chapter 10 - tears and smiles

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Grayson:

Fuck.

I don't think I've been angrier in my entire life. Ever.

I'm angry at a lot of things, right now. Angry at the shit Carter pulled. Angry at the shit Cassie said to her. And most of all, angry at how those two shitheads affected Talia emotionally and mentally.

It's also possible that I'm angry at myself. I wish I would have found Talia a few minutes earlier, and all of this trauma and pain would be avoided.

My hands firmly grip the steering wheel and I notice my knuckles turn white. I haven't put my car into drive yet, because she is still crying in the passenger seat. Fuck, I feel like I can't breathe.

When I imagined what it would be like to be with Talia, this is not what I had in mind. I imagined she would be happy, not crying in my car. She should be smiling.

Her occasional sniffles echo through the car. With each one, I feel my heart dropping deeper and deeper into my stomach.

I can't even begin to imagine the thoughts that are occurring and reoccurring in Talia's head at this moment. It pains me to think that the memories of what that shithead did now permanently consume her. I'll have my revenge on him eventually.

On top of all of this, I have no idea what to do. Do I rub her back and tell her everything is going to be alright? Do I hand her some tissues? Or do I just drive her home and try to ignore her crying? None of these options feels perfect, and for her, I want them to be.

As I struggle to make up my mind, I look over at Talia for the millionth time tonight. Tears streak down her cheeks and her chest rises and falls quickly, indicating that she is also finding it difficult to breathe. Her hands fidget together in her lap, something I've noticed she does often. When I examine Talia's fingers closer, I find little pieces of skin removed from around her nails that she has torn off nervously. Watching her do this unknowingly makes me anxious, so I reach across the seat divider and pull one of her hands away into mine. Better.

Talia's eyes lift up and bore into my own. Her once joy-filled green eyes now contain an endless amount of sadness. I wish I could save her the pain and take the sadness to bear myself.

My thumb involuntarily rubs soft circles against Talia's hand as I look at her. "You're going to hurt your fingers if you keep doing that."

She's nods her head to prove she understood me, but our hands remain entwined. Unlike other girls' hands that I've held, Talia's are not completely soft. I can feel small patches of calluses on some parts of her fingers. They are slightly rough in some areas, similar to how mine have changed texture from playing basketball. Is it weird that I want to know how her skin became like that?

Within a few seconds, her breathing begins to steady and no more tears fall. Her cheeks still remain rosy and her eyes puffy, but the crying has finally ceased. Thank God.

"Okay?" I ask, tilting my head to get a better view of her face.

Talia nods and I hear her release a breath weighted with exhaustion. "Okay."

I put my car in drive and we proceed out of the school parking lot. My head still turns to occasionally to look at her. I feel like that's all I want to do when I'm around her, anyways.

She stares out of the side window silently, not showing any emotions. No emotion somehow seems worse than a sad one; however, if I could wish for one thing right now, it would be to see her smile or laugh.

As I continue to drive down the street, a ridiculous idea enters my head. Instead of staying straight on the road towards her house, I turn left onto a different street. This better work.

"Where are we going?" Talia questions, now realizing this is not the way to her house.

I feel my hands sweat nervously, suddenly thinking she won't like this. "I-uh, have a surprise."

Fuck, that was such a stupid response. Why did I say it like that? Oh, my God, what if she thinks I'm going to kidnap her. Shit, she does not need to be thinking that tonight.

My head instantly turns to look at her, and I find her hands placed neatly in her lap, not picking at each other like she would normally do if she were nervous or upset. I sigh with relief knowing that she feels safe with my sudden change of plans. At least, that's what I've gathered from her body language. It's still completely possible she thinks I'm stealing her away.

We finally reach our destination and I park in the neighboring lot. Thankfully, it's not crowded. The last thing I would want is for people to stare and make Talia uncomfortable.

"Ice cream?" Talia asks, lifting her right eyebrow at me after noticing where we were.

