Warnings:

Sapnap's POV

I stepped inside of my house and looked at my parents who were already standing in front of the door to wait for either Clay or me, or both.

'Hi?' I murmured under my breath, turning to the living room to go inside.

'Are you Sapnap?' my mother asked, her hand on my shoulder to hold me back.

'It's ridiculous that you still can't separate us, but whatever. I'm Sapnap and why does it matter? Do you want to yell at Clay again?'

'I have to lecture both of you,' my mother responded. 'I got a call saying that you didn't show up in PE and that's worrying to me. You've never skipped class so I'm pretty sure they got the wrong person and Clay is behind this.'

'Clay this, Clay that, get professional help for him instead. He needs it.'

I threw my bag down in the corner of the room and walked to the couch, sitting down with my knees lifted up.

'Sapnap, we know you let Clay go to PE for you because normally, you're home later today,' my father explained. 'And he'll have to be punished for that.'

'You're hypocrite assholes,' I scolded, standing back up again. 'Clay is a dickhead, a moron and sometimes the stupidest person on this whole earth, but you're not that much away from him. If you punish Clay and not me, I won't talk to you anymore either.'

'Just stay calm, you can be happy we don't punish you. We know he pressured you into doing such a thing.'

I grabbed my bag from the corner and walked to the door with an upset face. I really disliked what my parents said about Clay, but was so angry at him that I didn't feel like protecting him either.

I shut the door behind me as I walked up the stairs, going into my room. I slammed the door behind me and sat down on my bed, looking at the picture of my mother on my wall...

I moved closer to it and grabbed the photo frame from the wall, wrapping my arms around it. 'Can you see me, mom?' I asked, my voice shaky as I looked up at the ceiling.

'I miss you so much, mom...' I continued. 'He didn't have the right to do anything that he did to you.'

I glanced at the photo and smiled shortly, looking at my mother's long blonde hair covering half of the left side of her face. The slight curls were similar to Clay's and mine, the dimples in her cheeks as well...

My fingers ran over the glass, my eyes filling with tears. I never missed anyone as much as I missed her. Clay and I were happy and so close to her, closer than we had been to anyone. My mother, Clay and I were like a triangle, entangled very closely together.

We told each other every single thing, but when my mother was raped for the first time, she got less and less open and spontaneous. Clay and I decided to stay the same as we usually were, but lost the third member of our tight bond.

'I love you, mom... I still see it happen every single day,' I whispered, my eyes turning to my hands. 'You shouldn't have been tortured this much, I wish I would have been able to help you.'

I scoffed from anger towards my dad and hung the photo frame back on the wall before I would suddenly throw it away out of rage. I rolled to my side and curled up, my eyes closed while I was fighting against the tears in my eyes...

~~~

Eventually, I fell asleep before doing any homework or checking if Clay was doing okay. I woke up very early in the morning after, apparently, sleeping from four in the afternoon to six because I was so awfully tired.

When I woke up, I heard some noise inside Clay's room, widening my eyes because I had no idea if he even came home at night. I scoffed because my love for Clay won from my anger again and I slowly stood up from my bed.

I snuck to the stairs and climbed up them as I avoided all the creaking steps so I wouldn't wake up our parents and make them angry at Clay for whatever he had been doing.

I went up and looked inside of his room, seeing Clay sit on his bed with his laptop on his lap, eyes wide open with the palest face that was almost reflecting from the whiteness.

'Clay...' I mumbled, his face shooting up. The ashen shade worried me so much that I went up the stairs to go into his room. 'Where have you been, Clay?'

'Why do you care?' he whispered with a hoarse voice, clearing his throat. 'Just go back to bed and leave me alone.'

'Clay, I'm giving you ONE chance,' I grumbled. 'If you sent me away now, I'm gone forever. I apologise for telling you to kill yourself and hope you NEVER do such a thing because I love you more than anyone.'

'You probably meant it...' he stumbled, his eyes closed as he curled up in his bed. 'And I can tell you that I've tried that a lot of times before, there's no need to tell me to do it.'

'Have you actually tried it, Clay?' I asked as I walked closer to him. 'Because I saw something about that when I read through the messages. I didn't want to ignore it, but didn't want to bother you even more...'

'It doesn't matter,' he replied with the quietest voice, rolling away from me. 'It's early, I want to sleep shortly.'

'When did you attempt suicide?' I stumbled. 'Please... I'm worried about you and as I said, I'm giving you one chance to be kind to me or else I'll leave and never come back or stick up for you anymore. I don't want you to use me as your slave just to ruin my life every time I ask you for help.'

'Fine, I attempted suicide when I lied about drinking bleach instead of milk. I didn't mistake the milk from bleach and purposely drank a lot in the hope I would die.'

'Clay...' My breath hitched and my eyes turned to his hand so I could grab it. 'Your stomach and throat are damaged and you have chronic acid reflux from it...'

'Whatever, you wanted an answer, right?' he scoffed. 'Now you can leave me alone, I regret not succeeding as well.'

'Where were you at night?' I asked, squeezing his hand lightly.

'Drinking,' he groaned, pushing my hand away. 'Just leave, I'm really hungover and don't need your shit right now. I know I shouldn't have been drunk and this and that, but just... leave me.'

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