Steve P.O.V

I'm woken up by the warm lump of Callie being removed from my chest. I grope around with my hands trying to find her when someone chuckles in my ear making my eyes spring open.

"You fell asleep Steven," Thor's low voice croons.

"Oh my god! No," I gasp, jumping up from my seat. "I forgot, dammit! When?"

"You passed out before the 30-minute mark. So that means you're getting shot three times. Go get changed," Clint says, the grin on his face makes my stomach churn. 

I slowly stand, "should I wear boxers?"

"No, don't bother," Clint shakes his head, grabs my shoulders and walks me to my room, "get changed, trunks only, I'll check," he shoves me through the door and leans against the wall outside.

I grab my trunks and run into the bathroom to change, I then put on a new show for Clint's kids and then come out, holding out my arms sassily, "I'm ready."

"Uh-huh," he looks down the hall before grabbing the waistband of my shorts and pulling to create a slight opening.

"Clint," I hiss, but he ignores me.

He leans forward, glancing down and nods satisfied, "okay, let's go!"

On our way outside we run into Tony who squeezes my shoulder, "Callie is sleeping. Are you nervous?"

"I wasn't until everyone started acting like I was off to war."

Tony laughs, and then in a serious tone, says, "I'm sorry about this morning, I was being an asshole."

"Yeah you were," I shrug, "but it's okay, I know it's frustrating."

"Well she didn't sleep all night, then I woke up to the toothpaste thing... and honestly, it's really hard seeing her with normal kids because she's just... not."

Clint pauses and turns to face us, "listen, Callie might need to see a child physiologist. She's traumatized, the way she behaves is normal. And also, Lila instigated half of it, she was being a little shit," he raises his eyebrows at Tony, daring him to disagree, "all kids can be assholes. And Callie might be more frustrating because she seems delayed, but Laura and I both think she looks like she's closer to three than five, if she's three the delay isn't as serious."

Tony sighs, "I'd just rather pretend she's five."

"That's insane, but you do you." Clint laughs, and I shrug at Tony.

We come out onto the lawn and Laura is standing beside Nat with the baby, Thor is holding a bow and three arrows, waving them above his head in triumph, but it's Bruce that draws my attention most. He keeps glancing at the Nerf weapon and pacing back and forth.

"What's wrong with Bruce, is this dangerous? Am I going to lose my penis?" I stammer, the nerves setting in full throttle.

"No, your penis will be fine, it will just be sore tomorrow... I think," Clint winks at me.

"Besides, you don't use it anyways," Tony sniggers and I punch him in the arm.

We join the group and Bruce walks up to Clint, wringing his hands, "listen, I need you to shoot it at something else first. Like a tree? I'm worried about him rupturing a testicle or something."

I feel the colour drain from my face and I suddenly feel like I might pass out, "wait what?"

"Don't listen to him, that's not a real thing." Clint rolls his eyes.

"Yes, it is a real thing."

Tony nods, "it is actually... but it only happens if you like, land on a pole or a rail or something."

"Okay fine, I'll shoot that tree first," he grabs the bow and arrow. The tree is about half a football field from him, he pulls back and releases, the action so natural to him it sends a shiver down my spine. The arrow connects with the tree, making a reverberating 'thunk'.

"Okay, I'm going to run and check it, if there's like, an indent or something you can't hit him in the balls." 

While Bruce jogs to the tree, I grab an arrow from Thor to investigate it.

The body is similar to a real arrow but thicker and the top is a foam ball, it's harder than I thought though, much denser. I gulp and look hopefully at Bruce but to my dismay, he gives us a thumbs up and runs back over.

"Okay, it's fine, but it'll hurt like a bitch," he pats me on the shoulder.

"Okay Steven, to the tree," Clint grabs me and pulls me along with Tony following close behind.

"I thought you were shooting, why are you coming?"

"Because I told you, I'm checking where all your bits hang out so I can aim better," he stands me beside the trunk, "okay, legs apart, arms behind your back."

