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They used to always throw the saying, 'never break a woman's heart' around but never explained why. It was almost as if the meaning behind it was implied, and as a man you just had to go with the flow and comply. Automatically one could assume it is to save her from the pain, the loss and the need to now start over in love. While others may assume it's for unknown motives a man will never fully understand and not stated above.

The real reason is because a woman with a broken heart is a storm in the making.

One with whipping winds like the emotional beating she's been taking. Merciless turbulence like the turmoil you put her through, and heavy rainfall equivalent to the tears her eyes brewed.

The most important reason of them all is that the ending is always toxic. Once it all has ceased and the remnants of this hysterical maelstrom you created are left scattered, you're actually the one left battered. She may have wept for weeks, months and even prayed for some kind of miracle, yet ironically you're the one suffering with karma and left feeling pitiful.

So this is a warning to all men who are stirring up a whirlwind. They said never break a woman's heart, because when it's all said and done you're the one whose life really falls completely and utterly apart.

- a man hit by karma

                                                                    ———–

[Lamarr]

New York City was the last place I wanted to be right now.

If I could I would stay in North Carolina for the remainder of my time left on this Earth, and in doing that I wouldn't have one ounce of regret. I had my reasons as to why, one being I wanted to maintain this sense of solace I was injected with by being back in the company of my mother and all the other things that make the southern state home for me. Another was because I finally felt like Lamarr again. I felt like I had reversed the hands of time and was now reliving life back in the early two-thousands, where my family was struggling but I still had a peace of mind. With a lack of many things I was still a happy adolescent, and the only worry on my mind was making my biggest accomplishment, almost unfathomable dream to many matter. Life only consisted of me running around the Ville with a shit load of freedom, and not even a mere thought of how different, almost abstract and now sub-par my future would be.

I had been traveling back and forth from Fayetteville to Charlotte for over a week now, an additional one aside the first where I spent all my time working on the album. I dodged phone calls, abandoned emails and social apps, and simply focused on myself. I'm sure if it weren't for the reassurance of my mother, everyone probably figured I was dead. In actuality I was hiding, avoiding my reality while simultaneously trying to make sense of it. That being that these last three years, outside my career, consisted of nothing but lies. Many of which were my own but who knew that the others were Melanie's.

The idea was puzzling to me and threw me completely off track every time I asked myself how? How could Melanie hide shit from me? How could she be so vindictive? Even if her actions stemmed from me, I still never imagined she had it in her to do the shit Ry mentioned, behind my back. Now I was creating a list of other things she could possibly be capable of and they were all making me sick; making me confused as hell and angry as fuck.

But nevertheless I was back in New York, the devil's fuckin' playground, to approach my problems head on...all of them. Then after I would maybe come back home.

"Your ass finally decided to come out of hiding." I couldn't even get a simple hello or top of the morning to you. Instead I got Mike's smart ass who was leaned against what looked to be a rental truck. He had his arms folded and a smirk stuck on his face as I adjusted the hood over my head, and glanced around the curbside waiting for a proper greeting.

"Hello to you too, Michael."

"Oh, morning nigga. So you done finding yourself now?"

"Fuck you, but yeah. I mean, I couldn't stay there forever. Plus my mama claimed she was tired of looking at me, she said my silence was worrying her." I chuckled dismissively as he shook his head, keeping his eyes glued to me.

"We were all worried. Bruh, we thought you were coming back a day or two after we landed. Your ass planned on staying permanently I see."

"If only I could." Mike's once amused expression suddenly converted into one of concern, and just like everyone else I was waiting for him to hit me with that burning question.

"Cole, you alright?"

"Nah," I admitted easily with a sigh. "But I don't really want to talk about it right now. I did enough of that back in Charlotte."

"Well when you're ready," he mumbled. "I'm here, all ears."

"I know man." I retorted, opening the passenger door as he leaned up and walked around to the driver's side.

