[47] More Than Myself

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Raghav smiled forcefully at his mother who couldn't stop praising Kabir's looks as Mrs. Bhatia sipped more of the tea. Pihu gulped and kept looking at her husband nervously, who looked like he would get up with flipping the table in anger.

"I know. I know. It's quite time consuming coming all the way from South to here again and again. Same goes for Kabir too. He wouldn't be able to go from here to meet his parents regularly," Raghav's mother chirped.

Mrs. Bhatia giggled, "Kabir has studied here, lived here for most of his life. Which is why he is more like us. But he is as passionate and intelligent as south Indians are. We love his religiousness."

Raghav's mother widened her eyes, "Oh, I remember. In early months of my marriage, we had a trip to Kerala. Such a beautiful place. Temples are so beautiful and the nature around."

Raghav cleared his throat suddenly, glaring at his mother from the corner of his eyes. "So, what did Kabir say this time?"

Mrs. Bhatia gave an apologetic smile. "Forgive me for getting off the topic. Actually, Kabir called last night telling us that Sakshi has given him approval. She is very shy about discussing it all with family and had denied him to share it with anyone else. She just wanted sometime to collect up courage. But the thing is, Kabir doesn't want to keep a relationship without all of us knowing."

Pihu's lips parted as she suddenly observed Raghav's anger fading. His mind taking in Kabir's thinking.

Mrs. Bhatia further told, "Mihir called me too saying, Kabir seems quite hesitant these days because the fear of the University staff. And why won't he be? It looks forbidden and can attack Kabir's dignity if anyone finds out what's going on in between their families."

Raghav swallowed his anger as he started to understand all the reasons Kabir had given. "He is right."

His mother's eyes lit up immediately. "Well, he is so thoughtful, I never knew. It's a good thing he told us before passing any days."

Pihu's heart shrank as she heard Raghav saying, "I must ask Sakshi about this. We still can't take a step ahead without her words in my ear. I need to know. . ."

Mrs. Bhatia immediately said, "No. This would break her trust on Kabir. He told me to protect his and Sakshi's dignity, not to betray her. We need to respect that. Sakshi is not yet courageous enough to accept the relation. She might deny it in shyness."

"She isn't like that," Pihu managed to cut her off.

Immediately, she found her mother-in-law's eyes on her. The blood drained off her face as she realized, she had never gotten a look of disappointment like that. Pihu lowered her eyes.

Raghav sighed heavily. "So, what should we do now? What needs to be done? What has he told you?"

Mrs. Bhatia and his mother exchanged a smile. "We can meet his parents for a start," told his mother.

Raghav looked at Pihu whose face was all red. He had understood that she wasn't happy but now when, Sakshi was involved in this. He couldn't really deny.

"Okay. Let's invite them for a family dinner."


_______





"That's impossible."

Aditi blinked rapidly, giving Sakshi an apologetic smile. "Please, can't you be a little polite. It's been days since Aarush and I went on a date."

"But we planned a girl's night. Aditi, I need you more than him, tonight." Sakshi crossed her arms, fake glaring at her.

Aarush chuckled and gave them a goofy smile.

"I won't ever forgive you for making me feel like a third wheel," Sakshi pointed at Aarush who gasped. "I already had a bad night, a day. Now I can't even have my best friends to myself because you guys need sex."

Aditi's cheeks tainted red while Aarush gulped. "No, we aren't planning that." He got up from the couch and stood in front of her. "It's just a movie date and then, off to my flat. It's not sex, I promise."

"It's not like I am restricting you. But can't you stay with me for tonight. I feel alone," Sakshi pouted, holding his hands.

Aarush looked at her. "Call Shrey, and you won't be alone."

Sakshi's lips parted while Aditi came to hug her from the side. "You know, I would've stayed but then, his cousin is coming to stay for some days. We won't get the time."

Sakshi furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't believe this. Which cousin? And you can stay here if you want to sleep with her."

"But then, there's a child present like you in the house. No way." Aarush answered and turned around, swinging keys around his finger. "Come on, babe."

Sakshi shook her head in wonder. "Have you guys paid for my murder or something?" They'd never leave her alone like this. On any other day, they'd have taken her with them. They never cared about their couple thing more than the trio-love.

"You know, you are more important than him." Aditi muttered while pushing her hair behind. "He is being stubborn tonight. I don't know what happened to him."

Sakshi rolled her eyes. "He is perverted, of course. God knows what you magic you did to my saint of a friend."

Aditi gasped while Sakshi turned around and started picking clothes and trays from the drawing room.

"Go. I don't fucking care. When you'll be fucking tonight, you'll both remember my sad face and I hope it'll fill you with enormous guilt. You'll be begging for my company from tomorrow."

"We won't," Aarush yelled from the stairs while Aditi laughed and left not before yelling a 'bye'.

"Bye." Sakshi grunted while shaking her head and locking the door. "Can't believe this."

_____

After cleaning the rooms and a quick hot bath, Sakshi finally laid on the couch to watch some chick flick.

