eighteen | first draft

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Six days.

They said they may have weeks left with her but instead they had six days—one day shy of a full week.

Knowing her grandma was going to die didn't help to lessen the pain any. It didn't ease Ellie's thoughts to know that there was nothing they could have done to prevent it. She didn't feel at peace when they broke the news that she'd passed away in her sleep, even when they assured her it was the best possibly way one could go.

All she felt was sadness.

Sadness for herself. Sadness for her mother. Sadness for her grandmother, who should've had years left to brighten up the world with her upbeat spirit.

And as she stands here now, staring at her reflection and taking in the countless black fabrics that drape her body, she feels that same sadness. A knock on her door is what finally pulls her out of the staring contest she'd been having with her own reflection.

"Sweetie," her mother says softly, inching her door open with a creak, "Cooper is here."

Ellie nods, letting out a croaky, "Okay."

The journey down the stairs is quick and in no-time she's faced with a familiar boy in a not-so-familiar suit. Her eyebrows shoot up as she takes in his clean appearance, a small smile tugging at her lips as his eyes meet hers.

"You look nice," she says, allowing her eyes to do a once over of his outfit.

"I couldn't have Grandma Wilde judging me from the grave," he jokes, a dry laugh following his words.

"Moretti."

He frowns briefly. "What?"

"Her last name was Moretti, not Wilde."

"Willa Moretti?"

Ellie nods, a sad smile making its way onto her lips. "The one and only."

He stares at her for a while, as if he's unsure what to say in response. Finally, he breaks his gaze and his eyes instead begin raking up and down her body. "You look beautiful."

Her arms find their way in front of her chest, folding over one another self-consciously as she mumbles a quiet, "Thank you."

"Oh!" He says suddenly, his hands patting down his pockets before fumbling inside of them and producing a set of car keys. "I got your mom and you a coffee. I forgot it in my mom's car. I'll be back in a second."

Before she has a chance to say anything else, he's slipping out the front door and heading back to the car. Tired of standing on her feet, Ellie makes her way over to the bottom of the stairs. Her backside only just plants itself on a step when the front door is opening again.

"That was fast," she says with a laugh, glancing over at the front door.

"Really?" A familiar deep voice replies, and in that moment her heart drops to her stomach. "Because it felt like a damn long time to me."

She's up on her feet and rushing towards the door in an instant, her arms wrapping around the owner of the voice as if he'll disappear at any moment. She doesn't even register that she's crying until the taste of a salty tear lands on her tongue. And by then, the vibrations of his chest let her know that he's crying too.

"I missed you, sweetheart," he says, pulling back to get a better look at her. His hands find their way into her hair as he pushes it back from her face, a grin tugging at his lips as his tear-brimmed eyes stare back at hers.

For the first time in days, she's crying because she's happy. "I've missed you too, Dad."

She breaks her gaze from his briefly and finally notices the officer standing behind him with a warm smile on his face. She looks back to her dad for an explanation and he glances over his shoulder before turning back to her. "They let me out for the funeral. I go back tomorrow. This is Officer Chan. He's here to make sure I don't meet with any meth dealers or murder any neighbors. But I promised I'd be on my best behavior. Didn't I, Chan?"

"You better be or we'll both be in trouble," Chan threatens playfully. Ellie can't help but find the whole dynamic between them odd. She'd always assumed that inmates and officers just naturally hated each other. Though her dad had been an upstanding citizen before he found his way a first class ticket to a jail cell.

"El. I've got a great coffee joke for you. Why are men like coffee?" Cooper's voice calls out as he opens the front door, his eyes trained on the tray of coffees in his hand. "Because the best ones are rich, hot, and they know how to keep you up all night. I like to think that I'd be a good coffee because—oh. Hi."

"Hello," Ellie's dad says, raising an eyebrow at the newcomer.

"Dad, this is Cooper. Cooper, this is my dad."

"Your dad?" Cooper says, his eyes widening. He nearly drops all of the coffees as he tries to free up a hand and extend it to her father for a proper handshake. "Nice to meet you, sir."

"Ah. So you're Cooper? Didn't I tell you not to call me sir? It's John."

"Nice to meet you, John," Cooper says with a nervous laugh.

"So tell me more about why you'd be a good coffee," her dad says, raising a challenging eyebrow as he watches Cooper squirm. "Certainly not because you know how to keep my daughter up all night?"

