"Brielle wants to know if you are taking her to the park before or after we eat?" my sister asked over the speakerphone. I was at my kitchen table with the laptop open in front of me, a pad of paper next to me on my left, and a cold cup of tea to my right.

"Before I guess."

"Okay. I told mom and dad we'll eat at four."

I glanced at the time on the laptop. It was 11:03 am. That would give me time to make a quick batch of cupcakes before I had to leave.

"Alright. Do you have icing?"

My sister laughed through the phone. "Yeah, which flavor do you want this time? I think Brielle made me buy one of each flavor the last time she came to the store with me."

I smiled as I got to my feet. My niece loved to "bake" with me, and by bake, she meant putting icing on the cupcakes.

"She can choose." I pulled the cabinet door open and scanned my supplies. "I think I'll make chocolate cupcakes this time."

"Okay, I'll let her know."

"See you at two."

"Yeah, bye."

I turned the radio up after she hung up. The top 40 had been playing in the background the entire morning, but since I was no longer reading, I could get lost in the music.

I pulled my hair back into a short ponytail. Sometimes I missed the long hair I used to have. I'd cut a few inches off right before I started college and then again -more drastically- after I graduated. The shoulder length hair was easier to maintain, but I still liked the way a messy bun looked, and missed the way my long ponytail swung across my back when I moved. 

Austin had liked my long hair too. He used to play with it, or run his hands through it, and he liked the way it felt over his naked body...

And just like that, I was back to thinking about Austin. Again.

"Dammit Ellie," I reprimanded myself. It was starting to get a bit ridiculous.

I took the ingredients out and put them down on the counter a bit more forcefully than necessary, which, of course, resulted in the flour bag splitting open and spilling flour all over the counter.

"Aghhh," I groaned as I reached for my sponge.

Selma sat next to the sink. Her bright yellow cat eyes followed my every move as I turned the water on to wet the sponge, and it was almost like I could feel her disappointment in me.

I was losing it.

I felt judged by my cat.

***

"ELLIE," Brielle shouted as soon as I opened the door to my sister's house. She wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed. 

"Hi, pretty girl. I heard you're ready for the park," I said and hugged her back with one arm while trying to balance the tray of cupcakes in my other hand.

"Mm hm," she agreed with wide eyes, "and baking."

My sister appeared behind her and rolled her eyes. I had to bite down on my lip to keep from laughing.

"What icing did you choose?" I asked Brielle and handed the cupcakes over to her mom.

"Pink."

"Oh, very nice."

"Mh hm," she responded and immediately turned around and skipped away so she could grab her teddy bear. He always had to come to the park.

"By pink, she means strawberry, right?" my sister asked.

I laughed. "I don't know. You bought the icing!"

"I know," she groaned, "but there are two pinks, and one looks very much like some kind of bubblegum concoction. Brian probably bought that one."

I snorted. Brian rarely went to the store, so it was probably her. She'd get too worked up if Brielle acted out in the store that she'd just grab whatever so she could get out of the store.

"We'll go with strawberry," I reassured her.

"Thank god."

"Maybe I'll pick up some actual strawberries, too."

She nodded. "That might make it edible."

I smacked her shoulder jokingly with my hand, and she laughed.

"ELLIE," Brielle shouted from my car. "Let's go."

"Damn, bossy little thing," Aubrey sighed. A second later, her eyes widened. "Shit, she sounds just like me."

I couldn't hold back the laugh, because she absolutely did.

****

The park was just a few miles away from Aubrey and Brian's house near the town library. It had a swing set, a large jungle gym with a couple of different size slides, and the typical spring riders and seesaws. Brielle's favorite was usually the climbers up to the slide, but for whatever reason, she wanted to start on the swings.

I pushed her on the tire swing for about two and a half minutes before she got bored and wanted to go down the slide when my phone vibrated with an incoming message. I took it out of my back pocket and found a text from Jeff. My ex-boyfriend, or whatever I was supposed to call him.

Jeff had been an ex quite a few times already. We'd broken up but somehow ended up back together several times. The last time we'd broken up, about a month ago, I'd told myself I was done for good. Forever. No more of Jeff and his sweet talk.

I wasn't even sure why I'd taken him back so many times. He wasn't a great boyfriend, and it wasn't like he was ready to settle down and get married. He had no real ambition and sometimes I wondered if he even liked me.

Jeff had been the popular quarterback of the neighboring high school, but I hadn't known him then. His glory days had faded fast once high school was over, but he didn't quite seem to grasp that. Jeff still acted like he was the man to beat. Granted, he still looked good, and he kept in shape. His dark blond hair was always in a tousled state that made it look sexy, and his eyes - a deep shade of blue- had the ability to wear me down.

