Lauren's POV

I knew it was wrong, what I did.

I should have come right home when school was over, but I didn't. I stayed in school, making up work I knew I hadn't finished because I had fallen asleep the entire day. It wasn't my fault, I couldn't help it. My mom and dad were fighting again and this time it lasted until midnight.

I didn't want to fail any of my classes, but if I didn't come home after school I'd be beaten again. At this point it didn't matter. It was done. I had been an hour late from school but they didn't bother looking for me because I had no where else to go. The most they could do is wait for me on the front porch and beat me there and then for 'misbehaving'.

I grip tightly onto the loose straps of my small backpack, swallowing away all the fear that was beginning to poke at me as I got closer to my home. I take a deep breathe when I spot the familiar brick colored house only a few houses away, running a hand through my damp hair. My heart was already accelerating quickly and my palms were beginning to moisten, it was completely unhealthy.

"Just calm down," I scowl at myself, not realizing how pathetic I sound as I beat the porch. I shakily reach into my pocket to grab the wad of keys that held an opening for every door inside the small home. "Tell the truth..."

There's a small pause and silence when the door opens, just the quiet creak of the rusty nails holding the door to the edge of the scraped wall. My heart seems to stop when I take a step into the house, hearing small shuffling from across the hall where their room was.

"Mike, call the police, she's missing!"

"Why are you so scared? This is a good thing! For all we know, she must have been taken or something."

"She's my daughter!"

"That she-male doesn't deserve the position of a daughter."

I feel my chest tighten. I whisper to myself, "You don't deserve the position of being a father."

I look down at the scratched watch on my wrist and sigh to myself, realizing it's been about three hours after school and they didn't even bother to look for me. I walk over to my room, which was closest to theirs and try to listen in on them as they continue to argue like every other day.

"Well she'll continue to remain my daughter and I won't rest until I find her. Now let me go, I won't ask you once more. You've kept me here for the past house now let me go!" I hear struggle in her voice and I know she's fighting him physically now.

"Don't you dare go out and look for that mistake!" I hear my father slur and I know he's been drinking. I feel my heart begin to ache and I place a hand over my chest, trying to calm my breathing which was now becoming irregular. "If you move one more muscle, you'll regret it."

"Let go of me, or I'll call the police!"

"Clara stop! I won't let you go out to look for her. She's better dead somewhere on the streets than me killing her myself. Do you want that?"

"Don't you dare hurt her! She's my daughter and I love her. I don't care what she has or who you think she is, a mother will always love their child. No get off of me!"

At that moment, I seem to take a double take at the door that was locked securely. I had felt my heart tighten and my eyes widen. My lips were parted open and my brain couldn't seemed to process the word I had only heard of in a school book.

Love.

My mother loved me. My mother actually loved me.

I blink away the memory of around a year and a half ago and swallow hard, not realizing I had been crying until I can see the ink on my paper blur in wet stains. I reach up to wipe the remainder of tears on my cheeks and sniff softly, not understand why it was hurting me so much.

I was supposed to be happy, right?

They both never really seemed to care about me and now they got what they deserved. My father especially. But my mother? I didn't know what to think or how to feel because it's my mother, my own biological mother who stated she loved me. Did she show it, though? Rarely.

After I heard that statement in their room, I locked myself inside my room and cried until night time came. After that, she would barely even look at me or talk to me again. It was all very confusing.

I try to clear my throat, wanting to get rid of the growing lump inside my throat. I rub my eyes softly and my palms grow wet with my own tears, the sound of my sniffing the only sound in the whole class. Some turned to look at me, confused. Some rolled their eyes, believing I just wanted attention.

"Don't cry, Laur." Ally whispers from beside me, her frown looking upset and worried. I meet her saddened brown eyes and nod softly, smiling weakly with a hushed whisper,

"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay, kid." Normani sighs, rubbing my back gently with a small frown. I can see how truly sympathetic she looks and I sigh softly, looking down at my paper again.

I don't bother to look up again after that, hearing small whispers and laughter from the corner of the room. I didn't have to look at the group to know who ran the quiet tumors and name picking. I could hear her voice and laughter amongst them all and I can feel my chest grow heavy.

