Chapter 55 | Pitiful faces

Isabella:

I wake up to the sound of loud laughter echoing through the house. It's almost 3pm and I instantly recognise John's booming voice reverberating through the walls and immediately I'm awoken.

Rubbing my eyes, I slowly sit up and swing my legs to the side of the bed, noticing that that pounding in my head has finally resigned.

I also take notice that I feel more energised than I have the entire week and although morning nausea flushes through me, it's somewhat less than usual.

I begrudgingly forcing myself to get up and shuffle over to the bathroom after grabbing some clothes. I take a quick shower and blow dry my hair before slipping on a pair of flared black leggings and a white sweater. I pop my fluffy slippers onto my feet before heading downstairs.

"Ah there she is!" John hollers the moment I step into the kitchen. Everybody's heads turn to face me where I halt mid step in the doorway and I mean everybody: Linh, Mia, Jay, Andrew, Eve, John, Grace, Lucy, my mom, my dad, my abuela and Sofia - the whole crew are there, beaming at me.

I wave meekly. "Hi everybody."

"How are you sweetie?" Eve asks, rushing forward and hauling me into a hug. After pulling away she holds me at arms length, her lips pulled up into a small smile and pity flaring in her bright, green eyes.

"I'm good," I respond with a smile of my own before glazing my eyes across everyone else who stands watching this interaction intently. Their expressions are all mirrored: they all have that identical smile playing on their lips, sympathy drawn across their features and flashing in their eyes.

They all feel sorry for me. I suppress a frown. I hate people pitying me and I hate that look, the one they're all giving me right now.

When my gaze falls upon the kitchen island where there are a multitude of flowers and pies and tupperware filled with several types of food, my stomach begins to churn.

Mia and Grace both gaze up at me guiltily, knowing exactly what I'm thinking.

"I made your fave," Linh cheers breaking the silence that had fallen upon the room. She points to a dish on the counter. "Pecan pie!"

"Oh...thank you!" I say earnestly, trying to seem pleased whilst simultaneously staying neutral. I'm trying not to let my hesitation peek through and keep my face frozen in that generic smile of mine.

John is the next one to speak, pointing to another Tupperware container. "We made chicken alfredo spaghetti!"

"And Jay and I made you soup!" Andrew says proudly to which Jay narrows his eyes at.

He points a finger to his chest. "I made the soup, Andrew did nothing."

"Sure you did," Andrew rolls his eyes and I know they're about to start bickering like the 12 year old boys they still are at heart.

"I cut the veggies and did the shopping-"

"No one cares boys," John sighs with a shake of his head, preventing them from breaking out into yet another argument. I smile for real this time and John catches my expression, his grin only widening.

"Thanks guys...you really shouldn't have," I respond, shuffling my slipper clad feet against the tiled floor. I don't entirely know how to make of the current situation.

Linh waves her hand dismissively. "Oh it was nothing hon, we're just glad you're okay."

I nod, my heart sinking. You're always making everyone worry when they shouldn't be worrying.

"Alright," Mia clasps her hands, ushering everyone out of the door. I step to the side to let them pass. "How about we give Isabella some space."

There are a murmur of protests but eventually everyone files out of the kitchen and Grace shuts the door behind them before leaning against the wall and letting out an exasperated sigh.

"God I'm sorry Bella, I know you don't like being coddled."

"Yeah, I told them there was no need to bring all of this-" Mia waves her hand at the flowers and containers of food. "But they insisted."

"I'm sorry they're acting like you almost died or something you know our families are; over dramatic as hell and always making everything into a big deal." Grace shakes her head solemnly, stalking over to us where Mia and I are perched on the island stool.

I pause. "Maybe it is a big deal." My voice comes out quiet and silence suddenly envelopes the room. When they don't reply, I continue. "I'm making everyone worried and although it doesn't feel that big of an issue to me, it clearly is to other people."

I frown and Mia takes my hand in hers, squeezing comfortingly.

"God all I do is burden people with my problems-"

"Hey," Grace interrupts, eyebrows drawing together. "Don't even think about finishing that sentence. You're not burdening us, we just care for you and want to help you."

"But you guys shouldnt need to help me!" I let out a dry laugh. "Seriously how pathetic is it that I need help with such a simple thing like eating."

Mia frowns. "You know it's more deeper than that."

"I guess." I nod, pulling my lips into mouth. "I appreciate everyone trying to help but it's so hard." I shake my head solemnly. "It feels like all my life I've been feeling this way. I don't even remember a time where I looked in the mirror and didn't hate what I see. Or when I didn't look at the number on the scale and feel disgusted. It's been so long it feels like it's always been this way and I don't know how to stop."

Grace takes my other hand in hers. "I wish you didn't feel that way about yourself, I wish you didn't let the number on the scale define you because it shouldn't! And I really really wish you could see yourself the way we see you: like the beautiful, strong, funny, kind and caring girl you are."

"But I don't," I point out defeatedly.

"You will one day babe, it'll just take some time, it's a long process but you'll get there."

