Dedicated to all those who've lost somebody <3

22.

graveyard

***

Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday
Unseen, unheard, but always near
Still loved, still missed, and very dear.
- Anonymous

***

I NEVER LIKED BEING in the cemetery.

Although it was quiet and peaceful, the dead were laid to rest in hopes of not being forgotten, but those promises were always broken. The cemetery was meant to be spooky and was meant to fill me with chills. Yet, it felt like I was walking through the park on a Sunday afternoon.

I had glanced at the gravestone in front of me so many times before, and yet, when I saw it again, the feeling of grief and sorrow swept through me every time.

Dale McCready
1977-2015
Beloved Father and Husband

Crouching down to my father's grave, I sighed as I placed the white roses on them. Dad liked anything white, he told me white meant purity and love. I didn't argue with him because I liked white too, but I hated white roses. They were sympathy roses. Sympathy roses were sympathy offerings. I hated pity.

I dropped down to my butt, hugging my knees to my chest and staring at the headstone in front of me.

"So, mum's good," I started. "She's rarely ever home and she's changed completely. Sometimes, I wonder if she's trying to distract herself or if she's moved on. I feel she doesn't care about me anymore, and I—" I broke off, taking a deep breath before continuing. "And I don't just know anymore. I mean, no matter how hard I try to hate her, I still love her and I miss her so much. But enough about her." I didn't want to talk about mum today so I completely changed subjects.

"You know how I always had a hard time making friends?" I chuckled lightly as the memories of middle school filled my head. "Well, guess what? I have four friends now."

"There's Emery, Melanie, Clara, and Caelum," I said. "Emery is really cool, like really really cool. I can't even believe we're friends. Melanie talks a lot and she's really nice. She has a huge crush on Caelum and Caelum doesn't even like her." I couldn't help but smile at that. "Clara is a complete sweetheart, she's blunt and she's more reasonable. She talks like she's been through a lot, but who hasn't?"

"And there's Caelum, Emery's half-brother. He completely hated me when we first met, I still think he hates me for reasons unknown to me, but we're slowly becoming friends. He even tutored me for a test and I passed. It's embarrassing to say this, dad, but I think I love having him around."

"Will things ever get easier?" I asked, obviously not expecting an answer. "I miss you very much and I'm really sorry I stopped visiting, but I don't think it'll ever be possible to get over your death." I ended as memories of my dad flooded my mind.

Father rarely said 'I love you.' But when he did, it was merely impossible for me to think about anything else. On every one of my plays and recitals, he was always sitting in the front row. He would always tell me that he didn't care whose view he blocked because I was his daughter and he was always rooting for me.

The first time Paula Jenkins and her cronies followed me home, dad chased them away with a baseball bat. He told them never to come near me again, else he was going to report them to the police. Thinking about it now, I couldn't help but let a small smile slip. My father was an amazing man, and he deserved to live. No one deserved life more than he did.

After sitting for what felt like hours, I readjusted the white roses on the grave and picked the other roses I brought with me. I brought extra roses to place upon each old crooked, crumbling gravestones. For the people who had no one to visit or care for them in a long time. I wasn't able to place the roses on all the headstones, but I made sure to place them on all the ones I could see when leaving the cemetery.

Walking out of the graveyard, I saw a familiar silhouette leaning against a gravestone. I wasn't sure if it was really the person so I walked towards the direction. I hid behind a tall leafless oak tree and watched him.

It felt like I was invading his privacy, so I turned to leave. My life being a cliché, I mistakenly stepped on a twig and I froze in my tracks. I tried staying as still and silent as I could but I knew I was already caught. I could hear him walking towards me so I quickly wiped my eyes and turned to look at him.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to act cool by leaning on the big oak tree.

He narrowed his eyes. "I should be asking you the same."

"Well," I said. "I'm just chilling here and there."

"In a graveyard?"

"Your face."

He looked confused as he stared at me. "Were you crying?"

"Pfft no," I replied not giving up my façade.

"Is that your mum?" I asked gently, looking behind him.

He stared at me and at the stone, back to me and back to the stone before going back to sit.

"I had no idea," I said, sitting beside him on the damp grass.

"You don't have to—"

"I want to," I cut him off. "Tell me about her."