I nod my head and give her a small, reassuring smile. "I'm not saying it's a definite cure, but ice cream makes me feel better after having a rough day."

Rough feels like an understatement for her.

Before Talia responds, I exit my car and begin to walk towards the shop's door, secretly hoping that she will follow. Soon enough, she's back at my side looking up at me strangely.

"What?" I question, scrunching my eyebrows together, trying to figure out if she's upset with my change of plans. For a moment, I think that I made a mistake bringing her here when I knew she needed to be brought home. Is it selfish of me to want to make Talia smile at least once?

My heart races in anticipation to how she will react next. She crosses her arms across her chest and begins to hum lowly. Oh no.

"You didn't seem to me like an ice cream kind of guy," she finally states, looking me up and down. Talia then opens the door to the ice cream place and walks in without another word.

For the first time since the incident, I genuinely smile. I was supposed to be the one to make her happier tonight, but instead, her own character affected me. I shake my head in disbelief and follow her inside.

"And what do you mean by that, Talia?" I ask her as she stares at the hundreds of ice cream flavors.

She peels her eyes away from the board, and for a moment, my heart stops when she looks at me. Even with puffy red eyes, she is insanely beautiful. I can't get enough.

"It's just that you're, well...very athletic. I'd think that you'd stay away from this stuff."

"Ice cream is my weakness," I admit, hiding a smile. "I usually come here after a long day."

"Hmm," Talia hums again.

I step forward to the counter and place my order while Talia decides her flavor. "Can I get vanilla and chocolate soft-serve with rainbow sprinkles, please?"

Talia's head slowly turns to face mine and her mouth hangs open slightly. What is her problem? I think to myself.

"You're joking," she states blankly at me.

"About what?"

She shakes her head at me and a smile stretches across her face. "I hate to say it, but you don't seem like a sprinkles guy, either."

Oh, my God, she just smiled. I did it. Technically she's smiling at the fact that I order rainbow sprinkles, but it's still a major accomplishment for me tonight. Actually, I think she's making fun of me right now.

"And why's that?" I question while casually placing my hands in my pockets.

"They're just such a happy thing," she says, as if that makes any sense.

I raise my eyebrow at her again. "And I'm not?"

Talia's cheeks turns a new shade of pink, possibly indicating that she is flustered by my question. Cute.

"I-wow, that's not what I meant. I've just heard people say you're a cold person, sometimes. So, rainbow sprinkles is very unexpected and surprising. I didn't say it to be mean, it was just, you know...surprising. I already said that though, so I guess I'm just repeating myself now," she blurts nervously. I smile as I watch her struggle to defend her statement. Déjà vu hits me from the time Talia cut her hand and she got flustered trying to explain that I do smile, despite other's statements.

I laugh a little at her reaction. "It's fine. I just like the crunch of the sprinkles. The color is an added bonus."

Talia just shakes her head again and steps up to the front counter. "I'll have chocolate and vanilla soft-serve with rainbow sprinkles, also," she states to the cashier who nods his head.

"You don't seem like a sprinkles guy," I say, mocking what Talia said a few moments ago.

She slowly turns her head around to face me with her eyes squinting meanly. Or what she thinks is meanly, but I just find it even more cute. I smirk at her and tilt my head to the side while I hand the cashier my debit card.

She reaches her hand up to my shoulder and gives it a light shove. "I should have never said that."

I begin to laugh, and soon enough, a small giggle releases from her lips. Did I hear that right? Did I, Grayson Summers, just make her, Talia Chase, the person who I have had a silly crush on since kindergarten, laugh? I lean forward to get a closer look at her as she stares at the front counter and find a small smile plastered on her lips. I think so.

The cashier slides our two identical ice creams across the counter and utters an agitated "enjoy." Who the fuck pissed in his Cheerios? Good thing he's just an insignificant character.

