Ashlyn stood from the table and hurried towards the front door, guided by the sound of the laughter; his laughter. Was he really here? Or did her ears deceive her?
"What are you doing here?" Kass' voice bounced with excitement as the person holding her likely moved. Ashlyn smiled in anticipation.
Ashlyn pulled the door open as wide as it would go. Joy sparked within her on confirmation that it was, in fact, him: Zion. Her eyes took in that familiar mop of red sand hair, her ears twitching with the sound of his rumbling laughter. Centimeters from her, Zion stood, squeezing Kass against his chest, her legs swinging above the floorboards. When he lifted his head, and his eyes met hers, Ashlyn's heart warmed at the joy reflected in his expression. Sometimes she forgot just how much she missed him living nearby.
Zion placed Kass down and stepped towards Ashlyn.
"Ash." He grinned, holding his arms wide open, an invitation. It only took a single blink before Ashlyn threw herself into his arms, her arms going around his neck. It felt so right to hold him in her arms again, to smell that cheap cologne that smelled of pinewood, which he always wore, ever since he was a teenager.
What are you doing here? Ashlyn asked, leaning back to peruse Zion, the shock at seeing him still not worn off. She wanted to laugh, and cry, jump up and down with glee and hug him all at once.
"We just saw Abel at the hospital, and he mentioned that you and Kass would be here." He smiled before he stepped around Ashlyn. "Hi, I'm Zion." He held his hand out to Derek, who had come up behind Ashlyn. While Introductions were made, Ashlyn glanced around tentatively when Zion's words sunk in. Did he say 'we'?
Just as she was about to bring it up with Zion, she heard Kass speaking to someone else in the stairwell.
"You're kidding. That Marcus hasn't changed a bit!" The other woman answered with a chuckle. The breath caught in Ashlyn's throat when she stepped around Zion to get a better view of the woman coming up behind Kass.
"Ashlyn, sweetheart." Her mother hurried down the remaining length of the landing, her brown bob cut bouncing, and hugged Ashlyn, her eyes brimming with tears. Ashlyn hugged her mother back, robotically at first, before she relaxed into the contact. The others around them spoke in distant murmurs as Ashlyn sunk into her mother's embrace. She missed this, feeling connected in this way. Ashlyn didn't know she was crying until her mother brushed her cheek.
"How is my darling girl?" her hand was gentle but firm as it cupped Ashlyn's cheek. "We don't talk like we used to anymore. Zion's the one who keeps me updated on you, you know. If you didn't want to talk to me, I wish you'd just tell me." Ashlyn flinched at the shadowed bite in her mothers' words, stepping back from her touch. She wasn't sure her mother knew what she was doing when she said things like that. Even after all these years, it still stung to know that her mother didn't understand how deeply her opinions affected Ashlyn.
For years she had pushed Ashlyn to see different doctors, therapists, and specialists to help with 'fixing' her and getting her to speak. But all these appointments ever did was create a wedge between them that forced them further and further apart. And Ashlyn couldn't handle it anymore, feeling like she was a disappointment.
There were days that Ashlyn would cry, believing that her mother was right. That she was broken and that each day, she moved closer to being irreparable. But then there were those other days that she was angry and hurt that her mother would make her feel that way, made her think that who she was was wrong, something Ashlyn refused to believe about herself. She loved her mother dearly, but for some things, she wished that she would leave her be.
The tension in the corridor was thick. Ashlyn wanted to say something, to apologize for not calling sooner, but she couldn't start that conversation right now. She'd been having a pleasant night, and she wanted to get back to it, with those she treasured around her. Her mother and brother included.
Kass caught Ashlyn's eye and sent her an apologetic smile, which Ashlyn answered with a defeated smile and a shrug.
