Twenty Nine

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"WHAT the hell do I wear?" I ask with an annoyed sigh as my fingers rip through my perfectly organized closet. I touch every piece of clothing hanging up, but still nothing seems right for the night ahead of me. And every ounce of me wants tonight to be picture perfect.

I am met with silence so I pop my head out of my closet to focus on my friends in my room. Elizabeth is relaxed on my bed alongside my roommate Annabelle. They are snacking on a bowl of popcorn giggling while I'm fully stressing out.

Because I'm going on a date. With Preston Rothwell. Like a real actual date in the city.

And what in the hell do I wear for that?

I step out of my closet to face my friends. "Seriously, are you guys going to help me here?" I huff out while my hands land on my hips and my face twists in frustration.

Elizabeth tosses a piece of popcorn into her mouth before she shoots me a look. "James, it's Preston. He'll die at anything you wear," she tells me as if it's fact.

"Very true," Annabelle echoes.

"Not true," I fight back as I roll my eyes. "Can you two just help me?" I say begging for their assistance. They go on dates. They dress up. They know what to do in situations like this. I don't. I don't go on dates. I mean I have but only with a couple of guys because my mother made me. They all ended terribly.

Guys have always seen me as too intense...too much. I don't come off sweet or sexy. I come off hard and too focused. I can never just relax. Because I'm not easy. Never have been.

Nerves crawl over me like a dark and twisted vine and for a moment I can't breathe and I wonder if Preston will also feel that way about me. If us taking this big step together is a massive mistake. The ink on my hip that is fully healed now begins to burn as if my body is yelling at me to run and hide.

The anxieties must begin to show clearly through my face because they both instantly abandon their popcorn and come to my side.

Elizabeth begins to flip through my rack of clothes. "You're nervous." She doesn't ask it as a question because it's not. Because she is my friend and knows me even when I try to hide from my own feelings that threaten to swallow me whole.

I want to bite out a sharp no on instinct. Because the part of me that tries to be tough all the time doesn't want to ever show weakness. But right now I am weak, and that's okay. So I don't. I don't lie or put up that wall that is usually indestructible. "Yeah," I finally breathe.

"Don't be," Annabelle says as she comes to stand by my side.

My shoulders lift in a shrug. "Easier said than done," I tell her with a grimace. "He's the one person I've wanted to go on a date with my entire life. It's hard not to be nervous," I admit. The confession has the vine loosening its grip on me until a wave of what almost feels like relief rolls over me. The sting on my hip even falls away.

Suddenly arms circle me on either side. Engulfing me and tightening around me until the vine of anxieties is completely gone. My two best friends hug me like their lives depend on it, and it makes a smile stretch across my lips.

Elizabeth pulls back with a grin and that knowing look glimmering in her brown eyes she gets from time to time. "He's madly in love with you. Like wild, crazy, stupid in love. It's going to be the best date ever," she assures me.

The use of the word love makes my heart do weird things and suddenly the nerves make a reappearance. I am far too scared to acknowledge that feeling. I know I care about Preston deeply, but love? That's a big step. Way too big. Way too soon and far too scary.

"And if the date sucks, text us and we will make up some kind of emergency and get you out of there so you can come home and eat tons of ice cream and we can shit talk dumb boys all night long," Annabelle suggests, causing emotions to clog my throat and tangle in my chest.

I will never understand how I ended up with the two best friends anyone could have. But I will forever be thankful.

"Thanks," I whisper before clearing my throat. "Now please help me figure out what to wear."

And they do just that. They bicker over what to put me in. Pants versus dress versus skirt. Heels or flats or boots? They argue and debate until they help find me the perfect simple yet sexy outfit to wear on my date.

Elizabeth plays music and Annabelle makes us all drinks. They even help with my makeup and curling my hair.

And as I stand in front of the full length mirror in my room I can't be more thankful to them for making me feel so beautiful for a night I never expected to happen.

I eye my fitted long sleeve black off the shoulder top that is tucked into my plaid wool mini skirt. My legs are bare and only covered with a pair of leather knee high boots. It's me. It's simple. It's subtle. But it shows skin, and it makes me feel confident and beautiful. Something I never felt growing up.

