Knowing Peter DaeHyun Jung came with its perks.

For one, I learned how to conceal my anger until I got to the gym or went on a night walk yet unlike him I wasn't so good at hiding my rage. Peter could smile wholeheartedly at someone who had just pissed him off, but I couldn't, I punched people who made me mad. For me, concealing such raw emotion, one that helped me gain even a slight recognition from my mother, it was too precious to keep under a fake smile. I would hate myself, it would eat me alive especially since I lived in a town that made it its daily mission for me to go out the streets shooting.

Secondly, Peter's way of turning a blind eye to the cruelty of the world. He smiled at his dog's funeral we had by the lake; he smiled while everyone laughed at his expensive car being burnt. He smiled through everything bad and he turned his cheek for anyone to smack again and again and again-literally! He was too nice for his own good, he didn't like confrontations because his whole body would vibrate with anxiety sometimes fear, I'm not sure if he can even tell his wrong from right. He could manipulate anyone he had the power over but at the same time, he would let himself be ruined by them. For fuck sake, I punched him before and all he could do was cry and smile, then forgive me when I apologized once. This taught me that not everything needed a reaction, but the boy was still too naive.

Jung was always seeing the positive side of everything. His house burns down, he says he didn't care because they ended up living two blocks away from me; his dog dies and he looks at the brighter picture of having more money and time for his baby sister, Penelope; his car is turned into ashes and he gets a motorbike as a replacement (he never rides that thing because he's scared to death). For him, there were always bright sides to every shitty thing the universe threw at his face. I loved that about him, his optimism to life's downfalls, he inspired a negative baby like me to try and do the same. But at the same time I hated him for not grieving enough for all the bad things, he isn't over them yet he ignores all the trauma. He could have died in the home fire! But he didn't once lose his optimism or temper. It is bullshit.

Every perk about Peter has taught me one thing or another but I'll always dismiss them because they were not my type of thing to do. I fought back no matter how much I shook from fear, I reacted to anything that hurt me and I sure as hell wasn't going to thank life for the unnecessary shit it gave me.

Every perk taught me how different and incompatible Peter and I were, we were too different from each other to make sense. Yet we worked as best friends, we were happy with just ourselves, no matter our differences I never regretted being friends with the boy who ran his hands through the sand with so much care.

All his perks remind me of why I fell in love with him, he was different in every beautiful sense. He made me happy and sad and mad, he created all these emotions without even trying or noticing.

Peter made me calm as no one has ever done.

So, to say that Peter's harsh words didn't surprise and hurt me would be an understated lie. I'm shocked to the bone on how much hatred came from his voice, all directed at me.

I've also noticed how easily he snaps with me. The day Mrs Franklin got her scar, Peter gave it to her because she had cornered us. She shouted at us, Peter looked like a deer caught in between a hunter and a burning forest, and all I could do was push him behind me whenever she tried to grab him. Mrs Franklin was emotionally and mentally abusing a boy who was ready pissed because of me-- I always tried to protect him when something went wrong. The old hag had picked up an edged stone to throw before I knew it Peter had pushed me, fought the witch for the stone and scarred her cheek. She nearly got Pete arrested and as usual, I jumped in to protect him cause his parents would have skinned him.

I always take pride in getting him rattled up and exposing his real emotions, I hated fakery; I hated him hiding something so beautifully raw. When Peter was with me, he showed his true colours.

This hypothesis is proven correct by his harsh words, pink face and heavy breathing.

Divine comes in between us, glaring darkly at him she whispers, "You have no right to call him that, he did nothing wrong by being himself. If anything, you are the worthless one here because you keep looking for someone to blame. You kissed him back, Dae!"

My body tenses are I stare at the sunshine hair of Divine, the warmest girl I've known. I felt guilt claw at my back from the fact that she knows I've betrayed her, I helped Peter betray her and she still stands up for me. I feel tears well up to my eyes and I blink fast.

I didn't deserve the kindness she shows me. She knew I kissed him yet she smiled at me so genuinely.

Peter looks past his girlfriend to glare at me, as if my stoic face would give any kind of emotion away, I'm used to being hurt by him. I know how vulnerable he must feel right now, Peter never name calls someone unless he's in a state of vulnerability.