When we grab our desserts, Talia and I return to the car to eat. Even after our friendly conversation inside, I still notice a slight uneasiness in the air. Talia's smile disappears after a few minutes of silently eating, causing me curse at myself for not keeping her mind distracted from her dangerous thoughts. It's not that I don't want to talk to her, it's the fact that I'm scared I will say the wrong thing and mess everything up.

My spoon hits the bottom of my cup, which finally forces me to be more present with reality in the car. Looking over at Talia, her spoon swirls carelessly in her cup, moving around the now melted ice cream and remaining sprinkles. Her face stays expressionless—that worries me.

I reach and stop her hand from moving, causing her eyes to look into mine.

"Everything okay?" I ask hesitantly.

Talia let's out a deep and heavy sigh as I let go of her hand. "I would be lying if I said yes."

I nod my head solemnly and lean my head against my seat. "I'm here if you need to talk about it."

"I know," she states softly, closing her eyes.

I swallow nervously, knowing what I'm about to ask next might be hard for her to hear. "Are you thinking about pressing charges against him?"

"Yeah. I don't know what good it would do though."

"It would keep that fucker away from you, that's what," I say angrier than intended.

She opens her eyes to look at me, something that I still can't get enough of. "I think...I think I'm just worried no one will believe me."

I instantly shake my head at her response. If someone doesn't believe her I'll make sure they do. I know how fucked up that system is, but I would do anything to keep her safe.

"I'm a witness if you need someone to speak out against him. I know you might be opposed to doing this, but you might want to take a picture of the uh—...hickey," I state for the lack of a better word.

There is a moment of silence before she speaks again, which honestly worries me. "Is it that noticeable?" Talia whispers, tilting her chin up to expose the mark to the light.

"Yeah. It will be gone in a few days, though."

Talia nods her head slowly, probably thinking about how the spot might look to someone else. Anyone who sees it would assume she received the mark from a boyfriend or lover, but only Talia and I would know just how wrong they would be. I don't think she wants people to assume that of her in the first place, especially after Cassie yelled at her.

Talia nods her head again in agreement to what I said before speaking. "Will you take the picture of the mark for me? I don't want that memory of him living on my phone."

"Yes, of course," I state without hesitation. I would honestly do anything if it meant she would be happier. Talia doesn't need to know that right now.

After I take the photo with my phone, flash and all, we sit in silence for a little while longer. I feel content in the temporary silence, however, because it means she is not crying or in pain.

"Does it hurt?" Talia suddenly asks.

My eyes brows scrunch together in confusion as I turn my head to look at her again. "What?"

"Your hand," she states, pointing her finger at my bruised hand. It might have just been a trick of the light, but at that moment, Talia looked genuinely concerned about my well being. I should be the one concerned about her, not the other way around.

"Only a little," I finally say, trying to reassure her. I lift my hand up to the light, which illuminates the purple and red swirls of color ingrained in my knuckles. "It was worth it, though."

For the first time since entering the ice cream shop, Talia Chase smiles.

"Feel free to punch him anytime you feel like it," Talia says with the corner of her lips extended upwards.

I stare at her smile, and, if I'm being honest, her lips. "I'll punch him every day if you asked me to," I say in a very serious tone.

Talia laughs at this. I find it amusing that she thinks I'm joking. I'm sure every guy says this about the girl they care for, but I would like to think her laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world. I especially love it when she laughs because of something I have said.

I smile to myself and stare out the front window, feeling relieved that the sad tension has been removed from the air. It's better when she's happy.

"Are you ready to go home now?" I ask.

Talia's smile falters for a moment, but then she nods her head. "Yeah, I think so."

After both the longest and shortest night of our lives, I finally proceed to return Talia home. It's obvious from my point of view that although ice cream was a good temporary solution, what she really needs is rest. Her shoulders have begun to slouch and her head rests lazily on her hand. When a few minutes have passed, I turn my head away from the road again and notice her eyes are shut closed. Oh no.

