Chapter 29

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Jules

"Tell me everything," Nate demanded, seizing my shoulders in an iron grip.

My cheeks were burning as I slapped his hands away and sunk onto a nearby chair. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah, right," Emily chuckled and sat down on the table in front of me, boots propped up on the back of another chair. "C'mon, I didn't lie to your parents for nothing! I want details."

"I hate both of you," I declared.

They only exchanged an amused glance, before Nate said: "Nah, you don't. At least tell us if it was good?"

I buried my face in my arms, which were resting on the table, hoping that would muffle my answer. "Yeah, it was. Why do you think so many people want to spend a night with him? Surely not to study algebra."

Nate cracked up laughing and slapped my back approvingly. "Who would've thought you'd someday be able to say you got a piece of the infamous Hunter Adams?"

"Can you please not say that?" I groaned. "Honestly, I'd rather not talk about it."

"He was being nice though, right?" Emily asked, a little more serious.

I lifted my head off the table to smile reassuringly at her. "Yeah, he was."

That was probably the understatement of the year; Hunter had been more than nice. He had been so careful and considerate and just so sweet. I had imagined all of it to be hastier, less intimate. I hadn't expected quiet questions for consent or long kisses, no arms wrapped tightly around me or soft breathing against my neck. Nor had I thought that he would want to just lay there and cuddle afterwards, still warm and fuzzy in the afterglow.

Somewhere in the back of my head there had still been that stupid fear he might dump me as soon as he had gotten me into bed. Knowing that wasn't the case was a bigger relief than I cared to admit.

"Good," Emily said. "So I don't need to get Liam to beat him up. That's nice to know."

I laughed quietly, making Nate and Emily share an equally relieved look. Probably because I had been a useless, teary-eyed mess over the last few weeks and they were glad that they didn't have to worry about me starting to cry at any given moment.

My mood had improved so much since yesterday that my parents had actually gotten suspicious. Apparently being happy was a sin for homosexuals too; my dad had all but glared at me when I had entered the kitchen with a smile. What are you so happy about, Julian? I swear, if it has something to do with that boy...

"Liam, huh?" Nate asked, faking an insulted scowl. "Don't trust me to beat Hunter or what?"

Emily shrugged innocently. "Well, if I wanted someone with noodle arms to try and win a catfight against him, I could've done that myself."

While Nate glared at us, genuinely offended, I high-fived Emily.

"Oh, come on, it's not like Liam is all that muscular either!" Nate complained, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah he is," Emily objected. "Have you seen his arms when he rolls his sleeves up?"

I nodded in agreement. "True."

Nate groaned and threw his hands up. "Am I the only one here who hasn't spent several hours swooning over that guy's muscles? Jesus, get a grip."

"Anyways," Emily laughed. "Are you guys coming to that party at Amy's tonight?"

I frowned, resting my chin in one hand. "Who's Amy?"

Nate looked at me in disbelief. "Dude, she's that really hot cheerleader! The one with the short blonde hair? I think she was with Hunter for like two days last year."

"Only two days?" I asked, admittedly a little shocked. Two days really weren't much, even by Hunter's standards.

Emily quickly said: "Yeah, but it was actually because of her, not Hunter. She, uh... broke it off because she got together with Claire, that short girl with glasses from our Chemistry class who's like, insanely smart?"

"Oh," I said. "Oh, okay. So Amy's bi?"

"Pan," Nate corrected. "The interesting thing is that even afterwards, Hunter and her were still talking. They still seem to get on well."

"So, are you guys going to that party?" Emily repeated. "Everyone will be there and it might be fun..."

"I don't think so..."

Nate shot me an incredulous glance. "What are you talking about, of course we are!"

I rolled my eyes at him. "I don't even know half of the people there."

Emily dismissed my arguments with the wave of a hand. "There'll be one person you want to see. Hunter told me he'll be there."

"But what about Victoria and Sean? Surely, they'll be there too then..."

"Sean is sick today and Victoria is always the first one to leave parties with some unfortunate guy. So after she's gone, you and Hunter can... do your thing."

"Fine," I said. "I'm coming."