Did I make him weak and vulnerable? What is he so scared of anyway, I'm not planning on hurting my baby, I love him. I love him so much it keeps me awake and it burns.

Divine turns to me after Peter doesn't respond to her, her eyes soften as she rubs my arm gently. My throat closes up and I let out a dry sob, she was too precious to be hurt like this. "I'm not mad, lover boy, I promise I'm actually more glad than pissed-- which is weird because you kissed my boyfriend." Her loud laugh makes students glance at her.

I'm sorry. I am so sorry you got dragged into my mess, I'm worthless. I don't deserve your kindness. You are so fucking precious, Dee.

Is what I wanted to say, but I couldn't trust my dry throat and my emotional reaction to her pure heart. Instead, I kiss the top of her hair, walk around her then take Peter's hand.

Dragging his protesting ass out the library and down the hall, into an empty classroom.

You'd think with how fit he was he would have easily torn his hand away from mine.

The punch he lands on my left cheek does reassure me that Peter's training in the field wasn't for nothing. He could inflict some damage if he was pissed enough, glad I'm the practice doll here because if he had punched someone else without a good reason then the person would have seriously hurt him.

He's lucky he punched me because I wouldn't attack him, even though my blood boiled at the cheap shot.

"I probably deserve that," I comment as Peter's eyes widen and he stares at his knuckles that turn to a rushed red colour.

Peter yelps and cuddles the hand he punched me with. "Fucking hell, you are the one who's supposed to feel the pain! What are your cheekbones made of, cement?" I touch my cheek and hiss at the slight sting, for his first punch he sure didn't hold back.

He sucks on his bruised knuckles, I smile softly at the action. He's cute when he's oblivious, my heart melts when he pats each knuckle with tender care.

While Peter whines to himself I walk towards the closet, opening it and pulling out the first aid kit the school installed in every classroom because they knew someone would probably die from external bleeding. It has happened before.

I step near the boy staring at me with so much anger, "Let me, uhm, bandage that up for you." I don't wait for his reply as I lift him onto the closest desk. The boy weighed nothing compared to all the thugs I had to carry.

"Stop doing that already, I'm not your baby for you to lift up so easily." He hisses and I smile,

"Then start weighing more." I focus on the bruised knuckles, funny how he's the one getting fixed up when I'm the one who got punched; I focus on his rapid breathing. How long is he going to stay mad?

"Might as well start with your questions, Jung." I rub his bandaged hand, making sure it was secure like grandmother used to do. "But before you can yell at me, I want you to know one thing," I look at his darkened eyes with a frown, "the next time you insult me with petty names, I'll make sure that your calm isn't the only thing you lose."

He shoves at my chest so he can hop off the table, his eyes glancing at me annoyingly. "Why are you always treating me like I never meant anything to you? I get it okay? I get that I hurt you when you were healing from Madison's disappearance, I get that you needed a friendly shoulder while everyone hated you. I understand that I left you! But you are terrorizing my life, you chose to not forgive me-- I understand why and I can't stress on how sorry I am and i hate myself for that--but at least fuck off me!"

My mouth is open in shock and I nearly laugh, I've been trying to 'fuck off' him all these years, if anything he's been making me fuck on him (maybe not a good way to put it.)What he calls terrorizing, I call protecting my reputation.

My eye twitches, I feel the anger climbing up from my stomach to my chest, he's trying to make me feel guilty for ignoring him.

Blowing out air from my mouth I lean against the random teacher's desk and let Jung try to calm down. Despite the rage happening in my stomach, I'm calmer than I thought I would be. Something about his presence just calms me down and helps me think rationally, if he was someone else (most preferably Luke Gardner) I would be seeing red then making them bleed red, it's fun to beat assholes a little but Peter wasn't one and I loved him, so the only red things on him are his shirt and bruised knuckle.

After the first, and last, the time I raised my fist on Peter I promised never to do so ever again and that promise worked. Now if only the promise I made to myself about not ever kissing him or even getting close to him worked.

