What if we Drown (55)

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A familiar beep broke through the silence, and Ashlyn winced at the sound that fell upon her ears. Her eyelids fluttered, cracking to allow the light of day into the darkness she left behind. Her blinks were quick at first while she adjusted to the sunlight streaming through the window, the sky a stark contrast to the night from whence she'd come.

The window was closed, but as she watched the streak of ocean waver against the horizon, she could almost taste it lingering in the back of her throat.

Flashes of white wisps and mermaids tails, her father's grim expression, and the grey-blue tempest that she'd wrestled flickered behind her eyes, and her heart picked up its pace. The fog over her memories lifted, and with sudden clarity, the aches in her body and the sandpaper feeling at the back of her throat made sense.

What was I thinking? She raised her hand to her temple in an attempt to massage the memories and mortification away.

Her gaze roamed over the assembly of monitors and machines, and the steady drip of the IV hooked up to her hand, before lingering on the bouquet of daisies tied in brown paper on the bedside. Derek.

A tender smile claimed her lips and, careful not to disturb the cannula in her hand, she reached over to run her fingers through the flowers. Carefully, as not to damage the delicate petals, she pinched the stem of one of the flowers and rolled it between her fingers, watching pink bleed into white in a hypnotic twirl.

So beautiful. She gave a contented sigh, placing the daisy back on the table.

Suddenly, a deep exhale came from her other side, and the weight against the bed shifted.

Turning her head, she was surprised to see she wasn't alone. Lost in sleep, Derek laid against the bed, his head resting upon his arm. The peace that surrounded him and the steady rise and fall of his back with each breath caused her heart to swell.

Careful not to jostle him, Ashlyn rolled over and rested her head against the pillow so she could watch him sleep. Her fingers twitched at her side, and her gaze narrowed in on his hand, almost touching hers. Stretching her fingers towards his, she closed the distance between them and covered his hand with hers.

Feels like home, her heart whispered, and she couldn't help nodding in agreement.

Derek stirred, his hand turning beneath hers as he threaded their fingers. Holding her breath, Ashlyn watched as he lifted his head, groggy eyes finding hers. Love, fear, and relief chased one another across the lines in his forehead before plunging into the inviting waters of his eyes.

"Hey," he croaked, squeezing her hand.

'Hi,' she mouthed, her other hand reaching over to smooth the lines in his forehead. His eyes closed at her touch, his breath tickling her wrist with his exhale.

Turning his head, Derek brushed his lips over the palm of her hand. They remained that way for a moment, neither ready to let go.

"I was so worried. I thought I was going to lose you."

Ashlyn squeezed his fingers, and he slowly opened his eyes. Releasing his hand, she cupped both of his cheeks, her thumbs catching the dew that clung to his lashes. I'm still here, her touch whispered across his skin.

Grabbing her wrists, Derek held her there, his eyes frantic with worry as he peered into hers.

"What you did, Ashlyn, running out into the storm and jumping into the boat like that. How could you be so stupid?" His hands tightened around her wrists, his voice desperate to understand.

Ashlyn shrank back at his reprimand; her chin dipped from guilt. She had been stupid. She knew that. But it was him out there, and she had to do something.

"I've been trying to understand why you would do such a thing, but I just don't. You could have died-" His voice hitched at the mention of death, his breath fanning across her cheeks with his exhale. "I almost lost you," he added, his voice no more than a broken whisper.

Biting into her bottom lip, Ashlyn choked back the sob that rose in her throat. She let go of his cheeks and gently twisted her wrists from his grip.

I thought I was going to lose you, too. When Kass said you were out there, I relived my father all over again, and I couldn't go through that. Not with you.

She glanced up at him then, pleading with him to understand, daring him to say that he wouldn't have done the same if he were in her shoes. She'd seen him on the dock, and she knew that he would have.

I was stupid, and I wasn't thinking straight. But I couldn't stand by and wait, knowing you were out there. Derek continued to watch her, his eyes shifting from her nimble hands to her determined expression.

Shuffling over on the bed, Ashlyn took Derek's hands and guided him up onto the bed.

"When I arrived at the docks to find they'd gone out without me, I was so relieved. My first thought was of you -" His lips twitched with a small smile. "- and the promise I made you."

You're not going to lose me, he whispered in her memory. 

