light on in my house. I sighed, looking back to the guys to find they were already looking straight at me. I gave them a sad smile, quietly getting out of the truck. Finch clutched onto me, holding me closely to his body. He lets go and passes me along to Theo, his long muscled arms wrapping themselves around me just the same. And I finally got to Ronan, his broad arms surrounding me completely.

I made my way to my door, opening and closing it without ever looking back. I couldn't let myself, because I knew I'd just sprint backend fling myself to them. Instead, I just shut the door and leaned my back against it, closing my eyes and trying to control my raging emotions.

"Where have you been?" I opened my eyes to Janice, her hair much like mine now pulled into a tight bun.

"The school football game." She grimaced, pulling in a luggage set and dropping them at my feet.

"Bring them to the car and then come back, you still need your punishment from the concert." I swallowed harshly, picking up the luggage and slowly trekking out to the car.

I saw the curtains to the guys house open multiple times, but never was able to catch their eyes. Instead, I kept my head down and finished putting the luggage away, walking back inside with shaking hands and I'm sure what was a pale face. I pulled my phone out at the last minute and sent a group text before deleting it, knowing full well that Janice will be taking my phone and looking through it.

Willow: if I haven't contacted you within four hours, find me.

I quickly block their numbers so I won't get texts back before taking the stairs to her room, the same chest sitting snug in the corner. It was a medium sized dark oak with a single hole where a key would enter. She gives me a smile filled with such glee, shining brightly through her usually dead eyes as she unlocks the chest and opens it up.

I hesitate, forcing her smile to drop as she rushes forward and grips my arm, using her other free hand to grip my hair as she tugs me over. She stops just before she shoves me in, releasing my hair to grip my chin and force me to look directly at her.

"I'm going on vacation for a month or so, someone will be in to open the chest tomorrow. Remember your concerts, or I will ruin you and those little boys you seem to be so attached too." She shoves me forward, my body tipping into the wooden chest.

I don't have time to position myself to be comfortable, my arms clutched to my chest and my legs bunched up as close to my body as possible, when the lid slams shut and locks me into the darkness. My panic attack immediately sneaks up, the dark and confined space forcing short ragged breaths from my lungs. Tears begin to form and trail down my cheeks as my hands clutch together, trying to cave into myself.

I can't touch the walls, I can't touch the corners, I can't touch the darkness.

But the darkness surrounds me, wrapping itself around me and invading every sense I have. It's in my skin, in my eyes, up my nose, along my tastebuds, it even has a sound. It's consuming me and forcing me into a small corner, forcing me back into a little girl who was terrified of the outside world.

I begin screaming, short little screams that come from my gut. I begin pleading, begging to be released, even as I hear the door slamming shut. I don't know how long I screamed, how long I cried, how long the darkness damaged my skin and invaded every single sense of my being.

My eyes shut after one or two hours; I knew because I counted to try and calm myself as much as possible. My body grew comatose, heavy and unmovable. This always happens once I get in the chest, a horrible panic attack and then I grow immobile, almost like my body has lost any fight left within me and just gave up.

I was dead, I had to be. I couldn't see anything except the dark, feel anything except nothingness. This has to be death, this has to be. I had wished for it so many times, an escape from Janice that the reaper himself must've finally came to collect.

It has to be.

-

The top was open, the air was fresh. Something wrapped itself around me, but I couldn't move. I willed my eyes to open, my arms to move, my toes to twitch; nothing. I could hear ringing in my ears, white noise erupting somewhere in my ear drums as I desperately tried to figure out who had me.

" – er to a hospital!"

"But what about her mother? What if it somehow gets back to her?" Their voices cut through the white noise, stirring my heart back into its normal beating.

I knew them, I had too. They sounded so familiar, they smelt so familiar. Cinnamon, pine, something citrusy? I counted three breathing patterns, the feel of someone moving. Was something wet? Was it raining? Something was dripping onto my collar and slipping down the curves of my chest into my shirt.

"Finch you need to calm down, please, think about Willow." Something crashed as the name sounded over me, riding sound waves into my ears and burrowing into my brain.

Finch. finch. FINCH. Finch.

My eyes could finally open, peeling themselves from one another as the name finally registered deep within me.

Finch Theo Ronan Finch Theo Ronan.

They circled around my brain as I wheezed in a huge breath, my eyes spinning around desperately trying to make sure she wasn't here. They were safe, she didn't touch them. They were safe.

"Sugar!"

"Angel!"

"Schmusebärchen!" (Little cuddle bear.)

I looked up and saw my boys, my heart erupting and tears poring out of me. Looks like I had enough energy for them, but I think I always would. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair for me to come into their lives with my many problems and fall in love with all of them so quickly.

It wasn't fair for me to launch myself at them, finding myself in Ronan's chest with all three of their arms wrapped around me. It isn't fair, life isn't fair, and I'm selfish. I'll continue to be selfish until it comes to a point where I know I have to give them up, when I begin to tear the three apart.

Ronan stands with my tears cascading onto his back, making is way up to the room we shared. I knew the others were following, but they broke off into their own rooms to presumably change their clothes. He set me down onto the huge bed and kneeled before me, wiping my tears with his rough thumbs.

His hands were broad and covered in callouses, scratchy and rough with all of the work he does. His ocean eyes bore into me, my eyes flickering between the two as I mapped out every difference between the two. The way the left one has a bit more green along the edge, the way the right has a subtle flare of gold within the center. I move from his eyes to his face, his broad and sharp jaw and stubble along the edges, his deep plump lips.

Those same lips that were headed for me, those same lips hovering centimeters above mine. Those same lips that were gently caressing mine, those same lips that tasted like bitter coffee with mint creamer. Those same lips that parted and let his tongue lick along the seam of my own.

Panic attack long forgotten I let myself drown in his touches, his kisses, the caress of his fingers over my lower back. He was beautiful, so beautiful as he held me and kissed me until I couldn't breathe. He pulled away and rested his forehead against my own, before moving from his kneeling position and smiling back down at me.

"Go change, clothes are in the closet." He walked out and shut the door behind him, my eyes watching his broad shoulders the entire time. I stagger into the said closet, thankful that tomorrow was Saturday, and let myself change into a pair of the boys boxers and a t shirt.

I find myself back into the bed not long after, drifting in and out of consciousness when the door opens again. I smell their scents and don't bother tensing up as they get under the covers with me, laying me down so I'm across all three of them. They have bare chests, their skin setting fire to my own, but I'm too tired to care.

I feel drunk on sleep as I mumble out loud, snuggling and burrowing deeper into whoever chest my head is on. "My boys."

I hear their sharp intakes of breath but I simply couldn't care, instead letting sleep crash over me. I knew I wouldn't be asleep for long, after the chest I always have a nightmare and always awake, not being able to take the darkness. I ignore it, letting my breathing even out as they speak to themselves as sleep crashes over me, much like the ocean, much like the waves.