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Warnings:

-Swearing (tic attack from Tourette's)
-Mentions extreme car crash+death

Clay's POV

Going back to our friend group made my heart speed up, my hands getting more sweaty. I hitched my breath and slowly walked to the room next to Robbie, all eyes turned to us.

'Just keep looking, won't make us feel any more awkward,' Jimmy scoffed sarcastically, raising his gaze to look around the room.

'Cunt, I fucked your mom! You're- you're- gay. Stick your finger up your ass, whore!' Lucas exclaimed, his hands in front of his face from embarrassment.

However, I chuckled softly because the mood got way less tense after he laughed shortly as well. 'Thank you for noticing I'm gay,' I said with a giggle.

'You're a fa-fa-fa-fag! You're gay, you're gay, go fuck your mom! Nope, I already did, cunt. You're a dick, suck mine. Suck me off, cunt.' He curled up from shame and hid his face. 'I'm so sorry.'

'Don't be,' Jimmy answered. 'I hope you... don't mind whatever happened a few minutes ago.'

'I support, go suck my dick, I fucked your mom, cunt. Fuck you, Clay, you look like a fa-faggot. Suck my dick, whore. You're gay, you're gay... Anyway, I support the LG- faggot community. I'm so sorry... I meant the LGBTQ+...'

He hit his chest repeatedly and twitched his neck, screeching a few times in a row. 'Are you having a tic attack?' Sapnap asked, sitting down next to him with a caring look in his eyes.

Lucas nodded slowly and kept hitting his chest, sniffing loudly.

'Is there something you like to do?' Sapnap questioned, his hand on Lucas' hand so he wouldn't hurt himself anymore.

'Music...' he whispered. 'Suck my dick, cunt. I'll stick this finger up your ass!'

'Oh, do you play the guitar? Because I saw one in the hallway. I can grab it for you so you can play!'

I smiled proudly when I saw Sapnap being this sweet to someone who was struggling. He always struggled with social contact and tended to avoid it, unless he could help someone, then he did anything to make them comfortable.

He ran off and came back with Lucas' guitar. 'What song do you want to play?'

'I fucked your mom! Just kidding, she fucked me. My goodness, I'm so sorry... I'm not sorry! I'm going to snap your bones, bitch. Cunt, cunt, cunt... I hate my swearing and aggressive tics,' he admitted. 'I hate swearing. FUCK YOU, PUSSY! I'm sorry.'

'Don't apologise,' Sapnap replied. 'If you try harder not to curse, you'll end up cursing more. Do you know some songs to play?'

He screeched a few times and then nodded, grabbing the guitar to play a song he liked.

'Suck my dick, whore,' Lucas shouted after playing the first chords. 'Fuck you, Clay and Jimmy. You're gay, you're gay. F-f-.'

'Don't try to stop your tics,' I decided to add into the conversation. 'I know you hate saying that slur, but you can't help it and it'll get worse if you try to stop it.'

'You're a fag!' Lucas yelled, bright red cheeks. 'Pussy, go suck your dad.'

I sat down next to Allen who smiled softly. 'I support you as well, Clay. I wasn't prepared to get these types of videos on my phone, so I immediately deleted them and didn't watch anything after a second of the first one.'

'Thank you,' I replied with a smile, leaning closer to him. 'How are you doing, Allen?'

'I don't know anymore...' he whispered. 'I'm so sick of sitting in a wheelchair all day, not being able to move and constantly experiencing pain. Honestly, the worst part is my family who still blames me for something I couldn't do anything about...'

'Why do they blame you for it?' I asked, realising he was about to open up to me for the first time ever, likely because of the personal things he found out about me.

'You know I've done swimming at a high level, right? When we got into the car crash, we were on the way to my most important swimming match of the year. I was stressing and told everyone to hurry up...'

'But that's not your fault, Allen. You couldn't have known they would randomly crash a car...'

'I know, but it still feels like that sometimes. I'm the only one who was in the crash who survived and they hate me for being alive. The amount of times I've been told that they wished my mother, father or siblings would have been alive instead of me... I can't count them.'

'Holy shit...' I muttered, seeing Allen shrug slightly.

'I wish I would have died as well, they didn't need to tell me that. If they think it's fun for me to be paralysed and in chronic pain. I don't have anyone anymore next to my grandma...'

'May I ask what injuries you suffered from to have this many complications? It's okay if you don't want to be reminded of that.'

'It's chill... I had a brain bleed, a collapsed lung, I broke my arm in eight places so I had four surgeries, my leg was shattered and broke in so many places I needed immediate amputation, and I had spinal cord injuries which caused paralysation. I'm not even counting the less bad injuries now...'

'How did that happen?'

'My dad lost control over the steering wheel and drove into a tree with max speed... Anyway, enough about me. I hope you're okay as well. Talking about these things makes the pain even worse so I want to be distracted.'

'I'm... alright?' I mumbled with a questioning tone because I knew I wasn't even close to feeling alright...

Allen nodded slowly and laid his hand on top of mine, his other arm still covered in bandages. He smiled at me and looked up at Lucas who was playing the guitar, his tics calming down so much that he was able to sing along with the song he was playing.

Sapnap looked at me and stood up, sitting down on my lap because he needed comfort. Sometimes, Sapnap found it difficult to speak up about his feelings so I told him to cuddle up with me if he wanted to so I still knew he wasn't okay.

I wrapped my arms around him and smiled at Robbie and Jimmy who sat together next to Ivan, who seemed accepting as well.

Just as I was about to close my eyes, Matilda and Latasha walked up to us. 'We support you, guys. Next time, Clay, just ask one of us to pretend being your girlfriend.'

I chuckled softly and rolled my eyes. 'Is that offer still available?'

'Don't think that'll work too greatly,' Latasha said, laughing.

I smiled shortly and then looked at Sapnap, both having the same thought. Maybe we were accepted here, but at school and at home this would surely be different...

1156 words


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