His shoulders rose then fell with an uneven breath.

With his back to her, it was hard for Ashlyn to gauge what might have been on his mind, but from the set of his posture alone, she would have guessed that something troubled him. Through the front window, she watched Derek lean over and place something on the ground before righting himself. His shoulders still slumped as though he still carried the same weight.

Stepping to the side so she could get a clearer look, Ashlyn raised herself on the tips of her toes. As if he could feel her eyes on him, Derek turned. Frozen as she stood, one foot poised on its toes, the other resting flat, Ashlyn tried to read the emotion in his eyes. From a distance, he looked troubled, the invisible weight he carried having made his mark in the set of his eyes, and the downturn of those lips meant for smiling.

What bothers you? Ashlyn wondered, her head tilting while she leaned forward against the counter. She shouldn't have been spying, especially considering she'd been the one to ask for space. But she couldn't ignore a troubled soul, least of all his. The corner of her lip raised in a sad smile, wishing he could see.

With a subtle nod of his head, Derek gestured for her to come out and see him. A tinge of fear plagued his expression before he looked back out towards the street, hoping she would accept his invitation.

Her teeth captured her bottom lip, and the metallic tang of blood blossomed on the inside of her lip. Swallowing, Ashlyn glanced away from the window, resuming her work of wiping down the register and the spots of coffee spilled around it.

"Alright, that's enough. This has got to stop." Something slammed on the counter beside her, and Ashlyn jumped, her heart almost shooting out of her chest. Turning her narrowed gaze on Kass, Ashlyn slipped the cloth into the bin below.

What are you talking about? Ashlyn asked with feigned ignorance.

"Don't give me that look, Ash. You know just as well as I do that you want to go out there," Kass challenged, her arched brow daring Ashlyn to deny it. Hands falling to her side, Ashlyn looked to the window again, where Derek waited. A pout was on her lips, her brow pinched.

"Derek made some mistakes, and I get it. He made some stupid choices, and it hurt. But you are making a stupid choice right now, shutting him out. Ulterior motives originally or not, he loves you. And you're tossing all of that away because you're wounded. It's been six weeks now, and it's got to stop."

Torn between flinching at the sting of her words or sighing in defeat, Ashlyn continued to watch him. From where she stood, she could see the tightness of his shoulders, the way they slightly raised as his head hunched forward. Something weighed on his mind.

Ashlyn's fingers smoothed over her thigh, imagining that they were moving over his shoulders, massaging the tension away.

A warm hand came down on Ashlyn's shoulder, another hand turning her head to meet softened brown eyes.

"Look, there are things going on, and it's not my place to say, but you need to go out there and see him, hun. If he doesn't come in here, and you don't go out there, you're both going to regret it," Kass said, her eyes fixed on Ashlyn's.

Something about Kass' words filled Ashlyn with a new hive of nerves, buzzing incessantly in the pit of her stomach. Curling her fingers against the fabric, she closed her eyes and took a succession of deep breaths, just as Lana had taught her to do in these moments. Feeling each breath as it moved through her airways and cleared the fear-induced haze, Ashlyn's fingers loosened against her skirt.

Opening her eyes, she untied her apron and handed it to Kass. Injecting her smile with the confidence she didn't feel, she reached up and brushed the wisps of hair back from her face, instantly regretting her choice to sport the messy bun for the day.

The thought of talking to him, of being near him again filled her with nervous excitement. Six weeks of avoiding him had been torture of the worst kind, and through it all, no matter how hard she'd tried, she couldn't switch off the part of her that cared deeply for him. In just a few months, he'd ingrained himself into her life and her heart, and his roots wouldn't budge.

Everything will be okay, she encouraged, rolling her shoulders and raising her chin. The sorrow in Kass' gaze pierced the mask Ashlyn had constructed, the corners of her smile wavering.

Kass, what is it?

"Go. I'll be here when you need me," Kass spoke so softly, her hand brushing Ashlyn's arm as she stepped back to serve a customer.

Despite the unease that twisted in her gut and her fingertips, Ashlyn was ready. Stepping out from behind the counter, she made her way towards the front door, desperately trying to blot out Kass' words, and Derek inspired nerves. If she'd been any more nervous, she'd have torn through the fabric of her skirt.

