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Kara

I was about to make a huge mistake.

I have one or three of them I regret every year or so and looked at them as a kind of subscription fee I had to pay for breathing the air and enjoying gravity on this Earth. Thank God they weren't a monthly thing.

I had weighed the risks on what I was about to do, the pros and cons, and I was sure I might get it right this time. Besides, it didn't matter whether I go through with this or not, I assured myself, because the thing I would lose would come back. It would always come back.

Dramatically, I raised the scissors in the air and, with all the conviction in the world, took a deep breath.

And snipped my bangs.

It wouldn't cut all the way. "Motherfucker."

I howled in horror when I noticed a few strands flying in the air, then closed my eyes. When I opened them, I discovered my bangs looked like a jagged letter J lying on its side. I willed the wheel of time to turn around.

"It's fine, it's fine. If I swept it to the side, it's not even noticeable."

The important thing here was the length. As long as it could still blend with my hair and not reveal half of my long ass forehead, it was fine.

One down. Two huge mistakes to go this year, huh?

Before I could decide what to do next, my cellphone honked a text. Taking it as divine intervention, I put the scissors down and picked up my phone.

Damon: Huge favor. Please bring my blue towel and spare shirt? It's in my bay. Bottom drawer beside my huge red not blue toolbox. Here at Adam's Bridge. Join us. Free beer. Will wait.

My phone honked again.

Damon: PLEASE HAVE MERCY DARLING KARA

I rolled my eyes. My childhood best friend, Damon, the gorgeous drifter, the mechanic, the singer, the handyman, recently came back home. Usually, he'd only be gone a few months at a time, but this time he'd stayed away longer. I wasn't sure what kind of demons he was running away from this time. Or chasing. And I worried about him.

I had no idea when he'd takeoff again, so sprinkling some mercy, I replied that he was lucky I was still in our auto shop, and I could deliver the items he'd asked for.

Then I paused, gripped my phone against my chest.

Will he be there? The shadow that crept on my porch the other night. Like the Prince of Darkness from an old black and white horror film, he would mysteriously appear in a cloud of smoke when I least expected it. Just the thought of him wreaked havoc inside me, and I hated it.

The invite posted on social media came from the basketball team, so there was a chance that he might show up. But I knew he wouldn't be there. Like Shrek, he never liked crowds.

I had nothing to do with him anymore. Whether he was there or not would not matter to me at all. At all, I thought as I reapplied my lip gloss. He was like the pieces of eggshells from a boiled egg you peeled. The rotten outer leaf of lettuce you discard. The annoying sticker that wouldn't peel and left traces of glue on a new picture frame. Irrelevant.

I remembered how my heart used to skip a beat whenever he was around. It was pretty dead now though. Then I looked up and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

My puffy eyes mocked me. They were still a little swollen from the crying jag I had that night he oozed out of his portal and on my doorstep.

So what if it staggered me when I saw him standing on my porch? When I was staring at the despair on his devastatingly beautiful face. After he'd cut me out of his life so brutally, why would he look at me like that?

Like what?

Like I was the sky. And the sun and the moon.

Please stop. Part two of the horror film, coming soon to a theatre near you. Don't buy a ticket, Kara. The reviews were bad, and everybody died in the end.

Why did he come back?

Maybe to get his underwear back. The one you stashed in a box under your bed along with the other things he didn't bother to pick up after he... abandoned you.

Shut up. We don't talk about that box. Besides, he rarely wears underwear.

But why now? What right did he have to come see me? When did he come back? Did he come back for... me?

Why would he come back for you?

I don't want him to come back at all. I hope I never see him again.

That might be the last time you'll ever see him again though.

My heart sank. And now I was furious because it made me aware how much he could still affect me even after all this time. And he shouldn't anymore. It should make me happy if that was the last time that I would see his face again. It should...

"Hey."

I squeaked and turned to find Trip behind the counter.

"You scared the shit out of me!"

"I did? Sorry." But he didn't look sorry and, judging from his I-know-girls-love-me grin, he looked like he enjoyed it. "Haven't seen you in a while. How's it going, Kara?"

