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"Stop staring."


I almost forgot how to breathe because of what he did. My body is still forcing itself at the corner of the back of his car. It's because of shock. I'm stunned. I don't know what or how to react, so my eyes are still wide as I stare at him, my hands are crossed on my chest. I want to punch him!


I clenched my jaw and felt my blood rush up to my cheeks. That.. That lips did something to.. To my heart! Is this a sign of cardiac arrest?! Heavy breathing, fast pounding of the heart, sweating?! I gulped more. He's watching the fireworks show, unaffected.


He kissed me!


How is he not.. Affected?! 


I wanted to grab his hair so bad, especially when he smirked. What's with that curved lips?! It's making me forget how to.. Function! "The show is about to end, hindi ako ang fireworks para panoorin mo, Lettie," he said and looked at me.


Fastly, I averted my gaze to the sky. Hiyang-hiya ako. I don't think I can look at him for the next few weeks. I want to disappear through thin air dahil sa pula ko ngayon. I bit my lower lip 'til I can make sure that this is real and I'm not dreaming nor imagining things.


And it hurt. So.. It means this is not me imagining crazy things! I watched the sky be painted by sparks of different colors and shapes. Most are yellow and red. I prayed to bad that this night will just end. I want to be eaten up, whole and alive by the ground!


"Lettie," panimula niya when the show ended. I hopped out of the back of his car and dusted off my hands. 


"Uwi na tayo."


"Lettie," muli niyang tawag. But I didn't even looked at him. I walked quickly and settled myself on his passenger's seat. Hindi na ata kaya ng katawan ko ang dagdag na hiya pa. It's so weird! Even minutes had passed, my heart is still beating rapidly, goodness gracious!


Agad din siyang sumakay sa sasakyan niya at pina-andar ang makina. So I thought we'd leave already. But of course.. Of course he had to talk! This man just can't let me shut for a moment! I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but whatever, I want to go home! "Lettie," he called. I inhaled and looked out of the window, crossed arms.


"Lizette," he tapped my shoulders softly and waited for me to answer. "Did.. Did I offend you?" I compressed my lips stiffly and sighed.. I'm not offended, I just.. Can't grasp it now! "If I did.. I'm sorry—"


"It's not alright but I want to talk some other time, let's go home," I truthfully said. Hindi ko pa rin siya tinignan at narinig ko ang malalim niyang buntonghininga at sinuot na ang seatbelt niya, then finally, he drove away. 


The whole ride was just silent, and I know that it'll be like that since Light knows when to shut up and he knows how to distance himself. Kissing someone who's not your girlfriend is rude! I mean, at least for me, we have different opinions but mine is that. I want him to know that it's not fine with me 'no! 


Minding the heavy silence, I opted to sleep the whole ride and thank heavens he did not bother to wake me up or even try to do so. But of course, he did when we arrived home. I stretched and yawned for a couple of times. Agad siyang bumaba at pinagbuksan akong pinto, matipid akong ngumiti at tutuloy na sana sa loob but he stopped me.


"Good night, Lettie, I'm sorry again," he held me by the arms and when I looked at it he removed it in an instant, hinarap ko siya at kinapitan ang strap ng sling bag ko. "I won't say I didn't mean it because I did," I stopped for a moment and when my gaze stopped at his lips my cheeks heated immediately kaya naman lumingon nalang ako sa ibang dereksyon. 


"I did mean to k—"


"Let's talk about it next time!" I retorted spontaneously, I don't care anymore, if may makarinig sa ingay ng boses ko but I didn't want to hear him say what he did earlier, at least not facing each other like this! "Next time nalang! I'm tired and I know you are too, you should.. You should go home na rin! It's late and you take care, bye!" I said without stuttering and ran quickly inside our house.


Hindi ko na hinintay ang magiging sagot niya. Baka mamatay pa ako sa pamumula roon. And maliwanag sa tapat ng front door namin, he'll see how tomato-like my face is! He might get an idea that I'm being moved by his doings, which, I won't ever admit, I'm not!


Since I feel like it's so hot and my heart is tensing up because of.. Of that Light! I decided to take a cold shower, in hopes that my heart will be at its normal rate!


"Gosh, God!" I bit my finger nails and gulped a couple of times. Oh my God. I closed my eyes tightly and let my body fall on my bed. I just got off the shower and I just got home from a very awkward trip! Hindi ako mapakali, that shower didn't even help! I want to cry so bad because of embarassment. Does.. Does that count as a first kiss?!