"Well enough of this sensitive shit. Let's hit the road and get to this studio. Niggas got an album to submit!" He exclaimed as he hopped in and started our drive to SoHo.

It was silent for the most part with nothing but The Roots Things Fall Apart playing for us to vibe to. The instrumental alone of every record was enough to soothe any soul, and the lyrics included was a seamless combo for shaking some of what I assumed was jetlag; the hint of fatigue that seemed to hover over me for weeks now and this churning sensation in my gut. The reoccurring headache throbbing against my skull was even relieved a bit once I leaned back against the headrest, and my eyes lazily trailed along the dreary clouds that drifted over the city and its skyscrapers.

Just that quick, I was able to momentarily forget about why I was basically forced back into the arms of New York, and why I was dreading going home once this day was said and done. It was this sedative tone setting itself damn near mellowing me into a sleep, but somewhere in the thick of that calm things changed. Just that quick, with one small drop of rain against the window that rapidly became heavier with every second, I was reminded of it all. I was expecting this day to be far from a good. Work, one thing I thoroughly enjoyed these days, of course needed to be done, but aside from it the rest was bound to be a drag. I could just sense the shit.

I had to try and shake the feeling and push through the anticipation though. The task wasn't easy, especially not when the dreariness due to the sudden rain was in full force, but that's what you got friends for. Thank God for their asshole ways and sarcasm.

The minute I walked into one of the three studios we rented out for over five months now, I was greeted with nothing but love and jokes of course. Something that I was grateful to always have when these somber moods would creep in.

"Stranger fuckin' danger! Yo Cole, you went Helen Keller on us," Ib yelled over the deafening music blasting from the amplifiers that clashed with the thunder beginning to bud outside of us. Once I flipped him the bird, causing him to laugh, he leaned over the soundboard to cut the volume down. "We don't hear from you, then you go hiding from us so we ain't seen you. It was that deep?"

"Something like that. But look, you niggas knew where I was." I argued as I sat down in the empty spot on the couch beside Ced. He like the rest of these guys were giving me the meanest glares toward my remark. I guess it didn't matter if they assumed where I was, they still wanted to hear some kind of assurance directly from me.

"Yeah, after your moms called Mike and I to let us know you needed some time to yourself. You could've flew out the country solo dolo for all we knew, and mind you she didn't call until four days in to your little break." Ib shot back. "We legit didn't know where you were with your lack of phone usage."

"And you always use your phone," Ced added, taking a long pull from his granddaddy purple rolled blunt. "You good now?"

"I'm aight. Check this out though, while I was gone I had Omen and Ron cook up this beat for me. I wrote a few verses and recorded them to it, and I kind of want to add it to the track list before we send it off to the label in the morning."

"Is it going to fit? I mean we got eleven joints on there already, plus you got them in a particular order." Ib questioned, watching me closely as I practically disregarded his apprehension and took out my Macbook for the answer.

"It's perfect. I felt like there was something missing between Hello and the last track. I kid you not, one morning at probably five a.m., I ended up driving down to the Ville. Once I got there I parked at my old crib and just walked a couple of blocks, listening to the album on a loop. The lyrics just started coming to me and I found myself humming, then stopping at almost every corner to type the shit out in my notes. Once I was able to get into someone's booth to record then get Kaye Fox to do background vocals, I knew it had to be on the album. Just listen to it."

"It's that good, huh?" Mike asked as Mez go up from his place in front of the soundboard, and I rose from the couch to replace it.

"You all can make the choice if it's decent or not, to me it's just honest. Probably one of the main ones on this project I actually feel closest to. It was therapeutic how it came together."

"What is it called?" he continued on as I connected my laptop to the main cords, allowing it to finally load.