"Well, the frosting on this cake is starting to melt, so why don't we all head in and eat while it's still good," Kass broke the silence. Several murmurs of assent filled the corridor, and Ashlyn nodded. Relieved to be out from beneath her mother's scrutinizing gaze, Ashlyn entered the apartment first. Derek's fingers grazed Ashlyn's in a passing squeeze as he followed behind, the gesture bringing her an illusion of comfort. Zion came up beside her and squeezed her shoulder.
"He's cute," he whispered, nodding his head towards Derek, who was already moving towards the kitchen.
Ashlyn snorted, her elbow jabbing Zion playfully in the ribs.
"Ashlyn, did Dr. Martin e—" her mother started, stepping into Ashlyn's path. Before she could finish asking her question, and potentially ruin a good night for Ashlyn, Derek stepped forward and offered his hand to her mother.
"I don't believe we've been introduced. I'm Derek." At that moment, Ashlyn could have hugged him for intercepting. Not that she would have done so. That would have meant crossing a line she wasn't yet ready to pass. Then again, maybe that would get her mother off her back, at least for the night.
"Cassia." Her mother smiled and shook Derek's hand. "Thank you for welcoming me into your, uh, lovely home." Ashlyn grinned, watching her mother's eyes roam around the room, taking in all the packing boxes. Poor guy had no idea what he'd started.
Thankful to Derek for his sacrifice, Kass and Ashlyn went across the hall to Kass' apartment to grab an extra dining chair, leaving Derek to discuss the importance of adequate storage with her mother.
Once they had returned from across the hall, and the table was set, everyone sat down to dessert.
Ashlyn's stomach was in knots as she looked at the key lime pie and the carrot cake in the center of the table. While she was happy to see her brother and mother again, some conversations needed to happen, and she wasn't sure she was ready for them yet.
The room was quiet save for the whispered thanks and the shuffling of plates while Kass and Derek handed out the dessert.
"This pie is seriously delicious, Ash. Grandma's recipe?" Kass asked, leaning over the table to cut another slice. Ashlyn smiled, relief washing over her. The first pie she'd made had turned out a disaster and was now keeping the bin and no doubt Coley, company. Second time lucky.
Five very full stomachs later, Derek and Zion had excused themselves to have a men's chat out on the balcony, while Ashlyn led the ladies in a round of dishes. She just needed something to keep her mother busy. Having her putting the dishes away in an unfamiliar kitchen would surely do the trick.
While Ashlyn washed the dishes and Kass dried, she ignored her mother's grumblings about poor cupboard management in favor of the conversation happening outside. She knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but the wind was blowing at just the right angle to carry their voices inside, she figured it would be acceptable.
It came as a surprise to discover that she was the topic of discussion. The temptation to go and close the door was there in the back of her mind.
"...When she first mentioned she was moving back here, I worried. As much as a twelve-year-old boy could for his big sister anyway," Zion chuckled. "I was afraid of what the memories of this place would do to her. But she's strong. She's proven that time and time again." Ashlyn could hear the admiration in his voice. She was grateful he hadn't witnessed how distraught she had been on Wednesday at the hospital. He certainly wouldn't have thought that she was strong at that moment.
"She's one of the strongest people I know," she heard Derek say after a moment. Her hands moved slower in the soapy water to reduce the noise. "It's been encouraging to see, especially after I had to get away after a... difficult loss back home." That had to be Liam.
She handed a glass to Kass, her eyes briefly flitting to the balcony. Both of their backs were to her.
"After all that's happened the last few years, and hearing what she has been through, I know that I can get through my own struggles. Because she did." She stopped cleaning, the hairs on her arms raising. "Her strength gives me hope."
The plate she'd been cleaning thudded against the bottom of the sink, water and bubbles rising over the counter. Flinching at the sudden commotion, Ashlyn hunched her shoulders and turned to face the four pairs of eyes that were watching her.
'Sorry,' she mouthed; her hands raised in surrender. While most of them returned to what they had been doing beforehand, Derek's gaze stayed fixated on her for a moment longer, a gentle smile meant just for her. She'd be lying if she said that it didn't make her heart do a couple of funny things.
