10.

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My mum was bawling her eyes out. I sighed for the twentieth time that day, shuffling around and adjusting the silk layer of my plain white lehenga. I didn't want to wear a dress because it reminded me too much of my wedding with—

No. Stop.

I shook my head and wrapped an arm around my mum's shoulders. She wasn't even dolled up that much. Her hair was in a normal bun and she wore a plain, pink saree. No one was feeling in the mood to celebrate much especially not in the small hall filled with only a few relatives.

"Mum," I whispered, shaking her shoulder a little, "why're you crying? I'm getting married."

"This isn't what I wanted for you. I...I when I asked for you to get married to an Indian man I dreamt bigger. I just want you to be happy."

"I will be happy, mum. Stop worrying about me so much, I'll be fine." 

But I wasn't so sure. The hall was stuffy and the only fan that was working was the one overhead us. I blew out a breath and watched Romir shift on his good leg, wearing just a plain white shirt and black pants. I could see the slight outline of his prosthetic brace from the pant of his left leg.

It was a decent enough occasion but not one to be celebrating much. His uncle - Jose - my parents and my aunty and uncle all had grave faces forced into smiles. I guess they knew as much as I did that we weren't exactly thrilled about the marriage ourselves.

The ceremony was short and simple. A few 'I do's and a few minutes of silence of us registering ourselves as a married couple and we were off. There were no photographers or videographers or drones this time. No row of cars or even a crowd of people watching us.

It was just us. And that made the reality of my life sink in even further. This was not the kind of wedding to be boasting about. "Where's Anjali?" I heard a woman ask as we walked past.

"I feel bad for the groom. A handsome man stuck with a woman from a family like hers." I stiffened. Who the fuck invited them? I turned my head and shot them a glare that made them look at each other with wide eyes.

Maybe the reaction was harsh, but still. Couldn't I get some peace and quiet today either? Unwanted as this marriage was, it was still a wedding ceremony. 

A small white Mazda car decorated with pink and white flowers on the hood hastily sat waiting for us right outside.

I hugged my mum tightly, my body trembling. This wasn't how I'd pictured my life as a wife to go. "I'm so sorry," I mumbled in the crook of her shoulder.

"No, I'm sorry," she said back, choking on her tears. She sniffled and placed kisses all over my sweaty, makeup-worn face. "I love you."

"You make it sound like this is goodbye, guys," I said, looking between my parents who were both red-faced. "We're just going back to the house. We'll see you in a few minutes."

They chuckled and my dad squeezed the corner of his eyes with his thumb and forefingers, getting rid of the water that leaked out. I knew what they were emotional about, though. They wanted more for me. They didn't anticipate this as much as I did.

But it is what it is and I had to deal with it.

Jose uncle was being driven in another car unfortunately so that meant no breaking the awkward silence that was sure to be a part of our lives now. I climbed in, watching as Romir walked over to my dad and my mum and shook their hands. They were all so awkward. Neither of them, not even Romir, looked like they wanted to be there.

He climbed in beside me, leaving a large space in the middle. Thank God. As the car rumbled away, I stuck to watching the scenery outside. I didn't know what the plan was. We'd go back to my aunty and uncle's house and stay there for tonight?

"I need to get back to Bangalore tomorrow," said Romir out of nowhere. He looked at me. "Is that okay with you?"

"Bangalore?" In Karnataka? So now I wouldn't even be staying here until we went back to England. We were going to be staying in a whole different state I had no clue about?

"I left work halfway to come here."

"Oh. Then, sure I guess."

We didn't talk much after that, not until we were given the room I was staying in to share. The door was closed after us, blanketing us in silence. I stood near the doors. He was busy unfastening the buttons on his cufflinks and my chest tightened.

He wouldn't...try to do anything, right? Or expect anything? Nah, there would be no way. He said he wasn't interested in this, either. I swallowed down my panic and inched toward the bed when he slightly turned his head in my direction. The room was a little dark, only lit up by the dim yellow bulb overhead. The slight shadow that clouded his face made him look so much more intense than I could imagine.

"You can go first."