Trip had been friends with Damon since high school and would sometimes hang with us back then, until he left for college and rarely came home. I heard he graduated and was now taking over his family's business. His brown eyes always sparkled with trouble, and sometimes he'd recklessly look for it. The tiny silver cross on his ear glinted when he tipped up his chin, eyes lighting with pleasure as he studied me.

"Your hair's shorter," he said.

Face falling, my fingers automatically touched my bangs in dismay.

"It was down here when I saw you last time." He tapped two fingers on his waist. "Wasn't it?"

Ah. That's what he meant. "Oh, yeah. I read on the internet how I'd get smarter if I cut it."

"And did you?" He rested his elbows on the counter, his face inching closer to mine and looking like he'd want to stay there all night.

Okay, he was hot. I'd give him that. He'd always been. He was half Filipino and half Ukrainian with thick, dark brown hair that was always charmingly dishevelled, and suited him just fine.

I rolled my eyes because I knew flirting was like breathing to him. "What are you doing here? We're closed for the day, Casanova."

"Then why is your door still open?"

I shot him a smile. "Laziness."

"I get nowhere with you, Kara."

"Sure you do, Trip. You can come with me to my cash register."

He chuckled. "I was gonna drop off my keys in your drop box, then saw the light in the shop. Figured I'd say hi, hand them in person."

"You got an appointment?"

"Come on. What are friends for?" He brandished his keys, wiggled them.

I sighed and grabbed them from him. "Shop's full. We won't be able to look at it till day after tomorrow. Are you okay with that?"

"Sure. I'll be out of town for a few days anyway."

"What are you bringing it in for?"

"Need a safety. Selling it and buying a new car."

"Super. What kind of car you buying?" I hung his keys on the board, went back to my desk, turned on the computer and opened a work order for him.

"That sporty ride outside yours? Dylan mentioned it."

I looked up. "Is Dylan trying to sell you one of his classic trucks?"

Dylan had finally fixed Bertha, the old and rotting GMC truck in our lot and had sold it to one of his friends. Now he was on a mission to fix another and was already looking for a buyer. He'd been... unavailable lately.

"Nope. I want a car. Thinking of buying the same one as yours. You gonna let me test drive it?"

"With the payments I'm making on it, I wouldn't even let the Pope drive it."

"What if I become a priest?"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you think it's too late for that? There's not enough holy water in Esther Falls to purify you, Trip."

"Aw. Come on, Kara. I bought you your first beer. Remember?"

I gave him a look of regret. "I'm going to Adam's Bridge after this."

"Really? Well, aren't you the lucky one? I'm heading there to see Damon and the guys."

I shot him a dry look. "How were you planning to get there? Magic carpet?"

"I can definitely show you the world," he said, smiling. "And I'll give you a ride."

I raised my brows at him, confused. "In your car?"

"I can give you a ride," he repeated, smile turning into a grin, "in your car. Keys?"

***

The scent of smoke and grilled burgers filled my nose as Trip parked my car on a lot beside the old railroad bridge. Even with Drake's song blasting from speakers somewhere, I heard the faint sound of Taylor Swift singing about a boy who broke her heart as a red car zipped by.

The place was packed. People scantily dressed surrounded a bonfire as big as a dragon, rubbing their hands together, warming themselves. I watched a group of guys playfully push each other, laughing maniacally as they jumped off the bridge and landed with a loud splash on the lake below. They howled and cheered and yelled.

Who in their right mind would jump in the water in this weather?

It didn't get freeze-your-balls cold at night anymore, but it wasn't exactly bikini season. Even if someone paid me a million bucks to swim in that lake, I would never... On second thought, for a million bucks, I would. I definitely would.

"So?" I turned to Trip. "How was the magic carpet ride?"

He grinned in reply.

I reached for the paper bag where I stashed Damon's things, handed them over to him.

"Hey, Trip. Can you give this to Damon? Maybe I'll find you guys later."

"Going to see your secret lover first?"

"No," I said. "My priest."

He guffawed, tucked the paper bag in his arm like a football, then slid out of my car and ran around it, stopping in front of my open window. He crouched so his face was level with mine.

"Thanks for letting me test drive it." He paused, looking like he wanted to say something more.

