The morning was wet and cold as it kissed her cheeks and nuzzled her nose. With a sleepy smile, Ashlyn opened her eyes to greet Coley who had successfully coaxed her into waking for breakfast.

Coley's meow was croaky as Ashlyn scooped her into her arms and kissed the tip of her nose. Coley remained compliant for a moment before she pushed Ashlyn's face away and jumped down, the soft sound of her pitter-pattering towards the kitchen. Ashlyn grinned as she climbed out of bed and followed, the cats hinting not lost on her.

The early morning sun was warm against the terracotta paint she'd begun applying to the feature wall of the open plan living area. While the renovations were not progressing as quickly as she would have liked, Ashlyn was enjoying how relaxed, and in control, the ordeal made her feel. With each stroke of the brush and each new piece of furniture, she could see her fathers plans for the house coming to life.

Coley's impatience pulled her from her thoughts as she weaved around Ashlyn's legs. Rolling her eyes, Ashlyn continued to the kitchen to fill her food bowl, before she made her way to the bathroom to take a shower.

Half an hour later, she was locking the front door and breathing in the fresh scent of the front garden. The sun was high in the sky, and she could not see a single cloud. It's going to be a good day, she thought.

***

"I'll take two cappuccinos, and—" A young gentleman started, his hand resting atop the mop of blonde curls that could only belong to his daughter. His gaze shifted to his daughter as he crouched down to whisper in her ear, kindly coaxing her to speak up. "—A fluffy, please," her gentle voice added, blue eyes peeking over the counter. Ashlyn smiled fondly, preparing their order.

Approaching table eleven, three hot drinks in hand, Ashlyn's heart warmed at the delight that filled the young girl when she gazed at the chocolate sauce smiling before her.

"Thank you." She beamed, dipping her finger in the sauce and quickly shoving her finger in her mouth before her parents could stop her. Her parents chuckled as Ashlyn handed them a napkin, suspecting things were going to get a little messy. It was witnessing these moments of joy that Ashlyn loved most about her job.

"I saw the extra marshmallow you snuck her," someone commented from behind Ashlyn, startling her as she made her way back to the counter. Taking a deep breath, she was relieved that she no longer held any hot cups. She turned to say something, to defend herself maybe and was caught off guard by the playfulness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Derek apologised with a genuine smile.

It's alright, she responded, her answering smile just as genuine. Collecting the empty dishes from another table she moved back towards the counter, Derek following behind.

"Derek! Good Morning!" Kass' hollered from the kitchen, her face filling the viewing window with a big grin.

"Hey Kass." He chuckled, leaning against the corner of the counter.

Ashlyn offered him a menu, which he accepted. She watched as his gaze flicked over the pages, his brows furrowed with focus. The stubble around his face was thicker this morning, rougher she thought, as he rubbed his chin, the sound reaching her ears.

Heat filled her cheeks as he glanced up, catching her in the act of watching him and smiled. She quickly looked away, anxiously chewing her bottom lip. When she glanced his way again from the corner of her eye, he was still watching her with curiosity.

What am I doing? She thought. I can't do this; it's not right. You dare to let people in, and soon enough they will leave you again.

Quickly she dropped her gaze, absently rubbing her forearm. That was too close, she thought, the rubbing more insistent as her breathing shallowed. The noises around her grew louder. Cutlery knocking against ceramic, voices competing to be heard over one another, the hiss of the coffee machine; It was too much. What was she doing? She didn't behave like this; it was too dangerous, and she knew better.

"Hey, are you okay?" His voice was distant as he reached over to take her hand in his. She nodded, the motion making her dizzy. Her skin burned where he touched her, but the air burned more as she pulled her hand back. She closed her eyes as the room began to move around her, blocking out his concern. Each breath grew harder, her chest constricting.

"Ashlyn, hey, take a deep breath." The hand on her shoulder was heavy; the words echoed from the end of a dark tunnel. Her chest shuddered as she inhaled deeply and exhaled. "And another." His voice was closer this time, the fog in her mind dissipating. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. She repeated this motion three more times before the weight lifted from her shoulders, and she opened her eyes.

Derek stood leaning over the counter, his face inches from hers. His gaze did not waver as she stared back, her chest rising and falling with each steadying breath. There was no judgment in his eyes, only a deep-set concern. Glancing past his head, she was relieved to learn that no one else had borne witness to her panicked state.