I do as I'm told, suddenly feeling very reminiscent of the army. I'm so caught up in the déjà vu of the moment that I hardly notice Clint kneel down in front of me and begin pulling at my drawstring.

I'm brought back when I see the women's heads looking over curiously, "no, stop! I- uh, I don't want them to see ... it."

Clint looks over his shoulder and sighs in recognition, "hey Nat and Laura, can you run and grab a bucket encase he has to hurl?" He yells, they wave and turn towards the house, "there, good enough?" He pulls at my drawstring again.

"You think I'm going to puke?" I stammer.

"You might, I don't know, you wanted them to leave though and now they have," I nod and then stifle a gasp as my shorts are pulled open, exposing me. "I find it funny you're so skittish about the girls seeing you but I've got you here full Monty and you act like it's no big deal."

"Well, it's not that it's not awkward but in the army they did physicals regularly. You get kind of used to it," I shrug, trying not to blush.

"Oh, that's what a virgin one looks like," Tony kneels down beside Clint.

I look up, the blush I'd been resisting coming full force. Clint chuckles but shoves him off, "don't embarrass him, he's about to get nailed in the nuts," he steps back, squinting his eyes at my nether region, "okay, I've got it," he kneels in front of me again and pulls my shorts back together, "don't fiddle or I'll have to check again," he looks at me seriously, raising his eyebrows like he's talking to a child.

"Ugh this is horrible, the waiting is agony." I groan.

"Ah the girls are back, see ya on the other side buddy," Clint claps my shoulder and strides back to the others with Tony close behind.

I'm standing alone now, my hands clenched behind my back beginning to become sweaty with nerves.

Clint loads his bow, staring down the length of it and I draw in a shaky breath, he releases and the arrow flies. Just as it's about to connect my hand flies out involuntarily and deflects it.

Everyone boos and Clint throws his hands in the air, "hey! No! Keep them behind your back Rogers!"

I put my hands back where they belong, squeezing them together. Again Barton shoots and instead of swatting the arrow away, I sidestep and the oversized weapon whizzes past me.

Clint throws down his bow in mock rage, and Tony is kneeling on the ground howling, "s-someone is g-going t-to have to h-hold him!" He gasps between laughter.

"I'll do it," Thor yells, jogging to me and tossing the arrows back to Clint.

He loops his arms through my elbows, "it's alright Stevie, I would've dodged it too," he snickers.

Clint loads and draws back and I squeeze my eyes shut, hearing the twang of the string as he lets it go.

I feel it hit and I try to buckle over but Thor keeps me upright, "are we giving him a min— guess not."

The string reverberates again and I'm hit hard in the groin, I let out an involuntary groan, my head hanging. The pain in my balls is anguishing and it's now spread into my belly making me nauseous.

Clint calls to me, "you good bud?"

I shake my head moaning, "no more," I gasp.

"Should I put him down?" Thor yells, lifting me back up and I roll my head back on his chest.

"Nope, he has one more!"

"Maybe you shouldn't honey, look at him," I hear Laura's voice float across the field to me.

"No, one more. He agreed to it," I look up at him, my eyes watering and shake my head.

"Please don't," I gasp but he doesn't hear me.

"Deep breaths Stevie, this one is going right on the tip," he pulls back and I hear myself whimper, and then he releases.

The arrow flies like a rocket impacting exactly where he wanted, and then it pushes past that nailing both my testicles for a third time.

The groan starts deep in my chest and passes my lips, I feel blinded, my vision is blurry and I hardly notice as Thor lowers me to the ground. My stomach begins aching and twisting, bile fills my throat and I gasp for the bucket. Thor holds it in front of me and I heave into it, clutching my genitals

Clint races over to me, "did I get it?" I throw up my thumb, heaving into the bucket again and he whoops, patting my back, "of course I did, I'm Hawkeye."

Tony kneels down beside me, "you okay?" He chuckles, rubbing the back of my head.

I place my forehead on his knees and whimper, "can't breathe."

"Yep, that's how it works," he laughs, "are you crying?"

"Not on purpose," I squeak, my eyes watering from the pain. "I'm never going to try staying awake again."