"Dad!" Ellie shouts, an embarrassed blush creeping up her neck. He's only been back a few minutes and already he's fulfilling his duties as an embarrassing father.

When she looks over to Cooper for help, she notices the same red blush spread across his own cheeks. "No! Not at all! I meant because I'm hot—no. I didn't mean that. I meant... it's not like that. Ellie and I are just friends."

"Save it. I was young and in love once too. I'm not naïve, kids."

She looks down to her feet, trying her best to wipe the look of pure mortification off her face. When she finally glances up, she notices Cooper's eyes trained on her. But instead of a look of embarrassment, like her own, he wears a look of wonder.

"Are you almost ready, kids?!" Ellie's mom's voice calls from upstairs.

"Speaking of young love," her dad says, his eyes beaming as he makes his way up the stairs, turning around only to say, "Time to go surprise the love of my life."

Officer Chan follows shortly after him, leaving Cooper and Ellie alone in the foyer. Her mom's excited squeals sound down the stairs and Ellie looks back to Cooper to see him studying a family portrait on the wall behind him.

"So how about that coffee?" She asks, drawing his attention away from the photo.

He smiles, pulling a cup from the tray and making his way over to her. She grabs the cup out of his hand and brings it to her lips, taking a sip, grateful that the hot drink had cooled down enough on its way over here. She offers the cup to Cooper, as usual, and he takes it from her before taking a sip of his own.

"Still shit," he says with a smile, handing it back to her. Ellie's fingers brush along his and a chill runs down her spine. She quickly grabs the coffee back in an attempt to stop the chills. "I bought a candle yesterday."

"Oh?"

"It reminds me of you."

"If you're going to insult me and say you bought a candle that smells like shit, I'd like to remind you that it's the day of my grandma's funeral."

He laughs, his eyes searching her face before landing a moment too long on her lips. "It smells like coffee."

The pastor's words go in one ear and out the other as Ellie stares down at her grandma's casket. She can't help but think about how horrible a life under the ground would be—though she supposes she'd be dead so it wouldn't matter much. Even still, she decides that she doesn't want to be buried. She doesn't want to be surrounded by dirt and bugs for eternity. Even if she is spending that eternity dead and unaware of her surroundings.

Her dad's hand wraps around hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze as his eyes stay trained on the lowering of the casket. She can hear her mother's loud weeps from beside him, but she tries her best to block them out, deciding that they'll only deepen the sadness she already feels.

Glancing to her right, she sees Cooper. His hands are folded in front of him and his head is lowered as a sign of respect. He must sense her staring because his eyes peer in her direction and a sad smile replaces the blank expression he'd previously worn. She returns the smile before focusing her gaze on the casket once more.

She wishes she wasn't here. She'd rather be anywhere but here. They say that funerals are for the living, and she does believe that to be true. But she could have done without a funeral. She would have preferred to mourn in private, without a crowd observing her every reaction. But she knows her mom needs this.

So instead she decides to distract herself with memories.

"I don't want you to be sad," she says, reaching for her hand from the hospital bed and staring at her with a look of finality.

"Grandma. You're dying. How do you expect me to not be sad?" Another tear slides down her cheek and she wants to scream at her body to just stop producing tears already.

"It's okay to have moments of sadness. But I don't want you to be sad. I don't want this to affect you to the point where you put your life on hold. Never put your life on hold, Ellie."

She fidgets uncomfortably in her seat. Her gaze travels down to her grandma's wrinkled hand that sits lightly on top of her own. The heart rate monitor beeps, serving as a dim background noise to the already dim conversation. The only thing that even remotely lightens the mood is the Seinfeld rerun on the hospital television.

"Death does not equate to loss. You are not losing me. You'll always have the memories of the time we've spent together. You'll always have the traits that your awesome grandma instilled in you. A physical loss is the best kind of loss, really. An emotional loss, now, that would be much more tragic."

Ellie laughs as another set of tears well up in her eyes. "You'll miss my wedding. And my college graduation. If I have kids, they'll never get to meet you. You're going to miss it all."

"Don't remind me," her grandma says with a sigh, tears forming in her own eyes. "You'll have other great people to share those memories with. People who weren't there to share the memories I've shared with you. I was there for your first steps. I was there when you graduated high school. I've had nineteen good years of being around to experience the sensation that is you, Ellie. Let's not forget what we have had a chance to experience together."

