[Riley]

"Riley...baby girl, wake up." 

Lamarr's warm fingertips gently gripped my forearm as he shook me from out the comfort of my sleep. My eyes fluttered open and were greeted with the image of his freshly trimmed face, while his unique scent laced with Versace Eros tickled my nose. I didn't want to move. I wanted to remain stretched out in the passenger's side, gazing him down as I had for the first hour of our road trip; right before his cologne drowned me into a hyper sexual fantasy. Taking in every part of him from the satiny texture of his skin, to the way he would curl his lips when in deep thought was something I could do all day, and I'm sure it was exactly what got me pregnant in the first place.

I couldn't help myself though. Lamarr was irresistible in rugged way, a way that had my libido heightened and raging. There was always something he'd do or the way his gruff voice said that made me want him more than I already had him. I didn't know if it were possible to, but I was more than willing to find out.

"You gone wake up so we can check in or keep staring at me like you wanna lick me?" he teased with a smirk curling his lips.

"Don't give me that option," I warned under my breath and sat up to unlock my seatbelt. "Not when I tempted to do just the latter."

"What was that?" Lamarr asked, sounding amused and knowing exactly what I said. "Speak up, baby girl. I couldn't quite make that out."

"I said, I'm tempted to lick you and quite honestly sit on your face too."

While I was rather pleased that many of those uncomfortable symptoms of the first trimester had faded, I was even more frustrated that my sex drive was now revved up full force. The impulses got worse every day and Lamarr seemed to find it all hilarious instead of taming it. All the smooth talking he did at our prenatal visit weeks ago about dying from a lack of went out the window. He would freeze up every single time I tried to put an end to our shared drought and cuddle me instead. I was so damn tired of cuddling though, unless of course it involved me bent into a position straight out the Kamasutra.

To avoid ruining whatever this trip he had planned for us was to become of, I shook my head away from Lamarr and glanced around at my surroundings. The first thing that caught my attention were the oversized orange doors and white geometric exterior walls framing them. The glamorous retro design was a mid-century modern enthusiast dream and fascinating to a first-time guest like myself.

"Where are we?" I wondered aloud as my eyes continued to roam around. 

Rather than answer, Lamarr gently grabbed my chin, turning my focus toward him and leaned over the console to kiss my lips. The immediate contact and the urgency behind his tongue as it slowly invaded my mouth had a moan escaping simultaneously. He knew what he was doing. Lamarr was trying to shut me up, and I could admit that for the prolonged seconds I sat breathless, that it was working.

"You mad at me?" he mumbled against my lips, pulling away just enough for his tongue to linger on them as he kissed me softly. Part of me was ready to snap back at him for the torture while the other part was speechless and enjoying every bit of it. That part was winning. 

"Are you mad at me?" he repeated more sternly as his eyes locked with mine.

"No...yes," I sighed and rolled my eyes as Lamarr waited for me to continue. "I'm horny, and instead of fixing it you push me away every single time then have the nerve to go to your barber in the middle of the week and get all cleaned up and sexy, only to come home and push me away even more. Then you wanna be all charming and sweet by taking me on a surprise trip, knowing I have a love/hate for surprises. You also look handsome today. I really want to kiss you again and do a bunch of other things that you won't let me do. Why won't you?"

My reaction was unorthodox for me. Begging was something I just did not do. My pride wouldn't allow such behavior in a million years. If I ever found myself in that position it definitely wouldn't be to a man, at least that's what I always swore. It was painfully ironic and hilarious that despite the promise I made to myself my entire life, I was sitting here feigning for Lamarr and literally pleading to be touched. And what was even more embarrassing was the fact that Lamarr was completely ignoring me.

"You ready to check in now?" he asked once again. "Valet is waiting for the keys so they can park the car for us."

"Whatever Cole," I hissed, grabbing the handle of the door to push it open. "You treating me like an ugly stepchild is going to bite you in the ass on day. Where are we even at?"

"The Parker, Palm Springs. Can't you tell by the big ass palm trees, woman?"