A loud knock comes from the front door causing my heart to still. I take a deep breath, and then I down the rest of my drink before I exit my room. My blood tingles in my veins and I feel as if I'm vibrating from the mix of nervous and untamed excitement of what the night has in store.

My eyes flicker to my friends who are sitting on the couch and smiling like crazy. I roll my eyes at their reactions just as they start to quietly squeal.

"Shut up," I whisper yell at them as my cheeks warm, but it only makes them giggle.

I take a deep breath and wipe my sweaty palms against my skirt before I open the door to reveal the only man who's ever been able to steal my breath and challenge my brain in a way that pisses me off and turns me on all at once.

Preston's the most intoxicating contradiction.

He's wearing dark jeans with a black turtleneck and a thick grey peacoat and the smell of his cologne makes me want to snuggle up right against him and never let him go.

He looks as handsome as ever and I have to fight the urge to step closer and reach out to trace my thumb over the scar on his cheek and never stop touching him.

"Hi," I say as I fight the urge to keep my hands from shaking.

"Hey," he replies as his eyes linger on my boot clad legs. The intense gaze sets me on fire and somehow makes me feel even more beautiful. "You look amazing."

His words cause my entire body to flush. "Thanks...you too," I compliment, averting my eyes for a moment so maybe just maybe my heart can finally stop beating so fast. I'm worried I might actually pass out.

"You ready?" he asks with a tilt of his head.

"Yes," I say as I grab my coat and purse off the hook by the door.

"You kids have fun now!" Elizabeth calls just as I'm about to close the door, making my head snap in her direction and my eyes to narrow into a glare.

But my fierce gaze doesn't deter my friends. Instead it eggs them on.

"Have her home by 11!" Annabelle follows up and I shift my eyes to her and flip them both off.

My actions only cause them to bend over in a wild fit of laughter before I slam the front door shut.

"They're funny," he comments by my side as we slowly walk down the hallway.

I shake my head. "They're annoying," I tell him, but a smile can't help but slip across my face as I say it.

He sees right through me instantly. "So what you mean is that you really love them?"

I raise my focus to his. "Forever," I divulge. I pause and turn to face him right across from the elevators. "Can I tell you something?"

"Always," he promises. I hate how much I want his promises to be true, but a part of me still is worried about trusting him fully.

I let out a pent up breath. "It scares me how easily you can read me," I confess to him.

"Why?" he questions.

"Because no one ever has before. I'm not someone people can read easily. But you seem to have no problem," I tell him hating the way my words are unstable as I tell him my truth. Opening up and sharing parts of myself with this man who has the ability to break every piece of me if he wants.

Before I know it he is walking towards me and backing me up against the wall. He doesn't touch me, but my entire body heats as if he has. He keeps a few inches of space between us, but he places his hands on the wall beside my head to cage me in so he can lower his head to be level with mine.

I swallow as the nerves in my veins begin to flood in my bones until I'm openly beginning to tremble before him.

"I can read you because I spent years studying you. I can read you because I know you. I can read you because you're a part of me Jameson," he says with so much conviction it ceases my trembling until I'm frozen solid before him.

"I...um...I don't..." I stutter out, not sure what to say at this moment.

The touch of a smile grazes his lips. "No need to say anything. I'm just letting you know the facts here," he tells me with such ease it somehow only forces me to melt right before him and make my pulse race wildly within me.

Preston then pulls away and presses the button to call the elevator to us. We stand beside each other silently, but emotions are swirling between us saying more than words ever could.

Because what I feel for his man is more than I ever could imagine. It scares the ever living shit out of me. But it also makes me want more.

He makes me crave more so desperately I almost reach out for him. My fingers itching to find purchase on him.

But before I can the elevator rings and opens before us.

"Where are we going?" I finally ask as we step in and we start to move.

"My favorite little spot in the city," he says with an eager light shining in his dark eyes.

"And where's that?" I ask curiously.

"You'll see Davenport."