"I kept my promise, Ashlyn, but then you almost broke it for me. Sitting in that office, listening to my team speak over the radio with the coastguard, I couldn't get my mind off of you. I kept thinking of how you'd be coping and how Kass would be distracting you. A part of me knew she would have told you I was here - it's impossible to keep something from you - but still, I'd hoped she wouldn't."

Ashlyn's eyes shifted to the space behind him, her lip caught between her teeth again. Kass would have succeeded if it hadn't been for her insistence.

"I imagined at least ten different ways I was going to surprise you when the storm was over. Throwing pebbles at your window, the classic daisies, and apology on your doorstep, I even thought about running out into the street and coming to find you at Salt. But, the plans I came up with didn't matter, because they all ended the same; you running into my arms and telling me with your words, and your kiss, that everything was going to be okay.

"Instead, I looked out the window, just for a moment, and you were running away from me. I watched as you jumped into that boat, watching as the sea ripped you away. My legs had never moved faster than they did when I came running out to stop you, knowing that I was already too late."

She could almost feel his terror closing in on her and squeezing her heart as he spoke.

I'm sorry. Her hands quivered, and Derek quickly enveloped them in his own.

"I am so sorry, for everything, Ashlyn. If I hadn't been a jerk, you would have never been in this position. I don't deserve you after what I did, and I'm still not sure I deserve you now." His voice broke.

Ashlyn shook her head, unwilling to let him take all the blame, but Derek continued.

"I don't think you understand just how much I love you, Ashlyn, or how much I'd do to keep you in my life." His voice was a whisper, haunting and distant as it wrapped around her, her breath stolen from her lungs by a single moment spent looking into those earnest eyes.

I'd do the same for you, she answered, tucking her legs beneath her, so her eyes were level with his. Sincerity burned within her gaze, the evidence of how far she was willing to go for him all around them.

"No, you don't understand. I don't even understand." He gave a nervous chuckle, his eyes trained on his hands. A warm flush glowed in his cheeks, and Ashlyn wondered what words he battled. Didn't he know he could tell her anything?

Hooking her finger beneath his chin, Ashlyn raised his head so that she could meet his gaze.

Make me understand.

Gulping, Derek nodded while his fingers formed a twisted knot in his lap.

"Maybe it was my fear talking, or an illusion of some sort, crafted by the wind and rain mixed with adrenaline; I don't really know. But, standing there on the dock while I watched you drift away, I could have sworn I heard something. Someone calling my name."

Ashlyn held her breath, her eyes a fraction wider. It couldn't be.

"I was thinking about you and how I had to do something to save you. I fought my friends and screamed out to you, and then suddenly everything around me went quiet as the sweetest sound caressed my cheeks, and filled my ears." Unraveling his fingers, Derek reached up to scratch the back of his neck, his next words a mumble. "It was like her voice sang to me, calling me out into the waters, towards you. And I followed. Without a thought, I jumped into the ocean. For you."

How? Her heart questioned, her eyes wide with wonder.

"When I heard that voice and felt it whisper in my heart, the only thing I thought of was you." His chest rose and fell as he stole a glance in her direction. "But that's crazy, right? I mean, I've never heard your voice, and it's not like Siren's exist." He gave a nervous chuckle. A sound escaped Ashlyn's lip, somewhere between a sigh and a chuckle, and she felt her eyes begin to prickle with tears.

He had no idea what the words he'd just said meant, or how true it was. By some unknown magic, his name, her final plea, had carried to his ears and called to him. Her heart had called, and he had answered. Like a Siren. She giggled at the absurdity, and yet the possibility of it all, her cheeks burning when he turned to gaze at her with wonderment.

"Here I am telling you something crazy and impossible, and yet, you're the one blushing and crying." His laughter was hearty and amused as his thumbs brushed over her cheeks, catching every tear that fell. His laughter faded, while his fingers lingered on her cheekbones a moment longer, lost once again in her touch. Tipping her head slightly, so it rested against his hand, Ashlyn's smile was wet against his arm. She pulled away again, knowing she had to tell him.

That's not why I'm crying, she answered, her eyes brimming with more tears, the joy that emanated within her chest nourishing her soul. By some miracle, he'd heard her.

"Is everything okay?" Concern pinched his brow, his eyes quickly raking over her, assessing for anything out of place.

A giggle bubbled on her lips, and his gaze moved to track it on the air around them.

Everything's fine, she signed, pecking his cheek. I want to show you something, she added, her hands buzzing with untapped excitement.

Derek nodded, settling back against her pillow, while he glanced around the small space, searching for her something. But he wouldn't find it. Her secret laid within.

