Warnings:
-Mentions addiction (sexual, self harm, substances)

Sapnap's POV

I breathed out, my hands clenched from anger as I glanced at Jimmy and Clay together, my phone burning in my hands. I knew how much of a dick I was by recording them making out and doing whatever they wanted so suddenly, but I felt more than betrayed by Clay.

He knew I liked Jimmy too, he knew how worried I got about him. I came to save him and he was happily making out, eventually even having sex, with the person I loved as well. I was so angry that I couldn't help myself and recorded some of what they did, leaving after that...

I snuck back inside the house by climbing up the roof, going into the window I left open in case I had to go back inside and act like Clay again, my eyes wide open in the darkness of the night.

From pure frustration, I grabbed Clay's laptop again, sitting straight up with my back against the wall. I opened the laptop again and waited for it to be done, going to his internet browser to look through his DMs again.

I clicked a random chat with a guy called Damian and scrolled all the way up again, furiously looking for anything he could have said about me or something else that would hurt me, also to make up for the feeling of guilt I had inside of me.

Damian
hi handsome boy ;) wanna trade some pics?

Dream
sure ;p

I breathed out as I realised they just sent loads of pictures and videos to each other for two weeks now, no conversations, just sexual videos and pictures...

I left the chat and went to another one from a certain Yael.

Yael
hi :)

Dream
hi what's up?

Yael
just looking for someone to chat with. I'm not looking for pictures or anything, just a friend who is gay as well

Dream
that's okay :) I usuly send pics right away so I never talked to anyone befoor

Yael
I've been struggling so much and know this is random, but really need to talk to someone about it. Is that okay?

Dream
yeah :)

Yael
I came out at school and I've never been bullied worse than this. I've always been teased and shut out of groups but they just beat me now. I feel alone but no one seems to get me... do you?

Dream

I do get you. I'm not bulied becus no one knows I'm gay, but my foster famly haetes me and sees me as a dissapontment, also becus I can't spel. it makes me sucidial

Yael
ooh, my brother has dyslexia, have you been tested?

Dream
no, my perents don't want me to becus they say I'm just compleening and seeking atenton

Yael
dude, I definitely know that's not the case. You spell words very literally like you pronounce them, it's a sign of dyslexia :) have you ever seen words somehow move in front of you?

Dream
very often :( I can't read eeter and studyed the hole night and stil got a F for English. I just often think it's beter if I'm dead you know

Yael
I recognise that, you're not alone <3 your spelling is good enough, I can read it and understand what you mean. I feel like you're going through a lot more than you make it seem like. just let it all out if you feel the need to <3

Dream
don't want to talk over you :(

Yael
I'm asking you to :) it's fine, I have already said what's going on, but there's a lot more in your life than there's in mine.

Dream
mabye... it's just I haet (?) my softer famly and sometimes even want to kil them. they make me so incesure and angery. I've did someting and I haet myself for it

Yael
do you want to tell me what you did?

Dream
I had sex with my twin btorers (that looks wrong) girlfriend... they were just togeter and she comed to me but I realy regret it and wish I could turn it bak. I have never telled him and it's kiling me

Yael
I understand that makes you angry at yourself, but try to remember it's something you can't change anymore. she shouldn't have come to you

Dream
she didn't come to me :( Sapnap was busie and asked me to go to her but she tinked I was Sapnap and then we haved sex but I'm acidtid so I couldn't stop and didn't know they never haved sex befoor

I felt my heart skip a beat, not knowing if I was angry, upset, heartbroken or emotionless... I knew deep inside that it wasn't Clay's fault, but I also knew my trust was broken again, the second time today...

I shut his laptop and laid down in his bed, my eyes squeezed in the hope I would forget about what I just read and fall asleep, but I logically knew I would never be able to. My twin brother betrayed me twice and there were a lot more conversations I hadn't seen. I couldn't trust him...

~~~

Eventually, I fell asleep at four at night and woke up at six in the morning when I heard a lot of noise inside of the room. I sat up and gasped when I heard footsteps, but then I saw Clay coming from the window to go inside of his room.

'Oh, hi...' he stumbled, slowly walking to his bed. 'Have you been here the whole time?'

'Basically...' I replied with an upset voice, my eyes turned away from him. 'What have you done?'

'Uh- I got drunk and was knocked out all night so I stayed at Ivan's,' he lied, causing me to feel anger boil inside of me because I started to realise how much of a liar my own twin brother was...

'Oh, yeah... Are you sure?' I scoffed, clear anger in my voice.

'Yeah?' he questioned as he sat down on his bed. 'You can go to your room again, thank you for acting like you were me. Have you seen mom and dad?'

I breathed out in the hope I could control my anger, but I jumped up and rolled my eyes at him. 'You're such a manipulative liar,' I scolded, turning to his door. 'I'll never do anything for you again.'

'What?' he mumbled quietly, glancing at me with a scared but also confused look in his eyes. 'What do you mean?'

'I thought we made a deal, Clay, but you're nothing more than a liar and a betrayer. You slept at Ivan's, didn't you? So inconvenient.'

'Dude, chill out...' he replied, his eyes turning more anxious. 'What do you mean?'

'I saw you with Jimmy, Clay. In his swimming pool, having sex with him after making out and touching each other for a long time.'

'Shut up, dude. Why would you even follow me? Who is the liar here?' he exclaimed. 'You are invading my privacy and you're actually disgusting if you've watched us.'

'Okay, now I'm the liar here?' I shouted, pushing his back against the wall. 'Listen, Clay, I followed you because I was really worried and saw you leave with some guy who acted like Ralph.'

'Oh, you read through my messages too? Pathetic asshole, leave me alone, okay?'

'Can you stop being this selfish for once?' I yelled out, walking to the stair. 'I've been bored the whole evening and worried a lot about you. I went to you because I was afraid something would go wrong and felt very anxious.'

'Just cut yourself next time, but leave me alone,' Clay scoffed, closing his eyes.

My heart seemed to break into multiple pieces as I walked down the stairs to go to my own, tears rolling down my face...

1305 words