When the bell over the door rang out, Derek's head snapped up and turned in her direction. His eyes were wide, and his lips parted with what looked like surprise twisted by...fear?

Taking a deep breath, she pulled the door shut behind her and walked towards Derek, ignoring the stares she knew were at her back. With each step that drew her closer, her heart rate increased, and the sweat upon her palms grew more persistent. But it was the gentle tugging of her lips pulling into a relieved smile that surprised her most. Even in those moments of her denial, she'd wanted this.

When he was close enough to reach out and touch, Derek turned to face her. Ashlyn's steps halted at the sight of the bags at his feet.

"Ashlyn-"

You're leaving? She brushed back the strand of hair that twisted with the afternoon breeze. Her eyes shifted from his face to the bags and back to his face.

His expression twisted as he tried to reach for her, and she stumbled back.

"It's not what it looks like," he pleaded, stepping towards her.

It looks like you're leaving.

"I have to go away for a little while to sort some things out."

Snapping her gaze back to his, she shook her head until she was dizzy.

No. You can't. Breathing became harder, the air around her growing thick and hazy.

"It's only until I can make things right." There was wavering in his voice, his own indecision warring inside.

Please don't go. Ashlyn sniffed. I'm sorry for pushing you away. This is all my fault-

"No." His hands were on her shoulders, pulling her closer. Twisting her torso, she broke free of his hold and sank her fingers into her hair.  "No, don't ever say that, don't even think that. This isn't your fault, Ashlyn. None of this is your fault." He reached for her again, the carefully constructed lines of his expression beginning to crack with his pain at what happened before him.

It is, she wanted to scream, but the only sound she uttered was a choked sob. Stepping towards him, her hands trembling, Ashlyn reached up to stroke his cheek, to run her fingers along the creases around his eyes. To feel him one last time.

His eyes closed, his muscles tightening beneath her fingertips.

"Ashlyn, I have to." His voice was tight, his lips moving against her wrist, where they lingered a moment longer.

She pulled away, her head shaking. If she hadn't pushed him away and driven him deeper into his spiral of guilt, he never would have felt the need to leave. He was going, and he wasn't taking her with him.

Wavering lips parted to speak; to console or give excuses, she wasn't sure, but she couldn't hear it. Not any of it. He didn't understand. Losing him would mean losing the only thing she had to cling to. If he left, how was his light going to circle back to her? She was already lost. Without him, the world would plunge into never-ending darkness.

I can't lose you, please. I need you, Derek. His visage bled with her tears, her broken gasps for air echoing around them.

"You're not going to lose me. I just need some time, so I can love you the way you deserve." His voice was wet, his own emotions getting the best of him. "You've done so well, Ash, and I couldn't be prouder. Let me do the same and be the man you deserve."

You're already that man and more. You don't have to go, she signed, her lips and her hands trembling. Exhaling on a stammer, she felt her face contort with the emotions that still warred inside.

Before he could see her cry, Derek pulled Ashlyn into his arms, holding her tight against his chest.

"I do," he whispered against the top of her ear, his hands twisting in her shirt with the effort to pull her closer. Cautiously, she reached around his torso and pressed her hands to his back in a touch of familiarity. Inhaling, she allowed his scent to invade her lungs, inviting it into her senses out of fear of losing this luxury.

Chest to chest, their hearts beat in unison, as silent tears bled through his shirt and dripped down the space behind her ear.

"I know this hurts you, and believe me; I wish it didn't have to be this way. But I'm not good for you like this. You needed time and space to heal and sort through your feelings and everything you've been through, and I need to do the same." Soft as silk, his voice fell upon her ears, his grip loosening on her back as he leaned back to brush her cheeks. Warmth fanned across her cheeks, his lips brushing over her eyelids as his breath mixed with her lashes and tears. Lips parted with the effort to say his name, her mind working to form the syllables and the sounds, just as Dr. Preston had been teaching her to do over the last two weeks, but no sound aside from a breathless sigh passed through.

A fresh wave of tears clung to her lashes. She couldn't even speak his name as he brushed them from her cheeks and whispered soothing comforts that did anything but.

"Be strong, for you." Brushing the wisps back from her face, Derek tried to smile through the silent agony that twisted his features. Sniffing, she tipped her head back to look at him. Every piece of her pleaded for him to stay, to take her with him, but all she could manage in answer to his request was a weakened nod.