"Obviously not, negro." I muttered under my breath as Lamarr got out and helped one of the two doormen gather our suitcases from the trunk of his truck. Once both bags were out and being rolled towards the entrance, Lamarr locked my hand in his and followed behind them. "That still wasn't a complete answer. What is The Parker?"

"You're inquisitive this fine afternoon, aren't you?" he said sarcastically, smirking down at me. "It's a resort we're staying at for the weekend that's probably full of rich white folks. That however is beside the point. On each day we're here I have something special planned for us and all you need to do, little miss drama queen, is chill and let your man take care of everything."

"Mhm, so this is your idea of our own personal couple's retreat?"

"Something like that, more so our self-care weekend." Lamarr corrected as we walked through the entrance, letting a gust of frigid air smack us in the faces. It was a relief compared to the heat outside, that even a few seconds of had me uncomfortable. 

"We've both been busy with work, stressed out with that and all this baby planning. We've both been facing some of our demons lately, trying to recover from the aftermath of what running from them has created and I can't help but think that even the shit going on around this country has affected us a bit. Every time we turn on the damn TV it's some vile shit happening way too close to home, you know? So I figured we both could use some time to ourselves, some time away from the city to unwind. We both deserve a chance to reboot and take a day or two to not deal with all that pressure."

"Well, I admire your thinking." I uttered as we approached the front desk. 

Lamarr released my hand from his grip and dug into his pocket for his ID as he began the check in process. The lobby we stood at the center of was beyond refreshing and hinted that this would be a far from dull weekend. From the earth toned decor to the funky furniture and carefree atmosphere, this place might have just been what we needed. I was trusting that Lamarr had made a wise decision with this location and his planning.

"So, I booked a villa for us on the other side of the resort. That way we can be away from the large crowds and have our own space. There's a patio included, a jacuzzi and a bunch of other stuff you might like."

"Mm," I swung my head around toward him and nodded. "I could definitely unwind in the jacuzzi. Actually, I think I'll do that first."

"Nah, not so fast." Lamarr said as he took the set of keys from the clerk and led the way to our real destination. "In about an hour we have a yoga session followed up by some meditation. Then once we come back and relax a bit, I want you to get all sexy. I'm taking you to dinner at eight," My brow perked up in amusement as I stared back at Lamarr, mainly in shock. I knew he could feel my eyes cutting into the side of his face.

 "What?"

"We, as in me and you? We're doing yoga and meditation together?"

"Yes we are," he affirmed with a nod. "Why you look so stunned?"

"Because I am," I tittered, shoving his shoulder. "Lamarr, you swear meditation is pointless. You once called it and every other practice that I partake in voodoo. Everything outside of God is a joke to you."

"Correction, I did as in the past. And I said that you used voodoo to trap me, not that your practices are voodoo. Besides," Lamarr tossed his arm around my shoulder, hauling me closer to his body. "I'm at place in my life where I'm willing to open myself up to new things, actual meditation being one of them. I just need you to support and not laugh at me. Plus, it seems like it's kept you calm and centered whenever you utilized it, so why not?"

"Why now?" I shot back, being genuinely curious about what piqued his sudden interest.

"I like delving into things that make you, you. It allows me to understand you better," he casually disclosed. "It's also called evolving. You live and you learn what works best for you, but you do that through exploring. I want to do some exploring. Tell me something though?"

"Anything,"

"Your pops was the pastor of a Baptist church. How'd you turn out so...different?" Lamarr posed carefully. "I mean, that isn't to be taken offensively. I just wanna know when did you choose to believe in things outside of the religion you were raised up on? That's if you don't mind telling me."

"Life," I unveiled almost under a whisper before clearing my throat. Lamarr was giving me his undivided attention as he gazed down at me intently and the pace of our feet weakened. 