I covered my face with a pillow and screamed, extremely loud. I don't know if it's out of vex or any emotion that's not familiar to me. How am I even supposed to know?! I never had my first kiss! 'Yon na ba talaga ang first kiss ko? But our lips didn't touch.. But it's so close to my lips! Should that count?! It.. It shouldn't!


I scowled. That's not a kiss since the kiss landed inches from my lips! And.. The thought that he's not my boyfriend or not even my MU makes me feel more bad about it! I mean, I know kissing might be normal for other people.


I heard that other people just kiss for fun or when they're drunk, or just want to kiss, I don't judge them because that's their choice and that's themselves.. But not me! I won't kiss someone na I don't have feelings for! That's my preference! I sat down and chewed on my lower lip. I sighed and shut my eyes once more.


Okay. I decided.


"That's not your first kiss, Ophelia," I told myself and tapped my cheeks. "That's not your first kiss! It didn't touch! It's about an inch away from your lips so that's not it! It's just.. A.. " I stopped and thought of something to convince myself. "A friendly remark! Yes. Light won't kiss you anyway.. He won't mean it! It's just something friendly!" I grabbed hand full of my hair and just exhaled and squealed multiple times. 


Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin, I rolled on my bed but that didn't help. Drowsiness won't just come and visit me tonight. It's a nightmare, the moment I try to sleep and close my eyes I remember his face and lips.. And that's not a help! It's making my heart beat wildly! I almost fell when my phone rung.


"Ah!" I screamed and stood on my feet, nasa side table ko ang aking phone kaya naman agad akong lumapit doon para tignan kung sino ang nasa caller I.D. Napapikit nalang ako nang mariin at napahawak ako nang mahigpit sa phone ko. I sat on my bed and picked up the call. Nanatili lang akong tahimik habang hinihintay siyang magsalita.


"Hello?" It took me a second to speak kaya naunahan na niya ako. "Are you there?" I didn't talk not until I heard him click his tongue and sigh.


"Yeah," mahina kong sabi at tuluyan nang humiga, I covered myself with my comforter and laid sideways. 


"Are you home? Are you safe?" I chuckled. He literally dropped me off. Para bang naghahanap nalang siya ng excuse para masimulan ang pag-uusap namin. 


"You drove me home."


"Ah.. Y-Yeah nga.. " His stuttering was very evident, kahit hindi niya aminin. Even we were apart for two years, I know when he's nervous. It's very distinctive, he barely gets nervous to it's easy to tell when he's not that confident about a situation. 


"How about you? You got safely?" Tanong ko para lang gumaan kahit papaano ang call namin. 


Although I still can't get enough hold of what he did to me earlier, I didn't want to just make him feel all bad about it. But I won't let him think that it's just okay to kiss anybody! Consent people, consent! 


"Yes," he stiffly said. "I'm sorry, Lettie," he breathed heavily. I stayed quiet and thought about what or how to reply. "It's not okay, I know. And I would understand you'd forgive me, I just want to let you know that I'm sorry and I won't do it again without your consent," he stopped. Wait. What? Won't again without my consent?


May balak pa ba siyang umulit?


My God.


"I can't process it, I'm shocked and It's still not okay with me," paglilinaw ko.


"Yes. I understand. I.. I shouldn't have done that, I made you uncomfortable," formal niyang sabi, his voiced deepened so I guess he laid on his bed as well.


"You shouldn't kiss someone just like that, Lucius.. I don't know if it's a normal thing in Manila or it's a popular thing these days but I don't like that.. Don't kiss anyone without their permission.. Don't.. Bring your culture or whatever you had learned or adapted in the city to everyone here," I explained, trying my best not to sound mad or firm.


I just want to be clear with him! Even it made my heart pound multiple times. And it made my stomach feel empty, it's still not okay. Kissing someone without their consent is just not it. Regardless of what I felt or how close we are. I'm not okay with it and I want him to know that.


 "I know.. I'm sorry," I blew my cheeks. 


"No. Maybe I'm just being too sensit—" I wasn't able to finish my statement when he blurted his statement.


"You're not. Everything you felt, you are feeling, and will feel is what it is. It's not being sensitive, Let, I understand it, I won't do it again, I'm sorry," he sighed. "I don't want you to feel that way, thank you for being honest." A moment of silent echoed. Akala ko nga nakatulog na siya, but he then spoke again.


