[Riley]

Messages

· Nasty Naz 8:36 a.m.

So, best weekend of your life or not? I'll bring lunch to your office before you two fly out to Charlotte Saturday and you can tell me everything!

· Mike Shiggity 8:40 a.m.

Tell me you said yes, 'cause it's about damn time, bruh.

· Les 9:02 a.m.

FACETIME ME IMMEDIATELY! I MUST SEE THE RING UP CLOSE, BITCH.

· Donny 9:15 a.m.

Riley Davina Coleman – Cole, is it?

· Pain in my Ass 10:01 a.m.

I'm stuck with you as a sister forever now? That might not be too bad, Coleman. Or are you Cole now? Lil Cole would be the little one.

· Pain in my Ass 10:01 a.m.

Ah shit, LIL COLE LIVES!

The second Lamarr and I powered our phones on from our weekend getaway, text message after text message and voicemail alerts lit up both home screens like wildfire. Family and friends were flooding our line and inboxes with congratulations, and the abundance of excitement felt from them all was valued yet shocking for me to see so soon. I hadn't informed anyone about our engagement, but from the tone of each message and all the kind words I could assume everyone knew about this surprise before I even did.

That was when everything clicked. Lamarr had clearly been planning this for some time now and had all our loved ones in the know, anticipating the aftermath and waiting for the second one of us made this engagement official. Funny thing about it all was that literally no one waited, they all figured things went perfectly and were sending their blessings either way.

For the first thirty minutes I elaborated on the basic details of my weekend and every other second Leslie was interrupting with questions she just had to have answered. She demanded to know what I wore here, did we do this there, how did I respond to this, and did I eat that. Literally everything I shared needed an explanation. My girl was itching to relive each day and its events, the dinner that Lamarr planned seamlessly, and even more the conclusion of my weekend that ended like a Jill Scott and Beyoncé slow tempo love song warped together.

Now we were both on a high, floating on a cloud in complete awe. I was still allowing this new shift sink in while Leslie was now merely amazed by my ring and 'glow' she noted from miles away.

"Good lord. You and that damn thing are just gorgeous," Leslie eyes admired the emerald stone that gleamed beside my cheek as I held my hand up, and wiggled by ring finger beside it. The sun shining brightly above accentuated its size through the camera and the extra touch the diamonds outlining it gave. "It looks even better on your hand than it does in iMessage."

"Wait, you've seen it before now?"

"Of course," she said with her forehead furrowed. "Why wouldn't I? I mean, who else was Cole going to go to for approval of the ring other than your best friend? Anyways, he sent me a picture of it first. I loved it, he bought it and I love it even more now that its sitting on your finger screaming fuck your life."

"Oh, well alright Drake." I lobbed back smartly as we both began laughing at her slick usage of his classic lyrics. Out of habit I palmed my stomach and began caressing it as my eyes fell, tracing the movement and the two symbols solidifying just an ounce of the love I held. I was sinking into my own little world again, but in the distance I could still hear the whispers of Leslie's voice questioning what was on my mind.

"I can't believe this is actually happening. I can't believe I promised to be someone's wife and mother."

"It's never too late to take it back, you know. Well, the wife part." she quickly recapped with a shrug.

"But I don't wanna," I pouted playfully. "It's not that I don't want to be a mom or Lamarr's wife, it's just that I allowed fear to keep me so far removed from genuine and unconditional love to the point I never actually saw any of this happening for me."

"That you did," Leslie mumbled as I sucked my teeth and shot her a glare. Though that was my reality, I didn't need her agreeing with it. She was rubbing it in. "What? Bitch, now you know you were out here training for the got damn Olympics with the way you used to jet the hell off on Lamarr. You ran off on the plug twice, Ry! Hell. Make that three times! Would've been four but you knew better."

"Your point is?"

"My point is, a person like you deserves the abundance of happiness that has come into your life." Leslie stalled her rant and sighed as she shook her head and took a second to, what seemed like, gather herself. I couldn't decipher her reaction. I didn't know if she was frustrated or from the silence and sudden tears brimming her eyes, sad.