"Dae—"

I shook my head, playfully nudging him with my shoulder. "We both know I wouldn't be sitting here if I didn't want to know."

"She was young, pretty, and dead," he said.

I gawked at him. "I know we aren't besties or anything. Yet. But I'm trying, really," I said. "I may not be the best person out there but I really do mean what I say. I want to be friends with you and I have finally decided that you're not going through this alone."

"She was a music teacher," he said. "One for surprises. She always tried to make me smile and all the different adventures we did together were just fun. She always knew the right thing to say and she was... she didn't need to prove anything to anybody." He smiled without even glancing at me.

I couldn't help but feel honored. Caelum trusted me well enough to confide in me. I didn't expect things to turn out this way, but as I said, Caelum was unpredictable.

"Continue," I urged, once I saw he had no idea what to say.

His eyes were focused on the empty space in front of us as he tapped his fingers on his laps in a steady rhythm. "Like I said, she was a music teacher."

I nodded in realization. "So that's how you learned to play the guitar."

"Have you heard me play?"

I grinned sheepishly. "The first time I came over for our project."

He shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. A short pause passed between us. It was comfortable and not comfortable. It felt like Caelum had something to say but he was trying hard not to say it.

"She sounded like an amazing person," I said genuinely. "Like really really amazing."

"Uh-huh." He nodded. "She was amazing."

"I wish I met her."

"Yeah, before she completely changed," he spat. He looked like he was having a hard time saying whatever he wanted to say so I interrupted him.

"You don't have to," I trailed off not knowing what to say.

"Yeah, I don't have to," he said as he stood and left.

The second I walked into the house, I was faced with the wrath of my mother. The way she planked herself on one of the dark couches in our living room, staring straight at the door looked like a scene out of a horror movie. I could tell she was royally pissed by the expression on her face but I still decided to ignore her like I had been doing these past few days.

"Daesyn," she called in the 'mum tone.' Her voice was strict and demanding.

"Yes, Mother?"

Her brows rose. "We need to talk."

"I don't know mum," I said, trying to find a way out of the talk. "It's already late and I have school tomorrow."

"Get over here immediately," she said with tightened jaw, her lips pressed into a thin line.

I really really wanted to act stubborn with her, but I finally decided to be obedient. At least, I was giving her a chance to explain herself. I let out an exhausted sigh as I walked towards her. "What is it?" I asked impatiently.

"What is happening to us?" she started off. "Things are not the way it used to be—"

I cut her off with a shake of my head. "Yeah, things are obviously not the way they used to be," I said. "Do you want to know why? Because you changed."

"Dae—"

"No mum," I said. "You ruined everything. You were supposed to be here for me, but you changed."

"I'm trying to be here for you now," she said, rubbing her face tiredly. "I even took a leave from work. I won't be going back till next year."

"Bullshit," I said, looking her in the eyes.

"Language."

I scoffed. "And why would I listen to you?"

"Because I am your mother!" she shouted.

"My mother wouldn't rip what was left of our family apart," I said lowering my tone and looking her dead in the eyes. Her eyes flashed with various emotions but I didn't avert my gaze. I wanted her to know how disappointed I was.

"Will you be able to forgive me?" she asked softly.

I didn't have the answer to that. I wanted to forgive her, I really did. But I wasn't sure how.

"I'll be in my room," I said, standing.

Slamming my door shut, I slid down my carpeted floor, clamping a hand over my mouth to muffle my cries. Things were becoming so hard lately. I didn't even know what was happening anymore.

Getting sleep that night proved to be insanely hard.

I peered over the alarm clock on my bedside table, the time reading two-thirty in the morning. My eyes were really heavy but I was still wide awake. I squeezed my eyes really tight and tried to force myself to sleep. I had school tomorrow and I needed to rest, but I was so stuck on my mother's words that I couldn't do anything but stare.

-

Author's note:

I can't even ask if you enjoyed this chapter or not. It was really hard for me to write the graveyard scene since I honestly don't know what happens in the graveyard. I know it sucks, and I apologise :/

And you may probably think Daesyn is overreacting, like she doesn't have to act that way with her mother, but she's not. I know I would do the same if something like that happened to me.

Don't forget to vote and comment, I am honestly so fucking lonely, I can't -