"What?"

"You tell me." He tipped his head up a little, searching my face. "What's wrong, Kara?"

"Just grown-up stuff." When he just kept looking at me, I gave a short laugh and pushed his face away from the window. "Stop. I'm fine. Go drink with the boys."

"Can't. Early day tomorrow."

"Right. Don't worry about me. Go have fun."

"Will do. Just one thing," he said.

I raised my brows.

"Meeting a secret lover is more fun than that look in your eyes right now. Or if you want," he winked, pointing at himself, "a priest."

He gently flicked the tip of my nose with his finger then he was off. I let out a sigh and got out, leaned against my car as I watched Trip slink his way through the crowd to his friends.

I wanted to call out to him and ask what he meant by 'that look in your eyes.' What did he see?

Maybe I should've went with him and hung out with the guys instead, but I wasn't feeling very social anymore tonight. In fact, I decided, I should just go home, order a cheesy veggie lasagna, take a relaxing bath, and call it a night.

As I walked to the driver's side, a movement on the bridge caught my eye. Standing on the railing of the bridge, looking like a gorgeous daredevil, was Caleb Lockhart. He looked very attractive and confident—more than a guy in his boxers had a right to.

He moved his head down, looking at a girl with long black hair. I couldn't see her face, just her back. She was on the ground, standing in front of him, head tilted up. Watching him, probably.

I leaned against my car, ready to enjoy the show. The look he was giving the girl left no doubt that he was very attracted to her. How long that would last, I couldn't say. Except for Beatrice-Rose, a Tinker Bell who looked like Miss Perfect, I've always seen him with a different girl. But even Tinker Bell I hadn't seen in a while.

Caleb spread his arms wide, sent the girl a reckless grin. He had this wildness about him that told everyone he couldn't be tamed. As though to prove it, with his eyes still on the girl and his back to the water, he let himself fall.

I laughed when I heard his yell of victory. "Show off," I said, amused at him.

Caleb and I hadn't spoken much since his best friend's sudden disappearing act. I avoided him because he reminded me too much of... Cameron. There. I said his name. Cameron Jeremiah Son of Satan Saint Laurent.

No, no, no. Don't say his name. It's cursed. Now you are too.

It hurt to be reminded of him, and I was trying hard to forget. I think Caleb realized that. When I'd see Caleb in the campus halls, it seemed like he wanted to tell me something but stopped himself. Then he'd just smile at me and go his way. Somehow, he knew even without me telling him.

Maybe when you break up with someone, you kind of break up with the people around them too. Maybe, maybe not. In my case, it felt like it.

I knew Caleb took it hard when his best friend left. The first few months of the breakup, I barely functioned. The pain was indescribable, but even through the haze of it I still noticed the sadness in Caleb's eyes every time I saw him. But now the sadness was not there anymore. Caleb had moved on, gotten over it.

And there was no reason for me not to feel the same.

"The hell with it," I muttered under my breath. "I'm staying."

I pushed away from my car, looked up. And sucked in a breath. There, just a few feet in front of me, was both my dream and nightmare.

Like a lion languorously sprawled on top of a tree watching everything with cool indifference, Cameron sat on his motorcycle like he didn't give a damn: muscular arms folded over his chest, long legs stretched in front of him, ankles crossed.

His big, masculine build alone could command attention, but it was his eyes that would stop anyone in their tracks. They were electric blue, almost eerie and overwhelming in their intensity.

He looked relaxed, but I knew if I looked closer, I'd see a wariness behind the striking blue of his eyes. A danger, a strong animalistic instinct he couldn't completely hide.

Just like the first time I saw him on campus, he was dressed in black. Black leather jacket, black T-shirt, black jeans, black combat boots.

His head was turned to the side, looking at the direction where Caleb was. A strong breeze whipped his dark hair, but he remained unmoving.

And then he turned his gaze directly to me.

And held it.

I stumbled back a step.

Steel, baby. I'm made of steel.

Wiping every emotion on my face, I turned and walked away to the opposite direction. My heart was pumping so hard against my chest that I could feel it in my ears.

What the hell was he doing here? He shouldn't be here.

"Kar!"