"My dad always told me to pray, since I was young enough to even talk he encouraged it. All my life I did just that and it seemed to work for the most part, all until life caught me completely off guard and slapped me straight across the face. My dad's advice at the time I started running into obstacles seemed pointless because things gradually got worse for me. So I guess you could say I lost faith as many people do. That was when I started searching for something I felt was more attainable and immediately responsive like meditating; something beyond religion to keep me sane, and it did just that. It started altering my way of thinking along with therapy and now practicing mindfulness and journaling."

"So what do you consider yourself now? Or where?"

"Somewhere in between, I guess. They both coexist," I confessed. "In general, religion and spirituality overlap in many ways but for me it's like this. I still believe that God exists. I believe that everything that happens in this life and all of our other lives is predesigned by them and for a reason. Each one is just an experience and we're learning all these lessons, some more painful than others, until we get shit right and are prepared to move on to the next. Now I say lives because I also believe we are all really just souls, these spirits trapped in temporary bodies, and when we die we're reincarnated into the next physical thing we're meant to occupy in another life. Do I still believe in heaven and hell? Yeah, since I believe in eternal life. I think one reason why I slipped away from religion was because how they as in the church dismisses so many individuals and things."

"I see," Lamarr nodded as if he understood my point of view. It was relieving to see that he wasn't judging me, or if he was, he made an effort to not express it. "So for instance, how they tend to dismiss say, homosexuals?"

"Exactly. Let me be clear that this is some of the folks in the church, not all. Another case would be calling mental illness the devil and praying it away. Prayer without action is futile though, right? So therapy for depression shouldn't be a sin, meditation to calm anxiety shouldn't be a sin. Whatever helps you get better mentally and grow shouldn't be seen a wrong. That's the action along with the prayer. Some folks also dismiss a bunch of other things that deserve a conversation and not ignorance nor criticism. Another reason I stopped attending church is because, well, it's flooded with ego. People have strayed away from the word and the sole purpose to become closer to God. They've made Christianity, in particular, something I don't even want to take part in. Some people who call themselves Christians tend to twist the bible's words simply to shame people instead of loving them. They use religion for their own malicious reasoning, growing up in a black church I saw it with my own eyes."

"Would you ever go back?"

"Maybe," I shrugged coolly and leaned my head against his chest. "I think for now I'd rather just form my own personal relationship with God outside of it, the relationship is what matters to me. More than that, I just want to fulfill my main purpose in this life, which I think I've already done. These days I'm content with everything that's happened and where I'm headed. I'm starting to accept it all and be at peace."

"See, I'm tryna be like you, Ms. Love and Light." Lamarr joked as we both chuckled at his slick humor. "You're a beautiful spirit, Riley. Honestly. I've never really met anyone like you."

"Complement, maybe?"

"Eh, kind of. We not about to gas you though," he said as our laughing that had faltered started up again, and by now we were approaching the villa I couldn't wait to crash in. "Seriously, what do you think your purpose is? Your writing?"

"I think it's far more than my song writing and articles. I actually think my purpose has nothing to do with my career or my achievements. I think I was incarnated here temporarily to help others unlock things deep within themselves that they'll need to become better souls."

"Sounds selfless,"

"Sometimes that's what it's all about, Cole." I stressed and noted the expression on his face. Lamarr was digesting everything I was saying and allowed it to soak in. "As long as you love and are treat yourself right, first. That's not selfish, that's real self-care."

"Hm, I like that. And you're right, you can't help others if you ain't right within," he muttered more to himself. "You mention ego a lot and that's something I've always had trouble dealing with, but I'd like to think I'm getting better."

"We all tetter-totter between the two. The way I see it though, when you ascend and away from ego, you become closer to God. You literally become love and light." I explained as Lamarr reached his arm around to unlock the door of our villa. "As corny as the saying is, your ego diminishes and you're able to forgive people and let go. Your fears disappear, you no longer feel entitled and seek control. You don't complain, you just exist and let things be as they will. It's all a learning experience. No one is perfect and not even I have gotten it all right. I might not even get it right this time around. Hopefully there is a next time for me,"

"There is," he assured and finally unwrapped his arm from around me to push the door open. Lamarr grabbed our bags that had beat us here, while I walked inside and examined every part of the space we'd be calling home for a few days. I was really going to love it here. "Damn, now you got me all excited to meditate. Mostly because I know you gone have on those tight ass yoga pants."