"I'm just so happy for you. You might not have saw any of this coming, but I did. You just had to evolve and be ready to accept it. I'm glad you're finally accepting it."

"Leslie, I need you and your hormones to knock it off. I can not do the crying," I warned as I looked away from the camera and over my shoulder where the sound of rattling keys could be heard. While she continued to sniffle into the speakerphone, Lamarr was stumbling inside with tons of bags in each hand. My attention was visually captured by him as I wondered what the hell he bought, all while still stuck on Leslie and her mood swing.

"I refuse to join in on the water works, ma'am."

"I'm sorry, girl. I can't really help it." she protested weakly as she wiped at her cheeks. "I'm either mean, crying or both these days."

"I know all too well what you're going through. Still, clean yourself up so I can turn back around."

"Skank, give me a second!" Leslie shot back with chuckle, her sniffles still stifling her urge to cease her tears. "You're my person and whenever you're happy, I'm happy. These are tears of joy." she swore just as Lamarr joined me out on the balcony and leaned down into the camera to greet her.

"Cruella De Vil, how you? Your mascara is all smudged."

"Slenderman. I'm great now that your fiancé has helped me stop sobbing like the punk my mama did not raise me to be. How about you?" she posed the question with a smirk as she dabbed her finger along her cheekbone. "Word around town is you're my brother in law for real now."

"You should already know how I'm feeling. A month ago I told you I was nervous, but determined to do the one thing that's far more important to me than selling records, and with the one person it makes sense to do it with." Lamarr paused for a moment and peered down at me, our eyes immediately locking before his tongue rolled on and face lit up. "Now that it's come to fruition, I'm the happiest man in the world."

It seemed like a grin had been permanently plastered to my face all weekend, and Lamarr's need to express his love yet again with his God given talent so purely had it broadening. My insides were swelling beyond my baby and with saccharine; this excessively sweet and sentimental feeling, that mush.

"Why are you so perfect?" I asked lowly and only audible to us as my palm inched closer to his face to caress the stubble on his cheek.

"You make it easy," Lamarr disclosed as he bent down and joined us with a kiss. The taste of cherry, particularity that of a Jolly Rancher, lingered on my lips as he slowly but surely deepened the interaction with each brush. It was clear we had forgotten Leslie's presence until a loud clap of her hands broke our lock. My head dropped down once we pulled away from each other, leaving Lamarr chuckling as he swiped his thumb along his bottom lip.

"My fault, big hair don't care. I forgot you were still on the line," he teased as Leslie waved him and his new nickname off.  "Aw, don't do me like that."

"Yeah, whatever. You all are sickening, just so you know. Disgusting," she hissed then exaggerated a gag. "I saw this all coming, last year when you chased her outside that club. I knew what it would lead to, I saw it! But I'm always knowing though. Anyways, I've had enough of your baby mama for now so I'll let you two love birds be."

"Well thank you, Leslie."

"No problem, Cole. Send my god baby some love, okay?" she directed to us both before blowing multiple kisses in my direction. Lamarr rose and walked over to the balcony rail with his gaze locked on the city outline ahead, giving us a few extra seconds of privacy to end our conversation. "I can't wait to see you guys on New Year's Eve."

"We can't either. You just make sure to take care of yourself and keep holding it down up there in NYC for me. Don't let those moods swings win, alright? I love you,"

"Love you too Ry." Leslie said as a precursor to end the call.

Though I was comfortable laying back in this new outdoor recliner Lamarr bought me, I found myself planting my feet onto decking and walking toward him. He remained engaged in the scenery with his arms crossed, fingers lazily stroking his chin. He was still enough for me to ease in, snake my arms around his waist and rest my head on his back; just what he needed for his body to relax.

"What's on Cole's mind now?" Lamarr snickered to himself as he shook his head.

"Nothing heavy, this weather is just conducive to creating ideas. While I was out today I kept hearing this one word over and over again, and suddenly while just existing right here in this spot at this moment, I have a whole song." he openly shared without hesitation. "My brain is pasting it together and waiting for me to write it down."

