A/N: 12.04.20

Another update :)

For those who want to be ahead, chapter 29 is up on Patreon 🙆‍♂️ very exciting chapter.

How have you guys been doing lately?
I hope you're all well.

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Noah sat in the passenger's seat, sinking into the soft leather as he watched the blurry trees outside his window. He then turned towards Aleksei, glancing at the curve of his jaw, his tousled dark hair, before stopping at his mesmerizing blue eyes.

"Is something wrong?" Aleksei asked softly. His voice seemed to always take a gentler tone, so did his gaze, whenever he looked at Noah. His eyes were still on the road, but he could hear the irregular beat of Noah's heart. He reached over to hold Noah's hand, lacing his fingers around Noah's and giving him a gentle squeeze, almost as if to reassure him that he could tell him anything.

"I'd like to get to know more about you," Noah said. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Why did you stop drinking human blood?"

The smile on Aleksei's lips slowly vanished and he raised his brows, taken aback by the straightforward question.

Noah always seemed to find the strangest ways to surprise him. Right when he least expected it, bam, Noah worked up his little magic and caught him by surprise. Those kind innocent eyes could fool anybody.

"I was expecting you to ask me about my favorite color or something," Aleksei admitted.

"Oh," Noah murmured, realizing that his question was maybe too blunt. "What's your favorite color?

Aleksei laughed huskily. "It's a bit too late for that now." He gently rubbed his thumb over the back of Noah's hand, thinking over the question before finally saying, "Do you really want to know?"

Even though his eyes were on the road, he could see Noah's eager nod through the corner of his eye.

"You might not like the answer," Aleksei warned.

"I can handle the truth," Noah promised. There was another pause. It had been a while since Aleksei had last talked about the subject. Everyone either brushed lightly over it or avoided the topic overall.

"There was a woman," Aleksei began, glancing towards Noah to see his reaction. He caught a glimpse of his frown before Noah could fix his lips into a more neutral expression.

'Maybe I shouldn't tell him after all,' Aleksei thought to himself, wondering if he should change the subject. 'But how? Should I pull the car over and kiss him? Anything to stop him from frowning...'

"Rosalind?" Noah guessed, remembering how Nyx had said her name when they were at his castle. He could still remember the anger that flashed through Aleksei's eyes that day.

Aleksei knew that even if he managed to distract Noah for a while, he'd eventually ask again. So he decided to tell him.

"Yes, Rosalind," he murmured, the name sounded so familiar yet foreign to his tongue. "A stunning woman, too. She had flowy golden curls and ivory skin, blue eyes brighter than my own and a laugh that could enchant any creature around her," Aleksei chuckled darkly, shaking his head as he remembered every trace of her feature.

Noah could tell by the way Aleksei spoke that Rosalind was special to him.

"Was she nice?" he asked, trying not to sound bitter.

"Clever as the devil, twice as beautiful," he answered. "A dangerous combination."

"What does she have to do with you not drinking blood anymore?" Noah asked, sounding colder than he meant to.

"I was in love with her," he said. "But she died earlier than I had expected." Aleksei clenched his jaw, his voice was hoarse. "I killed her, Noah."

Noah's eyes widened and silence slowly broke through. Aleksei pulled his hand out of Noah's, turning the wheel around the curve but keeping his hand on the leather wheel, not because he didn't want to hold Noah's hand, but because he felt as if Noah wouldn't want to hold his anymore.

"This isn't how I envisioned our first date to be," he chuckled quietly. "Perhaps we should move on to a lighter subject?"

"What happened between you two?" Noah asked, avoiding the term 'kill'.

"We had an argument one night. She was upset and broke a vase in our room and when she tried to clean up the shattered pieces, she accidentally cut herself," he said. "I was standing in front of her and when I saw the sight of her blood, I... I couldn't control myself. My primal senses kicked in and I blanked out. When I finally came to, my lips were stained with her blood and she was dying in my arms."

Aleksei's hand tightening around the black leather wheel. "I tried saving her and gave her my blood, but it was already too late. After that night, everything became meaningless. I killed to live, lived to kill, it was the same routine every day. I despised sitting on a throne and ruling over creatures that thrived to murder, it reminded me of who I was and what I did." There was an etching pain in Aleksei's voice. "I was supposed to protect her, Noah, but instead I..."

His voice drifted off and he was unable to finish his sentence. Noah frowned, starting to understand why Aleksei didn't want to date him. He didn't want the past to repeat again.

"It makes me so angry," Aleksei said hoarsely. "I make myself so angry, the same way humans seem to hate everything about themselves. It's one of the few things I can sympathize with your kind."

"The way we hate ourselves?" Noah asked.

"I've seen many humans pick on themselves. There are humans who try to lose weight because they hate their bodies, those who think they're ugly because they compare themselves to others, ones who are depressed because they're jealous of those who seem happy, people who hate themselves because they think liking the same gender is a flaw or a sin. Humans have insecurities about how they are born and how they live," Aleksei said. "Supernatural creatures are the same. We have different problems, but overall, we ask ourselves the same questions. Why are we born like this and not like that? Why can't we change who we are? Why are we forced to follow the laws of nature instead of becoming someone that we desire ourselves to be? We hate ourselves for who we are and we can't be someone else no matter how hard we try."

Noah slowly began to understand Aleksei and his frustration of not being able to change.

