*Your P.O.V.*

You only wished the shaking of your hands would stop. He couldn't see you like this. Not again. You're lucky he didn't beat you. You were lucky a lot with him. You rarely got lucky. Most of the time the world was against you. Whether it be your fault or not.

*Warning: flashback. If you are uncomfortable with any form of abuse stop here*

SMACK!

Her hand collided with your face. You barely flinched. So used to the pain you weren't even sure you could feel it.

"Go to your room. Now. I don't want to see you for the rest of the night." She seethed.

You stood still for a moment hoping to ask before she left.

"Wh-what ab-" She cut you off with a hit. The force of it sending you to the floor.

"I don't CARE. JUST GO. NOW," she yelled.

You got to your feet and hurried to the basement. 'Congratulations (Y/n) you just threw away the only chance food you had for the week.' you thought. You didn't even understand what you did. All you knew is that it was your fault.

You got to the basement and sat in the corner. You knew if she caught you on the bed she'd be more upset. You curled in on yourself. Shaking. It was cold.

'Well it is winter stupid' You scolded 'why would you even expect warmth? Spoiled brat'

You sat alone with your thoughts. Replaying what had just happened trying to find a trace of what you had done wrong. Your thoughts wandered to the moments when you were younger where you thought she did this because she loved you. 'How could you ever think she loved you? You don't deserve love. You're not good enough. She won't love you till you're perfect. You have to be perfect. You have to be'

You wondered if other 9-year-olds thought like you. If they were perfect yet. You bet they were. They probably never got sent to their rooms before chores. They probably got dinner most nights too. Maybe even every night. You wondered if they got blankets. Warm fuzzy blankets. Maybe they even got lucky and the goodwill had their favorite colored ones and their mommy got it for them. You saw plenty of kids who were better than you last time you went out with your mom. They played at the park with other kids and got to pet the dogs other people brought. They had toys and stuffies. Some were even so good that their mommy held them. Your mom never held you. You had never felt her warmth. Maybe in the years before memory. You also remember seeing kids worse than you. They would fall off a swing or slide then cry. You didn't get it. Have they never picked up glass? Or had it thrown at them? And their mommy didn't hit them. They didn't even get yelled at.

Their mommy held them. Until they stopped crying. And they still got to play. They were probably better than you too. You even saw some of them with men. They would chase them and laugh and play. And held them too! They all looked so happy. If only they knew that they would leave soon. They never stayed. But maybe they did. For them.Because they behaved. Or maybe their mommy made up for their misbehavior.

From That memory stemmed another. One you didn't want to remember.

"Daddy Noah, where are you going?" Your small form asked.

"I have to leave." He said as he threw clothes in his bags.

"Why? Did I do something wrong again? Did I-"

"No, no, sweetheart. You could never do anything wrong. I promise. I just don't get along with your mommy is all," He said as he knelt down to place a hand on your cheek before going back to packing.

"But mommy said it's my fault. That I didn't behave. I was bad. I hurt you. I made you mad. Please daddy I'll make up for it. Please don't leave us. I'll be better. I can be-"

"No. It's not your fault. I promise. Remember what I told you about promises?" he asked as he pulled you into his lap.

"It's not your fault, okay?" You nodded.

You sat there like that for a moment. He held you and told you it was okay. Then your mom came home and he left without a word. You couldn't even focus on the beating your mom gave you. All you knew was that Noah left. Without goodbye. And with no intention of coming back.

*Flashbacks over*