Taking a deep breath, Ashlyn prayed that this would work. She licked her chapped lips and closed her eyes, picturing his name forming on her tongue and carrying across her lips. With her fingers crossed for good luck, she opened her eyes again to look at him and pressed her tongue to the back of her teeth.

"De...rek..." The syllables scratched at her throat, and her voice was barely even a hoarse whisper, but it was her voice.

Derek stared at her, blinking as though in disbelief.

"Ashlyn?" He asked, his voice doubtful and as quiet as hers had been. "Did you just?" He blinked again, still uncertain.

Ashlyn nodded, her bottom lip wavering through her smile, his face glistening from her unkempt tears.

As though she were a dream, an apparition conjured by the need of his heart, Derek reached towards her with hesitancy. A breathy laugh caressed his lips when his hands cupped her cheeks, his own eyes shimmering as they moved over every facet of her expression.

"It was you," he whispered, his eyes wide as he dove headfirst into her gaze.

"De-"

His lips covered hers, soft and smooth as he swallowed the remainder of his name. His kiss spoke of his love and his joy, his hands upon her cheeks wrapping around to the back of her neck and her shoulders to pull her closer, deeper into him.

Ashlyn's lips were quick to answer, her love and adoration meeting his kiss, her own hands twisting through his hair, holding him prisoner beneath her touch. Her cheeks were damp, a passionate tangling of both their tears while their lips continued an enticing dance.

They parted in a desperate gasp for air; their foreheads pressed together while their chests rose with labored breaths, the monitor at Ashlyn's back beeping in time with her racing heart.

"I can't believe it. You spoke!" He laughed as another tear trickled down to fill the dimple in his chin. "How? When did this happen?" He asked. The unbridled joy he felt bled into every facet of his face until everything was alight and glowing.

Warm hands brushed over her cheeks, her neck, her arms, leaving remnants of his glow upon every inch, until her body was a glowing, moldable clay in his hands.

You were right. About therapy, and Dr. Martin. About everything. A knot of guilt began to form in her gut for all the things she'd thought and done, for pushing him away because she was too blind to see it. But, the knot swiftly began to unravel again beneath the weight of his gaze. He didn't blame her for how she'd reacted, but rather, understood.

His hands continued their gentle ministrations, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake, making it hard for her to concentrate on what she was trying to say. She'd spent weeks talking and thinking about him and how it would feel to hold him again. Words felt wasted now, as he sat before her, turning her into putty with his intoxicating touch.

Drawing a breath deep into her lungs, she fought through the touch induced haze, hoping he wouldn't notice the slight tremor of her movements.

The more I talked with Lana about everything that happened, I realized that my silence wasn't just about protecting myself from being hurt. It was a punishment. She flexed her fingers and took another deep breath. I could have asked my father to stay, begged him not to go. But I didn't. I stood by, completely silent, believing that somehow, nothing would ever happen to him. And it did.

Derek's hand squeezed her shoulder, and she gave a small twitch of a smile. His presence in her life meant more than he'd ever know.

My silence has been a blessing and a curse, another reminder of what happened that I've clung to. I didn't want to be held back by that anymore. So I started seeing a speech pathologist so I could learn to talk again. It doesn't really feel like me just yet, but it's a voice. My voice.

"It's beautiful," he whispered, the tears in his eyes clinging to his lashes. He didn't try to hide them or wipe them away, even as one began its slow descent down his cheek. Watching the tear fall, and the pride that welled in his eyes and the smile he wore, Ashlyn couldn't have been more in love with his heart.

"I love it, and I love you." Soft as a feather, he caressed the side of her cheek as he twisted a knotted curl around his finger.

By their own accord, another stream of tears traced her nose and her cheeks, and her heart felt ready to burst out of her chest.

"I love...you too." Raw, husky, and barely audible, Ashlyn found the strength to voice the words that had been tucked away in her heart since the day he'd first stolen the breath from her lungs and taught her how to breathe.

Blinded by the weight of her tears and emotion, she didn't see it when he wiped the tears from his cheeks, only to have another wave replace them. She didn't know the way his eyes softened, and his cheeks split with the unspeakable joy she'd gifted with her voice, or the words she'd carefully spoken. She didn't feel the way his heart soared on the wings of eagles.

But, she felt it with all her heart when he placed his hand around her neck and pulled her lips to his in a kiss that transcended time and life itself.


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