"But that kiss.. I meant it.. That meant something and I want you to think about that," he surely said. I gulped multiple of times and sat on my bed, what.. What does he mean?! He meant it?! Meant what?! 


What did that kiss mean? 


"It didn't touch yours but the next time it will, and I'll make sure to get your consent, I'm sleepy, Lettie. You drop the call. Good night and sleep tight," I was astounded for a minute and out of panic, I dropped the call.


There, I realized how annoying he was when we first met. And it reminded me how irritating this Sibal is. Why.. How did I even became friends with him.


"Hoy! Nakikinig ka ba?" I returned to reality and shifter my gaze to Jean, we're walking at Cornelia avenue, I was reading my enrollment slip so I didn't heard her whole speech to me. I don't know what's its gist.  


"Ah.. " I blurted, looking away. Hindi ko alam kung anong pinag-uusapan namin! I'm looking at my units! I don't want to have an irregular schedule, that's super hassle. "No, sorry, what is it again?" Nahihiya kong banggit. I saw her face turn sour.


"Natapos lang ang summer ganiyan ka na Yrreverre, lutang very much ha," umiling siya at hinila ako sa steps para maupo. We stopped and sat there, I don't mind resting, ang haba na ng nilakad namin and ang tagal naming nakapila sa registrar because it's enrollment day ngayon ng arts department.


To add, the registrar is so sungit. They always are.


"I didn't even feel the season, hindi man lang ako nakapag-beach," I pouted. 


"Arte ka pa, 'teh nag-US ka no'ng isang linggo at dalawang linggo ka roon ah? Sana nagdala ka ng buhangin galing sa Kalinaw!" She sarcastically said, I rolled my eyes and tilted my head. 


Right. We went to the US two weeks before our summer vacation finally ended. I had my training there and attended some fashion shows. Also.. A month had passed since that.. That summer festival where Light.. Ah, I don't want to think about it anymore. I winced when I remembered that next week I'd be attending school again. 


Today is our enrollment day and we also got our I.Ds since we're third years na. Sabay na kami ni Jean, mabuti na nga lang madali siya i-contact. But it's kind of unfair din because 'pag art department sabay-sabay kami, siksikan and always a hassle, but when mga 'in-demand' courses, iba-ibang day and very organized, may personalized days per course. I sighed and shook my head. I should stop with that, ayos na 'yon, ang mahalaga enrolled ako.


"But still! I didn't had the chance to really enjoy my summer, it's just another busy months for me," I pouted. I looked at the paper on my hand and squinted my eyes, tinitignan nang mabuti kung anong magandang strategy para mapasukan lahat ng art seminars, and my orgs.


"Hayop, puro seminar na naman 'to," umiling siya at pumadyak. "Ayon nga pala ang sinasabi ko kanina! 'Yong electives ko ang dami?! Ano 'to, high school ba ako, ha?!" I stared at mine. Thank heavens, I don't have much electives na. "Kung kailan third year na tsaka naman dumami mga pasakit na 'to! Ikaw ba?"


"I have less units of elective since I took extra units no'ng first year, plus summer, so it's less two units and a few of my seminars and subjects," I explained. And luwag ng schedule ko because I crammed myself few years back. I knew it would be helpful, especially now that I'm almost done with college I'm focusing on getting scouted as well.


"Punyeta, sana all! Akin tatlo-tatlong units pa, pa-major! Ibigay niyo nalang sa akin ang diploma ko!" Sigaw niya. I laughed and folded my slip in half and placed it inside my bag. It's almost four, ganoon kami natagalan because of the long line. "Ano nga palang balita roon sa friendship mo? Kay Sibal?" I froze for a moment, ilang linggo na kaming hindin nakikita naalala ko na naman tuloy.


'That meant something and I want you to think about that.' It echoed in my mind. He managed to really mess with my mind for the past three weeks just with that sentence. I hate it.


"I don't know.. " I pursed my lips. 


"Korni!" Reklamo niya. "Nakita ko kanina si Von e, kaibigan niya yata 'yon, nag-e-enroll kanina, ewan ko lang sa kaniya, dito kaya mag-aaral 'yon?" I shrugged. Hindi ko kasi sigurado. Although I'm sure that he's not going back to Manila. I'm still sad about that fact.


"Maybe, or he's going to enroll to Priston, it's more convenient for him and that's his school ever since." I simply said and crossed my legs.


"Weh? Akala ko ba galing 'yon sa SFU-High?"