"I wish I had your brain,"

"No you don't," he chuckled lightly. "It's too much shit going on up there, too many random thoughts and concepts to all kind of things. Sometimes too much for me to decipher through."

"But you still manage to, and the things you've created as a result have been amazing. That's your genius and only yours. I just be wanting a little peak, understand a lil bit." I teased as Lamarr glanced over his shoulder at me with a smile. He shifted his body around within our embrace and hugged my hips. "What was the word that you kept hearing? If you don't mind me asking."

"Mine," he said simply.

"Interesting. When you write out the song and record it, you think I can hear it?"

"Nope," The emphasizes he added on to the p had me poking my lips out, practically sulking at his need to hide his music process from me – it was a first for us. "I'm also sure what it becomes will be put on the next album so you can just wait until then. Whenever, that is. Probably sometime next year once the baby is born. Until then I'm just writing and recording,"

"That's not fair, you know?"

"To who?" Lamarr challenged with a smirk. "Oh, just you. Sorry, baby girl, but this one is personal."

"Forest Hills was personal too but I helped you write songs for it and even listened to some in advance. What's the difference now?"

"A year," he said without a second thought. At first I assumed he was being sarcastic and would reveal his true reasoning behind his choice immediately after. Instead Lamarr remained unmoved with a grave expression and firm on his explanation. "This one is already unfolding naturally for me. I woke up with a theme in mind and now almost every day I'm digging into layers of myself I never knew existed. I'm exploring a new sound, a new me and I don't think I'll be ready for anyone to hear it until the release date. I probably still won't be ready then."

"Well in that case, I'll let you have your privacy. I'll leave you be." I promised as he nodded and mouthed thank you back. "How about we go inside now."

"Yeah let's do that. Even with the sun beaming it's mad chilly," he groaned, pulling away just enough to get a glimpse at my attire that looked almost identical to his, minus my slippers compared to his Pumas. "Glad to see that you're not being a rebel and decided to throw on a sweatshirt."

"Well of course. I knew my baby daddy would have a fit if I didn't. We're matching," I pointed out as I stood back completely, then gave a quick spin that ended with me holding up the center of the hoodie that read Dreamville. "You see that? Let Ari know that I'm also the first lady of it, we can take turns. I'm off on the weekend though."

"I'll let her know," Lamarr muttered. "Yo, you've got a lot of titles now. Writer, A&R, music connoisseur, founder of a music label. Shit, you're even an executive since you call all the major shots for the label. You're a mommy, wife-to-be, executive director of the Dreamville Foundation and word around town is you're lowkey producer. Now a first lady? You're just a renaissance woman, huh?"

"You forgot that I'm a dancer unlike yourself. I'm also a goddess, the embodiment of the divine feminine. Oh, and ya girl might just be a soul snatcher." I added arrogantly, attempting to fight back a smirk as Lamarr's brow rose in shock. "Don't hurt yourself acting like you don't know."

"Well shit, my fault."

"Yeah, your fault." I jeered and grabbed his hand to lure us both inside. All the amusement I was riding on slowly died the second I saw, and out of force of habit, counted all fifteen of the bags scattered along the living room.

Lamarr was meant to go to the store and buy extra Christmas lights for the tree we chose to decorate for the holidays. From the looks of things, he purchased way more, and stuff we probably didn't need.

"Now Lama--"

"Before you start," he interjected as I waited impatiently with my hands on my hips for his excuse. "Let me explain myself. So I was at Macy's and went straight to the seasonal section for the lights like I had planned, but while I was there I saw some stockings and figured, let me grab a couple of those to hang over our fireplace and on the doors. But then I also saw some decorated wreaths and thought, oh shit! Those would be dope too. After adding all that to the shopping bag I had, I remembered we needed a star or angel for the top of the tree. Who decorates an entire Christmas tree and leaves off an angel? I wasted like fifteen minutes alone trying to find a black one. You know they only had one black one?" he asked rhetorically as my lips parted to interrupt him, but not before he did just that to me. "They had her hidden on the back of a clearance shelf, Ry. That's disrespectful as hell."

"Lamarr..."

