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Author's Note: This chapter marks the beginning of Phase 3.


[Lamarr] - 7 months later

"I need everybody to put one finger to the sky right now...look straight up to the ceiling...Chicago, sing this shit!"

First things first rest in peace Uncle Phil....for real.

It was wild to me how every single night the crowd was like this; flawlessly in sync with the lyrics that became permanently entrenched in my head and attached to the tip of my tongue. Sometimes it almost seemed too good to be true. Maybe it was because during the stages of preparation for each leg of the tour, I mentally told myself this shit might not go as planned. The album was doing exceptional with the circumstances it was released under and that wasn't expected but I was grateful for it. But hoping for a successful tour just as huge as the album had become was a bit much to ask for. It was far-fetched at times too. I mean, no one was out here performing an entire album on stage for over an hour. Why? Because it was a horrible idea.

I find that listeners usually only care for the singles, the songs played on radio stations and that are popular in night clubs. Even if I didn't have any radio singles out, people still may only fuck with specific songs, leaving the others as moments to use the restroom or purchase a beverage. That was my biggest fear, but every time that line by itself dropped, and the red background lights blazed behind me and against the faces of thousands, I was proved wrong. It wasn't just No Role Modelz, it's was every single track. The crowd knew them word for word and felt the emotions I felt while writing them.

Shit, being on these stages every night I felt like I seized some distinctive power. Now that I think about it, I did. I had the power to prove these label reps and naysayers wrong. I had the power to show them that hip hop wasn't dead and that the people still believed and supported real music.

You just had to create it first.

———–

In the middle of all the cheers still going from the crowd and those drowning each other out backstage, a bellowed "Yo Cole!" drew me from the fixation my eyes held toward the dressing room. My feet were dragging me along like I had a purpose. I was walking as if I was on a mission, and maybe because I really was. A nigga was ready to clean up, catch my breath while I came down from this high and disappear. Nine times out of ten, every night after each show, I was ready to crawl into my shell and do only one of the three things: sleep, make music or oddly enough, read. But the folks around me always had other shit in mind.

My head crooked once I matched the voice to a face and was greeted with none other than Big Sean. He quickly moved through the host of still bodies as I turned completely around, stretching my arm out for a dap. "Wassup man?"

"Good show as usual, bro. You killed it," he praised then pulled back from the gesture. "You coming out tonight? Jeremih invited us all to The Factory. You know he wants to show off the nightlife of his hometown."

"The Factory?" I questioned as Elijah tossed me a fresh towel that smelled like it was straight off the shelf. 

"Yeah, it's a gentlemen's club."

"Ooh..." I nodded as a smirk aligned Sean's face once I caught drift. Strippers and some Hennessy sounded great right about now, it sounded like heaven actually. But speaking honestly, I was bound to fall asleep while one of those women shimmied their titties in my face and pranced around half naked awaiting cash in return. That would be a great Baller Alert story or Lipstick Alley thread for the world to laugh at, and one I would avoid by all costs. "Uh, you know what. Let me see what the rest of these niggas are up to and I'll let you know."

"Cool, cool. I need to see what my team plans on doing my damn self," he uttered with a chuckle. "Later though."

"Later, bruh."

A heavy pat on my shoulder had me back on my path before someone else distracted me from settling and finding some sort of peace and quiet. I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to hydrate myself and be alone. It was nothing personal and that was understood seeing as though we pushed all our limits this time around with the structure of the tour. Three legs altogether and in between, we had the nerve to still do our annual Dollar and a Dream circuit. We were all looking to be by ourselves. On top of that, I was still being told by my doctor to be careful with my leg because as expected, I twisted my shit playing basketball. I couldn't catch a break in both senses, and time by myself backstage was the only source of relief. That and in the small bedroom on the bus.

Now here I was finally making it to my dressing room, checking the next city we'd be in and hoping I'd have no interruptions.

"Cole," Elijah called as he leaned into the doorway. "You got company man."

So much for that hope.