***

Pulling into her driveway, I am relieved to find the inside lights are still on. I've heard from Jessica in passing that their parents tend to work late nights, so I secretly hope it's only her who is awake.

I put the car in park and think about how to best explain the situation in both cases. Hey Jess, your sister had a rough night tonight and now she's asleep in my car. I feel like that suggests something completely different. Hi Mr and Mrs. Chase, I'm just bringing home your daughter because she's not feeling too great. That just sounds slightly different, but shares the same message of "I was doing certain, possible sexual stuff with her," which is far from the truth.

Not wanting to disturb Talia from her sleep, I walk up alone to her front door and knock twice. Please don't be her parents, please don't be her parents.

The door swings open and a grinning Jess stares up at me with her hand on her hip. I somehow think this might be worse.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Grayson Summers at my doorstep," she coos at me. "What can I do for you?"

I narrow my eyes at her and my face transforms to its familiar coldness. Doesn't she know her sister isn't home right now? I think to myself.

I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. "Talia is in my—"

"Who's at the door, Jessie?" I hear a voice say from behind her. One second later, Quinn snakes her arms around Jessie's waist and leans her head on her shoulder to look at me. Quinn's eyes go wide for a moment before smiling brightly at me, which is surely a great comparison to the hint of annoyance on my face. That was sarcasm.

"What, you've never seen two lady lovers before?" states Jess while dramatically waving her finger around my face to get my attention. "Grow up, Summers."

"I-What?" I stammer. I'm suddenly wishing I were talking to Talia's parents instead. "Look, Jess, your sister is asleep in my car, that's why I'm here."

Jess's eyebrows narrow at me in concentration. "Did something happen between you two?" she asks suspiciously.

"No," I partially lie. Some things did happen, but nothing that Jess is suggesting.

"Then why is she asleep in your car?"

I sigh heavily and try to think of a safe answer. I don't know if Talia would want me to share what happened between her and Carter tonight to her sister. It's her story to tell. "She ran into some trouble after the game and we both thought it would be safer for me to drive her home."

Jess just nods her head at my response and Quinn stands up taller to look over my shoulder into the car.

"Bring her in then."

And so I did. If someone told me that I would be carrying an unconscious Talia twice in one week, I would have called them crazy.

Quinn holds the door open for me as I step into their house. "Where should I put her?"

"Let's bring her upstairs," Jess states firmly, showing me the way to the stairs.

I follow her sister into her bedroom. For some reason, I feel uncomfortable being in Talia's bedroom without her permission. Someone's own room is very personal and can reveal a lot. Once I'm in Talia's room, I can't help but look around curiously, searching for clues about the true kind of person she is.

When I gently lay Talia on her bed, I have already noticed the piles of notebooks and textbooks, which strongly hints at her more nerdy side—if that's a term people even use anymore. Near the side of her bed on the floor, I nearly trip over a tube of paint. I didn't know she painted, I think to myself. Then again, there are a lot of things I don't know about Talia Chase, because I've been an idiot for most of my life.

Before stepping away from her bed, my hand reaches towards her face to push aside the hair that covers it like a curtain. When I turn back around, both Jess and Quinn are staring at me. Shit, they probably noticed that.

Jess looks at me with a surprisingly neutral expression, as if she is analyzing every possible move I have made and what it might mean. On the other hand, Quinn just smiles at me so brightly that I think I could go blind just looking at it. People weren't joking when they said she smiles all of the time.

"I should go now," I say to break the silence.

"Mhm," Jess hums, drawing out the "m" sound between her lips.

As I walk towards the door, a familiar shade of green catches my eye. Is that?...I squint my eyes at Talia's open closet door and recognize the small green dress that I first met her in. For a moment, my heart stops as I contemplate if I'm hallucinating the idea that she kept the dress even after thirteen years. I shake my head to clear my mind and continue walking out of her room, where I pass both Jess and Quinn who are looking at me curiously.

"Bye," I say awkwardly, pretending as if I didn't just stop

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