Peter Jung was the only normal thing about my childhood.

I had a mother who was over baring yet distant. She cared about me yet if it came to me or Madison it wasn't a mystery who would get the last chicken even though one of them hadn't eaten the whole day. She suffocated me when I didn't want it or need it as if she had suddenly realized she hasn't been paying attention to me. I got used to using my anger as a way to get attention on my terms. It scared her both in Italy and Jackson City, I wanted her to look at me without instantly thinking of her sweet Maddy. I wanted to look different so I became angry, I look different when I'm angry. She'd hug me and pat my bad hair down, that's really the only time she saw me as an individual.

My father wasn't bad. He was a dad every boy would really want. He was strong because he didn't hide his feelings from us, he'd cry when he wanted to and tell us why he had a bad day. A boy needed that. I needed that. He didn't force us to be men, to grow up and be macho like him or grandpa. I was really close to the man, I'd undeniably say he was my hero. Until he left us, I didn't know what to make of it. He would always kiss our foreheads with a goofy smile when he left. But he didn't the one time I craved it. One day I'm showing him my favourite book, the next I'm sitting on his chair waiting for someone long gone.

Madison, he loved me. I loved him just as much. He was mom's favourite and I was dad's, we would argue about that but it was true. I was jealous of him, he wasn't big like me and he had nice soft skin, he had mom's softness while I got the typical Italian manliness. He was still my best friend in any part of the world, he knew me like the back of his hand and I knew him like that too. Despite his arrogance and his big mouth, I could tell him anything and never expect judgment. That's why his disappearance hurt me more. We were supposed to be in it together but he left just like his father and I was so lonely.

I didn't have time to handle my emotions, didn't have time to cry over it all because I was made manager of a breaking family. It was my job to manage the household because my mom couldn't take the heartbreak anymore. I didn't have time to be depressed because someone still needed to look after Michael. I didn't get time to heal because I've never really treated the wound properly. Pathetic.

My childhood was chaotic. People you thought would stay forever just upped and left without warning. Betrayal really didn't come from your enemies.

I shouldn't have been surprised when Peter did it too.

That's all I can think about while staring at this idiot with a fetish for ringing my door bell like a mad man. I'm attracted to this damn fool who was once my best friend, I had an emotional bond towards him and it was deep. That's why I'm in love with him, I didn't have anyone else to create a deep connection with. I'm not sure I want to connect with anyone else.

"Who's at the door? Mason?" My mom calls out and I snap out from staring.

"No one. Not anyone important, ma." I look at him and he smiles, nervous.

"Sorry for being late, I got taken up in some shit. You ready to start our project?"

I narrow my eyes at him, "Our appointment was on Thursday, you can't come here two days late and expect me to cancel my plans. It's Saturday and I have plans."

I didn't want to know why he didn't come over like he said he would, I wasn't interested in it. He didn't even come to school yesterday, not like I cared but that did make me curious, he wasn't one to ruin his attendance so he must have a serious reason to why he didn't come. Again, not like I cared.

"Since when did anyone knock on our door and not be important? Let me see," she pushed me aside and gasped. It's been years since anyone has knocked on our day, they usually sent their complaints through the mail. It's been three years since my mom last saw Peter, gave me shit about losing him as a friend because "that boy is a good kid, nothing wrong with him." I guess nothing was wrong with him, other than his tendencies to betray and replace me.

"Good morning, Beth."

"Peter, my sweetheart, how have you been?" She pulls him into a hug and he laughs while looking at me. I roll my eyes. Peter was her fourth son who didn't get smacked for calling her by her nickname.

"I've been great, love. How about yourself? Michael is doing good too, right? I'm sorry it been so long since I visited." He rambles when he is nervous, he might still be whipped for her.

"I'm good. Michael is doing amazing. You look good, I don't expect anything less from our beloved soccer captain."

I fake a gagging sound.

He tried to answer but I cut him off, "Ma, we have appointments. I don't want to be late." She nods and I see Jung do the cute bunny thing with his nose when he is confused.

"You guys going out?"