"Who?" My brows instantly furrowed as I was left with the slightest clue to who could possibly be here paying me a visit. I didn't know of any family or friends that lived up this way, well at least none that I could remember. Plus, I wasn't in the mood nor did I have energy to entertain the mystery person he spoke of. Whoever it was better be someone worth this fake grin and greeting I was preparing to put on.

"Would you happen to know a Melanie Harris?" His eyes peeked over the head of his glasses while a smirk crept onto him face. "She looks kind of familiar if I should say, so you might."

"Man you play all day." I teased, and suddenly once his comment clicked and began to make sense, I found myself adjusting the black shorts and damp t-shirt sticking to my skin all while a case of the jitters struck me. It was a natural reaction that I couldn't explain, and one similar to how my body braces itself before I go out in front of these crowds every night.

"Aight, um. Tell her to come in." I mumbled, now fiddling with the loose strings of my worn out SB dunks.

Elijah simply shook his head. "It's just Melanie, Cole." He said, finding humor in my actions as his figure disappeared from the door.

Sure it was just Melanie, but Melanie was my ex fiancé and a woman I really didn't care for up until the last time we saw each other. Prior to that, since the moment she grabbed the rest of her belongings and essentially walked out of my life, I found myself resenting her. I tried on several occasions to act as if I was over everything, holding self talks where I tried to find sense in much of what happened. I mean, I knew what role I played but it still didn't change that feeling deep inside of me, damn near hate I was holding on to.

The job of "moving forward" was easier said than done. Especially when almost every other day something around my crib would remind me of her. Whether it was the bed, the spare room I had gotten fixed up and locked up once again or the hallways she once treaded, I was taken back to moments where I actually cared about her. Then it would hit me in those exacts moments were I forced myself to try and fix us for her sake, tried to be a better man and give as much as she gave to me, that I should have actually been free. I should have been walking a totally different path in my life.

I resented Melanie for trapping me, and just the thought of us actually being married and her giving birth to a child that wasn't mine made my temper boil. I knew she might not have ever said a word about that fact and that pissed me off even more. All this fueled more anger. I was finding any and everything to be pissed about and I found a way to connect it all to her. I was just falling back into my old ways and cursing everything in my path. That was until I spotted her at the airport one afternoon and we finally talked about it all.

God is funny, you know? I think it was him who put us on the same delayed flight to New York back in February, and now that I reminisce, it was the 'anniversary' of her losing the baby.

What started off as awkward gave me a chance to forgive her as she forgave me and finally let go. Because as much I had believed I did, I actually hadn't. Now here I am, able to enjoy every moment of my life and not find the smallest and pettiest shit from the past in my present to ruin that. My eyes have been wide open and I'm able to see the importance in everything surrounding me, all the people, and I ain't taking none of it for granted. I also moved out that damn penthouse, it was time to anyways, and I couldn't be anymore happier with the way things are falling into place.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." her soft voice lingered from the door, snapping me out of the sacred space my mind fell into.

"Nah, just Cole in deep thought, nothing new. I usually write it all in my journal but it's on the bus." I said before standing up, watching as she cautiously trailed inside the dressing room. Almost as if she was unsure if she should even be here, but it was far too late to turn back now.  "Excuse this mess, these niggas still don't know how to clean up after themselves."

"Don't even worry, I'm used to it." she muttered, coming into full view of my sight.

The first thing my eyes took heed of was the long ivory flowing crocheted dress she wore and her thick bone straight hair draping her bare shoulders. Or maybe I was struck by the shimmer of her deep olive skin that I hadn't seen on her in years. Regardless of which, Melanie looked phenomenal. She definitely looked pleased with herself, her life and everything that was currently unfolding within it. It was clear as day just by her appearance, the buoyancy in her stride and the genuine smile she held. The image of the woman Melanie had always wanted to be was blossoming before my eyes, and it made me smile.

"You look amazing." I confessed as we embraced each other, and I silently thanked God it wasn't uncomfortable for either of us.