"That's my girl." His smile was sad, his lips brushing against her brow. The ache in her chest pierced deeper, and her head fell forward to rest against his chest while she whimpered.

A car pulled up to the side of the road, and Ashlyn withdrew suddenly from his comforting embrace, only just now realizing they were not alone. She didn't dare look behind her at the cafe full of customers, no doubt witnessing her desperate pleas. Peering through the front window of the car instead, she recognized the driver as one of the guys from the dock. This was real. He was really leaving whether she liked it or not.

Once again, she was that little girl standing on the end of the pier, crying out for the one she couldn't have.

Watching as he opened the back door and placed both of his bags inside, she felt childish and desperate, but she had to do something. Reaching around him, she pulled one of the bags out and threw it back on the pavement, before going for the other. She refused to accept that this was how things had to be. There had to be another way that didn't end in her losing him.

"Ash, don't do this," he pleaded, catching the second bag she tossed and placing it back inside, his hand still holding the handle. Refusing to listen, she grabbed the other handle and tried to wrestle it from his grip. He was not leaving.

Releasing his hold, Derek took the bag from her hands and seized both of her wrists. Stepping away from the car, he led her to the semblance of privacy created by the entryway of his apartment.

When she tipped her head back to look up at him, everything she saw was a blur. 'Please,' she mouthed in silence before her eyes closed against the pain she couldn't show. Firm hands held her cheeks, and gentle thumbs stroked beneath her eyes. Clinging to his wrists, Ashlyn shook her head, refusing to believe that any of this could be happening.

"I love you so much. And when this is over, I will still love you." His lips were rough against hers, a wet, desperate kiss passing between them.

Her hands tightened at his wrists, her mouth moving desperately over his. When she was lost just enough to the taste of his own need and regrets, he pulled back. Extracting his wrists from her grip, he brought her hands to his lips in a feather-soft kiss before stepping back towards the car.

In the darkness he left behind, Ashlyn watched him walk away, his goodbye still tingling upon her lips.

No. He doesn't get to say goodbye. Not like this.

'Derek!' she tried to cry out, stumbling forward over the pavement, her hands grasping for thin air.

Come on, she screamed against the mental blocks pressed against her throat. She tried to envision the muscles working as the sounds formed, but it was to no avail. Not a sound was made, and Derek didn't turn back. Dammit!

Without a backward glance, Derek climbed into the passenger seat of the car and closed the door behind him, locking it from the inside before she could wrench it open. Wrapping on the window, her other hand pulled relentlessly at the handle.

No, he can't. He can't do this. Get out of there, Derek. Please get out of the car. Her thoughts continued to slam against the window in time with her fist, her mouth moving in a silent jumble of sobs and unspoken words.

"Drive, Matt." She heard his broken voice pass through the window.

The ignition turned, and the car rumbled to life. Stumbling back from the vehicle, Ashlyn stood on the pavement, begging him to look her way. To give her just one last glimpse of his face.

As though hearing her thoughts, Derek turned then and looked through the window, looking every bit as broken over his decision as she was. Beneath his tears and the agony that twisted his lips, she saw a flash of regret.

Don't go, she signed, appealing to that last sliver of hope she held, knowing he would. Her hands fell to her sides as she stood there on the side of the road, a broken, desperate mess.

I love you, he answered in sign as the car pulled away from the curb, taking her only chance to say it back away from her.

Just as she had when she was eight years old, Ashlyn began chasing after the thing she needed, refusing to let it slip through her fingers. She followed that car, her hand reaching for the man who watched through the back window, while the muscles of her throat worked to form words, any words, that might make him stay.

Before she could catch up to the car, her foot caught on her untied laces, and she stumbled to her knees. The pavement was rough as it broke the skin, but the pain was nothing compared to the breaking in her heart, knowing that she'd failed again. She'd lost them both; one to flames and one to the wounds left too long to fester.

Glimpsing him one last time in the wing mirror before the car turned and disappeared into the afternoon sun, Ashlyn cried out. Curling in on herself, Ashlyn clutched at her stomach, holding all the broken pieces of herself together as the walls came crashing down around her with one last, silent plea.

Come back, please.