"See, I told you." Nate grinned widely at Em. "As soon as you mention Hunter, he's in." Then he turned to look at me. "I'll pick you up, okay? So your parents know you're with me in case they get suspicious."

+++

Turned out, they did get suspicious. As soon as the doorbell rang, my father stormed past me and opened it, making sure to block the entire doorframe from my view.

I rolled my eyes at his back and stayed behind him while he talked to Nate.

"Good evening, Mr. Hatcher," Nate said. Since I knew him so well, I could hear the disdain he was trying to hide just in that one sentence. "I'm here to pick Jules up for the party..."

"Can I trust you, Nathaniel?" my father asked in his calculating lawyer-voice. "I hope you know that I will prohibit your contact to Jules without hesitation should I somehow find out that he gets into any... gay business tonight."

"Gay business? It's fine, dad, I promise I'm not gonna dress up as a drag queen or snog a guy in a dark corner. But really only tonight and because you asked so nicely," I snorted and finally pushed past my perplexed father.

Nate turned around briefly to hide his grin. When he looked back at my father, he said in the most serious voice he could muster: "Don't worry, Mr. Hatcher, I'll keep him away from all gay bars, makeup and male genitals."

My father, completely oblivious to the heavy sarcasm lacing Nate's words, actually seemed relieved and turned to look at me. "Follow the rules, Julian. Don't make me regret trusting you."

I bit back a snarky comment and just nodded stiffly before pivoting and dragging Nate with me.

"You know, if you want me to go back and punch- I mean, talk to him, I'll gladly do that," Nate said as he unlocked the car.

"Don't bother. Talking doesn't get you anywhere with my parents. I've tried."

He got into the driver's seat wordlessly, but his lips were pressed together in a thin line as he started the engine.

I turned on the radio to banish the tense silence and switched to a rock station. Nate's face immediately lightened up, and minutes later he was aggressively whispering the lyrics and drumming on the dashboard.

"So, Nate, when are you going to ask Alexis out for prom?" I asked.

Nate's face immediately flushed bright red and he slumped back into his seat. "Why would I do that? It's not like she'd ever say yes to me."

I looked over at him, frowning slightly at his lack of self-confidence. "Why wouldn't she?"

"Because she's... because she's just too perfect," he groaned. "She's intelligent, she's funny, she's so fucking gorgeous..."

"Wow. It really got you badly this time, huh?"

"What's there to laugh about?" he snapped, directing his angry stare at me. "She's flawless and I'm... a boring nerd who spends his time playing the guitar and writing stupid songs about her!"

"Hold up, you're writing songs about her?" My grin was probably wider than the Atlantic Ocean by now.

Nate's eyes widened as he realized what he had just given away and he slapped a hand over his mouth. "Forget that I said that, yeah? Please?"

"No way, dude," I laughed. "Remember how many times you made fun of me because of my talking about Hunter? This is only fair. So, what kind of songs?"

"Embarrassing ones," he groaned. "Stuff about eyes like sapphires and that she has a smile like the rising sun and a mind like a thunderstorm... They're so bad it's not even funny."

"Hey, maybe you should show one to her. The other day, she told me that she's tired of everyone always just caring about her looks and never about her character. If you could show her that you like her for the way she is, that would probably mean a lot to her."

Nate considered this, before a smile spread over his face. "You know what I love about you being my wingman? That I never have to worry that you'll steal my girl."

I rolled my eyes, but laughed along with him. "Well, aren't you lucky to have me as your best friend?" Then I pointed at a house at the side of the road. "Is it here?"

He craned his neck to see what I meant and nodded. A few minutes and a frantic search for a free parking space later, we walked up to the open front door. Loud music was sounding out onto the lawn, making the windows of the townhouse vibrate slightly. Even louder was the chatter and roaring of all the teenagers in different states of wasted that were crowded in the garden and inside. The door swung open as soon as Nate pushed against it, giving clear view on a corridor and a living room, where most people seemed to hang about on a bunch of couches.

A tall blonde girl in high-waisted jeans and a bra skipped towards us, shocking red lips curled into a wide grin. "Hey there!" she said cheerfully. "Come on in!"