I rest my head against the cool marble of the island. "I was getting there but now I'm back to square one. It feels like every time I try, no matter what I always end up back in the same place and I'm so tired. I'm so sick of this consuming my life."

"I know honey," Mia rubs my back soothingly. "And no you're not back to square one, you've still come a long way, this is just a little bump on the road, once you overcome this little hiccup you'll come out on the other side even stronger." She smacks my arm and forces me to  raise my head and look at her. "Okay? I will not tolerate this negative thinking!"

Grace hums in agreement. "Mi is right, negative thinking only leads to negative energy and then you'll only attract negative things into your life."

Both Mia and I turn to look at Grace. "When did you get so spiritual?"

"I've been spending lots of time with Grandma Cassidy," she smiles before waving her hand. "You know how she is."

Mia and I both nod, snorting. The three of us strongly believed Grandma Cassidy had been a witch in her past life. She was very spiritual, claimed she could talk to ghosts and always spoke in ambiguous riddles no one really understood. To sum it up: she was awesome.

"Anyways." Grace pats my knee. "Bella you've managed to get through this the first time so you will again! Keep pushing through, Mi and I will be with you the whole time."

"Thanks guys." I nod, a grateful smile drawing its way onto my face. I look back and forth between the two girls. "Have I ever told you how much I love you idiots?"

Grace scrunches up her nose and clutches a hand to her heart. "Aw we love you too whore."

Mia on the other hand doesn't express her undying love for our little gang and instead claps her hands together, startling the shit out of me.

"Right," she says exasperatedly. "We're being too weird and too sappy, can we go practice shaking our ass in Isabella's room now?"

***

"We're so sorry, we shouldn't have overwhelmed you with all of this stuff," Linh cringes, walking over to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "We just wanted to show that we care for you but didn't know how to go about doing it."

I nod in understanding.

After Mia had perfected her ass shaking moves, she had forced me to come downstairs and gather everyone in the living room to explain to them that all though I appreciated their concern, it was too much having them all coddle me or act like they're treading on glass every time they bring up my eating disorder.

Eve scrunches up her nose. "Yeah, maybe bringing a whole buffet wasn't the best solution..."

I giggle. "Nope it was not."

"We're not trying to engulf you with our worry," she continues and the sofa dips and she takes a seat beside me. "Honestly we just want to be there for you to help you get through this because we don't want you to suffer alone. You already have enough."

"Thanks guys," I say, gratitude swelling up in my heart." I really appreciate everyone caring about me, you guys truly don't understand how much that means to me but...I'm someone who needs a little bit of space with this sort of thing and, er, I don't...think supplying a whole restaurant of food to a person with an eating disorder is the best way to go about trying to help them get better anyways..."

"See I told you we didn't need to make soup!" Jay rolls his eyes, punching his brother in the rib. Andrew's eyes widen and he pinches the bridge of his nose from annoyance.

John stops the two of them before they can begin tackling each other but the two try to swat each other back and forth regardless.

"We'll give you all the space you need," my dad says, with a small smile. "But please come to us when you're in a dark place. Don't suffer in silence mija."

"That's what I said!" My grandmother smiles smugly and I giggle.

"Yes mija seriously don't leave us in the dark when you find yourself in this sort of situation again," my mother adds much more sternly, giving me the 'eyes'.

I nod and salute her. "Yes ma'am."

My mom rolls her eyes and playfully wacks me across the head, as she is unable to stop the grin from breaking out onto her face.

We all hang out in the living room together for a little bit until John suddenly clears his throat, the sound reverberating across the room. I startle from the loud voice.

"Now that I've gotten all of your attention, can we all leave now! It's almost 5'o'clock I want candy floss!"

I furrow my eyebrows. "Huh? Where?"

All heads turn to face me and they all stare incredulously.

"What?"

"It's Christmas Eve Eve," Andrew responds in a duh sort of way, very slowly may I add, which only heightens my confusion.

At my continued bafflement Jay gasps dramatically, clutching a hand to his heart. "Don't tell me you've forgotten about the tradition!"

"...What tradition?"

Gasps echo all throughout the room.

I get antsy as silence fills the room.

"What traditi-"

"Winter freaking wonderland!" Lucy exclaims, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "We go every year on the eve of Christmas eve how could you forget?!"

My eyes widen as realisation floods through me. "Oh rightttt," I say in recollection, grinning broadly. "That tradition!"

They all murmur 'oh yeahhhh' mockingly and I chuck both decorative pillows that I was lying on in various directions towards everyone.

"Alright then, let's go!"

━

AUTHORS NOTE:

hiii this is a very short chapter but i feel like it was sort of needed to get a little insight on isabella and her support system blah blah. also i wanted a few filler chapters before the big reveal skskkss. i'm prolonging it guys to rank up tension (i guess), so expect it in about another 3-4 chapters or so from now :)

also OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 90k READS AND 400 FOLLOWERS I APPRECIATE IT SM :,) YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AHHHH XXX