"You don't look too bad yourself, Lamarr. This hair on the other hand..."

"Aye, you're only the millionth person to bring it up." Melanie's arms fell from around me as she leaned back, giving my hair another glimpse. This was not the first and neither the last time I would hear someone judge me for my choice of style in general lately. I felt free like this. "I actually like it, even if this shit is nasty as fuck."             

"I'm just stunned by the growth. You have some mid length dreads in there. Like I always said though, if you like it then I love it."

"That's better than hearing I need to shave because I look like a caveman or even worse, homeless. That shit is starting to hurt." I joked as we both settled into one of the many chairs scattered around. "How is Chicago treating you?"

"So damn good," she exhaled with a smile. "I'm so glad I moved here. This city is everything I've ever wanted and more. My career is still doing well, I've made new friends and surprisingly adjusting to the new environment wasn't as difficult as I presumed. Seven, almost eight months in and I have no regrets."

"Word, I'm glad to hear that. I'm shocked to see you here tonight. If I knew you were coming I would've put some pep in my step and freshened up to change clothes."

"No need for all of that." she spoke honestly, crossing her leg over the other. "It was actually a last minute idea I got. I just figured tonight, right after such an amazing performance would be the perfect time to let you know how proud I am of you. I'm also happy to hear about all these blessings you've been granted lately. 2015 has been going well so far, correct?"

"Yeah, it didn't start off the best but now I cannot and will not complain. Thank you though, for supporting and not being a stranger."

"Of course not," she offered as her pearly whites beamed back at me. "Chicago is my home now so consider this a form of hospitality."

"That's something that I appreciate. I never would have imagined us speaking so casually with each other at any point after everything that happened, but this is good for both of us."

"It is." she eased out faintly and nodded in agreement. "Well, I won't keep you long. I remember how these tours work so I'm sure you're going to go into hibernation on that bus once you get out this venue."

"You know," I began as she stood up and smoothed out the back of her dress. "That part of me hasn't changed one bit because I'm about to be slumped!"

"See, Cole and his sleep when he wants his sleep will never change."

"Ever." I said, standing up just seconds later to hug her once again. Unlike many of the times I've said goodbye to people only for them to reenter my life one way or another, this one with Melanie felt like the real deal. It felt final. "You take care of yourself, hear me?"

"I will, just as long as you do the same."

"You've got a deal."

"One other thing, Lamarr."

"What's that?" I wondered as I raised my brow as if she could see it, and Melanie broke the nestle we both found comfort in to look up at me with a knowing smirk.

"Don't let anything get in your way."

"Way of what?"

"You know exactly what I'm referring to." Melanie began backing her way toward the door that had been closed all this time, and held that same expression. "My sister is waiting for me in the hallway so I have to go. Keep that in mind though." she said before disappearing into the mass of noise and people loitering the hall.

I was still drawing blanks to the meaning behind her advice and though I wasn't up to digging deeper into it, her words managed to linger and have me doing just that for the time being.

"You ready to get out of here?" Ib called from the door, poking his head inside. "They pulled the bus around by the back door for you."

"Yeah, here I come." I murmured, finally drying off and swapping shirts. "Yo, can y'all find a restaurant that serves breakfast near here?"

"Mike was just looking himself 'cause his fat ass is hungry yet again tonight. Denny's is the only place that is open twenty-four hours right now and one that's a sit down joint. That good with you?"

"Yeah," It wasn't no Waffle House but I guess it would do. "That's cool. Just wake me up if I fall asleep before we get there."

"Nigga, it's not even that far!" Ib exclaimed and laughed once he took note of how serious I was. Even if it was a fifteen minute or shit, two minute nap, I was about to take it.

"Still, wake me up if I just so happen to dose off. Oh, and if you see Sean before we get to the bus, let him know we calling it a night."

"Aight man, just bring your ass on. After that we're hitting the road and heading straight to Pittsburgh."

And just like that, we were on to the next one.

