C H A P T E R F I V E

Grayson was spending a lot of time with me. I was surprised he wasn't with his usual friend group. He'd been choosing to stay with me instead.

"Hey there, Grayson." Hannah said flirtatiously. "Hey, Grayson's slut." She glared at me. Without thinking, Grayson replied, "Wow. The girl who's slept with half the guys in this school is calling Amber a slut. Really? In what world does that make sense?" He scoffed. Taken aback, she marched away, back to the 'popular' table. I laughed. "That was amazing... Thanks." I said. "No need to thank me." He replied. "Do you wanna sit outside?"

"Sure."

We found a spot on the grass to sit down at. It was under an old oak tree that towered above us. Out of the blue, Grayson gasped. I followed his gaze down to my wrists. Oh no.

Without thinking, I'd been scratching at the cuts since they were feeling slightly irritated. I'd been doing that, probably, all day. The cuts had opened up and had bled through my thin sleeves. I quickly crossed my arms to hide it, but it was no use, he'd already seen them. He reached out and grabbed my wrist, gently pulling up the sleeve to reveal the cuts. It was obvious that they were fresh, so there was no way I could lie about them.

Ashamed, I looked away as tears formed in my eyes.

He took off his sweater and gave it to me to cover my arms. I put it on. Before I knew it, I was crying.

He pulled me in and hugged me tightly. When my eyes were dry and no more tears came out, I pulled away.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Amber... Why did you do it again?" He delicately held my wrists in his hands.

"I just... I... I felt..." I took a breath, composing myself.

"When you're with me, I forget about everything. But then when you left, I remembered all of the hurt, and... I just... I went back to feeling lost." I confessed. "I'm sorry Grayson. I didn't mean to let you down..." Before I could continue, he wrapped his arms around me again. "You did not let me down. We're going to fight through this together, Amber. But you need to promise me something." He looked up at me. "What is it?" I asked.

"You need to tell me next time this happens. Because I understand you can't stop just like that. That isn't how this works. But we're gonna fight together because you don't deserve to feel like this. So, do you promise? " I could see in his eyes that he was praying that I'd say yes. In such a small amount of time, I'd found someone who truly cares about me. I can't let him go.

"I promise."

*****

He drove me somewhere where we walked outside in a comfortable silence. After walking for a little while, we ended up at the beach. In the distance I could see that cliff that I stood at only days earlier.

I took off my shoes, letting my feet sink into the warm sand. The sun was just starting to set, so there was a hazy glow above the water. The wind whistled faintly and the sound coming from the waves was soothing.

"My parents used to take me here when I was little." I stared out towards the water. The Suns reflection caused the water to sparkle.

"Can you swim?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I'm no expert or anything." I breathed in the salty air. "I stopped coming here a while ago. It brings back too many happy memories that I know I won't experience again."

"Oh, sorry. I wouldn't have brought you here if I'd known," he apologized.

"It's okay. It's nice out here." I smiled.

"And you don't need to be afraid of old memories. You're going to make a lot more that can replace the ones that upset you." Grayson spoke.

He followed my gaze to the cliff. Standing here made it hard not to think about what I tried to do, and what I might've tried to do again in the future.

"That cliff might've been where something bad happened, but it's also where we met." He stated. "Sometimes bad situations have good outcomes." I nodded, not taking my eyes off of the cliff.

"Common, I'll drop you off at home now."

I turned and followed him back to his car.

After saying goodbye, I unlocked my front door and walked inside.

"Hey there." Said my mom. She stumbled around a bit, clearly drunk.

"Mom, you're drunk. Go lay down." I demanded. I hated having to see her like that. Seeing her passed out is horrible, but I actually hate it more when she's drunk and awake. It causes me to compare her now to how she used to be. We were all happy, but now she just pretends everything is fine. She's just an alcoholic hiding behind a smile.

"Relax, Annie." She slurred.

"No. You're so drunk that you can't even remember my name!" I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Let loose! Relax!" She grabbed a bottle and threw it at the wall, all while laughing as if it was no big deal.

"Mom, stop!" I yelled. "You're making a mess that I'll be forced to clean up after. You are the mom, not me. You need to be taking care of me, not the other way around!" I hissed. "I'm so fucking tired of this."

She seemed hurt by my words. She would get emotional over small things when she was drunk, so she broke down.

"You're so fucking ungrateful!" She yelled, before crying harder.

"Stop crying, mom. Let me get you to bed." I led her up the stairs and into her room. Usually she doesn't even sleep in her bed. She ends up passed out in the living room, or sometimes, if she's lucky, shell at least make it to her bedroom floor.

Mom's are supposed to be supportive, encouraging, and they're actually supposed to take care of their child. Not the other way around.

A broken girl with a broken family living a broken life. Cliché, but true.

Sad, but very true.