I found him watching the sparkling water of the lake, the full moon reflecting on the surface. His hair was curled against his ear, he didn't like growing out his hair so he cut it once a month. The blonde ends of his hair moved with the wind and I smiled, his brown tips were showing.

I tapped his back with my foot, "What you doing out here?" I sat next to him, eager to find out why he called me out here in the middle of the night.

He rested his face against his knees watching me with his green eyes, "I missed you."

I snorted, "I live with you, Maddy."

He smiled. "Yeah but I barely see you-- a fault of my own."

"Don't worry about it, I know how you love the party life and I don't mind as long as you are happy and safe. Maddy, seriously, nothing matters more than you being okay-- even if I don't see you much."

I saw the hurt in his eyes but I couldn't understand why. I thought what I said would have made him feel better. I chose to believe that he partied hard because he was heartbroken about Seth, that's why I didn't complain. I know that if I was in his shoes, I would have wanted to rebel the pain away.

"But Michael and mom, I'm supposed to be helping you with them. I'm leaving you alone to deal with Hood-"

I caught his fingers that were picking at each other, "You need time for yourself and I'm allowing it, Madison."

"You've always been so kind, sometimes I think you are that way because Peter might be watching." His mocking smile widened more at the sight of my blush.

I pushed him away, Madison always refused to believe that I adored him. He's my better half, the part that I wish I could be. "I don't need Peter to see that I'm kind, as long as you don't get yourself killed."

He forcibly laughed, "Nothing can kill me! I'm the golden Madison!"

"Okay, Madison, the only thing golden about you is your hair but even that is rusting." I touched his tips and he smacked my hand away, offended.

"This is why I don't gloat near you," His pout was cute.

I roll my eyes, "Because you know I'll call out your bullshit! You have nothing to gloat about."

"Fuck you! I'll let you know that I multiply things to gloat about."

"Mhm," I faked a yawn and he smacked me on the shoulder.

"Know what? I was going to list them for you but I won't since you're so rude." He folded his arms, in stubborn anger.

"Oh no, what would I ever do without your list? I can't possibly breathe without it. Don't make me suffer, Madison. Please." I said sarcastically. He didn't appreciate it,

"This is why you're still single."

"Sure, that's why."

Silence filled the air around us, my smile didn't disappear as I let Madison's appearance warm me. Who knows when I'll see him for more than an hour again. I wanted to tell him that I was upset about his constant partying but seeing him now, I don't want to ruin our moment. I made a mental note to tell him soon,

"Do you-" His soft voice shook for a moment before he swallowed, "Would you be happy for me if Seth and I ever dated?"

I didn't blink, "No."

He turned to me, horror and hurt in his eyes. "Why?!"

"Madison. The guy beat you up so bad that you landed in a hospital. I can't romanticise abuse." I squinted my eyes at him when he jumped up,

"But I love him."

"God, I wonder why."

"You guys used to be friends!"

"Until you confessed your feelings and he hit you, in public."

His face turned red, sometimes I forget that he had rage in him too. "Oh, so it's my fault that you lost your friendship?!"

I sprung up, hurt that he'd think that, "No, he showed his true colours because of  you, Maddy and that is important."

He wrapped his arms around him, "My love for him isn't?"

Ugh. I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Child--"

"I'm older than you."

"By mere minutes! Listen, if he liked you back then maybe I can look past it but he doesn't! He's straight!"

"I would never look you in the eye and tell you Peter is straight."

"Because I'm not delusional! I know he's straight, you don't see me giving him flowers every week."

He winced, "Screw you."

"Oh please. We all know who you want to screw."

"I'm going to his house tonight-"

"Why the fuck?!"

"If you care about me and my happiness like you said then you'll let me."

"Madison. Stop being stupid, he doesn't love you!"

"How do you know!?"

"Would you like my to write down a list? Don't let your heart win, use your brain here, you'll get hurt and I can't handle that."

"You dont have to handle anything."

I snorted, "I'm handling a lot, Maddy. Just don't-"

"It's my life."

