[Lamarr]

"Come on Ry, stop fuckin' moving so much."

"Maybe if you knew how to zip up a simple dress I wouldn't be so antsy." She gritted back as I struggled with the zipper of a black lace dress she found while wandering around in Macy's.

Tagging along with Riley when shopping for clothes had to be the worst mistake I've ever made. She took her time searching for every piece to a potential outfit and even longer when it came to matching accessories and shoes to it. She had a precise style, simple but enough flashiness to draw attention to her. Not too much attention and just the right kind. Riley never liked to be rushed, she needed time to think on whether she liked something enough to wear it more than once and time to mentally budget her account as well. I was warned several times on this arid summer day to just wait out this shopping spree at home underneath the luxury of my air conditioner but instead I opted out. Now here I was locked inside of a woman's fitting room trying not to snatch and rip the lace of this tight ass dress.

"Aight, one more time. If I don't get it then you just need to try on another dress. This one clearly ain't supposed to be for you." A heavy sigh fell from her lips and I already knew a courtesy eye roll came along side it. I was just as sick of being bothered with this piece of work as she was so there had to be an understanding on when we both gave up on it altogether. My fingers were gripping the zipper for dear life, easing it up higher and higher until it finally made it to the top and pulled the dress together into a finished masterpiece against Riley's body. It complimented her figure seamlessly, outlining the curves of her hips and giving her assets in the back the lift it barely needed.

Though very petite, Riley never complained about her lack of. She dressed every inch of her brown skinned body parts with clothing that fit her flawlessly and she wore each piece with confidence. That beside the scents she lavished in and the different ways she wore her hair embodied the love she had for herself and that was something myself and no one else couldn't help but respect. It was something that also, ironically, intensified the attraction I had to her making it harder in many ways since outing my feelings, to compose myself. I wanted nothing more in this moment but to rip this dress from her skin and test how well we could keep her moans concealed throughout the fitting room. The testosterone in me wanted to break the promise I made to take my time with Riley but I had to keep it. She deserved more than a quick fuck in a department store and one day I was gone give her that.

"How do I look?" She asked while taking a quick spin in front of the mirror. I stood behind eyeing her closely until she finally came to a complete stop and looked up for an answer.

"Absolutely stunning."

"And?"

"What you mean and? I have nothing smart to say so stop fishing for something. You look stunning and I mean that."

From the way her plump bottom lip was trapped between her teeth it was obvious Riley was trying her best to refrain from smiling but it wasn't doing much of a good job. She was soon grinning back at me while her cheeks bruised the longer I kept my eyes attached to her. As my hands always desired to do, they held onto her hips, squeezing them gently as our faces managed to meet each other for the union of our lips. The second they were wrapped in each other's warmth and sealed, that sweet taste, something almost indescribable and different from the other times our mouths were buried within each other lingered onto my tongue as it trailed its way into her mouth. I wanted to invade it and every bit of space between us. I wanted nothing but the typical intensity from any of the caresses and strokes of our lips and moments of wholly admiring each other to be felt. Our skin began to embed within the others the closer we got while my hands took on a mind of their own. The further the kiss grew hungrier and heated the more they slid up from the hem of the dress, scrunching the spandex lace material up to her waist. Like magic I was hoisting Riley up against the mirror behind as her legs instinctively spread wide allowing our most sensitive and aroused cores to graze each other. The moan she released in the depth of my mouth was enough to let me know she felt what she was doing to me. It didn't take much for her to get me riled up and though we'd probably just end up flustered in the tight space of this room once we parted, it was all worth it. The anticipation, my hard dick, the heavy breathing, all of it.

"Take it off." She mumbled as I slowly pulled away from her lips long enough for me to have the single coherent thought that I wanted her right here and right now. "Please."

"As much as I'm tempted to, we gotta wait." I barely breathed out. "Not here."

"Soon?" She questioned with a flutter of those bold innocent eyes. "Hm, Lamarr..."

"Lamarr!" I heard a voice nearly yell and it wasn't from the woman in my dream, it was instead Dr. Bradley. I needed to stop having these vivid ass dreams but it was becoming impossible since everything about his woman was the only thing on my mind. The task was even more difficult to handle in these boring therapy sessions that I was regretting participating in. At some point, from the first question prompted, to the long winded response Melanie gave, I stopped listening and instead my thoughts strayed off to some of the best moments in my life. Some I haven't even had with Melanie before. If she knew of them these sessions would have all the more purpose to them outside of the reasons we're here now.

"The question was what qualities about your significant other made you fall in love with them and Melanie volunteered to go first." I nodded as if I were paying any attention prior to now and sat up as Mel began her list.

"When Lamarr and I first met we were at least eighteen or nineteen years old and I didn't have much experience with guys. He sat beside me in our communications class and for the longest, we never shared a word until this group project came up. It was easier to just pair up with your neighbor than search for a partner and that's what we did. The first thing he said to me was how blind he must be to have overlooked my beauty after sitting beside me for almost two months." She let out a faint chuckle as her mind seemed to recall the time we first met. I too remembered it myself like it was yesterday.