"Yeah," she looks behind her shoulder and shouts, "MICHAEL! COME DOWN, WE DON'T WANT TO BE LATE." She then smiles back at Peter, "Mimi has a check-up at the hospital, and a dentist appointment then we'll have to go and return the animals he brought without my knowledge." She gives me a look that screams I left you in charge of my house and you let your little brother bring diseases into my home.

I'd love to see her fight against his puppy eyes when she could never say no to Madison's sweet voice.

"I'm sorry that I came in such an inconvenient time," he looks at me with sad eyes, he really wanted to spend the day annoying me I guess.

I hear footsteps and turn around to see Mickey cuddling his little puppy and kitten to his face, I don't like the sad look in his eyes but he knew we couldn't have two more mouths to feed. The past few days with Kittie and Doggie has been a wild one (we decided it would be best not to name them, so we can avoid being attached). They are not exactly badly behaved but they also didn't have manners.

Kittie, she was a sweet girl. She lets mom rub her ear and slept on her lap or just kept mom company. She knew when to cuddle with Michael when he had his hourly sour moods, she even lets him read to her and touch her paws most times ( i heard that a cat's paws were highly sensitive and they didn't like them being touched. I told Michael that and he said, and I quote, "so I'm basically touching her nipples. Cool." Idiot). Anyway, she kept biting me, refused to stop scratching at my door when I try to sleep at night, and she purrs right in my face when she urinates on my shoe. I did not need another female in this house who hates me so the cat has to go. Even if mom has grown fond of her.

Doggie, on the other hand, was a good sport. Michael finally had someone to play with him in the backyard while mom was working and I ran an errand for my boss. The dog was funny to watch, a great hugger and a warming sight to see when I come home. He's cute. If only he knew how to whine or bark when he needed to take a shit, or stopped stealing mom's slippers. And, my personal favourite, kidnapping Michael's meat and drooling all over it. Doggie understood me in a way.

Michael doesn't look at us as he greets Peter, his voice so small and far. I'm feeling bad all of a sudden.

Peter gasps and puts his hands together as he looks at my brother, "Oh no, buddy, I'm sorry you couldn't keep them." He looks at my mom with a small smile. "Cant you make an expectation today, Beth?"

I scrunch my nose at that sentence and the way he looks at my mom. Its no secret my mom had a soft spot for the idiot, she has loved him ever since he became my friend and he could never do wrong in her eyes. She just adored Jung so much.

"Well, I can't this time. I don't have the money to feed two extra mouths, am barely putting food on the table for my boys." She looks at Mickey who still has his face drowning in fur.

My mom works as a part-time nurse, at night, four days a week. And the other part-time she covers shifts in a local restaurant. Three hours every time they call her in the mornings.

With the pay she was getting from both jobs you'd think that I wouldn't have to work as an errand boy for a mafia. But that pay would have helped if her employers weren't her enemies who despised her, no one here liked my mom-- Kevin Hood, Michael's dad, spread rumours about my mom being a self-righteous prostitute and a careless mother who let her gay son loose-- so employing her and making her life hell was revenge. I don't know if there's any logic.

Madison and Hood were still here when mom got her jobs and we barely had food back then, they didn't pay her half of what she worked for but she never complained to the mayor. She told us that it's better to have two jobs and little food then to have no job and watch us starve.

Before I decided to secretly get a job, my mom wouldn't let me even work in the next town, we couldn't pay for Michael's monthly check-ups so we stopped doing that. He got really sick, bad fevers, vomiting in the middle of the night and dizziness. Back then mom was rarely home, Hood definitely didn't give a fuck about his son but he made sure to be there every dinner after smoking with his dead beat pals, and Madison was doing his random clubbing, so it was just myself looking after Mickey.

None of them has ever experienced what I went through every night with his sickness, and I didn't want them to so I got the job Divine's father offered me. Mom didn't notice the debts being paid for, she didn't notice Michael meeting all his appointments, and she didn't come home to an empty fridge. She just assumed Hood was pulling up his socks as a father, little did she know that the fucker didn't even have socks. I let her pay for the other shit, I don't want her being too suspicious after Hood left.