"Are you not going to say anything to that?" He interrupts my thoughts,

I lift one shoulder in a shrug, "Like what? I think I've justified why I am, in your words, terrorizing you. Is the punch a payback to all the sad, terrible things I have put you through?" His jaw clenches and I take pride in it,

"The punch is for the kiss."

"What?"

"The one you forced me to have with you, two weeks ago."

I laugh, sarcastically, making sure to smack the table for extra effect. "I forced you?" He nods with so much confidence. "I forced you? Okay, how did I do it? Did I tie your head to mine? Tell me, Peter, is it a habit of yours to blame everything on me? If my memory serves me right you kissed me back, just as hard."

Peter blushes, which makes me warm up a little. "It is common sense if someone kisses you then you have to kiss back, "

I look at him, worried that he has been kissing people just because they kissed him. "You do know that just because they kiss you doesn't mean you have to return it. Right?"

He looks so lost that I begin to panic. "Peter, you know that, right?" I restate and internally beg for him to nod.

"All my previous relationships were formed by those kisses...expect Divine. She just walked up to me, asked me out, and everything else went smoothly. " I groan at his quiet voice, "but! The point is that I thought kissing you is what you wanted, I was hoping--"

"Are you an idiot?! What the fuck, Jung, you can't keep wanting me to be friends with you after those months of your bullying! I had to deal with Madison, mom, Michael--bless his soul but the boy's existence isn't cheap-- and then I had to deal with you and Seth harassing me and my family! I even had to lie to Mickey so he wouldn't hate you as much as I do! Do you know how fucking shitty that is?! Now you suddenly want me to be friends with you after everything? Yes, Jung, you mean- meant- something to me but I can't forget how depressing it all was."

His lips quiver and he nods, looking down at one bandages. Tracing them softly.

Before people could take my 'bad boy' persona seriously, Peter stopped being friends with me and began hanging out with Seth. They didn't really do any unfixable damage but it hurt to be pushed against lockers by the one person I left Italy for; it fucking hurt to be laughed at when they threw insults at me. That's why it's hard to just forgive him, he'll leave me again and it'll hurt worse then it did. Micheal didn't deserve that and I sure as hell don't.

The Bible says to forgive and forget, I'm sure my grandmother lived by those two rules but Jesus will just have to wait for me to emotionally absorb all these betrayals thrown at me.

Peter sighs, "I understand that you are gay and you must have been sexually deprived judging from the fact that you kissed me--someone you hate-- but my sexuality isn't a joke to me, Mase. You will not tell anyone about the kiss because it will not happen again, and I'll stay clear from you when our project ends."

"Your sexuality is a joke because you are fucking confused!" His jaw clenched and I step closer to him, "DaeHyun, you don't just kiss a boy-- with so much intimate passion-- and then blame it on the fact that you're an idiot who doesn't know there's such a thing as consent."

"Don't call me DaeHyun, Amintore."

"Don't call me Amintore, DaeHyun."

He groans and pushes my chest again, "goddamn it! You're so frustrating! I kissed you back on impulse and instinct, it meant nothing to me so it sure as hell means nothing to you!"

"How do you know that? You act like you know everything about me, three years is enough time for one to grow."

He pauses, his mouth opens and closes and he squirts at me. "If this is your way of coming out... it sucks balls. Wear a damn bum short with a pride shirt, dude."

"I hate you, your sense of humour is dehydrated. I'm was just saying hypothetically, dumbfuck; and for the record wearing a bum short in 2020 just because I'm gay is overrated-- insulting too."

He snickers behind his hand, his eyes turning lighter. Rolling my eyes I smack the side of his head, earning a yelp and pout from him.

"I respect you even if you are gay, Mase, I mean Madison was literally one of the gayest people I've seen all my life, and I could still handle him because I loved him."

"You make it sound like this town had a number of queers to begin with."

He hums, agreeing with me. Madison was the first, and probably the only gay who wasn't pushed out because he came out by himself. He walked out to the streets, hips swaying, lips painted red, and nails blue. He was so proud to be himself that he didn't care about the bullying he or our family got. Madison Longwood was an inspirational story waiting to happen.