————

Not even a complete four hours into our seven hour ride and I was already being awakened by the loud mouths of these idiots I shared a bus with. I'm always reminded during times like these, when we first began planning for this tour, it was suggested by a few that I got my own bus. Of course I turned down the offer though and instead agreed to a lack of sleep and countless moments of burying my head into a pillow until the sounds outside the door died out. Or like now, tossing the sheets from over my legs only to crawl out of bed and struggle toward the door, while I rubbed my eyes that were in search of some kind of light.

"What the fuck are you niggas doing?" I grumbled once my hand fumbled around, finding the knob that opened and gave a perfect view of the source of all the ruckus.

"Oh shit. I told y'all to keep it down," Ib started as he slammed down three of the many cards from the short deck in his hand onto the table. "Grandpa needs his sleep and you know he gets grumpy when he doesn't. Look at him."

My throat was mad dry leaving me speechless to his smart ass comment. Instead I flipped him off in return while everyone else found his words hilarious. As I proceeded on and grabbed a bottle of water from the miniature fridge, I couldn't help but observe them and sip the cold beverage as they continued to spaz out during their lil' card game.

"Again, what are you dipshits even doing or should I say playing at this time of night...shit, morning anyways? You should be sleep."

"Bullshit with a twist." Mike retorted as he glanced across the table at Ced who was as high as a kite. How this man was even keeping his lids open enough to see the cards in front of him or who he was even playing against was beyond me. "Person with the most money at the end is the winner, loser has to try and get at T.S. since she stay curving us all."

I shook my head and chuckled at the rules of this game. It was surely entertaining but a damn set up for whoever fell short at the end. "She's gone fuck one of y'all up one of these days for messing with her. How many times I keep telling you all, she doesn't want you clowns."

"Right, tell 'em Cole. It's because she wants me." Ced swore, and I got even more of a kick out of seeing the struggle he now had placing his cards down while simultaneously picking up the blunt that was burning itself out beside him.

"Nigga, you're the last person she wants."

"Man, you just mad because you're her boss which makes her off limits." He shot back before barely uttering 'bullshit' to himself. Ib snickered under his breath as I watched his eyes gander over to the man's hand, and we both knew he was done for in terms to this game.

"You being sloppy over there, bruh. So you automatically lose." Mike said making us all laugh.

"Man, fuck y'all." Ced hissed and threw his cards aside to do what he does best. We couldn't get him to stop smoking if we paid him to. "Aye Cole, how this tour life treating you? You need me to roll up something for you too?"

"Nah, I'm good on that and as for this tour? I'm loving every bit of it, well eliminate the part where I don't sleep because of you bum ass niggas. Like tonight, there were literally twenty-one thousand people in the stands, man. When we went on tour in the past I never imagined this outcome. I guess the music really does speak and the people heard loud and clear."

"Yeah, tonight was crazy." Ib admitted as he leaned back against the sofa he rested on. "You know MSG is going to be one hell of a show too. These new memories we're creating in these cities we've been to numerous times have been surreal. The people really fuck with you, fam."

"What's even crazier is Melanie popping up on you. That's like an uh...a highlighter of the summer. I would've expected Riley to be there instead of Melanie though."

"It's highlight." I gritted back at Ced, already knowing where this conversation was headed. "Your high ass really knows how to hold a decent conversation, don't you?"

"But wait, I haven't heard the name Riley in a minute though. How is she Lamarr?" I shrugged, dismissing Ib's sarcasm.

"I wouldn't know. I haven't spoken to her since that shit that happened on New Year's Day. I've seen her at one or two events but we weren't close enough to speak, neither of us tried and I didn't care to. You a bitch for asking that shit." And he knew he was.

When it came to that girl, everyone knew how I felt at this point. She was that person, our relationship was that topic that no one was to bring up, ever. So it was throwing me for a loop why all of a sudden and at once they all felt the need to make her the topic of discussion. The last time we were in each other's presence, her actions spoke for her and they made it clear about her feelings toward me. Riley

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