My mind thought back on the verses I wrote and the conversation in between creating them that pushed me deeper into the route I chose for the song. It was without a doubt Riley as it is many times. She was the only person I spoke to during my time away, and aside from my mother she was the only person telling me exactly what I needed to hear. Her exact words were, "This is the last song so bare it all, more than you ever have. Be as naked and vulnerable as you are with me, or at least half of that. Turn in your album and don't look back because I honestly believe everything will be okay. I believe in you and everything you do, no matter what". I trusted that with every fiber in me, and literally six hours later the song was done.

"It's called Apparently." 

In sync with my words, the piano keys began to sound off along with my less than impressive singing, and Mike as well as everyone else began bobbing their head while the kicks and snares lingered in.

This was as raw as it would get, emotionally raw that is. I don't know if I'd ever record something along these lines again, something that literally showed me wearing my heart on my sleeve. The rest of the album was personal but nothing like this one. Some could debate that but for me this was it. Naturally, I had to add that verse, those lines that evened everything out and added some edge to the song; that was just the man and competitiveness in me. Either way by the end, after all four minutes and fifty-three seconds of me feeling free, everyone was impressed in the room, and I was now sure I wanted it to be the official single once the project was on shelves.

"So that's it, Forest Hills Drive is legit. It's done." Ib announced, as if it were the final stamp.

"Yeah man, this is it. I got those samples cleared, now it's all in Mez hands to mix, and then the label can have it. I never got around to my thank you notes for the artwork and Felton sent the photos in already. I guess I can just tweet that shit." I joked, chuckling to myself as I shrugged the not so bad idea off.

"Yo, I got a plan." Ib said as a light bulb clear as day went off in his head, and the glimmer in his eyes spoke for him too. "Don't worry fam, by the morning we'll have the thank yous together. Felton however should be here in a few actually. He said he had something to show you."

"It's probably that video him and Ry were working on."

"It is, you bum ass niggas."All of our heads turned at the sound of his voice and nothing but laughter followed as he coincidentally walked into the room, like he knew he was the topic of discussion. 

Behind him Riley shadowed with her tweed messenger bag across her chest and a smile glowing across her face. I knew at some point today I would see her. It was mentioned in our last talk before I got on my flight back to the city, but I didn't expect to see her now. Not that it mattered, but I did hope to have some time alone with her. It was needed.

"What you doing here, Ms. Coleman?" Ced asked as he exhaled his smoke away from her direction.

"Well, Felton and I met up before we got here to put the finally touches on our project."

"Your project," he corrected. "This was all of your creative work. I just fixed a couple small glitches but Riley this trailer or whatever you want to call it is all you. It's quite incredible actually." she shrugged, not wanting to take too much pride in her effort that we hadn't seen yet to even know if it was good as Felton claimed.

"I'll let Lamarr be the one to say that." She uttered before walking over to where Ib and I sat. "Mind if I show you all? I kind of have to do it now anyways since I have to attend a meeting in the next hour."

"Yeah, yeah." I stammered out, raising up from my chair to help her attach her own MacBook to the flat screen nearby.

It didn't take long before she pressed play on her media program for us all to stand around in one corner of the room to view what she had crafted. It was evident from the seat Ry took in the background that she was nervous of what any of us would think. It didn't matter though because the gesture to even step out of her element and attempt this meant a lot to me, and bad or not it would be valued by me. Just off the fact she managed to capture all the moments where I was just being me, in all the places that were dearest to me I knew she had done an amazing job.

Not even four minutes in yet and it was everything and more. Riley got her hands on some VHS clips from my mama that I hadn't seen in ages and pasted them into this timeline that encompassed what every second of the trip felt like for me. She framed what life when I loved it most was like for me. Forest Hills Drive, Lewis Street, Waffle House to Terry Sandford, Riley made sure every story that was linked to these places was given some shine, and she did it perfectly. I ain't have it in me to turn away from the screen and neither did any of the other people in here. We were all fascinated with what she had created.

"So do I get to become an honorary member of Dreamville after that? For the brand at the beginning and end, or nah?" She jested with a grin dancing along her lips.

"Yeah I think she got it." Ib admitted with a very impressed nod, affirming her 'membership'. "You cut that and everything?"