She was tired but still felt way too off, being unable to sleep and kept thinking about how things were going so wrong. She had thought that she would have the love of her life happy for her. But her lack of response had broke it all. The new environment, the new phase of her love life.

She was this close to make him happy, to make herself happy. But why did she stop? Because of the fear of getting her heart broken again.

Years ago, it was painful for her to recover. Years later, it would be worst. Being a little cautious in this journey with him was no big deal. He could wait if he wanted. Not be angry at her like this. She kept on counting the number of miss calls from him. Was she being way too scared?

Roaming her fingers through her wet hair, she sighed and switched off the TV. Just as she did, the bell rang.

Looking at the wall clock, her eyes popped out. Aditi and Aarush left just an hour ago. They said that they wouldn't return. Who was it then?

Her heart started beating faster as she suddenly observed her appearance. Just a baby pink spaghetti and sleepy shorts.

She needed to cover up.

Jumping from the couch, she went to the bedroom, cursing when the bell rang again. Picking out a shirt that was of Aarush and God knows why she didn't see it before cleaning. She nonetheless picked it up and wore it while walking towards the door.

"Coming," she muttered when the bell rang for the fourth time.

She finally opened the door only to have her breath hitched at the sight of none other than the person who had been playing with her days and nights.

"Shrey?" Her eyes brightened as they roamed on his freshly-shaven face, the scent enveloping her already. He had a denim topped up with a white checkered shirt. She smiled, remembering how he always loved wearing white.

"Hey," his voice laced with a sudden nervousness.

And that reminded her the last conversation they had on the phone call. Her smile faded. "Oh! So, you have finally recovered from my lack of response?" Her eyes stoned on his face.

Shrey's lips parted and his heart started beating faster when he saw her observing his little actions. He gulped. "So, you are this much angry at me? Not picking my calls? What are we? Teens?" He mocked, still sounding nervous and entered the room as she stepped back for him to move.

Sakshi crossed her arms across her chest, unknowingly pushing her firm breast looking full. Shrey hesitantly looked away and felt his face warming up. He was forgetting all of the things he had prepared to say.

He looked back at her arms and suddenly, his eyes narrowed. "Is that Aarush's shirt?" His jaw dropped and within a minute, his soft gaze turned into a glare.

Sakshi blinked and suddenly realized what she had worn. The shirt was covering her shorts and she had closed the buttons from the front too. It looked like she just had hooked up with him. Her mouth opened in disgust at her own thoughts and hatred, that Shrey could think the same.

"What?" Shrey stepped ahead, his eyes showing a sudden anger at Aarush. "This close you are to him? Wearing his shirt?"

Sakshi opened her mouth to answer as she was confused with his behavior. She closed her mouth and sighed. "Why are you here, Shrey?"

Hurt reflected in his eyes at her ignorance. He clenched his jaws and blinked. "I am here to clear it all."

"What do you mean?" She asked, unfolding her arms.

Shrey gaze didn't the leave the shirt that was just covering her butts. His blood boiling from so many assumptions. "I didn't have to behave like an idiot that night on the call. I sounded desperate and foolish."

Sakshi gulped.

Shrey looked away and wiped his forehead. "But none of the things I said were fake or the heat of the moment or the foolishness. It was all true and," he looked at her, breathing hard. "Very true."

Sakshi's face warmed and she stared at him unblinking. "What?"

"Gone are the days when I am an idiot trying to push you away for the sake of my cousin's intentions. Gone are the days when you are just a memory and I am full of regrets. I need to recover from those feelings. I want this incomplete love to blossom and live the best of it, Sakshi. I want us to be together forever." He confessed out in a single breath, making her eyes wide.

He stepped forward to observe her darke eyes that were freshly outlined with the Kohl and he loved them like that so much. He took a deep breath and held out her hand.

"I am a man who has learned from the past, Sakshi. I have learned not to take the gifts from God for granted. I have learned not to treat our loved ones as toys. I have learned the difference between friends and well-wishers. And I have learned that it is not for everyone to get the person they love forever," he said, watching her eyes filling up.

"I am the luckiest to get love from you and I don't want to lose it at any cost. Even if I'll have to come uninvited to your flat, forcing my apologies on you. Even if you'll not respond to me again and again," he whispered. "I'll come again and again to hear that answer. Because this time, you aren't after me. I am after you."

A tear fell from her eye, Sakshi removed her hand from his and turned around immediately. Her legs turning into jelly from his words but her heart still frightened from worst possibilities.

"I know you are scared of the past. You are afraid if I'll repeat my mistakes." He chuckled sadly. "But all burnt from the chaos and lies, I am taking each step with truth and love in my heart."

"From the day, I received that chit in the hospital. I was in love with the person who took out time for a dying person like me. Who cared for my existence." His eyes filled up but he controlled. "And it is that one chance in millions when I came to know it was you."

"How could I ever lose a person like that?" He asked more to himself. "A person who could love more than herself."

A sudden consciousness appeared in his heart as he remembered the last call. "I know with passing time, you heart must have healed. You'd have moved on even without yourself knowing. After meeting me, knowing that I feel the same and more about you, your feelings must have gone weak and faded."