But other than that, there was no real spark. My skin didn't buzz when he touched me, and he definitely didn't look at me the way Brian looked at my sister. Or the way Austin used to look at me.

Dammit. I thought of him again.

Jeff asked if I wanted to go to the town carnival with him that weekend. It wasn't at my hometown but his, and I knew from experience that the only reason he wanted to go was because they announced the best football players during the history of the school, and he was still a part of that even though it had been twelve years since he graduated. 

Like when was it time to let go of the glory days? It was high school, for fuck's sake. Nobody really cared.

I responded I couldn't because I already had plans, but then I felt bad. I didn't have plans, and Jeff loved the attention he got at these events. He really wasn't a bad guy. A little lazy and arrogant, yeah, but he could be nice when he wanted to.

I hesitated. Maybe I should just agree to go with him? It wasn't like I had anything else to do.

But, no. We were broken up, and I had to stop doing this.

Why was it so difficult for me to stick to my decision? I didn't love Jeff, and the sex wasn't even that good. Jeff was a little too selfish for that.

My sister said it was because I was used to him, and it was effortless. Like he was an old comfortable sock. It didn't matter if there were holes because it was still comfortable.

I wasn't so sure about that, but I also wasn't sure why I kept allowing him back in my bed and into my life.

"AUNT ELLIE," Brielle yelled.

I looked up and found her on top of the slide.

"Watch me!" she yelled as she let go.

She wasn't my kid, but she was the closest thing to having one of my own and watching her fly down the slide scared the shit out of me.

"Oh my god," I hissed as I watched her get off the bottom with a timid look on her face.

"It's okay," I promised. "We can do the smaller ones. You do not have to do this big one again. The smaller ones are just as fun, maybe even more fun..."

"Aunt ELLIE," she screamed again and her face split up into a huge grin. "That was the bestest thing EVER."

Oh... Okay. I exhaled and felt my heart rate begin its return to normal.

"Okay," I agreed. "Are you doing it again?"

"YEAH."

I watched as she bounced over to the ladder. Her dark pigtails -color, courtesy of my brother-in-law, swung around her head. She had the biggest grin on her face when she climbed up the ladder again.

***

By the time we made it back to my sister's house, my parents were already there. Dinner was about to be put out on the table, so we had to hurry to finish "baking."

The cupcakes looked terrible, and since I'd forgotten to buy strawberries, we'd used sprinkles on top. But not the regular kind. These were more like glitter. Probably pure sugar.

My dad glanced at them with a questioning look on his face while Brian just grinned. He was proud of his daughter regardless of what she did, and I knew he loved the fact that Brielle wasn't as neat as my sister, but more like him.

"Any luck?" my sister asked once we finished dinner and were cleaning up the kitchen. It took me a second to realize she was asking about my internet search for Austin. Thankfully she'd waited for our parents to leave the room before she asked. They were helping Brielle bring the cupcakes to the table.

"No." I sighed. "I never realized how many William Rodgers there are."

"Must be a lot," she agreed. "Kind of a common name."

I leaned back against the counter and swiped the hair out of my face. I'd started with general searches and tried to narrow it down based on age, but since I didn't know his location, it was kind of useless. Neither Facebook, Instagram, and any other social media account I could think of gave any real result. I had three pages full of potential people, but nothing had panned out, and that was kind of daunting.

"I can't find anything concrete," I admitted.

In this day and age, most people had some kind of online social media presence. Even my grandmother had a Facebook account where she shared funny videos. Most of them were silly cat videos that I thought were hilarious. I tried to get Selma to copy some of the tricks but she wasn't interested.

"Your best bet is probably to search the intranet at work like you said. If you get a location, it will be much easier," Aubrey suggested.

"I did that already, but he's not listed."

"Oh," her eyes narrowed and she stopped with the plate halfway to the dishwasher. "That's weird."

Yeah, that's what I thought as well.

"What's weird?" Brian asked as he opened the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. He offered me one, but I just shook my head. Aubrey finished loading the dishwasher and told him I hadn't been able to find anything useful about Austin.

"That's unusual nowadays," he agreed.

"That's exactly what I said," Aubrey said, with a proud smile.

Brian nodded and took a long pull from his beer. When he was done, he put it down and turned to me. There was a soft expression in his eyes, but his jaw was set, and I knew that whatever he was going to say was serious. He was no longer in a teasing mood like he'd been during dinner. This was business, Brian. Cop Brian.

"I just can't shake that something is off. Social media presence is everywhere today. You almost have to live under a rock not to be found anywhere online." Brian swallowed, and I nodded, because those were my exact thoughts.

"I get you used to love the guy, Ellie, but maybe he's bad news. Good people usually don't hide."