"I'm feeling second hand embarrassment right now," One voice states, being male and filled with so much humor.

"So true. How is she even considered, "pretty" around the school? She's a hot mess!" Laughter is shared in the small group, the unknown voice whispers harshly.

The third speaks up and I recognize her voice right away, the raspy and hoarse voice very familiar and spine chilling. "I don't understand why she's crying. I haven't even given her the surprise yet."

I clench my jaw and ignore the snickering around the class, hearing the teacher at the front of the class shush the unknown whispering. I sigh to myself and slam my notebook shut, feeling anger surge through my veins as they continued to make fun of me like I was just kind of joke to them.

My mother has passed and I'm getting laughed at. Great.

"Don't listen to them. Just ignore them and they'll stop."

"I just don't understand why she has to be such a little bitch. Look at her, she can barely keep the popularity weight over her shoulders. She can go eat shit if it were up to me," I growl, not happening to be in the mood for her childish ways. She was eighteen for crying out loud, grow the fuck up!

If you're gonna beat me up, just do it already. Don't laugh and point like I'm a freak, it's way more worse.

"Got something to say?" I hear Camila call out to me and I try to keep my head down, the heat rushing to my cheeks in complete anger. I sniff and bite my lip harshly, breathing heavily as I try to calm the tears forming inside the corners of my eyes.

Couldn't they just leave me alone for one day? It's all I ask for.

"She's talking to you, Lauren." I hear another familiar voice and I remember her as Keana, the pretty girl that had also been part of the attack in the locker room. "Don't be rude, we're being nice here."

"Can't you leave her alone?" Normani speaks up, her eyes dark and angered as she meets the brown eyes of the smirking girl besides Camila. "Be the bigger person and grow the fuck up. You obviously love the attention so much, why don't you stick it up your ass and try not so hard to impress your lover over there?" The dark skinned girl spits out, nodding over to a wide eyed Camila.

"Wow, the black bitch can actually stand up for herself." Vero smile teasingly, "Why aren't you this confident with your girlfriend, Dinah?"

My heart sinks.

At this, Normani goes pale and her eyes widen as she looks back at the quiet Polynesian in the back of the class. At the mention of her name, the blonde looks up and meets eyes with Normani, offering a confused frown. Normani simply looks back down and let's out a shaky sigh.

"That's enough, Camila." Dinah mutters, addressing the small boxer.

"We're just messing with them, DJ." I look up at Camila and my green eyes meet hers, her intense brown ones never leaving mine with a wide smirk. I have to look away myself, feeling my cheeks heat up angrily. There's this slight irritation building inside me but I don't want to say anything or start something bad, so I continue to keep my head hung low.

Dinah rolls her and eyes and gets up, giving her friend the finger before walking over to our side of the room. With wide eyes, I watch as the blonde plops down beside me and flashes me an apologetic smile, returning to finish her work before muttering. "She can be a pain in this ass, just ignore her."

I flash the girl a small smile and take a small glance at that group and they all look completely shocked and confused. I look down at my paper and can't help but laugh softly.

-

"Shouldn't you be with your friends?" I ask once the first bell rings, signaling our lunch period. Three of us don't usually eat the school's lunch, so we walk over to the courtyard and sit down for a while until our next period. I walk besides Dinah and notice the way she seems to lose her smile at my question, shrugging softly.

"They're not my friends," She simply comments. "You guys are my friends now, I suppose."

"Why?" Normani blushes, looking down at her hands. "I mean, it's okay. But, why us when you have them? The popular kids?"

Dinah sighs and looks over at the small group, finding her sister who had been staring at her with narrowed eyes. I turn away quickly and bite my lip, nervously swallowing hard. Dinah senses this and smiles softly, "It's okay. I just-- Camila's been different lately. She's turned from kind, honest, and loyal to cruel, hateful, and a total bitch. I hate that...I just want my best friend back, you know?"

I can't help but blame myself for it, looking up at the group again before sighing. "It's because of me."

