Warnings:
-Just mentions

Clay's POV

'I'm so sorry,' I whispered for the tenth time as I was sitting on Bradley's bed, his arm wrapped around my shoulders after I had my fifth panic attack in a few hour's time.

'It's completely fine,' I comforted me, his hand gently massaging the side of my chest. 'Don't worry about me skipping soccer, you're so much more important than a training I can follow another day as well.'

'I didn't want to bother you, definitely not because I just know you,' I whispered, wiping a tear away.

'It's okay,' he repeated. 'It feels like I've known you for years and I understand how panic attacks feel. You wouldn't have been able to continue the soccer practice and Austin was a dick to you too. I'm still sorry if I've said anything that made you get triggered so badly.'

'It's okay...' I mumbled, my eyes turned away. 'I've always blocked my trauma by getting lost in a world of addictions, but I've been trying so hard to quit and... something you said made the wall I built around the trauma just break down. It's the first time I've ever cried about it since it happened.'

'Be free to talk about it,' he suggested. 'And be free enough to tell me you don't want to.'

'Not now... You wouldn't want to be my friend if you knew everything about me.'

'Maybe not your friend... but what about a boyfriend?' he asked, laughing softly after that. 'I'm joking.'

'Are you... even into guys?' I questioned insecurely.

'Look up,' he replied, pointing at his wall. 'You haven't even noticed it.'

I looked up to the place he was pointing at and gasped when I saw a big rainbow pride flag on his wall. 'How did I not see that?'

'I don't know, but it has been there all the time,' he said, chuckling softly. 'So, yeah... I'm into guys.'

'What's your sexuality?' I asked curiously. 'If you feel confident enough to answer that.'

'Omnisexual.' He smiled sweetly and leaned back. 'But I'm not too much into those labels. I have a preference for guys and don't mind being called gay or bisexual either. I just factually think I'm omnisexual.'

'That's so cool,' I replied. 'I've never met anyone before who is omnisexual and I met a lot of people from the community.'

'And you? What's your sexuality?'

I sighed softly and shrugged. 'I'm homosexual... and I have a lot of trouble copying with it. I really want to be... straight or at least bisexual.'

'What makes you want to like girls so badly? You're just more unique.'

'I've always wanted to be normal, I guess. So far, I've always been different or seen as annoying or weird. My previous family hated me for being gay and kicked me out...'

Bradley scooted closer to me and pressed his thigh against mine. 'You are normal, Clay. I understand that being gay can be a struggle, because I was also really scared when I firstly got a crush on a boy, but I'm just a lot more confident right now.'

'Have you ever been together with a boy?' I asked. 'A real relationship? Or with a girl?'

'I've had one real relationship with a guy, one that lasted for a year and four months. I have been together with two girls for nothing longer than four months. And you?'

I shrugged, my cheeks turning more red. 'I've not had a real relationship but- I'm just... uncomfortable speaking about this.'

'Then we won't. If it's something to do with the sex partners you've had, don't feel ashamed about it around me. I think there's so many people who have gone through any type of sex addiction. If it's sex, masturbation, porn or anything else, it's very common.'

'I haven't... had sex in a few weeks,' I mumbled proudly, clearing my throat. 'No, never mind. I'm so sorry for sharing these personal and strange details.'

'I'm so proud of you!' he exclaimed, not finding it weird at all what I told him. 'That's a really big goal, Clay.'

'Do you not find it weird if I talk about this?'

'No, why would I?' he asked straight away. 'Alcohol addiction isn't weird either, so isn't a game addiction or anything. I'm proud of you, Clay.'

His arm felt warm and safe around my shoulders, my eyes closing as I moved as close to him as I could. I pressed my head on his chest, listening to his fast heartbeat.

'Are you nervous?' I questioned, my hand resting on his lower stomach.

'Y-yeah...' he started. 'A little bit, but not in a bad way. I just- you know... I uh- whatever... I stutter when I get nervous.'

'Have I done anything wrong?' I asked, my head lifted up to his face so I could see his facial expressions.

'No, I just... I like you,' he admitted. 'And I have no idea why this went so fast... I've struggled a lot with my crushes because of my religion, but I've come to terms with it.'

'Are you a Christian?' I wondered. 'I'm not... a Christian, but I do believe in a God. I've not wanted to accept it because I'm afraid I'm not important enough and can't be a Christian because of my past and sexuality.'

'I thought the same, but I've accepted Jesus as my saviour and believe He made me free from my sins. It doesn't mean I'm purposely sinning, but it does mean I have a way less anxious life than I did before.'

I smiled at him and nodded slowly. 'That sounds calming... So you're still okay with- gay relationships and such?'

'I'm not the one to judge,' he answered. 'And my whole family is Christian and they accept me the way I am. Otherwise, I wouldn't have bought a flag.'

'Then... I guess I like you too,' I replied with a soft voice. 'And I have no idea how I've ever liked you this quickly, but love at first sight doesn't appear to be a fairytale thing.'

'It isn't.' He chuckled softly and grabbed my hand softly, his face moving closer to mine. 'Clay... is it okay if I kiss you?'

I breathed out, then nodded softly and slowly. 'But... I've never really kissed anyone in a romantic way.'

He ran his hand through my hair and leaned closer, connecting our lips lightly together. I smiled through it, but the gentle and sweet kiss lasted only a few seconds.

He broke it again and held my hand lightly. 'Did you like it? Did I overwhelm you?'

'You didn't and I like it...' I whispered nervously, a soft chuckle following. 'And you too.'

He smiled and pressed his lips back on my cheek. 'You're cute... I love to be with you. My dad will accept you the way you are and support you.'

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