"But give me a chance, Sakshi. I will grow those feelings again. I will fill all the places in your heart," he whispered at her shoulder, as he moved ahead, his hand reaching out to her arm, holding her right hand.

Sakshi's stomach churned, felt goosebumps on her arms and shoulders, right where his skin was meeting hers. She closed her eyes as he further whispered, "God didn't just send you to me to see my looser face. He sent you to me so I could keep you to myself this time, work on my mistakes. And I am Keen on doing that now."

His jaw clenched as the horrors of courts and the beatings filled his mind. He closed his eyes and took a slow breath. He could do this, he knew. It was the best thing that had happened to him and he wanted this for rest of his life. He could do it.

"I love you, Sakshi." The words left his mouth, as he held her hand tight and turned her around, opening his eyes to catch her suprised on him. His other hand reached her cheek, as he looked for a silent permission in her eyes.

No, he wouldn't get a beating for touching the love of his life. She was comfortable. Wasn't she?

His heart shrank with a sudden fear of rejection. He didn't take a step ahead until, to his shock, she looked up at him with her glossy eyes.

"I couldn't move on. I couldn't get over you, Shrey." She said, her voice breaking. "I could have boyfriends. I could have hookups. But the heart in me was obsessed with you. I felt like I would never be able to overcome this heartbreak."

Shrey gulped, his hand almost itching to be removed from her cheek.

"And I tried. I thought if I could forgive you for what you did, I could work ahead in life. So I forgave you with all of my heart but I still couldn't forget you. Then, all of a sudden, I see you getting out of the court with your lawyer and Aarush calling you a rapist," she told him, her nostrils flaring as she breathed slowly.

"Then, I slowly got to know that you were framed for that crime. Till that time, I didn't know the madness I had in for you. But then I read about your attempt to suicide. That day, I was empty. Broke. I felt lifeless," she whispered softly. "I felt like giving my life for you. I couldn't imagine you in pain."

Shrey sucked in a breath, listening to his words. She truly loved him more than herself.

"But I have learned to love myself too, Shrey." She told him. "I don't know what I'll do if you'd leave me again."

"I'll either kill myself," she said. Shrey shook his head when she added, "or better, you."

His eyes widened at her and silence hung in the air before a good smile formed on his face. Sakshi blushed while smiling as he gave her a loving look. "I don't have to say it to you if I love you more than anything. You'd know with time and if only you give me that time," he said hopefully.

Sakshi bit her lip, shying away from his continuous gaze. His eyes focused on her lips and shivers started to ran down her spine. She gulped and gave a slight nod before moving her hands over his chest, reaching up to encircle his neck.

Shrey smiled and closed his eyes, waiting patiently with heart thundering like a storm and finally he felt rosebuds touching his lips. The memory of their first kiss flowed smoothly. Just like before, he took the lead and showed his love with the exploration his tongue did.

His hands unknowingly squeezed her waist, and he moaned when she suddenly bit his lip. A gasp echoed in the room as Sakshi immediately pulled away, looking mortified at him.

"I am sorry. I didn't. . ."

Shrey let out a wild laugh, his eyes softening on her as she punched on his chest.

"Its been years. I was kissed by you the last I remember, I guess." She murmured.

Shrey's smile straightened as he pushed her wet strand behind her ear, watching her intently. "You guess?" He narrowed his eyes.

Sakshi blushed. "I believe it."

He hummed and he again remembered, "That shirt-" before he could say anything further, Sakshi unbuttoned the shirt, removed and threw it away on the couch.

Shrey's eyebrows raised as his gaze moved all over body and he cleared his throat to calm his nerves. The horrors sometimes were endless and wouldn't let him be at confidence to stay in the same room with a girl who was casually dressed.

The incidents had loosened his courage. He had never chickened out like this and now now, even looking at Sakshi wearing nothing but her spaghetti and shorts, he sighed. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to be nosy. You can cover up," he breathed out, looking around the room.

Sakshi's jaw dropped at him, her eyes humorously observing him. "Minutes ago, you were wild at seeing-" She suddenly understood the discomfort he felt as she observed him fisting his hands. "Shrey?"

She frowned and a look of pity overcame her expressions as she walked towards him. She held his hand and cupped his cheek, making him look at her. "What happened?"

He shook his head, and looked at her, smiling slowly. "I am just happy and nervous at the same time."

"Nervous? You." She chuckled, missing that old Shrey who would never confess being nervous, ever. She cursed those fake friends of his who made him like this. "Why? I was about to ask if you wanted to cuddle."

He looked at her suprised, his eyes narrowing when she giggled in shyness. "Aditi's out for today with Aarush. You can stay for the night. We can watch a movie and talk all night," she said, holding her hands at the back. "I'll go make some dinner for us."

"Sound like fun. I'll help you," he whispered, still thinking if it was way too early.

Fun? Sakshi looked at him amusingly.

It was a dream coming true.

______

"Finally 😭"

I am sorry for being so late. But I'll try to update regularly now. I am done with exams and now I can dissolve myself into this book.

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