I closed my eyes in defeat. I was planning on escaping.

Bitch, please. You're at a party. Stop being all doom and gloom.

Pasting a big smile on my face, I turned. "Hey, Crystal. How's it going?"

I caught the beer tossed at me before it hit me in the face.

"I haven't seen you in ages! I miss you! Let me know if you need cash. I can still hook you up with a couple of shifts at the club. Damon's playing there again, did you know? Of course, you do. You guys tell each other everything! Hey, Prisha, Kara's here!"

She tried to throw a friendly arm on my shoulder, but she couldn't reach, so she ended up wrapping an arm around my waist instead. I hugged her back. When she smiled up at me, I realized how much I missed Crystal.

"Kara? Kar! Bitch, where ya been?"

I grinned. "Hunting Bigfoot in the mountains."

"Really?" Izumi bounced on her feet behind Prisha, her eyes widening. She flipped her long black hair behind her shoulder. "Omigosh. It's real? Pics or it didn't happen!"

I was handed another beer even before taking a sip of the first one, then suddenly surrounded by a group of happy drunk girls I used to work with on one of my many old part-time jobs in town.

All of us grew up with only one parent in the household, struggled to help our families and pay bills. All of us had gone through if not exactly the same, then similar struggles in life. Because of that, there was an understanding and solidarity between us despite our differences.

They asked about Dad and Dylan, about the shop, and before they could ask about my love life, I switched the topic and demanded an update about them.

Prisha's parents hated her boyfriend, told her to break up with him, but she and her boyfriend decided they'd do everything in their power to convince them they were right for each other. She was going to meet with him later tonight. Crystal recently hooked up with someone she met on a dating site after breaking up with her boyfriend of three years, and Izumi was yelling how she had a bad experience with dating sites and would never date anyone there again. She vowed to be on a relationship diet for the next two years. No one believed her.

It was good to hang out with them again that I almost forgot that he was in the vicinity. Almost. I thought that he was never coming back, that I would never see him again, so the thought that he was actually close to me was... overwhelming.

If I allow it. Which was never going to happen.

"Let's go down the bridge, check out that big bonfire," Crystal suggested.

"Big bonfire. That's what she said," Prisha interjected just as Izumi said "I can't! I got heels on, girl."

"So take 'em off. Daddy at Kara's nine-oh-clock."

All heads turned, not even caring to be discreet, while mine felt stiff and frozen. I knew who Crystal was pointing out even without looking. Obviously.

They didn't know about him. I haven't hung out with a lot of people since I met him, and especially not after we broke up either.

"Big, hot daddy. Dibs."

"Dibs."

"Dibs."

Slowly, I turned my head in his direction. He was still there, sitting on his motorcycle. I watched as he shoved his hand in his silky hair, the blue-black angel curls sliding to touch the sides of his face. He had it in a man bun the last time I saw him, but it was down now, stroking the collar of his shirt and framing his gorgeous face. He'd also shaved, the scruff on his face gone, exposing the sharp angles of his jaw. And his mouth.

He raised a bottle to his lips, stopped. He didn't drink, just stayed still. His eyes weren't on me, but I could tell his attention was, knew he was listening to every word in our conversation. Suddenly I had this burning urge to prove how great my life was without him. And I needed him to see it.

"Guess what?" I said, my voice unnaturally high and cheerful. "I'm gonna get shitfaced drunk tonight! Who's with me?"

Delighted with my declaration, they screamed and hollered with enthusiasm. I'd just catch a ride with Damon since he was the DD tonight, I decided as we raced down the hills to check out the bonfire, laughing at Izumi who refused to take off her heels and was crawling like a snail down the sloped hills. When she fell on her ass then her face, Prisha took pictures on her phone.

If I laughed too loud, talked too much, I blamed the alcohol. Whenever a boy flirted with me, I flirted right back. I was the friendliest person at the party, best fucking friend award of the night. To anyone observing from the outside, I looked like I was having the best night of my life.

When I spotted Caleb again, he was in his briefs and the girl he was with looked like she was wearing boxers. Were those his? What the hell? I laughed.

I could see their profile, but Caleb was too tall and blocked half of my view from