"Grade 9 and grade 10 lang, the previous years, Priston na. And baka there na rin siya mag-college, that's the home of the Sibals, right? And, I think he's more happy there naman so who knows?" I raised my hand and covered the gleam of the sun to blind my eye. 


"I won't be studying at Priston anymore, and I'm more happy here," a baritone voice said. "I'm enrolled, Lettie," agad kong tinignan ang nagsalita at hindi ko na rin kinagulat na nakita siya, he looks serious, hands in his short's pockets and just a simple white shirt. 


"Wow, schoolmate!" Said Jean.


"Let's go home na, Jean," aya ko.


"Teka! Kakarating lang ni Sibal! Tapos wala pa si Mang Bert! Gusto mo ba atakihin 'yon? 'Wag na, rito nalang tayo, sa Cornelia sabi mo 'di ba?" I bit my lower lip and just stayed there. 


"Okay."


"Enrolled ka na, Sibal?"


"Yeah."


"Ano course mo?" 


"BA Film," I heard his foot steps going down the steps and the next thing I knew, he's sitting beside me. "Enrolled ka na, Lettie?" I gave him a nod. "You're back na pala, sabi ni Mang Bert nag-US ka? Hindi niya nasabi na nakabalik ka na pala."


"How did you even know?" I squitted my eyes. He took a deep breath and smiled.


"Textmates nga kami," I rolled my eyes. "You still mad?"


"I wasn't." Mabilis kong sagot.


"Uhuh, except you really are, you haven't talked to me for weeks," patuloy niya lang tinitignan ang avenue kung nasaan kami, malapit ang Cornelia avenue sa college of Architecture, tahimik pa kasi alam ko kakatapos lang ng year nila. They have longer years than us, I don't know why pero lagi silang extra busy.


"I had no time," I made it up. I was just so awkward around him.


"Shuta! Nag-enroll lang ako may package pala 'tong pagiging thirdwheel!" Jean raged, tinignan ko siya, I laughed fakely and moved a bit from Light. "Sige na, uuwi na ako! May seminar na agad ako bukas, ang sama sa loob!" She joked and picked her tote bag up, tatayo na sana ako para samahan siya, I don't want to talk to Light! 


"Hep! D'yan ka lang! Si Mang Bert aatakihin sa puso 'pag nawala ka riyan sige ka!" She put her palm in front of my face to stop me from standing. "Sibal, samahan mo ha! Kailangan ko nang umariba, bye!" She looked at Light and ran, fast. Then she disappeared from my sight. I'm left with him again.


"Want to go out for a date?" I averted my gaze to him and gulped. He's just looking at the dancing branches of the trees. 


"No. Mang Bert will get nervous." 


"Hindi ko naman sinabing ngayon, Lettie," he chuckled. I stopped, right! You're such a feeler, Ophelia! "Pero pwede rin ngayon, saan mo gustong pumunta?" I watched him take his phone out and tap the screen for a few times. "Ako ang bahala kay Mang Bert, saan?" I furrowed my brows.


I was about to tell him to stop but then, he flashed me with his text exchange with Mang Bert.. Na para bang pinamimigay na ako nito! He didn't even hesitated to tell Light 'No', talagang okay! Wow! Mang Bert, I will take this betrayal personally.


"Tara?" He stood up and offered me his hand. I shook my head.


But I found myself, laughing while watching him fail to get the stuff toy in the claw machine. We ate and talked. We catch up and even ate multiple meals and went shopping. And there I realized that.. The further I draw myself from him.. The closer we become, and the faster my heart beats when I see his smile show.


What the hell did those two years, your absence, and your presence now did to me, Lucius.. 


"Excuse me!" I ran up stairs while holding a bag full of fabric and pieces that I personally designed. Hinawi ko ang buhok  palayo sa mukha at sinagi ko ang lahat ng mga madadaanan ko. Third year is not that sweet as I thought it would be. This is the second time I got late this semester! This is so not me! I overslept!


Sabi nila padali nang padali ang college since you're getting used to the heavy loads. But no. Another fake testimonies. It's not getting any easier! I broke down twice this week! Mind you it's only Wednesday! I wanted to cry but when I entered the room, it's almost empty, si April nalang ang nandoon. She's zipping her bag, baka pupunta na rin siya sa lab?


"April! You're late as well? Which lab will we go to?" I asked while huffing air. I'm so haggard. 


Required ba kapag college student stressed, always cramming, and haggard?


"Ah, late ka pala, Ophe,"

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