Days went by and all I felt was a crushing ache through my head. My heart was sealed behind a vault of numbness. But I didn't run. Ha, I could keep telling myself that. I was physically there but mentally, I was completely checked out.

After Madeleine's funeral, I held on to the spare key to her house and kept it in the front pocket of my apron in case of emergencies. But those emergencies turned into daily visits. Since, I'd been sneaking into her house each day after work, clearing away Daan's discarded bottles of beers from the previous night, and straightening his sleeping area.

Then I vanished again before he made it home from work. It was easier that way. He commuted to London in the early hours of the morning and returned to Brighton for his late night drinking sessions. With those working hours, I could avoid him while making sure he was taken care of.

But who'd take care of me?

My day had been gruelling and was only set to get worse. The coffee machine broke mid morning rush, releasing scalding steam on my left forearm and the cream I'd made for my eclairs split when I forgot all about it in the blender.

The eclairs could be saved, my arm on the other hand hurt like hell. One of my morning customers was luckily on hand to help turn the machine off, and urged me to run my arm under cool water for twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes. I didn't have twenty minutes to waste with the queue at the till, so I promptly asked him to open one of my burn gel packets and help wrap my arm up.

He wasn't convinced when I assured him I was fine and wouldn't need it checked. And neither was I when the constant stinging sensation set in. I hadn't dared look under the bandage throughout my working day or when I walked towards Madeleine's house.

I should have walked home instead—or to a walk-in clinic for a quick check-up. That's what any sane person would have done. Put themselves first after weeks of being pushed aside. But I couldn't stop my brain from telling me I was doing the right thing by looking after him even if he made it bloody hard to do.

My left arm tucked against my waist, I turned the key and pushed the door open with my shoulder. Laughter crept along the empty hallway as I removed my shoes and tucked them underneath the entry side table. The sounds, although high pitched to start, soon turned into a deeper, gruff chuckle. Daan.

I checked the time on my phone. Why is he home so early? Why wouldn't he be on a Friday? It's his home, after all. Not mine. It wasn't like he was texting me lately to keep me up to date.

"Oh hey, Noa," Harlow said from her chair at the breakfast bar, swinging her legs underneath the counter. Blonde hair effortlessly piled on top of her head, and her signature red lipstick missing, she looked less frosty than her usual bitchy self. "We were about to order a pizza. What would you like on yours?"

Daan stood to the side of her, facing me, but had yet to glance up. Moments before being caught standing in the doorway, I watched a smile I hadn't seen in weeks grace his lips. Instead of giving me hope, it left my chest hollow.

I wasn't the one to put it there. I pushed my selfish thought aside and walked into the kitchen. "I didn't realise someone would be here. I was going to water the garden and the plants in the conservatory then I'll leave you to it," I said after I wiped the stunned expression off my face.

"You don't have to leave on my account. I love my pizza so you can't have mine but Daan won't mind sharing his if you don't want one to yourself." She laughed and placed her hand over Daan's, prompting him to agree with her. But instead of answering, he picked at the tiled counter and frowned.

"You have a key?"

"No, the fairy who's been coming in to clean your mess let me in." Who else had a key to the house and would make sure he wasn't neglecting it.

He nodded, unaffected by my sarcastic response, and turned to Harlow. "Think I'll have a shower now. Freshen up before food. Can you order a Diavola pizza but with added mushrooms?"

"Isn't Noa allergic to mushrooms?" Harlow asked while scrolling to the menu on her phone.

I shook my head and grabbed an indoor watering can and spray bottle from under the kitchen sink. "I'm not allergic to them. I don't like mushrooms, but can pick them off."

"Shit, forgot. Hold the mushrooms then," he mumbled with his gaze back on the grout he was picking out from between the tiles.

Harlow offered a sympathetic smile when she caught my grimace and mouthed a silent sorry.

"Seriously, I'm not staying. Don't order for me." I would help where possible but I wouldn't force myself into his space when he barely looked at me. The quicker I got on with the watering, the better it would be for the both of us. Harlow could clean up his mess if she was still here when he went to bed. Or he could do it himself. It's not like he has work tomorrow.

I filled the watering can and spray bottle with rainwater from the outside barrel and left them near the conservatory door. Before tackling the inside plants, I had to water the garden. Daan wouldn't do it. That was apparent from the slight yellowing of the grass and the wilted roses. What a shame to leave such a beautiful garden go to waste.

The garden hose reached every corner of the compact, yet overgrown garden. When I had more time, I promised myself I would prune the hedges and tidy her flower beds. Her vegetable patch needed some maintenance as well.

Once I drenched her lawn enough to battle the summer heat, I pushed open the conservatory door. Despite the warm weather, I felt a chill run down my arms as I stepped inside and tried my hardest to focus on the plants and not on Madeleine's empty chair.

What would you think of us now, Lady B?