"That was what got me, his charm. Lamarr was just a sweet guy and never once in the beginning of our relationship thought twice about taking me out, making time for me, calling me, anything. He just did it. He was so respectful and made me laugh. His humor was and still is so weird, so corny and no one gets it but him. It's the effort towards it that makes me laugh though, Lamarr tries so hard. All these things and even his flaws made me fall in love."

While I sat there attentive more than I've been this entire time, I realized Melanie was very much still in love with me. She could probably evoke memories between us that I, over time, started to replace with those between myself and another woman. What was even more frightening was I didn't regret doing it and she was in the dark about the reality our relationship was becoming.

"What about you Lamarr? What about Melanie first made you fall in love with her?" It should've been easy to answer as it was for Mel but I needed a minute to figure it out and word remotely close to how she did.

"Her laugh. She was one of the few people who actually laughed at my jokes. I was a goofy ass dude back then, so cliché and as said corny, but she accepted every part of me. She's selfless and I respect that, it was what I needed during that time. Back when I had nothing and aspired for so much. I was sure Mel always had me. She was the best support system and that made me love her harder." Dr. Bradley seemed satisfied with the slight nod she gave in return. I just wondered what she was writing down. What epiphanies would we have today?

"That was good guys. Now the question is, do you all still feel the same way? If not, what happened that made you have a change of heart?"

"I should let him go first this time." Melanie uttered with a flip of her hair over her shoulder.

"Okay we'll switch it up then. Lamarr?"

"I-I do feel the same, somewhat. I just think the passion isn't there anymore. It disappeared a while ago and now it's all about work, coming home and lying beside each other. Some nights with our backs to the other. At times is stems from an argument while others it comes from us being too comfortable. We're used to each other, we're used to routine, and we're used to the lack of."

"When you say passion and lack of what do you mean Lamarr?" I shrugged not knowing if I wanted to get myself started. It would strain shit more between Mel and I because she doesn't know how to take criticism and she sure as hell doesn't want to come to terms that our relationship has been falling weak for some time now. 

"I don't feel that fire I used to when whenever we touched. This shit isn't intimate anymore. When we were young and in love, those moments where we were always affectionate kept us both on a high and I never wanted to come down. I just wanted to be physical in any way possible just to show her that I loved her. Even when it wasn't physical I still felt it, the love was evident." I paused shortly to try and gather myself. If I didn't we'd leave this meeting hating each other but it might have already been too late for that.

"I know we adults now and have careers that keep us from each other from time to time but that don't mean when we do see each other it has to feel like we're just strangers catching up. We're too content and sometimes I don't think it's possible to come out of that."

"Wow." Mel slurred out.

"What about you Melanie? Have things changed for you?"

"No. I still love him just as much and I know we've been through hell and back but I thought we would never waiver. I can't sit here and say I feel the same now. I mean my fiancé just practically told me we're too deep into our relationship which I figured was a good thing but for him it's not. How am I supposed to react to that?"

"What I suggest you all should do is try to have open dialogues with each other every day. Go out more, when you can go out on dates, whether it's to the movies, to dinner or a walk in the park. Just try to bring the spark back. Remind each other of what is was like when you all were at your best but it starts with communicating better. The things you shared today should have been known already. You two are in different places and it is never too late to revive your relationship but it's all about the effort you're willing to put in. Long lasting and happy relationships include individual effort. So that's my challenge for you all. I'm sending you out with those tasks at hand and I want to see progress at next meeting."

"Thank you Dr. Bradley." I overheard Mel whisper as we both got up to leave.

The day was just rolling over into the evening hours and we were officially at odds with each other. The way she snatched her purse from the arm of the couch and stormed out ahead of me made it obvious. All that did was make me question even more if we could come back from this. It was all her fault though, she wanted an open discussion on our relationship before reciting our vows and instead was getting hit with truth. That was the fact we might not be ready for marriage.

I wasn't gone let this shit slow me down though. I had the rest of the day to get some much needed recording done and that was my goal. I should instead be running after Mel for the sake of her knowing I was concerned but part of me didn't even care too. My mind wasn't in and hadn't been in the place to do so. All I was focused on as of now was my work and unfortunately not this relationship. I couldn't allow anything to distract me as I had for the past few months and stop this streak I've been on for the last couple of weeks and that's exactly what pondering on this session would do. I was slowly becoming the old me on the music side and once this album was done, just maybe I could work on how to  properly love my fiancé. My priorities were all out of order but I'd adjust them when the time was right.

Once I left out of the office, it took a bathroom break and a quick phone call with Ib to finally wrap my head around something less thought consuming and just leave this place altogether. That was until my eyes were caught by a figure I knew all too well. It was Ry and for a second I thought I was losing my mind since she had been on it for days now. Nonetheless though it was her in the flesh. For the second time in a row she was in this office and I was wondering why? I wasn't quite believing this 'supportive friend' shit she fed me the first time and especially not when Omen mentioned her being 'fragile'. No one just casually says some shit like that and because I still cared about her I was devising all these possibilities of what was really going on with her. Either I'd find out on my own or wait for her to tell me, that's if we even got close enough for her to.

