46.

all of it

MY WORRIES FADED FOR THE NEXT FEW MINUTES in Caelum's arms, before I whispered, "You're drunk, C."

"The drive from the club to my house sobered me up," he said.

"Great," I said, still leaning into his touch. "Because I'm still mad at you."

His deep voice came out low and gruff and warm. "I know."

After finally getting away from The Jensen family's prying eyes, Caelum and I walked side by side into his room. I sat cross-legged on his bed, watching as he shifted into a position similar to mine.

"I wish I had never met you," he mumbled, looking down on his dark blue bedsheets. I continued looking at him because I had no idea what he was talking about or where he was going with that. "Because I wouldn't have to deal with all those heartaches, or wish for things to come true. Or have the need to impress or want or think about you. There would be none of that: no cruel words, or promises, or feeling the pain of not being able to properly express my feelings."

"But then I look at you," he said, finally looking up. "I see that smile. The same one you always have on. And it sucks because that stupid smile of yours was what started everything. Every time I try to move on from you because I know you're probably never going to see me the same way I see you, something happens. And before I know it, you're here again. With that stupid smile."

He was watching me. Watching to see my reaction to his words. And I gave him one. I closed the space between us and kissed him. It wasn't like the first time at Cole's party, or the second time in his bedroom, or even the third time at Melanie's house. It felt like those times never existed and we were starting afresh.

He gently threaded my hair with one hand and pulled me onto his lap with the other one, without breaking the kiss. Caelum's tongue explored every part of my mouth, and I explored his right back. I didn't know what I did, but next I knew, he was grinning against my mouth.

Lowering his mouth to my jawline, he sprinkled kisses down my neck, tugging slightly on my hair and angling my neck sideways. When I felt his lips on my neck, a choked gasp escaped from my mouth, and before I knew it, his lips were back on mine. So, if I was asked to pick a person to kiss for the rest of my life, I didn't need to think twice.

"What do you like about me?" I asked quietly after we pulled away. I didn't think I was that special for a guy like Caelum to pin after for years.

He grinned. "I could list a hundred reasons," he said. "I love your facial expressions, I love that you know me, I love the friendly flirting, I love the way your eyes light up when you laugh, I love your hugs and how warm and safe they are, I love that you're never awkward around me, I love that you make me do cliché things, I love that our hands fit together perfectly, I love how you smell and how it lingers on my clothes-"

I gaped at him. "Did you cram all of those things?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I know all of that because I love you."

A surge of warmth rolled through me at his words, starting at the tip of my fingers and spreading to my toes. I met his gaze as he gently pushed my hair away from my face. I had fallen in love with him along the line, but saying it to him was a different issue entirely. Because if he left me, I didn't know how I would survive.

But I ignored the fears and what-ifs and then-whats and said it back, because I meant it. "I love you, C."

A second later, and the biggest grin I had ever seen on his face appeared. I laughed at his cuteness but decided to come clean with him. "You probably know I'm not an easy person to be with," I said, staring deep into those eyes I had come to love. "I'm annoying and hilarious and may probably drive you crazy every day to the extent that you'll hate my guts, but I swear, I have an amazing side to me. Even if you walk away from me or push me away, C, I won't leave. If it's from the sidelines or from any other place, I'll care for you. And when things are getting hard, I won't walk out even if you force me to."

"Well, I won't tell you I'm perfect because we both know how false that is." I chuckled, but he continued. "I’m done being scared. I know I might not be boyfriend material, and it’s possible that I’ll suck at all of this, but I want to try. For you. Because the idea of living without you in my life again? Unbearable."

And even though we had no idea what the future held for us, none of that mattered because it felt surreal. We were living according to the moment, but I knew there was more to come.

I knew there were going to be more fights with him in the future, and more times to kiss and makeup, more times to slam the door in our faces, and more times to apologize and remind each other how much we loved each other, more times to show our weaknesses, and more times to realize how much our time apart was going to make our love stronger. There was more to come.

All of it.

And if all it took to bring us to that moment was me searching for what laid beyond him, I didn't have a problem repeating the same cycle in the next life and the lives after that.

-

Author's note:

What do you guys think?

I'm dying, this is literally the last chapter!!!