"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home?" Kass asked as she hugged Ashlyn tightly.
"After all the cake I just ate, the walk will be good for me." Zion chuckled, patting his stomach to prove a point. Ashlyn noticed that her mother didn't say anything. In fact, she'd been quiet for most of the evening, and she felt partly to blame. Ashlyn wanted to ask if she was okay, to say something, but before she could, her mother bid her farewells and began her descent down the stairs. With a shared look of concern, Derek and Ashlyn followed behind.
Standing on the bottom step, however, Ashlyn hesitated. Out beyond the door and across the street, the ocean was eerily still. The fresh spring breeze whispered across the surface in little ripples, and Ashlyn smiled. She could almost hear her Father's voice whispering in tandem with the wind, sharing his happy memories with the 'mermaids' that dwelled below, or so he'd taught her as a child.
It had been a while since she'd last thought on all her happy memories. Perhaps this moment was her Father's way of reminding her to check in with herself and do so.
Ashlyn reached into her handbag and pulled out her house key. Walking briskly, she caught up to Zion and her mother, who had reached the corner. Zion turned at her approach, his brow arched at the curiosity on her face. She held the key out to Zion and shrugged nonchalantly.
There's something I need to do. I'll meet you back at the house soon. She smiled apologetically to them both before turning and walking in the opposite direction, towards the other side of town.
"Where are you going, Ashlyn? It's cold out," her mother called after her, but Ashlyn did not stop. The lights were calling her.
The walk was long and quiet, and surprisingly cold, but when she saw the lighthouse beckoning in the distance, her steps hurried, her destination in sight.
The metal railing was like ice to her burning hands from the walk as she ascended the stairs to the lighthouse nestled on the bank. The trees and shrubs cast looming shadows across the façade, the pebbles at the top of the stairs crunching beneath her flats.
Beneath the warm glow emitted from the tower, Ashlyn navigated the worn path that wound down the side of the bank. Finding a small clearing among the shrubs, protected from the cool breeze, Ashlyn sat and drew her knees against her chest. She should have bought a coat for dinner, but she hadn't expected to go out afterward. But she couldn't deny her father's guidance. He'd called her here at this moment, and her heart was all too willing to comply. At least she'd been marginally prepared and decided to wear tights underneath her dress.
Ashlyn's fingers brushed over the eroded pebbles, their smooth texture reminding her of the mango ice cream she used to share with her father. Her fingers, as if guided by another force, brushed over the array of pebbles before coming to a stop atop a slightly larger one. Wrapping her fingers around the stone, she picked it up and examined it. Unlike the others that she had touched, this one was not smooth, but rather coarse, with a chip out of the corner. Kind of like me, she thought. Or at least, through the eyes of her mother, she was.
Seeing her mother tonight had been quite unexpected, and Ashlyn still wasn't sure that she was over the shock of it. Over time she had learned that confrontations with her mother required enough time beforehand to prepare herself for the disapproving stares and speech therapy plugs. Her mother failed to understand why Ashlyn didn't want to do those things. She just wanted to deal with things in her way.
She watched the stars shining against the navy waves, like little wisps of light, before being chased away momentarily by the lighthouse's beam.
"Do you see the way the ocean glows? Like little lights floating under the waves," her father asked as he brushed the curls back from her cheeks. She watched the waves rise and fall, her eyes wide with wonder. She nodded slowly, waiting for him to finish his story. "Do you know what those little lights are, sweetheart?"
She shook her head no, her auburn curls bouncing with the motion.
"They're mermaids." Her mouth dropped open, and her face lit up with unadulterated awe. "Each night, while everyone is fast asleep in their beds, the mermaids swim up to the surface to collect all of the happy memories that people made that day." He tickled her stomach, and her laughter filled the night. "With each memory, every smile, and every laughter, that they pluck from the surface, the magic fills their hearts. And that's why they glow that beautiful color."