"Sure did. I had a vision, he had the story and I just went for it. I was hoping he'd post it for his fans before you all release the album too."

"That's a genius idea," Mike stated under his breath. "When you were videotaping us in Fayetteville I had no idea what it was for, but this would be a nice gift to the fans. Do it Cole."

"You niggas late. Ry and I agreed to this already so don't hop on the band wagon now," I teased as I moved closer to her MacBook to send the footage to myself. "I might post it on Twitter and the Dreamville site once we send the album to the label...or I may get ahead of myself and do it tonight."

"Since we're on the topic, and well now that I'm an honorary member of Dreamville. You think I can hear the album before it drops?"

"Nope," I said slyly as I licked my lips and glanced over at her. "You gotta get it off the rack Tuesday December ninth and put some cash up to support the cause like everyone else, baby girl."

"Ooh, I see what you did there. I'm sure it's worth the wait so I'll guess do just that. Anyways, it was nice seeing you all for these few minutes but I need to move ahead of this traffic before it traps and makes me late."

"So soon?" Mike pouted as Ry went around to hug everyone while I gathered her belongings into her bag and then waited by the door to walk her out.

"Yeah, no worries though. I'll be back one of these days when my schedule isn't full and I promise that. You fellas make sure he stays focused and is ten minutes early to meeting Roc Nation and Columbia's deadline."

"We will!" Almost everyone said or a variation of it in unison before she finally walked out of the door with me. Our walk to her car was cut short though once she stopped us both at the elevator and objected my favor to walk her all the way out. Riley preferred to make sure I was okay instead of vice versa, and had me leaned against the wall thinking of a good enough answer to her simple, 'How are you feeling?'.

"I'm actually great now that I've gotten my chance to see you, even if it was brief. If we're being totally honest, something hasn't been sitting well with me these past few days. It's been managing to offset any fair mood I have and I can't put my finger on what it is."

"I feel like it's my fault. The whole Melanie thing, I should've kept my big ass mouth closed about it. I'm so—"

"I needed to know Riley, so don't apologize." I uttered, stopping her before she carried on. "Besides it's not just that. I assume whatever it is God will bring to light though, right?"

"I guess Lamarr..."

"If it makes you feel better, you can just buy me breakfast tomorrow morning and I'll act like you never said a word." Ry titled her head and crossed her arms across her chest as gentle smile slowly dented her cheeks.

"Deal."

"Aight, now bring it in and stop upsetting yourself over me. I'm good," I assured, lightly yanking her arm to bring her close to my chest, and that prompted us both to wrap our arms around the other to embrace. This was the only thing I needed, at least for the time being. "Thank you."

"No problem, love. Remember what I told you?" I pulled away enough to place a tender kiss on her forehead and nodded before we both began to pull away from the other completely.

"Now go post that video and show the world your greatness. Don't let anyone ruin this day, okay? Celebrate." she subtly demanded.

"My celebrating is getting to more music. I'm helping your cousin with Elephant Eyes back at my crib tonight."

"Well if that's your kind of celebration then so be it. You deserve it Cole."

Maybe I did.


                                                  -----————

[Melanie]

"I'm sorry Ms. Harris but your baby doesn't seem to have a heartbeat."

The statement was ironic seeing as though for almost fourteen weeks now I had believed that the fetus growing inside me was alive and healthy. From the day I found out I was with child and a many of others ensuing, I experienced the regular symptoms of nausea, abdominal bloating, back pains and fatigue. The physical feeling, that oddly enough beautiful burden a baby weighs on a woman was officially a part of me, and slowly shaping me into a mother mentally and emotionally. For ninety days, two thousand-one hundred and sixty hours I was building a bond with my child. I had my heart set on a little boy while Lamarr swore up and down a girl would be birthed, and there was not one sign that suggested I wouldn't bare of either sex at all. So this statement, this moment that was rapidly flooding my being with shock and

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