She chokes on a new set of sobs that threaten to erupt from her throat. Leaning her head on the edge of the hospital bed, she watches her grandma with a look of remorse. Regret seeping in as she realizes she maybe didn't use her time with her to its fullest.

"We can't control everything, honey," her grandma says, her hand running its way down Ellie's hair in a soothing manner. "All we can do is make the most of what is in our control. And that is the present. What we do now. Just make the most of every moment. Do the things you want to do. Don't live in the past and don't live in the future. Don't be sad about the things you cannot control, and that includes me."

Ellie doesn't say anything, instead deciding that she wants her grandma to keep talking. Because at least if she keeps talking, she'll know she's still here.

"When you think of me, think good thoughts. When you miss me, come visit. When you think I'm gone and I've left you, just know I'm always right beside you."

"Ellie." She jumps slightly at the sound of her dad's voice as he draws her from her thoughts. Her hand quickly wipes away the tears that began falling as she recalled the last conversation her grandmother and her shared together. "The service is over. We're making our way inside for the reception now."

"Okay," she mumbles, glancing in Cooper's direction briefly before looking at her dad once more. "We'll be right there."

Grabbing onto the sleeve of Cooper's suit, she yanks him up from his seat and pulls him after her before anyone can protest. She hears him mutter a few profanities as he stumbles after her, trying to catch his balance from her aggressive actions.

"Where are we going?" He finally asks after a few minutes of blindly following her through the cemetery.

She looks over her shoulder at him. Laughing slightly at the sight of his disheveled hair and worried expression, she admits, "I don't really know."

"That's not at all ominous. In fact, I feel completely safe right now. Just a nice stroll through a dark cemetery. The fog is a nice touch. Really glad the weather is doing its job in helping me feel completely safe during this slightly menacing time."

She glances up at the sky, taking note of the shades of grey that line it. Her theory about the sun shining on the worst of days being debunked. "Stop being a baby, Cooper. You work here."

"It's not every work day that I wear a suit and follow a mourning girl through the cemetery. People die in suits, El. Why do you think ghosts are always wearing ball gowns and suits? People die in nice clothes. We're all better off wearing sweatpants forever. It's safer that way."

She stops in her path, turning to face him with a pout on her lips and her arms crossed over her chest. "Is that all I am to you now? A mourning girl?"

"A mourning girl with nice hair?" He tries, a twinkling smile accompanying his words.

"Don't be a brown-noser. I just wanted to get away for a bit. The funeral was depressing."

Cooper takes a seat on the grass beneath him, careful not to sit on the graves on either side of him. He starts plucking away at the grass, his shoulders hunched over in front of him as he smiles. "That reminds me of another coffee joke I heard today."

Ellie follows his actions, taking a seat across from him. "Oh yeah? And what joke was that?"

His eyes snap up from the grass beneath him before widening as he looks in-between her legs. He clears his throat, diverting his gaze back to the ground. Confusion settles over Ellie as she tries to find the cause to his odd behavior. "You really aren't used to wearing dresses are you?"

She finally looks down and notices that she's sitting with her legs spread wide open, giving him a perfect view of what's going on beneath her skirt. As a blush spreads across her cheeks, she pulls her legs closed tightly. "I'm sorry. Um. So the joke?"

"Right," he says, nodding his head. He tosses the grass in his hand aside and looks back up at her shyly, his eyes first looking to her legs before finding her eyes. "Um. What do you call a sad espresso?"

Racking her brain for an idea, she comes up short. She shakes her head, wrapping her arms around her torso to try and recover from the embarrassment of flashing him only moments earlier. "I don't know. What?"

"Despresso," he says, cracking a grin as he reveals the joke.

Ellie snorts before laying back in the grass fully and allowing herself to really process the joke. Her hands rest on her stomach as she laughs, her eyes trained on the sky above. She hears Cooper's laugh settle down across from her and she decides to prop herself up on her elbows so she can get a better look at him.

"Thank you," she says sincerely.

He tilts his head, resembling a concerned puppy. "For what?"

"Just thank you," she says with a sigh, falling back onto the grass and studying the clouds as they roll across the sky. A moment later that view is obstructed by the sight of Cooper hovering over her body

"Thank you," he says, his face completely void of his usual smile.

She decides to wear the smile that he lacks. "For what?"

He lays down next to her, his head resting directly next to hers. He tilts it slightly, his eyes studying every inch of her face before he's staring up at the sky that he'd previously distracted her from.

"Just thank you."

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