"You'll lose it if you step a foot onto his lawn."

"I guess I'll have to find out."

I looked down at the grass, "Why?" When I looked up at him again he had a courageous stare, "Why do you want to do this?"

He paused, "If I don't then I'll never be comfortable in my own body... I'll never be happy. If I don't go tonight then I'll be miserable forever."

"You are so dramatic, he can't possibly determine your happiness!"

He shook his head before backing away, "You'll never understand, Mason. You see everything in black and white and that's okay, but please let me do this. I'll be back in the morning, I promise."

My eyebrows furrowed, I was pissed. "I can't with you right now, Madison, you're too much for me to handle sometimes."

I walked away from the lake, I didn't look back and in the morning when I woke up I went to his home to apologise and comfort him. But he wasn't there, nothing of his was in his room. That night was the last time I saw him.

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

She stood there, eyes filled with tears as if what she had said made sense and that it broke her to talk. As if I should believe her, from the corner of my eye I watched my family get up. I don't know when Farren and her fiancé had shown up but they made their presence known.

I heard the priest excuse himself, the old man knew how to mind his business. It doesn't matter, because I'll soon escort this mad girl out of my brother's funeral.

However, what do I say in this situation? Do I entertain her? Of course not.

I wipe the last of my tears away with my backhand, "Excuse me?"

She smiles softly before stepping closer to us I fight the urge to move back.
"I know this is hard to believe, but...you remember me right? My face hasn't changed much, Mason."

This lady is delusional. Madison had soft features, yes, but... I can't believe I'm considering this.

Yet again, what would be her reason to lie so openly? But then again, why is it only now she's talking about it?

I want to tell her that I didn't recognise her; that she was psychotic and needed to use her rich boyfriend's money to get serious help, I mean she's literally claiming to be my dead brother. Despite that, the pain mixed with hope in her eyes makes me witter-- I couldn't just admit that I didn't know her.

"I-- I'm sorry but am I supposed to believe that you are my brother?" My voice comes out in a whisper, Peter grabs my forearm and I look at him. "You don't really buy this, Jung. Madison wasn't a girl."

The boy with grey eyes flinches before glancing at the purple-haired girl. He licks his lips, "Hear her out? No sane person would ruin a funeral service, Mase."

I stare at him in horror, I look around the room and for the first time I see their faces; drained and hopeless, not a fight left in anyone's face.

My mom's blue eyes catch mine and they vibrate with emotion, she's hoping that the girl standing in front of us is Madison. Seriously? 

My hands ball into fists, "You have five minutes to explain before I drag you out."

She straightens her back, shivering with anxiety. Before she can speak Seth stands beside her, holding his lunatic girlfriend's hand.

"I'm not lying; I'm Madison, your twin. I know it's difficult to believe, considering that you've been told for two months that I died but I didn't. I'm alive, the only reason I left in the first was that I didn't feel safe coming out as transgender. And Seth promised to help me," She squeezes his hand and smiles sweetly at him. Disgusting.

She looks at me, emerald eyes staring deeply into my dull ones and I shiver. Her face is round in shape, her skin fairly tanned, those heart-shaped lips pulled into a sad frown and I get the urge to hug her.

"I was supposed to come back with no issues but when I heard you were having a funeral for the guy who I trusted my ID with... I panicked. I finally saw how bad I hurt everyone by leaving and I didn't know how to deal with it. I'm sorry."

I laugh, unruly, "You're sorry? You're sorry, well that fixes everything, including the fact that you left. There you have it, ladies and gentlemen, Madison Longwood is back after running from his-- sorry, I mean her problems." I clap sarcastically, every single time, I think my life is going back to normal and boom, I get smacked.

I mourned for this idiot, I cried and everything.

Ma takes this as her shining moment to talk, "Don't be like that Mason, your sibling is back! Whether boy or girl, Madison you'll always be my child," she takes her face into her hands, wiping Maddy's tears, "I'm so happy that you are alive."

