Astonished

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"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

I spun around on my heel and took off towards the doors.

This was not good. Not good at all. In fact, it was really, really fucking bad.

What were the freaking chances that Ellie Langley would be at the same work conference as me? In St. Louis, of all places? And even worse, that she recognized me.

How did I not notice her before she saw me?

I was losing my touch.

It had been ten years. TEN years. A freaking decade. I hadn't seen or talked to her since right before high school graduation. I'd thought about her plenty, but that was beside the point. Why the hell was this happening now?

We had our own lives. Separate from one another, and far from St. Louis.

But she'd been there. Right there. Right in front of me. Her blue eyes wide, like she didn't believe what she was seeing, and her mouth slightly open as if she was about to say something but never got a chance to.

I could've touched her. Talked to her. Something... but I knew better.

One freaking look at her beautiful face and I was completely caught off guard, which wasn't like me at all. It was like we were back there, ten years ago, before things turned completely to shit. Who am I kidding? They were already shit by then, but she'd at least made everything tolerable.

How the hell had I missed that she worked for BioloGen?

I was always so careful. Constantly looking through the internal phone register to see if there was any name I recognized. Had I become sloppy? Or was she a new hire? When was the last time I checked?

"Fuck," I groaned out loud again as I picked up the pace. I'd walked quickly through the conference hall. Running would've looked suspicious, but since there was nobody around in the hallway, it didn't matter.

Ellie looked the same as she did back then, just a bit older. Her hair was styled differently, a shoulder length cut, instead of the long hair she used to wear pulled back in a ponytail. But the color was the same, a lighter brown with shades of both red and blond. And her eyes, so blue and so expressive, just the way I remembered them.

She'd never been good at lying. Not like me, because those blue pools always gave away her true feelings.

This time, they showed disbelief and pain.

Damn, I really thought I'd never see her again. In person, that is. I'd occasionally stalked her on social media over the years, not that there was too much out there to find. She was a pretty private person, but nowhere near as private as me. The only pictures I'd been able to see were what she had set as public, and that was usually only her profile pictures. But that was enough.

I'd avoided anything that had to do with her, or her hometown of Willow in Georgia, for the first few years after we left. I couldn't bear to see the pain on her face. It was enough to deal with my own.

But after that, I searched the internet a couple of times a year, and it was nice to get to see how she matured, even though it had to be from a distance. It both helped to see that she was happy, and hurt that she was at the same time, since it was without me.

The last time I checked, which was about a year ago, she still lived in Georgia. And as far as I could tell, she lived alone, with a cat. There had been a few pictures of her with a calico cat over the years, but never any pictures with a man. That probably shouldn't please me, but it did.

There was a possibility that she had moved away since then, although I doubted it. She had always been very close to her family, and I couldn't imagine her living far away from them.

She wasn't like me.

There had been plenty of times when I'd wanted to call her just to hear her voice, but I knew better. One time wouldn't be enough.

So I'd never once attempted to reach out to her. Because it wouldn't be fair to either of us. My leaving must have crushed her.

Like it did me.

I didn't want to open those old wounds. But seeing her again in person brought that all back to the surface. Way too many memories. Too much stuff that should remain hidden and buried.

I swallowed hard as I ran.

It had been a huge mistake to let her see me. There was just too much at stake, and I never want to hurt her. Not again.

"Excuse me," I said to the man I almost collided with as I pushed through the door into the men's room I had checked out earlier. It was the perfect escape route because it had two doors, one on each end. Both of them led to a hallway.

"I guess when you need to go, you really need to go," the man chuckled, like his joke was original. I didn't even bother responding, and I had no intention of going anywhere but out the other door.

As soon as the door closed behind the man, I hurried to get out of the other one. I chose to climb the nearest empty staircase instead of risking the more crowded elevator up to my room. I couldn't be sure whether or not Ellie was looking for me.

By the time I got to my room, I was both sweaty and grumpy.

After double checking that nobody was in the hallway, I locked the door behind me.

This was absolutely not something I'd expected would happen at the work conference I'd gotten roped into attending.

Fuck.

I took my shoes off and left them by the door. My stomach growled as I unbuttoned my shirt and rolled up the sleeves. I was hungry and since I hadn't gotten the chance to eat, I'd need to do something about that. It would probably be easiest to just order room service. After that, I'd have to do some work.

And not BioloGen work.

I needed to consider what my options were. Where I would go from here?

I was so tired of this shit.

Tired of leaving people behind.

Tired of running.

Just tired...


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