Dinah doesn't respond right away. The tall blonde only gives me a small glance before sighing softly. I pause when we get to our usual seats and notice the way all three girls seem to avoid my questioning stare when I ask for an answer. Dinah is first to clear things up, "What you did isn't something she's going to forgive you about. Despite how old you were, you did fucked things to her and I get that it was a mistake but you can't expect her to be just fine."

"I know that," I snap at the blonde, unintentionally raising my voice at her. I sigh and rub my eyes when the girl looks down at the table, swallowing hard. I mumble lowly with a much calmer expression, "I know I'm fucked up, okay?"

"You're not a fucked up person," Ally argues, softly placing a hand over my shoulder. I shake my head and turn to look at Dinah, remembering her words from yesterday.

"I know I'm not a fucked up person, I'm just fucked up in the head." I mutter and both girls stare at me with less confusion, but disagreement clear over their features. "Might as well admit it, right? I bullied Camila and sure I may be fucked up, but that's still not an excuse."

"Then what's your excuse?" Normani raises an eyebrow.

"I don't have one," I explain. "I made that decision myself."

"You can't just bully someone because you want to, there has to be an excuse." Dinah looks at me dead in the eye, looking a bit frustrated with my response. I sigh and run a hand through my hair,

I remember all the times the brunette had made me feel completely embarrassed and vulnerable every single time I was beat, never understanding she found it so amusing. I had my reason, and before I ever bullied her it was the other way around. It's like a pattern at this point. Camila, Lauren, Camila again...it's so strange.

"I just did, there's no reason." I place my head over my folded hands, ignoring the gazes of my confused friends and Dinah, who seems to sigh, defeated. I look up at her and try to keep from that feeling of regret in the back of my throat as a forming lump begins to consume all space. "I-I'm sorry--"

"It's okay," Dinah nods, looking down at the table. The way she whispered those words was enough to make my cry, but I kept my jaw clamped shut and my eyes away from hers. "I get it now. You're just too selfish to admit that this is all your fault."

I feel my skin heat up and I look up at her in disbelief, my jaw clenched in anger. "What do you want me to tell you! I know this is all my fucking fault, I've known all my fucking life! Every fucking day of my life I realize that I'm a monster for hurting her but you think I can change any of it now? I did what I did and I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay! How many fucking times am I going to say it?"

Dinah stares at me with a stone hard expression and I don't realize my eyes are watering until the rest of my vision is blurry. I swallow the lump inside my throat and sigh, my hands trembling uncontrollably to my sides. The anger and grief was such a horrible combination.

I couldn't help but want to satisfy the need to hurt something or someone. I needed to punch or kick something in order to calm the violent thoughts. I blink away the tears and brush them away quickly before they can roll down my cheeks. "Just leave me alone, okay? I don't need any of this right now."

I pull my bag off the table and rush past the end of the sidewalk, ignoring the gazes of a few students around me. I storm past every student, ignoring the rude remarks of the kids I bump into on the way back inside the building. I wipe my runny nose with the sleeve of my hoodie and sigh softly once I'm inside the familiar bathroom.

I quickly pull my phone out of my back pocket, sniffing and scroll through my contacts before quickly calling my father who was most probably working right now. I sigh softly to myself and bring the phone to my left ear, hearing the line ring for a few seconds before I hear his voice,

"Hi, kid." My father's voice is soft after the argument we had yesterday at home. I bite my lip softly and croak out,

"Poppa, is it too much to ask from you to pick me up from school? I don't feel very well."

"Oh, honey." I hear his voice soften and I bite the inside my of cheek nervously. "Of course I'll pick you up. But you're going to have to wait about an hour and a half, I'm passing Kendall right now and I need to go drop something off first."

I shake my head and think, 'No, don't be selfish Lauren. Don't drag home into this. Just face it, face it like Camila did.'

"Oh, poppa." I frown. "You're busy, don't even bother. I'll be okay, I'll just visit the nurses office for some help instead. Please, don't worry about it."

"Lauren?" My father asks slowly.

"Y-yeah."

