y/n pov

(this is basically a live that y/n posted but it's limited to her friends only...when i mean friends the ones that are loyal to her and won't tell scar anything"

"hey" i greeted at the camera filming my self at midnight having a lot in my minf

"I'm at the kitchen right now..." i sigh getting vodka even if this might fucking kill me in a second

"I'm just starting to overthink after watching videos and read some comments..."

"right now...i feel like scar never loved me"

"yes she's possessive but what if it's just about sex? money? fame?...i honestly don't know why I'm thinking this" i breathe out chugging the vodka like water

"i saw that video where she feels like i still love billie...well to be Honest i never felt the exact same love billie gave me" i sobbed crying my eyes out

"she cheated on me...she have a kid with other men..i accepted rose as my own child and change for her but damn..."

"i know this is wrong but sometimes I'm just thinking what if i said yes when lizzie says she wants me back? i know my mom doesn't like her and she hurt me ones but she never hurt me the way Scarlett did"

"or like what if i me and Billie continued our plan to run away together? i-i Don't know what to feel right now" i huff drinking more already making my abdomen sting so bad

"maybe this is karma....i played everyone before and now I'm the one being played....for 10 years.. fucking the years of this shit" i cried sobbing hitting my abdomen hard creating much worst pain covering my body

"you all know that feeling when you just give everything and you recieve nothing? i mean no...she actually gave me something...she gave me fake smiles, fake i love you's, fake care, fake love.."

i suddenly had this really painful throbbing pain on my abdomen and just run to the sink vomiting loudly

i then started hearing this loud running noice before Scarlett came to me removing my hair from my face as she open the lights

"oh my god..." she cursed seeing blood in the vomit while my nose is literally bleeding as tears are still dropping from my eyes

"w-what happened?" she asked rubbing my back

"please d-dont touch me" i plead looking at her with puffy red eyes before she frown her brows smelling the heavy hit of vodka

"did you just drink???!!???" she asked shouting

"Are you really trying to kill yourself???!!" she added still furious

"YES!!! I WANT TO FUCKING DIE!!!!" I shouted literally veins showing in my neck making her step back

"what are you talking about??" she asked with glossy eyes

"i gave every consideration and all i receive is fucking bullshits! Scarlett tell me what do you really want? coz I'll give you anything i can"

"you want my body? its yours" i chuckled still crying before hitting the table and just spread my arms making her confused

"you want money? it's all yours too" i added throwing my wallet on the floor

"Scarlett I'm not sex toy...and definitely not a bank"

"of course you're not...what are you even thinking" she says softly sniffing pulling me in a hug as she sobbed my chest

"you shattered my soul...but that's fine because i love you" i added closing my eyes as she tighten her hug

"I'm sorry, those we're passed mistakes..." she stated

"really?.....evans" i asked as she push her self away from me and just look me in the eyes

"what about evans?" she asked

"you don't know?... fuck me like your whore?" i asked sarcastically as she widen her eyes in shocked

"your friends with benefits is trying to kill me faster" i stated giving her my phone playing the sex tape someone send me...i assume its evans

"t-that was before we're together" she stated looking really nervous

"you have a baby bump... you're fucking pregnant with my son... yet you're fucking another guy?"

"i-i was drunk..y-y/n listen to me please"

"you're disgusting..."

i scoff leaning closer to her face clenching my jaw before grabbing a new bottle of vodka and just walked away from her

i just went to rose's room caressing her hair crying silently before writing a letter saying I'm not gonna be home for the rest of the day tomorrow

i just know this kid cares about me.... genuinely and i Don't want her to worry

my phone suddenly vibrated as a message pop up

lizzie the witch

-meet me at the park
-I'm already here
-dont bring any liquor or I'll be the one to end your life

i fixed my self and just hop on any car before going to the park

i saw her casually swinging and i just sit on the other swing not hearing anything from her

"are you ok?" i asked

"I'm the one that's supposed to ask you that"

after she responded that's when i  realize.....swings aren't fun when you drink a lot of vodka so i just stopped and stay still coz my world in spinning

"so you regret not giving me a second chance? i mean can a third chance work?" she asked look directly at my eyes

"i love Scarlett... I won't hurt her" I responded as she nodded with a smile before looking away

"how's your relationship?" i asked changing the subject

"i mean we kinda argue a lot but i think that's normal"

"hows yours? i mean you can personally rant to me.." she added

"you know it hurts less this time..it's like I'm kinda used to it" i responded looking at her

"which is wrong" she interfere

"but that's how our relationship work...she do the shits..i consider"

"i don't know how to comfort you because i know comfort words doesn't effect you anymore...and i know this doesn't make any sense because Scarlett is already perfect but i think you deserve better" she sigh holding my hand

"let's go back in time" she added smiling

a/n

r: maggiealfonzo