Shock coats my face. "This is your favorite little place in the city?" I question absolutely astonished at what I'm looking at.

"Yeah," he says with ease. As if we aren't standing where we are standing.

I've done private tours of almost every rooftop in the city, but I've never come here.

We are on the rooftop of The Rockefeller Center. Not to be confused with the Top of the Rock with the observation deck that tourists flock to.

No, this is the beautiful luscious gardens that sit on top of the seventh floor of the building with a perfect view of St. Patrick's Cathedral.

I step forward away from Preston's side as I take in the space. The sky is dark and the stars are bright and sparkling in the sky, which is rare in a city like New York. The evening air is so crystal clear it makes the sky feel closer than it really is.

It's breathtaking up here with the structured skyscrapers all lit up around us perfectly juxtaposing the soft grounds we are on. The perfectly manicured bushes are covered in thousands of delicate fairy lights illuminating the space around us.

It feels almost magical up here.

I turn on my heel to face him as the chilly night air lifts the ends of my hair and brushes my bare thighs.

"How did you swing this?" I ask with disbelief clear in my words.

These grounds are rarely open to the public. Especially not open for just two people in the winter.

"I know someone..." he trails.

"Do you?" I push back with pure curiosity.

"I can be very persuasive," he claims with a smirk that has my heart squeezing in my chest.

"So you paid someone," I state a tad dejected. A sharp bite of bitterness runs through me at the reminder of what he's done and the fact that they paid off everyone and anyone who was on the scene seven years ago.

"Nope."

His answer is direct and without hesitation and it makes my eyebrows knit together.

"No money was exchanged," he tells me as he takes a step towards me. With the moon and stars and fairy lights shining on him he almost seems bright. Even in the darkest of nights he isn't lost to me anymore. He stands out like a neon light to me now, and the mask he always kept up is fully gone.

No facade. No walls. Truly open to me since that night almost a week ago. It's refreshing as it is nerve wracking to finally have him be an open book to me.

"The general manager of the restaurant at The Rock I've met before. I called in a favor in exchange for some box seats to the Nets. Her son is a massive fan." My heart wants to skip a beat at the idea of Preston using his connections to take me on this perfect first date, but my head refuses to give in.

He can see my hesitancy. "You have questions." It's a statement, not a question.

I nod once. "I do."

Preston just smiles softly at me and then walks forward a few steps to grab my hand. It's the first time we've touched all night and it makes my body warm and my heart jump in my chest. His fingers interlace with mine and it helps to steady the mess of questions clogging my head and confusing my heart. "Come on," he says as he walks us near the opposite side of the gardens.

That's when I notice he's leading us over to a small round table with two chairs and a large heater beside it as well as two fluffy blankets draped over the chairs.

He lets go of my hand to pull out my chair for me. I've had guys pretend to be gentlemen simply because they want to get in my pants. Let's be real I also know Preston wants in my pants. I mean when two people have mind blowing sex they want to keep having it. But I also know this is more. I mean more to him, and his actions aren't just about what my body can offer.

Finally seated I pull the thick blanket over my legs. With the heater next us it actually feels nice and almost surreal to be on an open rooftop in the winter. My eyes take in the tea candles on the table and the large assortment of bread, vegetables, meats, and fruits alongside the three pots of fondue. Cheese, broth, and chocolate. It all smells beyond delicious.

My eyes flicker up to see Preston pouring me a glass of rose champagne. It's my favorite. The skin around my eyes crinkles as I narrow my gaze at him. It only makes his smile grow. He's smiled more tonight than I've ever seen and I never want him to stop.

He continues to show how much he knows about me and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

He settles into his seat with a glass of whiskey by his side. "Ask away."

I shove the hesitation inside me away. "No more lies?" I ask.

"None. Ever again," he replies immediately and unwavering.

I grab onto my glass and take a sip for liquid courage. The lavish bubbles explode in my mouth until they fizzle out and begin to warm me from the inside out. "I found a cop that was on the scene that night who is now retired so I thought he might be willing to talk to me," I start to explain.