After a tense moment passed, he leant back again and smiled kindly. Though his smile told her that everything was alright, it took more than that to convince her mind. Her answering smile was hesitant as she took a step back. Shame made it difficult for her to meet his gaze again, her eyes searching for a distraction.

Focusing on her fingers, still trembling slightly, she took a napkin and tore a long strip from the edge, then another and another. She kept going until the tremors faded, and a mountain stood between them. The distance was good. Safe.

Kass' approach bought relief and fresh snow falling upon the mountain with her movements. Ashlyn's breathing levelled out, as the sounds of the cafe returned to normal. She was uncertain if Kass knew what had happened just moments before, but she was not about to bring it up. Her shame was too great.

"Whatever you want, it's on the house," Kass said, brushing the flour from her hands on her apron. "I happen to know Ashlyn makes the best crepes with caramelised pears." Her eyes encouraged Ashlyn as she began removing the napkin mountain. Maybe she had seen after all.

Ashlyn's eyes widened, her heart stuttering within her chest. She wanted to stop Kass, but that would only draw more attention from Derek. Before the barrage of thoughts could seize her once again, she removed herself from the situation. She turned to take someone's order, making sure to kick Kass' boot in the process.

"So, I was thinking, seeing as I don't have any other friends here, maybe you would both be free tonight to show me around?" Ashlyn fought to remain unaffected, but her finger twitched against the register at the mention of friends. Handing the customer their change with a forced smile, she turned to Kass her eyes pleading. Kass' gaze was encouraging in response, her eyes subtly pointing in Derek's direction. Ashlyn understood the meaning of her unspoken words, but it was futile. She could not do it. If only Kass would understand.

Before Kass could answer for the both of them, Ashlyn signed a rushed I can't sorry, before she excused herself to clear the vacated tables. She could hear Kass apologising on her behalf, but Ashlyn quickly tuned it out finding duties to distract herself. The morning had been more difficult than expected, and she was ready for it to be over.

Derek left shortly after the incident. He'd tried to approach her to say goodbye, but she'd shaken her head and moved in the opposite direction. She couldn't.

The rest of the day passed painfully slow, the events of the morning and the thoughts it had awoken consuming her. She had fought so hard to maintain control the past twenty years, keeping a safe distance. Twenty years and she'd only faltered twice. Two times was all she could bear. When she let people close, heartbreak swiftly followed. And she couldn't go through that again. She wouldn't.

By the time five thirty rolled around the café was empty, the last patron had left ten minutes ago. Ashlyn stood balancing the till for the fourth time that hour when Kass closed the drawer.

"You need to sit down," Kass commanded, steering Ashlyn by her shoulders over to one of the tables in the front window. Sitting opposite her, Kass sighed. Ashlyn watched her hands on the table before her, her fingers knotted together.

"I know somethings bothering you Ash. You've been distracted all day, and I haven't seen you smile once—"

I've smiled plenty, Ashlyn interrupted, her movements half-hearted.

"—and mean it," Kass finished, her tone gentle. "I'm worried about you."

Ashlyn bit her lip, glancing away before Kass could notice the tear that caressed her cheek. It was true. Her mind had been elsewhere today, somewhere dark and lonely. But still, she'd thought she maintained a composed front. 

Guilt at that moment sat not on her chest, but inside her mind, and its power grew stronger with each moment she dwelt on her thoughts. The guilt of letting Kass down today, of forgetting all the things her father had taught her to be, and the guilt for her rudeness towards Derek. She hadn't even thanked him!

I'm sorry, her hands were shaking, the tears now freed from their cage. Kass was quickly at her side, pulling her into her embrace. Ashlyn allowed herself a moment of comfort in the arms of her friend. When she felt she was more in control, Ashlyn pulled back to thank Kass.

The two of them sat side by side, Ashlyn's head resting on Kass' shoulder as she let some of the thoughts out of her mind. Kass' reassurances were like a refining fire, burning through all the lies and darkness that Ashlyn was battling. With each minute that passed, the burden she carried grew lighter, more bearable. She still had her doubts, and she still had her fears, but at that moment, Ashlyn felt a little more in control.

