Warnings:
-Mentions self harm (scars)

Sapnap's POV

Clay chuckled softly as he opened the door to my room, letting Jimmy enter. He immediately left again and Jimmy smiled at me, shyly playing with the cuffs of his sleeves. 'Hi, Clay told me you wanted me to come.'

'Oh-,' I stumbled, giggling softly. 'I mean, yeah... Sit down if you want to.'

Jimmy nodded and sat down on my bed, his gaze rising up to my eyes. 'What did you want me to come for? Anything specific or not? Because it's evening and such...'

'I don't know... no reason,' I answered, my cheeks turning more red. 'Clay is just being an idiot again.'

Jimmy laughed and looked at me as I laid down on my bed, my arm under my head to look at him.

'Sapnap, I actually wanted to talk to you...' Jimmy started, his eyes turning more sad. 'Because I regret what I've done to you so much. I really hope you're not mad at me.'

'I'm not,' I replied, gently sticking my hand forward to hold his. 'I regret what I've done as well and would prefer not to anymore, but I really don't feel any anger towards you.'

'I'm glad...' he whispered, carefully laying down next to me. 'Sapnap, I genuinely like you.'

I giggled softly and looked into the tender look in his eyes. 'I like you too...'

'But Sapnap... I don't want to hurt you with this, but I'm not ready for a relationship with you. I'm addicted to sex, alcohol and drugs and don't want to do things I regret. I know I will push you into sex when I'm drunk and turned on and that's anything I don't want. I will protect you from it.'

'I really appreciate that,' I spoke up. 'What is the best thing you would like now?'

'I like you so much, you're so sweet and polite,' Jimmy stumbled, his cheeks turning dark red. 'This is the first time I'm genuinely feeling something different than just lust.'

'What do you feel?' I asked with a soft laugh, gently tickling his sides. I rolled over him and sat down on his thighs, my hands continuously tickling him to make him laugh.

'Stop! I'm never going to answer you!' he yelled out with a cute giggle.

'But I want to know what you feel for me!' I exclaimed, my hands resting on his waist.

'Butterflies,' he replied. 'But it's quite overwhelming for me at the same time because I've never felt butterflies for someone... Does that mean I'm... in love?'

'I think so?' I answered with a giggle. 'Guess I am too then. I don't know anything about love either, but I feel the tingly feeling in my lower stomach. Honestly, I don't know if I would be ready for a relationship either after... Jessie. I have trouble trusting people now I know she has used me all this time.'

'What if we keep seeing each other and just... hug and hang out a lot, but we don't start anything until we are either ready to or found another solution.'

'Can I still... give you a short kiss?' I asked, heat rising up to my face. 'Actually, never mind. That's so dumb to ask. I just said it before I thought about it and-.'

I was cut off by Jimmy's lips on mine. 'You're so cute,' he whispered as he broke it again. 'Never change.'

'Jimmy... do you-,' I began as I held my arm back. 'Do you hate me if uh- you know I harm myself?'

'I already knew,' he said as he shook his head. 'And no, I don't hate you for it at all. Of course, I don't wish for you to harm yourself, but I understand it and I'll be here for you.'

'Do you actually?' I questioned, the first time someone told me they understood my problem instead of just blaming and judging me for it.

'I do, is that something you're hearing for the first time in your life or something? I know how difficult an addiction to self harm can be and I would never judge you for it.'

For some reason, his words touched me so deeply that tears filled my eyes right away. I blinked and felt a tear roll down my cheek, my hands shaking.

'Sappy!' Jimmy exclaimed when he saw me crying, pulling me closer to him. He made me lay down on his chest and gently pressed my head on the height of his heart. 'You're so beautiful and worthy, I hope you know that.'

'I don't have the courage to wear a shirt around anyone anymore because I've always been judged for my scars and cuts... I wish I would be able to feel confident in a shirt.'

Jimmy lifted me up again and sat down in front of me, his hands softly pulling my sleeves. 'Do you want to take it off?'

'I want to, but I know I can't,' I answered.

'You can, you're gorgeous and I want you to be comfortable around me.'

I took a deep breath and nodded, taking off my hoodie with a slow motion. I laid it down next to my bed and felt Jimmy's hands on my waist, pulling me closer to him. He connected our lips again and gently moved his hand over my arms.

'I love you, Sapnap. Maybe it's early to say such a thing, but the way you've made me feel is something no one has ever been able to do.'

'Really?' I asked with a gasp. 'Only Clay has ever told me that and it really means a lot when someone does. Don't joke about it, though. I'm genuinely very sensitive to those types of jokes because it's such a personal thing to me. My mother used to tell me she loved me and- she is dead...'

'I would never say that in a joking way, Sap. I genuinely mean it and hope you feel the same way. If it's difficult for you to say that so quickly because of your past and because it really means a lot to you, then don't say it. Just leave it until you're ready.'

'Thank you, I would rather just... leave it for now if it's okay. Are you comfortable with my scars?'

'That's totally fine and I am. I think you look amazing and if you're okay with it, could I kiss some of your scars?'

'Really?' I asked again to make sure he was being serious again.

He nodded and grabbed my arm, giving me soft kisses on my scars. 'Can we just cuddle? I love to hold you.'

'I want nothing else...'

1112 words