"I can pay!" His voice is so cheerful as if he's had some brilliant idea.

"No. No. It's very sweet for you to offer but I won't feel comfortable with that."

"You can pay me back. Every cent used on them will come from me and you'll pay me back."

I feel my eye twitch, "You dumb fuck, did you not hear her say that extra money doesn't exist in this household. You want to be generous then don't make your charity case repay you. Move out of the way!" I push past my mom and end up pushing Peter out of my doorway. Michael follows me.

"I didn't say you have to repay me with money, Longwood. Just you." He calls out as he rushes after me.

I stop and look at him, dumbfounded. "Just, repay me with you." He repeated.

"...Gross." First words Michael has uttered all day.

***

Usually, I'd give up on making sense of the Universe's strange urge to make my life miserable. I'd just throw my middle fingers up and shrug because I'm done giving it the satisfaction of knowing it got a reaction from me. You know, the casual Up yours, Universe, I stopped giving a fuck about my life. Do your worst.

It did. It did it's worse. The fucking Universe did its best at worst.

So, let me explain how I am in an elevator with the unrequited love of my life.

After Peter's declaration of wanting my family to repay his act of kindness with me, I told my mom about how I've been paired with the devil and he wants me to cancel my Saturday plans when he was the one who missed our original date.

I'm not sure why I even bothered to complain because the bitch (best mother in the world, I tell ya) smacked my shoulder and commanded, yes commanded, me to be nice to my best friend. Sometimes I think that woman doesn't listen to me even when I'm angry and crying.

She ended up taking Michael to all his appointments with her crappy car-- that could explode at any time-- but never really told Peter whether she accepted his dumb offer. So I did it for her, I told the fool to shove his money up his unclean ass-- he spent five minutes correcting me that his butthole was the cleanest part of his body. Good to know, really.

Since he walked to my house that's two blocks away from his, we used my car and he directed me to the town's museum. For such a small town they have everything.

The late mayors wanted to make sure no one left their town to travel for entertainment, they made sure to provide the people with anything the cities far away could give.

They wanted no one to leave.

The museum wasn't that big. Two stories of nonsense involving this town and some historical American events.

The first floor was just the usual stuff: first moon landing; how America was discovered; and The Great Depression. All the norms really, the first floor was for places that were not Jackson City. It didn't even have that much, unlike the second floor. The second floor is filled with all the Jackson nonsense.

Peter thought it would be a good idea to visit the museum and see whether we could get something to write about. This was his way of telling me that he didn't write down any countries he was interested in. I'm not sure he could comprehend that there is an actual world outside of this town.

He kept trying to get me to talk the whole time, I didn't want to. He annoyed me by making me enjoy his existence sometimes. I mean, I'm trying to hate the fact that he breathes the same air as me but when he smiles and looks at me as if I'm important, I'm tempted to offer my life.

We are in the elevator, its doors closing very slowly and I can hear the old rust as the doors inch in from closing. We are the only ones in the small thing but our shoulders still manage to brush. The doors finally close.

Peter presses the button to the second floor, the elevator slowly moves.

"You think this piece of crap will move faster if I pressed the button more?" He looks at me and smirks. I shake my head as an answer.

"I mean, I've always wanted to see what would happen if I pressed it more than once..."

"Okay, do that when you are alone. This piece of shit isn't stable."

"I'm sure nothing will happen. Let me just--"

"Jung. If you touch that button and I die, I'll haunt your generation."

"Fun, I've always wanted to be haunted by a handsome ghost."

I look at him, my eyebrow raised and eye him suspiciously, "Are you sure you are straight?"

He snickers, leaning over and smacking his knees. So fake, his real laughter usually involves his whole body rocking. "I'm very comfortable with my muscularity so it is easy for me to admit shit like that. I don't believe in all that real men shouldn't compliment each other, it's too toxic."

I shrug. He stares at the button before pushing it, ten times. We look at each other, the elevator still moving slowly.