He twirls the glass tumbler with his hand as realization falls upon him. "Let me guess, he wasn't?"

I shake my head as my body tightens in the air of uncertainty that is boiling between us. "He was sick but his daughter answered the door, and said she wouldn't talk either because of the money. She told me everyone was paid off." My words are thick in my throat at the idea of him doing such a thing. Shush money is another level of dirtiness and it makes my skin crawl.

"They were," he confirms and it makes my stomach roll. I grab the glass and toss back the rest of the bubbles.

Preston takes a sip of his drink as well. "Once Everett's dad took over our counsel he made the choice to pay everyone off. He did it along with the rest of our fathers without consulting us. With Aiden's alibi we were already covered, but Mr. Kingston doesn't like to leave anything to chance and your brother was only thirteen at the time. They didn't know how well he would keep his promise. They didn't know how loyal he would be. We found out about it months later and we were furious. We already felt dirty but it still made us feel even worse. Lower. Grimy. Truly guilty."

I don't say anything for a moment as I sit there taking in his words. "After the trial you all acted as if you owned the world. As if you did nothing wrong. You went wild. I've seen the videos Preston," I say struggling to accept his past fully.

I've seen his antics for years. He never looked remorseful. Ever. Now I'm supposed to believe he is?

"I was lost for a while. I leaned into the image because it was easier than dealing with what we had done. We all did. I won't speak for the rest of them, but we all have demons from that night and every night since then. It changed us completely. I will never be able to show how sorry I truly am." I can hear the anguish in his voice. I can see the pain is his expression and feel the sadness that radiates off him in waves.

He is sorry. I know that. I know that night still eats away at him. But that doesn't mean I just move past it.

A question suddenly pops into my head. "Did you all kill that girl's cat?"

"What?" he asks, taken back by my question.

I think back to the first day of school and how Elizabeth and Annabelle were talking about the heirs and their past antics. I know I should have a million other questions I could be asking at this moment, but this is the first one that came to mind.

"The journalism student. The one who you all hooked up with and posted on the school's website," I tell him with an edge to my voice.

Shame heats his cheeks and it surprises me. "No, we didn't kill her cat. We didn't even know she had one. I swear. But yes we did all hook up with her. Just so you know she consented and Everett asked if he could film and she agreed."

"Did she ask to have it posted?" I ask, letting my words burn as hot as the anger in my chest. They acted as if they were above everyone for years. That no one could touch them. And now I have to trust them. It's hard. "Doesn't matter that the faces were blurred. We all knew who it was."

He sighs heavily. "No. It wasn't okay. And it's not an excuse, but Everett was drunk and being destructive. It's hard to reign him in when he's that far gone." His dark eyes flare with pain and it makes me wonder how bad Everett can be when he wants? Of the heirs he's the nicest and most welcoming to me. But underneath his pretty face and perfect smile is a devil that knows no boundaries. I quickly realize what runs through his veins can do real damage.

They all can, and they all have.

"I'm sorry you had to see all that. I don't want to say those girls meant nothing to me cause that somehow sounds even worse–"

"You're right it does. No one deserves to be treated like nothing," I tell him, cutting him off.

He nods slowly in understanding. "I know. But I was distracting myself. Drowning myself in stupid pranks and bodies to block out what I truly wanted. Who I truly wanted," he says vulnerably.

Pain erupts in my chest at the mix of conflicting emotions running through me.

"It's hard," I finally say brokenly. Being with Preston. Choosing Preston isn't going to be easy. His past will always be a part of him no matter how much I want to pretend it's not. But no matter what we are connected. The ink on my body proves that. But that doesn't make hearing everything any easier.

"I know," he admits. "We wouldn't be here if you just accepted me without hesitation Jameson. You hold yourself and everyone around you to a very high level and that's what's always drawn me to you. You are better than me all around and I promise I will work to prove I should be the one by your side."

My eyes squeeze shut at his words as I let them wash over me. "Just keep being honest with me," I say, hating the desperation in my voice.

"Always," he agrees fiercely. That single word makes my eyes flash back open to meet

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