chapter 18: desperate

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Rose

The next morning I woke up to my stomach tangled into a million knots that were way messier than my hair. I pushed thoughts surrounding my mother and returning home to the back of my mind as I packed up my last remains.

In an hour, just as the sun was perched in the sky, hovering over fluffy clouds, I glanced around the cabin and found no traces of myself in it. My luggage was resting against the couch, waiting to be returned home. Only thing left to do was take out the garbage. I tugged on my boots, held the black bag in one hand and tugged open the front door. Then, I screamed.

Sebastian was standing on my porch, fist raised in the air, about to knock.

I felt my cheeks begin to redden for absolutely no reason at all.

My feet were frozen in place as his lips curved into a small smile. "I need your help," he said after a second had passed.

It was only then that I noticed his red, swollen eyes, disheveled hair m and the obvious exhaustion on his face.

I stared down at the garbage bag in my hand that felt like dead weight before glancing back at Sebastian. "Uhm," I stuttered, searching my brain for any possible excuse to get him off my porch before he discovered that I was leaving.

Sebastian reached out slowly and grabbed the garbage bag out of my hand, his fingers gently grazing mine like thousand electrical volts, before he set it down on the porch. "Please, Rose," he begged.

The longer I stared into his eyes, the more difficult it was to say no. I bit my lip and cursed my heart as I caved, holding the door open wide for him.

Sebastian walked into my cabin effortlessly. The air changed, modifying itself around his presence. I sucked in a sharp breath as I continued to stare outside, waiting for him to—

"You're leaving." His voice broke silence.

Fuck.

I spun around and looked anywhere but his eyes. "What did you need my help with?" I asked, attempting to change the conversation.

Sebastian took a step towards me. "You're leaving," he repeated, dark eyes blazing.

Exasperated, I let out a sigh and crossed my arms over my chest. When my eyes locked on his, there was a new sadness in them. "Do you want me to apologize?"

"No," he whispered, his head shaking slowly. "But I would have liked it if you said goodbye."

"Maybe I was on my way to your cabin to say goodbye before you came here," I said easily, each word a bigger lie than previous, as he rolled his eyes. "Why are you here, Sebastian?"

He ran his fingers through his long hair before he spoke. "Violet's gone," he said suddenly, his voice cracking. I raised my eyebrows in confusion. "I can't see her anymore."

I eyed him wearily as the pieces slowly clicked into place. That's why he had been crying. "I thought that was what you wanted?" I asked, thinking back to our conversation on my couch weeks ago.

"It is," he began before pausing, shaking his head quickly. "Or at least it was. God, I don't know anymore, Rose." His hands were trembling at his sides and by the look on his face and the rumpled t-shirt hanging off his tall frame, I knew he hadn't slept.

"Just relax, Sebastian. Tell me what happened." I leaned against the kitchen table as I watched him. This was the first time we had spoken in two weeks and it was only because of Violet that made him come knocking on my door.

I pushed aside the troubling disappointment I felt as Sebastian let out a long sigh.

"I saw her last night," Sebastian began. "She was talking about our, ugh," his eyes wandered as he cheeks began to redden. "... Kiss. She was hurt. I could see the pain in her eyes and I still told her to leave, Rose." His voice dropped to a mere whisper. "I told her I didn't want to see her anymore. That I don't love her anymore."

"Oh," I breathed. Well... I didn't expect that.

"Then she just...disappeared. I've been looking for her all morning, waking through the forest while calling her name. Hoping she'll appear but she hasn't," he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. His back was slouched in defeat and he stared at the floor as he spoke. "I haven't slept. I can't eat. I need her back."

"But maybe this is for the best, Sebastian. Now you can begin to move forward and —"

"I need her back, Rose!" I stepped back quickly as his voice boomed around us. "You don't understand. I need her back. She wasn't supposed to leave like that. It wasn't supposed to end like this."

When tears began to slide down his cheeks, I couldn't help but see my own reflection in his broken grief. I walked to him and brushed a tear off his face.

Holding his face in my hands gently, I tried to offer him the comfort no one had offered me. "You said it yourself, Sebastian. She's gone. You can't get her back," my thumb trailed gently over his cheek, catching every tear. "I'm sorry."

"I can get her back." His voice was firm, an unannounced plan hidden behind his words.

"What if it's too late?" My hands dropped to my sides as I watched him pace back and forth.

"Do you remember why I first saw Violet?" he asked quietly, his eyes lingering on my luggage.

I recalled the conversation we shared weeks ago, when Sebastian had told me the secret he kept close to his heart. "You passed out while walking through the forest," I answered.

"I could have died, Rose. I could have died but Violet found me and she saved me." He stopped walking, turning to my abruptly. "My pain brought her to me."

"Sebastian," I warned, taking a cautious step towards him. "I don't like where this is heading."

"I need to get her back," he said through gritted teeth. His eyes were wild, searching the cabin frantically.

I had never seen him like this before so... so afraid. His fear peaked mine and I felt goosebumps raise on my arms.

I unwillingly asked the question I didn't want to know the answer to. "How are you going to do that?"

Sebastian reached behind his back. I gasped at the silver knife he now held in his hand, its blade glinting menacingly under the light.

"By using this," he answered, twirling the knife in his hand.

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lol he's crazy bye

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