I hugged her back awkwardly as she threw her arms around me. There was so much naked skin that I didn't know where to place my hands without seeming like I was trying to grope her.

"I'm Amy. You're Hunter's new boyfriend, right?"

"Uh, yeah..." I mumbled. It felt weird telling her that, knowing that she had been with him.

But she seemed completely comfortable and said: "I'm so happy for you guys! I was already wondering when Hunter would finally-"

"Amy, let go of him," an amused voice suddenly muttered from right next to me. "You're making him uncomfortable."

Standing next to us, was a short girl wearing nerd glasses, a red and black plaid skirt, a black top and a leatherjacket. Long dark hair spilled out from underneath her beanie, creating a stark contrast to her pale skin and red lips.

"Oh. Sorry," Amy said and took a step back, slipping an arm around the girl's waist instead. She was easily four inches taller than her, despite wearing flat shoes, which made it a little difficult to do so. "This is Claire, my girlfriend and the reason for this party."

"Oh, it's your birthday?" Nate asked.

Claire shook her head, laughing. "No. But I came home from a month-long visit to my family in China yesterday and Amy uses it as an excuse to throw this party."

Amy just shrugged before saying: "Don't just stand around here, guys, get yourself something to drink! Hunter isn't here yet, but I think I saw Alexis and the two other guys..."

"Have fun!" Claire called after us as we walked off.

I shouted back a short thanks, already losing sight of her in the crowd. However, I did spot Emily waving at us from one of the couches and immediately dragged Nate over there.

"Hey, Jules!" Emily chirped, standing up from her spot on the couch to hug me. She lost her balance in the process, nearly dragging me down with her, until I tightly wrapped my arms around her to keep her from falling.

"Hey, Em," I said, gently pushing her back onto the couch. "Jesus, how much did you drink already?"

Emily made a vague gesture, giggling quietly. 

Rolling my eyes, I turned around to go and see if there was anything non-alcoholic to drink. I felt anxiety fluttering in the pit of my stomach as I made my way through the room, pushing past drunk teenagers and snogging couples.

By the time I reached the table with the drinks, I was hot and irritated, which I always got within big crowds. I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see Hunter coming inside and dared to wave timidly at him. He didn't seem to notice or even look for me. Instead he started straight up the stairs.

I frowned, but chose to ignore the twinge of disappointment and turned back to the matter at hand. Seeing as there was nothing non-alcoholic other than water, I grabbed two bottles and made my way back to the others.

"Drink that," I said over the loud music and tossed one of the bottles at Emily.

She made no move at all to catch it, so it just dropped into her lap. 

"But that's water. That's no fun," Emily complained, pouting at me.

"I think you've had enough fun already," I said.

"You should really drink that," Liam suddenly said, reaching out to take the bottle and open it for her. I watched in surprise as he gently handed it back to her, offering her a smile. "Or you'll have a killer headache tomorrow."

To my astonishment, Emily actually did it this time, albeit reluctantly. She really seemed to be determined to have a hangover tomorrow.

Once she had emptied the bottle under Liam's watchful eyes, I left them behind and started up the stairs to the second floor. The steps squeaked faintly under my weight until I reached the top.

There were quite a few doors, most of them shut. Unsure what to do next, I looked around nervously. I felt like an intruder, sneaking around here all alone while everyone else was partying downstairs.

After a few seconds of standing at the top of the stairs stalling, I moved to the first door. It was ajar, so it swung open as soon as I touched it. Behind it was an empty bathroom that I left immediately. The next open door led into a bedroom where a couple was currently engaged in a game of tonsil tennis. I bolted out of there before they even had the chance to notice me.

Slightly discouraged, I strolled down the corridor, trying two more doors. Both of them were locked, so the only room left was the one at the end of the hall.

After taking a deep breath, I tentatively twisted the doorknob. The room obviously was Amy's; the white walls were barely visible under hundreds of photos of her and Claire, her with other cheerleader friends and what had to be her family.

The only source of light was the bedside lamp next to the huge four poster bed. It was one of these really luxurious ones, the kind with curtains around it. Behind those half-closed white curtains, I could see the outlines of two people sitting closely together.