"Should have just taken the stairs." Peter comments. He pushes the button five more times before giving up. He suddenly gasps and holds my elbow,

"There's a red one~"

"Jung-"

"I want to touch it. Nothing's gonna happen, bro, just watch."

I look up to see we have reached the second floor, "No use, we are here already-" I'm interrupted by flashing red lights, a shaking lift and a shouting Jung. The lift stops but the rusted door won't open. We panic.

I TOLD HIM NOT TO TOUCH SHIT!

"I'm sorry--"

"I'm going to kill you." I move closer to him so his back hits the elevator wall,

"Woah!" His hands are up in defensive position, "I--" he looks around and gulps, his hands start shaking and he can't get his eyes to look at me. I'm scaring him.

Taking a step back I ruffle my hair and sigh, trying to control my rage. We stay like that before he talks,

"Do you think people will notice this shit stopped?" His voice quivers a bit and I shake my head.

I've hurt him before, physically, he probably remembers it. He said something to me and I lost my temper, I hit him right on his nose. He bled so much and cried just as much, we didn't talk for a week and he forgave me way too easily. I was blinded by my rage and I hurt him terribly, I regret it and he is still scared of me.

Peter takes out his phone and I watch from the corner of my eye as he types rapidly to someone on his phone, a smile on his face. I wonder if he has ever smiled like that while texting me years ago; did he ever wait on the edge of his seat just for me to text him. Probably not.

"Okay, " he looks at me, he is calm now. "I texted Divine-- you know her dad is the co-owner to the museum and all-- she says that she'll be here in fifteen minutes to tell the manager the elevator is stuck." He rubs his hand over his mouth, a nervous habit. "She says that since the elevator is, like, a million years old the sensors don't work so no one knows this crap stopped, and there are no cameras in here. We could die from hunger or the ropes holding this thing could snap, making us drop to our death. And no one would know. No one. Oh my God."

I roll my eyes and pocket my hands into my hoodie. He is such a scared baby, scared little paranoid child. "Why doesn't she just call the manager?" I ask without looking at him.

"She doesn't have their number."

I hum and stare at him from the corner of my eye, he is rubbing his arms and his knees seem to be bending against his will. I don't remember if he ever told me that he had a fear of getting stuck in elevators or small spaces.

He mumbles under his breath but my super ears can hear him. "He is going to kill me." I furrow my eyebrows.

"Who's going to kill you?" I mentally smack myself for talking without thinking.

Peter turns to me, surprised that I heard him. He pursues his lips. I raise my eyebrows at him, he usually talks without my permission. Why is he so quiet all of a sudden?

As if he couldn't hold it back anymore, a river of words pours out. "You! You are going to kill me. I made a mistake by not doing what you asked me to do and I know how much you hate this museum but I'm selfish and wanted you to like me again, I thought we could have some heart to heart alone time and talk shit out but now I'm stuck here with someone who hates me more than I hate myself! Crazy right? Yeah! Oh my God, my love for buttons is to blame, the red button just looked so beautiful."

Ogling in shock at this confessions. Peter Jung, arrogant backstabbing asshole, hates himself? Bullshit. I mean I hate him, sure, but my love for this boy is deeper than anything I've felt and he didn't know that. He is supposed to know that, we had been best friends for so long that I assumed that he knew no matter how shitty he treated me that I'll love him.

It's the classic Boy loves someone so he decides to be a jerk to that person, scared of rejection but at the same time hoping the person will figure out his feelings. I draw my lips in a line,
classic is too long to remember.

"--can the universe be crueler? I'm sorry, Mase. I really am, I'm so fucking sorry. I just want you to like me again."

I love you, stupid

He rambles on and I glance at his pink lips, so soft and delicate. Desirable. He continues talking, facing me and waving his arms animatedly, not catching a breath at all. His words go over my head because all I can do is step a bit closer to him, he doesn't notice. The urge to pin him down and kiss him surges through my veins.

"Maybe this isn't a bad thing? We can get to talk now... in a small space where we can die without anyone knowing how... Woah, I just managed to depress myself--"

Before