"First?" I repeated like clockwork.

"To take a shower."

I knew that. "Okay." I didn't bother arguing; I just wanted to get out of that horrid atmosphere. I grabbed my clothes from the suitcase pushed up near the closet and hurried on into the bathroom. Locking the door and separating the two of us never felt any better than it did right then.

This whole thing was like an invasion of privacy and I was sure he was feeling the same way, too. How did people do this? How did my parents do this? Had they gone through the same thing?

Even as I stripped and let the hot water tear at my skin, I couldn't stop thinking about what I had just put myself through. And, like always, I allowed myself a good cry so that the water mixed in with my tears. When I would get out, no one would be able to tell what I had been doing and the bloodshot eyes would be because the water went into my eyes.

That was the perfect excuse.

Why me? I sniffled and lifted my chin in the air so that the water could rush down my face, instead. Why Romir?

When I got out with the clothes to be washed hugged against my chest, the door creaked. Romir was sitting on the end of the bed, body leaned forward. His hands were clasped in the gap between his spread legs. His head slowly lifted up when I cleared my throat.

"You can—" He didn't wait for me to finish my sentence. He got up with his clothes and passed by me without a second glance. Instead of the normal gait that I had seen him use, though, he was limping. "—shower." I shrugged. "Alright then. You're welcome." God, if it was going to be like this forever, I was going to have a seizure.

I folded the saree neatly and placed it back into the suitcase so that I could wash it when I was in Bangalore. It wasn't going to dry in time if I did anything with it now. When I turned, I spotted something leaning against the bedpost on the other side; it was thin and silver with black straps. 

The leg brace.

No wonder he was limping. I shrugged. When I got into bed, the mattress creaked under my weight. I made sure that I was tucked toward the far corner so that when he slept, our bodies weren't touching.

He didn't get out until a while later but as soon as the door opened, like it had when I came out, steam followed by the scent of pine swirled into the air. I breathed it in until he closed it and shuffled around. It didn't take long for the bed to dip and creak. Then it stopped. I turned my head back to see what he was doing; like me, his back was turned in my direction and he was huddled far on the other side.

Internally I breathed out a sigh of relief. The only annoying thing about this position was that the blanket was small and stretched out in the middle, and I only got a little bit of the end.

I tucked my chin into my chest and closed my eyes. Today was peaceful enough, but tomorrow would be a new day. I was going to have to get used to this new life.

At least, for a little while.

Waking up in the morning, none of what had happened last night clicked in my head. Not until I saw the suitcase near the bed that didn't look like it belonged to me.

Romir.

Right, I was a married woman now. Just not Varun's wife. Some random person's. I turned my head to the right. The sheets were made and the pillow was fluffed. Weird. It was like no one had slept in it at all. Is this a dream? Oh, please be a dream. As seconds passed, I was regretting this idea and hoped that this had all turned out to be a nightmare.

There was a flurry of knocks on the door and I grunted. Lifting my arms overhead, I stretched, feeling my muscles pop and pull until the satisfactory cracks made me relax my spine into the bed.

"Arshia," I heard my aunty whisper, "everyone's already downstairs. Come have breakfast."

"In a minute." I pushed the blanket away from me and put my feet into the sandals before dragging myself into the bathroom to freshen up. It wasn't until then that I came into the dining room. My mum, dad, aunty, and uncle were at the table eating dinner with Jose uncle and Romir - who had just finished up.

To me, though, it looked like he got up as soon as I arrived. Mum shook her head at me like I was a little child. "Why didn't you get up early?"

Jose uncle chuckled. "It's really fi — "

"It's not the 19th century," I said. "I don't need to wake up before the husband."

Romir was by the little sink near the crook of the kitchen, washing his mouth and hands, I assumed. He didn't even pay attention to us. Good. I slid into the seat next to my dad and placed some appams onto my plate. As I did that, he came over, looking straight at Jose uncle.

"I'm going to get ready." He nodded his head at my parents before disappearing back the way I had come from.

Jose uncle sipped some water from his glass. "We're going to Bangalore tonight," he clarified to me. I glanced at my parents who didn't seem like they were surprised.