I was about to walk right out of the door and maybe look for Hunter downstairs, when I could suddenly hear pieces of a conversation.

"Just stop thinking about him for a second," a female voice said. "Jules isn't here. He'll never know."

I froze and turned back around, but the curtains were still closed and shielding them from view.

My heart felt like it was dropping from a ten-storey building when I suddenly heard Hunter's voice. All he said were two words, but they were enough to make my stomach lurch. "He can't."

My brain was in a haze, every thought slow like syrup, but Victoria's next words managed to cut through the fog. "How do you think he would react? I'm sure he would be so sad..."

"He can't find out," Hunter repeated, firm and urgent. "Now stop talking and... just kiss me."

For a heartbeat, time was frozen as the words sunk in. Then the room started to tilt.

Desperately trying to find my balance, I clung onto the doorframe for support while I watched Victoria bend forward. Hunter's upper body came into view when she pushed him onto his back, no longer concealed by the half-drawn curtains around the bed.

I could see his face, his wide eyes, tousled hair, his arms resting motionless on the blanket next to him, no move to push her away as she leaned down and kissed him.

Hunter's eyes fell shut and I could see his hands clawing onto the sheets beneath him, as if to stop himself from reaching out to pull her even closer. Victoria grinned against his lips. Only now I could see that her blouse was unbuttoned, revealing a red bra.

A strangled noise clawed its way up my throat and escaped before I could stop it.

Hunter's head lolled to the side and then I could finally see his eyes, green and wide and so devastatingly beautiful even when they were filled with guilt.

"Fuck... Jules, it's not-" he began, sounding breathless.

My feet were moving before I could hear the rest. Somehow I made it to the door, stumbled down the stairs, almost falling down the last few steps before I could catch myself on the banister.

I didn't try to find my friends. Instead I let the crowd swallow me and spit me out next to the fridge with the drinks.

A few guys were standing around it, laughing about something, when I asked quietly: "Hey, what's the strongest drink in there?"

One of them, a jock from the basketball team, looked at me with a wide grin. "You wanna get hammered tonight, bro?"

I nodded, forcing a grin on my face. "Hell yeah. I don't wanna remember any of this tomorrow."

Another guy slapped me on the back approvingly, slurring something about me being a real man, while the jock searched through the fridge for a moment before he re-emerged and said: "Nothing in there really hits. I have something better for you." With that, he picked up a glass bottle filled with a clear liquid from a nearby table and handed it to me. "Have fun, dude."

I turned around without thanking him, clutching the bottle like it was a lifeline while I staggered towards the front door. Nate had driven me here, but I couldn't bear to go back and search for him.

Instead I walked down the side of the road and then the next one, knowing it would take at least an hour to get home. At some point it started to rain, and soon my clothes were soaked with water, weighing me down until I gave in and collapsed on the side of the road.

My teeth were chattering and my fingers started to feel numb, but all of it was a welcomed distraction. I tilted my head back, feeling the raindrops pouring over my face and trickling down my back.

It was hard to open the bottle with my shaking hands, but eventually I managed to get the lid off and took a sip.

The alcohol burnt in my throat, but it warmed me from the inside out, so I didn't care.

One thing it couldn't do was drown out the echo of Hunter's words in my ears, or banish the sight of the look in his eyes when he spotted me from the insides of my eye lids.

Fragments of memories whirled around my head; soft lips pressing against mine under the night sky, a thumb grazing over my wrist reassuringly, his heartbeat beneath my cheek. "You feel so much better than stupid car races and fights and getting drunk at house parties." "You say that now." "And I'll still say it in a few weeks and months and years."

I had believed him. I had known what he was like, and I had still believed him. Now I was paying the price.

It was at the point of that realization that a strange sense of numbness took over, until I didn't know if the feeling in my chest was anger or sadness, if the wetness on my face was rain or tears, if I was shaking because of the cold or from the sobs that kept wrecking my frame. I knew that I would have to get up at some point, that I had to get home, but I wouldn't move. I just sat there, feeling like I had taken a step back from the actual events and was just a bystander, devoid of any emotions and simply

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