"If there's anything you need to tell me about, you can trust me." He explains, "I'm here for you, kid."

"I know," I whisper, my voice slightly shaky. "I'm fine, poppa. You and daddy will be the first to know if anything happens, okay? Don't worry."

"Alright, kiddo." He sighs, slightly convinced by the tone of his voice. "Are you sure you don't want me to pick you up?"

"I'm sure," I nod, despite the fact that he can't see me.

"Okay dear, I love you."

"I love you too, Poppa. Bye."

I slowly remove the phone from my ear and sigh loudly, hanging up before tucking the phone back into my back pocket. I swallow hard and lean against the cold wall behind me, taking a seat on the moist ground. I didn't care at this point. I felt so selfish.

Both my dads were worried about me and I was hiding everything from them. I hadn't even told them about the letter Angelica sent me yesterday night, not even the fact that my biological father was dead. None of them knew and I felt bad for keeping it to myself.

Did they really have the right to know?

If I had told them last night that they were both dead, they wouldn't have pitied it. On the contrary, they would have been relieved that 'monsters' like them didn't deserve to live. Maybe it was true, but they didn't know them like I did.

They were humans after all. Do I forgive them both? Yes. Will I ever forget? No.

As twisted as it sounds, I still loved both. They had raised me, given me everything, and at one point we were always happy despite the loss of my brother. Of course I was hurting. No normal person would be happy over someone's death.

I sigh loudly, wondering why on earth my life was going from finally normal, to the most miserable week of my entire life.

"Crying only feeds her ego,"

I feel my heart sink and I gasp softly when I swiftly turn to look at none other than Lucy, the brown eyed girl that had attacked me along with Camila in the locker room. I swallow hard and stare at her, feeling my stomach churn and my hands tremble as I try to get up.

The girl notices my defensive reaction and her eyes flicker over to mine, "I'm not here to hurt you."

I silently stare at her with pleading eyes, wanting to be alone now that she was here. Lucy sighs and shakes her head, taking a small step forward. I look down at the small space she recovered in front of me and meet her eyes in narrowed slits. "Is it too much to ask for? Some time alone?"

"I'm sorry," Lucy rubs her neck awkwardly and her eyes look sincere. "I couldn't help but notice how upset you sounded a few minutes ago. I came to apologize."

"You don't have to," I quickly dismiss her. "I get it. It's funny watching me cry while I'm beaten, I understand--"

"It's not," Lucy shakes her head quickly, confusing me. She sounded genuinely sincere and her eyes weren't filled with humor like I would think. I stare at her for a few seconds and clutch my bag tightly, "I sincerely wanted to apologize for yesterday. I thought about it and realized that it wasn't going to be a one time thing. I thought it was just a prank when Camila asked me to join her."

"Well, it wasn't." I reply quickly. "And it's already done, so leave me alone."

I attempt to try and walk away from the girl but she grabs my arm and pulls me towards her gently. My breath hitches audibly when she stands in my way now, her concerned brown eyes flickering between my own green ones. I swallow hard and yank my hands away from hers quickly, taking a small step back. "What do you want? If this some stupid scheme of Camila's--"

"It's not," Lucy admits with a small sigh, looking genuinely concerned for me. "I promise. I'm just worried. You ran in here all of a sudden and you looked like you've had enough, I didn't want to think--"

"That I was about to attempt suicide?" I interject in a small whisper, clenching my jaw slightly. I have never attempted to end my life despite the circumstances and it was never an option for me. I couldn't bear to think of harming myself in any way. I would rather have someone else end it for me if it was necessary.

Lucy's eyes stare into mine in question and she looks down at both my hands. I fold them behind me and mutter, "I wasn't. I just need to be alone."

"Can you at least forgive me for what I did to you yesterday?" Lucy's voice is softer now, her hands gripping my own as I attempt to walk away from her once again.

I let out a small groan and roll my eyes, "Why does it matter if I forgive you or not? You're going to do it again anyways, you're Camila's friend right?"

"That doesn't matter anymore," The brown eyed girl sighs. "I won't take any part in hurting you anymore. She's told us cruel things