"Romir told me, uncle," I said, adjusting my hard expression to something light for him. He seemed nice, so I didn't want to give him any of my bad vibes.

"I thought I would tell you that you can stay here for a little while before you come. If you want, that is." He looked between my parents. "She might be upset to move away from you so soon."

"We'll be seeing each other in England in a month or two anyway," my dad said with a chuckle.

"And seeing new places might be good for her," my aunty filled in. I shoved piece after piece of soggy appam into my mouth, trying to will myself to taste something other than cardboard.

***

The heat was unbearable on the car ride to the train station. The goodbyes were brief and tearful even though I would see them again soon enough. My aunty and uncle though? Yeah, I wouldn't be seeing them in a long time. I'd hugged them for far too long, and I made sure to breathe in my aunty's oily hair that smelled so nice - trying to imprint that scent of coconut oil into my brain.

I shifted in the seat that seemed to stick to my skin despite wearing leggings. "Ugh, it's so hot," I said, trying to peer over the seat of the front seat to see if the air conditioner was on.

"The air conditioner is at its max," said Romir. "Complaining about it won't change anything."

I narrowed my eyes. That was the most he'd spoken to me and it was full of attitude. "I was just saying it was hot," I responded. "Sorry that's such a crime."

"You're welcome to take an air-conditioned bus if that better suits the needs of Her Majesty."

"Romir, keep driving," warned Uncle. I bristled but kept quiet. I wasn't going to entertain his snarky remarks. I was better than that. But geez this guy needs to chill.

"If you weren't taking up all the cold air then I wouldn't have to think about taking an air-conditioned bus," I said, despite trying to tell myself there was no need to entertain him. No one said anything in response and I felt much better, patting my shoulder mentally.

That should teach him. Okay so I was just as immature but really, did I have to take that just for saying it was hot? I didn't even know it was on max. I figured the air conditioner hadn't even been turned on!

It was quiet the rest of the way to the train station but instead of the calm, awkward silence, it was tenser. Intense. It hung over us like a dark cloak that no one could lift up.

"So, uh, are you excited to go to Bangalore?" Jose uncle asked.

"Yeah, sure. I've never been so it should be fun."

"What do you think, Romir? Should we show her around some places?"

"No time."

Well, then. I ground my teeth. The phrase 'looks can be deceiving' never fit a situation so right. As we brought out our luggage, Romir didn't even glance my way as he grabbed his and uncle's bags and pushed him up the ramp of the station. I thanked the driver before huddling after them, trying not to show anyone that I was struggling with my own bags.

The station was a bit crowded with little snack stalls set up here and there. We went toward the very end and waited for a little while before two old ladies got up from the bench. Thankfully, we rushed to take their place and I let out a whoosh. My feet were killing me. I placed the luggage right next to the bench and sat at the edge to make sure no one came and stole it.

Romir sat down as well but on the very far end of the bench. There was a huge space in the middle. Jose uncle looked between us, scratching his arm. "Are you two hungry? Should we buy something?"

"Are you hungry?" asked Romir.

"Hey, I'm asking if you're hungry."

"I'll buy something for you," he said, completely ignoring him. He got up and headed over to one of the stalls, giving uncle and me some alone time. Romir's absence was what allowed me to chill a little. I felt like I could breathe again. We didn't speak, but it was calm enough.

When Romir came back, that's when things when to shit again. He had two snacks in each hand. He handed the first set to his uncle. Instead of taking the second one for himself, surprisingly, he handed both of them over to me.

Hide and Seek was fine, but the Lays was not what I wanted. It was the Spanish Tomato Tango flavour and I gagged internally; the only one I liked was the blue Lays - Magic Masala. "It's okay, I don't want it," I said.

"Have it, sweetheart," said Jose uncle. "The train won't be coming in half an hour and the food isn't as good on the train."

"I don't like the tomato flavour, that's why." I spotted Romir rolling his eyes briefly. He sat down on the edge and retracted his hand. Leaning back against the bench, he popped open the chips and ate them himself.


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