Looking at Peter as he smiled at me, I should've just nodded and had him leave but I needed to make something clear. "Jung, you are as gay as the rainbow is beautiful." I had two weeks to think about this and I'll be damned if I was wrong. He opens his mouth to defend himself but I lift my hand up,

"Maybe you are not homosexual but you don't need to be identified to be valid. Divine clearly isn't upset about this--"

"She ships us. I think I'll burn her gay comic books later, the girl is letting all those stories cloud her judgement, I mean I particularly cheated on her but since it was with a boy, she finds it hot or something."

I smile softly at that, Dee is one in a billion. I hope she dumps Peter so I can marry her, he obviously doesn't know how lucky he is. And I love how he interrupted me.

"And I'm straight. Period. I don't care about your sexuality but I care about you so I'll respect it." I nod, this is the end of our conversation and I head towards the door,

"Word of advice, respect people even if you don't care about them. Expect Luke and the others, they deserve all the dick kicks they'll get in the future."

He nods with a distant look, "I'm sorry. For calling you a worthless cocksucker, I was angry and it doesn't justify my words." I look at him, my throat closes up.

The sun's light bounces onto his eyes, his eyes seem to glow lighter by that angle and I love him even more. Why did he have to be so breathtaking at the worse times?

"Apology accepted, Jung." I walk out carelessly and end up bumping Divine. "Sorry, Dee. Eavesdropping?"

She shrugs with a smirk, "I wanted to make sure you and Pete don't kill yourselves. Plus, I really didn't want to miss anymore kisses."

My ears burn and I shift my weight to one side just as Peter stands beside me, "About that, I'm really sorry that I kissed your disgusting boyfriend, I usually have better taste."

"Hey!"

"But thank you for not freaking out and shit." I finish off and Peter punches my arm, I push him towards his girlfriend who flicks his forehead,

"This is known as mishandling of precious cargo!"

Divine smiles brightly at me, "I love being a part in a developing love story." She literally squeals, and Peter and I exchange a glance,

"We are not--"

"The kiss was a mistake."

We both nod. I shove my hands in my hoodie's pocket so my fingers had the freedom of picking on my nails without Divine noticing, she notices everything.

Divine eyes us suspiciously, her gaze landing firmly on Peter who whistles and rocks on the ball of his feet. He doesn't notice the way Divine looks at him because he is too focused on his bandages, tracing it softly. Before I could smile at his unnecessary cuteness, Divine does this high toned unconvinced hum.

I look at her with a nervous smile, shaking her head she pats my arm. Imagine getting sympathy from the girlfriend of the guy you have been in love with since the age of fourteen, my situation is in its peak of fucked up.

"I guess I'll have to play Cupid, you better have babies named after me or I'll cut off your penis," her eyes trail downward, she smirks, "not that I'll mind. Something tells me you packing as your package suggests."

I grimace and move my arm away from her, I didn't like it. I've never liked emotionally hurting people, especially someone who might be hiding how hurt they are. She smiles so genuinely, she's so supportive but what if it's all a facade? I don't want to imagine her crying in her shower, or in the dark of her bedroom just because people she trusted treated her so... Treated her like I've been dealt with.

"You should be mad at me, curse me out, call me out. Out me to everyone. Please, do something so I'll stop feeling so guilty." My voice is barely a whisper, I didn't want Peter to hear me. I doubt he would because he is daydreaming, staring at the ceiling...

She looks shocked, her warm brown eyes widen and she pats my cheek, I refrain from leaning towards the nostalgic feeling of safety. "Oh, my darling, what happened to you to feel like this? Everyone talks about all the bad things you've done, why don't they talk about the bad that has happened to you? My dad praises your emotionless response to the jobs he makes you do, I wish he saw all the emotions that gloss over your beautiful green eyes."

I scowl at her, "beautiful? My eyes are the dullest green my mom has ever seen."

She smiles and an image of my grandma flashes through my mind. Grandma always found my eyes so enchanting, she said their lack in colour made it even more unique and breathtaking. "You still listen to your mom? Massey, I never understand why people expect eye colours that are not brown, they expect them to be full and bright. I love my eyes, they've seen beautiful things and have cried tears, your eyes are incredible. They break every aspect of