"I'm not done," he held his hand up and raced off toward a huddle of bags where he started to take different items out of each, some he had yet to mention. "After that I realized we needed some more ornaments too. In the midst of grabbing a box or two I remember I needed some boxer briefs and basketball shorts so you know, that leads me upstairs where I fucked around and bought mad socks and t-shirts. I didn't forget about you though."

"You better not have," I mumbled under my breath and began to mirror his exact movements. That's where I found all the decorations he listed and attempted to finish embellishing the living room while my ears were still hooked to his voice. "What'd you get me?"

"Those camis you sleep in sometimes and of course," Lamarr glanced over at me near the fire place with a mischievous grin on his face, and off the bat I knew exactly what it was, "granny panties!" We both blurted in unison.

"Thank you, babe. I love those fugly things now, they're so comfortable."

"I know you do. Now about this other stuff..." His words hung in the air. "You can't flip out, aight? Promise me that you won't."

"Oh boy. Just spill it, Cole."

"I might have bought some bottles, pacifiers, bibs and other unimportant things like a tub and highchair to be exact." he rambled off then bit his bottom lip. "Also, there may be a registry up and running for the baby at Macy's too."

"You made one without me?" I immediately froze in place, arms dangling in the air with ornaments in my hands as my head swung his way. "No wonder you were gone for three damn hours! Lamarr that's supposed to be something we do as a couple, parents, a family. I feel left out."

"Chill, baby girl. We can start one together at another store, your choice. I just couldn't help myself, it was fun scanning shit," he confessed innocently as I sighed and decided this was major yet way too miniscule to stress over.

Lamarr strolled over to me and grabbed the two glittery snowflakes from my hands as my shoulders slumped in relief. "How did you even know what to scan?"

"This middle-aged lady named Debbie who manages kids recommended some products she felt were the best of quality for a newborn. Then she showed me all the other must-haves they'll need in their first couple of months down to the entire first year. She was pretty nice," he muttered as I moved out of his way to adorn the rest of the room. "Very helpful. Almost five-thousand dollars in the hole helpful."

"Mhm, glad we're not the ones buying most of this stuff. Well, I hope not." I quickly corrected as my mind slowly wandered off to the fact it was December but felt like May. I was still trying to adjust to the climate change though it wasn't easy, and feel at home in my new home during a season that by my norm was known for snow and below zero temperatures.

"This all feels so weird." I murmured.

"What?" Lamarr wondered with a bit of worry in his tone. "The baby?"

I quickly shook my head to calm his concern, "I was talking about winter time in LA. There's no snow, this cold compared to New York and Chicago's feels like spring time and it's just strange. I suppose that's why we're still giving the house a holiday touch with all this extra shit you decided to waste money on."

"I peeped game baby girl and that was shade." Lamarr accused. "You're right though. That's exactly why, and also why we're flying out of here and heading to Charlotte this week. North Carolina with Kay Cole feels a little bit more like the holidays, trust me."

"And yet y'all don't get snow either unless you're in the mountains."

"We get more than California!" He snickered as I pursed my lips not believing him the least bit. The more we conversed the faster we seemed to clear the couch, it was a useful technique. "By the way, I bought all my Christmas gifts today too. So don't go being nosy in that shopping bag sitting in the hallway."

"Thanks for the warning, I'll definitely peek inside now." I retorted smartly, making him suck his teeth. "Did you get your mom something too? Because if not, negro I'll fight you."

"Yes I did, so mind your business. We need to wrap all our gifts and drop or mail them off since we'll be gone for a week." he reminded as he picked up the plastic box holding the topper for the tree. Lamarr opened it up completely then stretched his arm out, placing the angel directly at the tip without any trouble. "You know, you never told me what you wanted for Christmas other than what I already got you."

"That's because I don't want anything."

"Lie again,"

"I'm serious," I argued as I grabbed the bundle of wreaths to hang around anyhow near the kitchen and front door. "All I want is a gift from myself to myself, which is actually more like a goal than a gift. I need - want to finish my website and make it available to the world-wide web by the top of the year. I'm just running into a couple of road blocks though, so that may not happen so