Instantly everyone, except Peter and Divine, starts crowding her, sharing their sentiments, even Michael. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this? Madison disappears for years! Years! And then shows up as a girl, after we all grieved, and all she does is say sorry. As if that solves the trauma.

"Mason, come hug your bro-- sister." My eye twitches at the sound of his husky voice, I meet my father's eyes and they are still calm green like the day he left, ha, clearly he hasn't had one sleepless night. In fact, who gave this man the right to speak to me?!

Grandpa puts his wrinkly hand on my father's shoulder, smiling at me shyly, "This is hard for me too, boy, but a family member has been returned to us. We can fight later." His steel-blue eyes take me back to the days in Italy when he'd let us touch his collection of museum statues.

I'm done. I'm done! Who is we? Which of them has been with me through all this?

I grab my hair and pull, laughing loudly I scream out my lungs until it hurts and my voice cracks,

I open my eyes and everyone has their eyes on me, concerned.

Something in me goes off when the mother asks, "Are you okay, my love?"

Of course. Of course, she'll be worried about me as soon as her precious baby comes back.

"I can't comprehend this. No offence to your betraying ass Madison but your face makes me sick; and you ma, acting like everything is fine between us, and then the man who abandoned us talks to me as if he's been here! And you too, grandpa, this is hard for you? Hard for you? The one who cut us off his life because we decided to stay here, it is hard for you. With every fibre of my being, I want you to know you are all fucked up!"

"Mason!"

"I will not allow you to speak to this family like that."

I turn to him, "Family?! What kind of family does this?! You left us! Without a goodbye! Then Madison fucking disappears, with the guy who bullied him-- her--daily! Then ma beats me like I'm her damn punching bag! You call that family?!"

They stay silent but the sorrow, rage and disappointment in me would not quit. I want to scream bloody murder,

"I had to look after Michael by myself! Before I could even experience life I'm here blaming myself for everything single thing you all put me through! I thought I was the train wreck here, I tried to fucking kill myself because of this so-called family!"

I point at them individually. "Ma, did you honestly fucking believe that your bare minimum job could pay for the household expenses? You did? News flash, I had to get a job in George Hill and join a mafia to help you! To help you! Help you despite the bruises on my body and the trauma!" I hold in my tears, "I can't even touch my hair without thinking of you pulling me down the stairs... but no, as soon as your golden child comes back everything you've done is erased! None of them were here for you! I was!"

"And you," I turn to Madison, her eyes large and fearful, "fuck you! I cried for you! I mourned for you! And you're sorry? Pray, tell me why Seth is more important than us? Do you know the hell I went through to keep our promise? No, of course, you don't. You don't care about anyone but yourself! I had to tiptoe around my mother because of your selfishness! We were supposed to be a team you prick! I thought I was the reason you died!"

"And father dearest, suck my dick. You preached to me, a child, about protecting those I loved...about being there! About sacrificing myself for them! But you couldn't do the same. You sat on your high chair judging men who couldn't stay with their kids and wives, look at you now, missed the entirety of our lives. I hope you were happy where ever you were because while you were a coward another man came into our home and broke us!"

I huff out a breath just as I turn to grandpa, he flinches and I couldn't find it in me to fight him. We weren't close enough for his stupidity to hurt me.

"No one asked you to do any of that, Mason. You chose to suffer." My mom's voice creates a black hole in my stomach, I knew it would go over their head. She couldn't care less, she had her Madison back, I'd be better off dead to her. I just exposed the most painful parts of me, and it's somehow my fault that I couldn't take it.

I shrug, " I know, I thought that if you loved people you should put them first despite your pain, I can bravely say I did what would make grandma proud. But you guys?" I shake my head, "however hey, welcome back, Maddy, it was great to see you again. I hope you all can be one big happy family again. Without me, I'm done. Handle your shit now."

I move around them and make my way to walk out of the church,

I know what I spoke about in my speech, you know the one about my dead brother, yeah well fuck that. Madison can disrespectfully kiss my ass. This is ridiculous! What made me think I could love this family?!

...What made me think they could ever love me the way I love them.