After a few trips back and forth to water all the plants, the stiffness in my shoulders eased, and I moved more freely around the last place to see Madeleine alive. I only entertained the unsettling thought for a few seconds before my attention was pulled towards the kitchen.

"I don't want to hear it."

I inched towards the door, joining the kitchen to the glass conservatory. Daan filled a cup with water from the sink and downed it before turning towards Harlow. She stood in the doorway of the living room, just out of sight.

"It's for the best." He ran his hand through his wet hair and closed his eyes. "Yes, I know it's not fair, but what else would you like me to do? I'm a coward. I thought she'd leave after I told her about the bakery sale."

Part of me wished I could hear or see Harlow's reaction as Daan grew slightly more irritated with each sentence. The other part of me hoped they would move to another room so I could escape without having to face them. My shoes were at the front door because I'd stayed barefoot when I watered the garden.

Whooshing sounded in my ears and my heart pounded out of control. How could he say that?

I slid down to the floor and tucked my legs up to my chest. Daan's words became muffled as I regulated my breathing and soon enough, they disappeared completely when he stormed out of the room.

Harlow hovered in the kitchen for a while but quickly found my unconcealed hiding spot. I'd always been one to bleed right out in the open.

She stood there without saying a thing. While she stared at me, I glared at the bandage on my arm. He didn't even ask what I'd done. He must have seen it. There was no way you could miss it. Before all this, he would have.

A lone tear trickled down my cheek and Harlow finally spoke as I wiped it away.

"Look, Daan's—"

"Fu.. thi... sh..." I mumbled to myself, chin pressed down on the top of my knee.

"What was that?"

"Fuck this shit!" I said louder, pushing myself off the ground and dusted off my backside. "I don't know what I was thinking. I can't sit around forever, waiting in case he might want to work things out." A lifeless laugh escaped my lips and I clenched my fists. "Iʼm so stupid."

I had to leave. Rushing out of the conservatory, I marched straight to the entryway and slipped on my shoes. The front door didn't slam as I left the house, despite my best efforts and I wasn't shocked to find Harlow following me instead of Daan.

"Hold up, Noa." She wrapped her thin yellow cardigan around herself and almost skipped down the stone steps to keep up with me.

I was already halfway down the road when she grabbed hold of my elbow.

"Please don't get upset. He doesn't mean any of it."

"No, it's fine. I'm fine, actually. Better than I've been in days."

"Clearly you're not." She pulled her cardigan over her hand and wiped the tears running down my face.

"You'll ruin the fabric with my makeup." I didn't want to cry. A pathetic whimper broke loose as I took a deep breath in.

"Not important." She smiled. "If you won't come back to the house, at least walk around the block with me." She threaded her arm with my unharmed one and turned us towards a smaller side path.

"Why are you being nice to me?" Besides my thoughts being all muddled up from Daan's continual rejection and frostiness, I was baffled by Harlow's sudden change of attitude.

She laughed softly but didn't answer my question directly. "Did you know I didn't like Daan when I first met him? Thought he was an arrogant arse. Now look at us. He's still an arse but I love him for it."

"And that's meant to make me feel better?"

Harlow ignored me and continued. "You know what changed? We bonded over you." She held out her arm in front of us and pushed some overgrown plant out of our way. "He wouldn't shut up about you, and I had an unhealthy need to just listen to him. I didn't fancy you or anything. You weren't the hottest girl or even the prettiest."

"Ouch." Ah, there was the Harlow I knew.

She nudged my side and grinned. "No, listen. It wasn't about the way you looked. You just seemed so carefree and confident in everything you did. Nothing fazed you. It's what attracted us both to you. I didn't know if I wanted to be you or be with you. It was so confusing and..." She stepped away from me and glanced over to assess how I'd taken her confession. When she saw that I wasn't repulsed or about to mock her, she went on. "He thought I was jealous of you for such a long time and I didn't correct him. But I was jealous of him. He could tell you how he felt and if you rejected him, it wouldn't have been a big deal. If I'd done the same, well, I wasn't out so—. Look, I'm not saying this to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not." I was telling the truth. It helped fill in why I felt so out of the loop when I was around both of them. I was never really meant to be in their loop.

"I'm telling you so you get some idea about Daan and me. I'm no threat to either of you. I just want to be here for my friend."

"You're not why I walked out today. It hurt to see him smile with you, but that's not why I left." To be honest, I wasn't entirely sure what made me snap. I just knew I'd had enough of this perpetual state of limbo.

"Please, don't give up on him."

"I don't want to. But I can't keep giving up on myself."

We reached the end of the path and I realised I could cut across the nearby park to one of the local walk-in clinics.

"Come back to the house. Daan wouldn't want you to be upset."

I pinched my lips together and waved my wrapped arm. "I'm going to get this looked at."

Without giving her a chance to argue, I pulled away. I didn't look back and when I felt like there was enough distance between us, I called for help.

"Mum?" My voice cracked over the phone. "I really need you."