"Come out with us tonight. Marcus is coming, and Andie and Nick will be there too. We'd love to have you." Ashlyn knew what she was saying. There would be plenty of people there. She would be safe. She considered it, but still, she couldn't bring herself to agree. She needed some space, some time to reset.

Thank you, but I really should go straight home. My stomach has been feeling uneasy all day, she signed, and it was true. Her stomach was bothering her, just not for the reasons Kass thought.

Kass was about to answer when the door opened, and a group of people entered, Derek among them. She gave Ashlyn a quick pat on the back before she stood to greet her guests.

Ashlyn watched as Nick and Andie were the first to embrace Kass. 

Andie was dark, where Nick was fair. They were opposite in every way. But the love and joy that radiated from them when they were together were all consuming. Ashlyn was happy for them.

Marcus was the next to approach, his raven hair a mess atop his head. While he'd changed his clothes, Marcus still wore the same boots he wore when he worked in the garden. She could see that he hadn't cleaned them either. Marcus was going to regret that decision. Ashlyn could see the moment that he realised it too.

"Your boots better be clean, Marcus!" Kass threatened. Everyone's gaze shifted to the pile of dirt he'd carelessly tracked through the store. At that moment Ashlyn could have sworn Kass' complexion grew significantly darker.

Nick and Derek laughed as they watched Kass shove a laughing Marcus and his dirty boots outside, shouting at him in Spanish. Ashlyn watched the scene before her with enjoyment, a brief reprieve from the rest of the emotions that had overwhelmed her. Sooner or later, those two would realise that their irritation with one another was just a mask for something else.

"She's like a firecracker." Andie giggled, her dark gaze flicking to Ashlyn for a moment. Her smile was friendly as she waved. Ashlyn waved back and stood to join the others. Wiping her hands on her leg, she hesitated a moment before she tapped Derek on the shoulder and waited. When he turned, his smile was warm and welcoming. It was as though the morning hadn't even occurred.

Thank you for this morning. Her smile was sincere, an apology and her gratitude combined. Derek nodded and stepped aside so she could join the group. It was puzzling, the way she felt as though she understood what he was saying, even when he said nothing at all.

Nick and Andie spoke quietly amongst themselves, while Kass and Marcus continued their heated conversation outside. Picking at the hem of her shirt, Ashlyn glanced around awkwardly. She wasn't sure whether she should start locking up, or if she should attempt to strike up a conversation with Derek, however awkward it might be. Before she was forced to decide Kass re-entered the café grinning.

"All right, who's hungry for some steak?" Kass cheered, throwing her fist into the air.

"You are going to love The Grill, Derek," Nick spoke. "They have the best steak in all of Maine."

Derek chuckled, his eyes seeking Ashlyn's for assurance. She nodded her agreement.

"Are you sure you can't join us, Ashlyn?" Derek asked, and she could have sworn she saw a flash of disappointment in his eyes. She shook her head, no.

"Next time then." She hesitated at the hope resting in the upturn of his lips. Afraid of making a promise she couldn't keep, she excused herself to help Kass lock up. Ten minutes later, they all stood out the front of Salt as Kass locked the door behind them.

"Steak. Steak. Steak. Steak," they chanted as Marcus, Nick and Andie lead the charge towards The Grill. Kass and Derek stayed back to bid Ashlyn goodnight.

"I'll see you on Sunday?" Kass asked brow raised expectantly. Ashlyn pretended to think about for a moment, holding a finger to her pursed lips and tilting her head to the side. Kass laughed as she playfully punched Ashlyn's shoulder, and Ashlyn grinned.

"All right. Have a good night." Kass blew her a kiss before she skipped off to join the rest of the group. That left just Ashlyn and Derek, alone. To say she felt uncomfortable would be an understatement.

Twice Derek opened his mouth to say something, and both times he stopped himself. Worried that he was going to lose the guys who had gone ahead, she politely gestured that she should go. She wanted to be home before it got dark, not to mention her nerves were crying for a respite.

Good night, Derek, she signed.

With a deep sigh, he nodded. "Good night, Ashlyn."

Before he could say something else, or she could talk herself into going to dinner, she turned and made her way home. But not before she stopped on the corner to turn and watch his retreating back as he walked in the other direction.