"It's in a vampire's nature to kill and drink human blood, which is why I decided to stop," said Aleksei in a grievous tone. "I wanted to prove to myself and to whoever created vampires, whichever cruel divinity that made me, that I could fight against my nature and prove that I am not defined by what I feed on."

Aleksei ran a hand through his hair. It was the first time he had ever told anyone this, even Roman wasn't aware of his true feelings.

"It's because I can't- No, I refuse to accept the fact that I killed the woman that I loved so dearly with my own two hands and fangs," murmured Aleksei, still tormented by his fast. "I know it sounds pathetic-"

He stopped when he heard Noah's heart quicken, turning his head towards him. Noah quickly looked out the window, biting his lower lip and hoping that Aleksei hadn't noticed.

"Noah," he heard Aleksei's deep, gentle voice. "Noah, look at me."

Noah was about to tell him that he was okay, but his voice hitched and tears rolled down his cheeks.

"It's nothing," he quickly said, trying to steady his breathing. He wanted to wipe his tears, but then Aleksei would know that he was crying, so he let them dribble down his cheek.

He wasn't fooling anyone, especially not Aleksei.

Aleksei swerved the car and parked it to the side lane to focus all of his attention on Noah. He gently reached over and turned Noah's face towards him, his eyes widening when he saw more tears start to well up.

"Baby, don't cry," he whispered, carefully wiping away Noah's tears. "Why are you crying? Noah, love, stop that."

Noah felt embarrassed and pathetic. Here Aleksei was, telling him all of the hardships he's been through, yet, he was the one who was crying, he was the one who had tears in his eyes, the one shaking with emotion and who was being comforted.

"I-I-I'm sorry that, that I made you drink human blood, because of me-" Noah choked on his words and Aleksei cracked a small smile, patiently waiting for Noah to find his voice again. "You must have suffered so much because of me."

He felt sorry for selfishly pushing his feelings towards Aleksei, blaming him for not accepting Noah for who he was when really, Aleksei was just afraid of hurting him. It must have been hard, and it must still be hard for him to open up to a human again.

Noah began to understand why Aleksei always kept his distance, why he looked so lonely and why he preferred it that way.

All this time, Aleksei was hurt, and Noah felt like he only made things worse. If only he had known, he wouldn't have said so many hurtful things to Aleksei. If only he had known...

"You didn't make me do anything," Alexsei said calmly. "I'd do it again a million times to keep you safe."

Noah roughly wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, but Aleksei pulled Noah's wrists away.

"You're making a mess," he chuckled gently, taking out a tissue from the glove department and wiping away his tears and snot in such a delicate and loving manner that it only made Noah cry even more.

"You're not a bad person, Aleksei, you're not," he blurted. "I wish you could see how beautiful and amazing and how surreal you are. You act cold and distant, but really, you're a kind person. You pretend like Roman doesn't matter, but I know that he does, and Issa too, you act like you hate him but you would never lay a finger on him because you know how much he means to Roman which shows how much you care about your best friend," Noah said, stopping to catch his breath. "And me, you've always been telling me to stay away, that you didn't want to be involved with me, but you've always made sure that I was okay. Always."

Aleksei's brows creased. "Noah..."

"What happened with Rosalind wasn't your fault, it was an accident, a pure accident," he said fiercely. "You're right, Aleksei, it's in your nature to kill, but it isn't because you're malicious, it's because you need it to survive, like how humans eat plants and animals, it's a necessity," Noah's voice quickened. "You don't need to prove to anyone that you're not a bad person because you aren't. You never were to begin with."

Noah took in a shaky breath, but his eyes never left Aleksei's.

"You said that humans were insecure, and you're right, but just like yours, most insecurities are in our minds. We bend reality and view ourselves negatively as if there's a filter over our eyes that creates flaws that don't even exist," said Noah. "And I wish I could remove the filter over yours so that you could see how brilliant of a man you really are." He gave Aleksei a small smile. "Don't hate yourself, life's too short and an eternity, too long."

Aleksei stared into Noah's glossy, green eyes, they were more beautiful when he cried.

"Are you still sad?" Noah sniffled, feeling like he needed to comfort Aleksei. He didn't know how, though. "Do you want a hug?"

Aleksei couldn't help but smile as it seemed like Noah needed one more than him. But his smile didn't reach his eyes and there was a sadness in his eyes, finally showing his true self.

The strong brick wall he built around himself tumbled into ruins when he looked into Noah's eyes.

"Yes, I'd love a hug," he whispered.

Noah nodded and fiddled with his seatbelt. Once he managed to unbuckle himself, he leaned over and wrapped his arms around Aleksei, squeezing him as tightly as he could.

The small but eager effort warmed Aleksei's heart, who rested his chin against Noah's neck and shoulder, letting Noah's warmth sink into him.

It was strange how such a delicate and fragile being could have such great power and influence over a creature like him. Aleksei closed his eyes and inhaled slowly, letting himself be vulnerable for once.

If he had a heart, one that could beat, he knew that it would race like a wild stallion this very moment. However, he didn't need a heart that beat to know that Noah made him feel special.

Some called it bewitched, Aleksei called it love. For there was an emptiness in the freedom of being alone and liberty in being caught in that divine spell, a spell that even the supernatural could not contest, and if that wasn't magic, then he cannot say what was.

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A/N: Please don't forget to leave a vote ✨

After reading this chapter, what do you guys think of Aleksei and what he said?

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