She crawled forward and perched on her knees, and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, thinking of all the happy memories she could; the ice cream she ate that day, her first successful wave that she'd jumped without falling over, the hugs Zion had given her while she sang to him, and the blanket forts she built with her parents in their living room. Excitement fizzed through her veins, her clenched hands beginning to shake from the efforts she exerted. Daring to peek, she squinted through one eye. The beam from the lighthouse moved over the ocean where she watched, and she gasped.
"Papa, where did they go? They don't want my happy memories?" she asked with terror, wide eyes turning on her father. Her lips trembled.
"Sweetheart, yours are the most magical of all the happy memories." He drew out the word all, bopping her on the nose. "With your memories, the ocean will glow forever."
To this day, whenever she saw the stars reflected upon the ocean, she was reminded of these mermaids and the future happy memories they'd stolen from her twenty years ago. While the magic was lost, the stories shared around the campfire were ingrained in her mind.
Stones crunched beneath a heavy foot. She didn't bother to check who it was. She already knew.
He sat down beside her, stretching his legs out towards the ocean.
"Kass said I'd find you here." Ashlyn tossed the pebble towards the water below. It didn't even come close to reaching its target, but she didn't care.
Where's Mom? She asked, her gaze never shifting from the gentle cresting waves.
Zion sighed, leaning back on his elbows, stretching a blanket out over his legs. He offered the other side to Ashlyn, which she graciously accepted. The fleece was soft and inviting.
"She's back at the house, settling in. She's exhausted after all the traveling." He shrugged.
Exhausted from the traveling, or from being around me, her broken daughter? She turned her eyes to Zion, her gestures laced with sarcasm. Zion rubbed his hand across his face, and she knew immediately that he didn't want to have this conversation right now. If she were honest with herself, she didn't either. She never did.
"You know she doesn't think that, Ash." Ashlyn moved her hands to retaliate, but Zion quickly took them both in his and pulled her against his side, just like when they were kids. "She's scared, and she believes that she has failed. She feels like she has lost a part of you—"
—and she just wants her bubbly little girl back. Ashlyn mentally recited along with Zion. She'd heard it all before. But it didn't mean that it hurt any less. She just wished that her mother would understand and accept that she was happy with who she was now. She was still that same little girl who wanted her mom's acceptance. She'd just learned to communicate in other ways.
At least she still had Zion to understand. She watched him, the way his expression softened as he took in the views. The ocean that kissed the land, the warm glow of houses that dotted the perimeter of the town, the smell of salt in the air; there were so many things that he had missed out on growing up in the city.
She rested her head upon his shoulder, the blanket drawn around her neck. Salt and wood scents floated around him, and she sighed in contentment. I love you.
Zion reached around her and pulled her closer to his side. "I love you too, big sis." His teeth-bearing smile glowed in the night. As he was tucking the blanket around her, his fingers grazed her forearm, and he retracted quickly.
"You've been scratching again." Zion spoke with concern, taking her arm and turning it over. When the light above illuminated, she could see that the skin of her forearm was still a little pink. She lifted her head from his shoulder and tried not to flinch at the unmasked concern he wore.
It's fine, she shrugged and tried to smile reassuringly. Abel was sick, and I was scared, and I hate hospitals, and all these memories kept coming back. She took a shuddering breath to compose herself. But Derek was there, and he helped me get through it. She pulled the blanket tighter to her. Ashlyn didn't want to talk about this right now. She just wanted to watch the stars, mermaids, whatever they were, and be with her brother.
Zion gave a deep sigh and flexed his fingers. He wasn't ready to dismiss the matter.
"When did you stop going to therapy, Ash?" Zion asked blatantly. Ashlyn's muscles tensed, and she was confident that Zion could feel it too. Before she could formulate a response, he pulled away so he could turn and look her in the eye.
"I saw the letter on the kitchen counter."
Crap.
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