—–

"You busy man?" A deep voice only a bit lighter than mine questioned from the door of the studio as I sat at the soundboard stumped. I didn't need to look up for me to know it was Omen but I did anyways because I was shocked to see him here.

"Nah man, come in."

"This new project you're working on, tell me about it." He said before sitting down in the seat next to me.

"Well what can I say? This one is personal for me man. I want it to be my story, from my old childhood home to now. I'm putting tracks on here that will give blunt and deep examinations of my life and what I went through to what I'm currently going through. I want people who listen to find themselves in these chronicles. The production has to be just as strong as the lyrics though and I know you cook up some mean shit on the piano and board sometimes. So, if you down, we can work on some production." O sat back into the seat he occupied before biting his lip in what seemed like hesitation.

"Alright, we can do that." I let out a light breath being relieved he agreed with the idea. I wasn't too sure what he would say the way shit was between all of us now but it was good to know there was a chance to repair whatever was wrong. 

"Thank you man. How is everything going with Elephant Eyes though? We want to hear it too nigga. You're hiding it from us." We both shared a laugh, something so simple but was oddly distant behavior amongst us.

"It's slowly becoming an album. Riley has been helping me with it, she's got some nice producers coming in to work with me and that itself pushes me to write more. Maybe one day I'll bring over what I have so far for you to hear."

"That would be nice. I'm sure you got some heat saved up." I was mentally daring myself to speak up and quiz him on Riley, seeing as though she was becoming the subject of this discussion. Yet I didn't want to seem like I prying, though that was my intention. I hated being out of the loop when once upon of time I knew everything I needed to know about her.

"Riley... is she good?"

"What do you mean by good Lamarr?"

"I saw her again at the therapist office I go to with Mel. People don't just visit there for the hell of it man, so there has to be something going on with her. Don't forget you yourself told me she was fragile. What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means she's a sensitive person and doesn't need to backspace into the past just for you. You just said you were in a therapist office with Melanie right? Remember that then. You're engaged nigga and your fiancé is the only woman you should be concerned about. " His tone became forceful the more he threw subtle jabs at me. I wasn't mad about it because he was protecting someone who was essentially his baby sister and it was something he always did.

"Look, I know that. I'm jus-"

"Worried? I peeped. It's not my place to tell all her business so I'm not but what I can say is that she's good."

"Aight, if you say so."

I wasn't going to argue with the nigga. Omen wasn't going to give me more than he had just shared and I wasn't going to force him to. I would just have to work on building this friendship with her and hope she would feel complacent enough to open up to that extent with me again. This 'time' shit Ry and I agreed to was killing me and it hadn't even been a good week but I swear for her I would try it. I just had to find what little patience there was left within me and utilize it.

-------------------

[Riley]

"How's everything been going for you Ms. Coleman?" Was the first thing Dr. Washington said to me. I assumed this was his form of a greeting instead of a typical hello since he never said it when I came to my scheduled meetings. He, however, tossed out with ease the most simple starters that somehow trailed to a deep conversation that later helped me learn something new about myself. I had grown familiar to his assertiveness, so familiar that with every meeting I was answering them all with a comfort.

"As of lately, I can't complain. I've been using your advice and I'm feeling positive about some of the small growth and changes in some of my relationships. I might have even made a new friend." I replied back with a smile. This room was becoming a sanctuary for me. The more I visited the more I felt safe enough to coolly disclose some of my darkest secrets. At some point in our conversations, things would get so penetrating to the point I was admitting to stuff I never did to anyone. I knew eventually even tougher matters would be poked at yet surprisingly I was ready for them all.

"That's great to hear. It's exceptional that you're seeing some progress, things can only get better from here. I can see it in your face too, you're smiling and it's a genuine one. However, I wanted to take a turn in our conversation today. I know when you first started coming to me you mentioned how 2011 and 2012 were some of your toughest years. We discussed the loss of a friendship and another loss dear to you. Do you mind if we begin to focus on that?"

Actually, part of me did mind.

For quite some time I had done a remarkable job at eluding the death of my father and even more than I did with Lamarr's existence. I escaped that reality so well that I had moments I swore he was still gracing this Earth. I was so deep in denial about him being gone and it was simply because I didn't know how to handle that kind of loss and I never learned how to either. I avoided discussing what happened at all costs because it was easier but now I was learning that in order for me to try move pass that low in my life I had to speak on it. I had to face the truth that the man who I first fell in love with and will always be in love with was gone.

"You mean my dad?"

"Yes but only if you're ready to." Before opening my mouth again I had to take a deep breath and calm myself. Regardless the waterworks were bound to come but not yet. I had to get my first few sentences out without my emotions getting the best of me. With a swift tuck of my hair behind my ear I was preparing myself for a possible breakthrough.

"My dad was a pastor and every year the church was open on the eve of