"See, now you're canceled." I snapped back at Lamarr just as my head did over my shoulder to see the mischievous grin on his face. "We were having a moment and you ruined it. Look at that ego, just bold." I teased.

"Hush, and just know I'm serious about both, mainly the first one. I'm really grateful to have you, you've taught me a lot. You're teaching me a lot," Lamarr adjusted as he sat our luggage aside and closed the door. Not a second was wasted between then and the moment he swathed me into his arms and placed a kiss on my forehead. 

"I'm grateful to have crossed paths with someone who has seen me at my worse and is still willing to stick around and witness the best. I appreciate everything about you, good and bad. You're just what I need."

"I am not about to cry if that's what you're aiming to do," I challenged, peaking up at Lamarr with my eyes squinted. His deep chuckle was felt against my chest as he shook his head, just as that same pulsating sensation that I've only ever felt once before rippled through my stomach – weird.

"Nah, I'm just showing appreciation." he swore, this time placing a peck on my lips. I titled my head and found myself admiring Lamarr in the midst of the silence, and a bit differently than earlier. Seconds were passing us by and I couldn't seem to fight the huge grin on my face or concentrate on anything else though I needed to. I was stuck. 

"What?"

"Nothing, it just feels good to be appreciated. Do me a favor?"

"Anything,"

"Move," My tone was meant to be urgent, but it came out so weak. "I really have to pee, since over an hour ago, actually."

"Aw, my poor baby." Lamarr gushed with a smirk on his face, his arms slithering from around my waist for me to slip away. "I'd piss for you if I could," he added sincerely.

And just like he was grateful, I was too.

           -------------

"I wish your mama would hurry up before this restaurant gives away our table," Lamarr complained over the murmurs of Adore fluttering along the background. He stood leaned against the doorway of the bathroom with his handheld camera clenched tightly and angled directly at me. "Look at all this makeup she's putting on, makeup she doesn't even need. When you get to that age where you find interest in this mess, just know it'll be banned in my house."

"Cole, who's camera did you manage to steal?" I quizzed with my brow rounded perfectly for me to clean it up with concealer. 

Lamarr remained quiet at the door, still holding me under the scrutiny of his camera lens as I did everything but pack up my makeup bag to leave. I knew deep down inside his irritation was seething since we were officially ten minutes late for our reservations. He absolutely hated being late. 

"I bet it belongs to Mike, or better yet Ib. He seems like he would own a handheld."

"This is my camera for your information," he sassed back, stepping foot into the bathroom to position himself behind me. Now he was focused on capturing the reflection of us both in the mirror, appearing as complete opposites on attire alone.

While I was draped to the knees in a white off the shoulder sundress and nude lace up heels, Lamarr showcased his home state love with a Charlotte Bobcats jersey paired with a pair of grey sweat shorts. To top that, this man had the nerve to break out his ultra-boost Adidas and sport his Polo socks, crew socks at that. It was clear he was dressed for comfort as usual.

"You said you wanted to capture all of the minor to significant moments of your pregnancy for that damn box, so I figured why not save it on film?" Lamarr shared as he placed his hand on my hip and leaned down just enough to rest his chin on my shoulder. "You look ethereal. Doesn't your mama look ethereal, baby girl?" he titled, what I knew would become one of his favorite gadgets from now on, down to scale my entire body. His height gave him the advantage of seizing every minuscule detail from head to toe that he assumed our child needed to see. 

"Look at that. She's literally glowing out here in these Cali streets!"

"You're so extra," I tittered as Lamarr smiled and placed a peck on my cheek. "And you're going to ruin my makeup,"

"You don't need it anyways," he stated dryly and went on to quickly changed the topic. "Wanna know something? Jesus is a black man,"

My forehead furrowed together as I stared back at him in the mirror, awaiting what ridiculous epiphany he would spill. "How you figure?"

"I'm