•revised 10/25 2021•

Note: For this story, the years the characters are born will differ from reality to work better with the plot and time period this takes place.

The computer screen was mocking him.

He didn't care that it was an inanimate object, it was still annoying him. Mocking him.

How did he know?

He knew the screen was mocking him because his eyes skimmed over the words that had been continuously popping up for the past three hours, making him not only look like a fool but also look like some kind of idiot who didn't know what the hell he was typing.

This dread ate at him and he could fill sweat gather on his forehead as he read over the words again.

And again.

And again, biting down onto his plump bottom lip again.

How about this time....

Wrong password

"Why the fuck do I need a password, it's meant for editing music!" Jungkook groaned, hitting his head against the keyboard as people outside his window stared over at him passed the gates separating his house from the streets.

He pulled at his hair and muttered curses to himself as he sprung up, pushing the chair back, pointing at the computer. "You wanna play hard, huh? Oh trust me, you piece of software, I'm the hardest thing you'll ever meet in your damn life," he puffed out, shoving the chair away as he bent over, typing words into the small box again.

Wrong password

This was something that had been reoccurring for the past four days. BamBam's words from that night stuck in his head, day and night, and he needed to get to the bottom of it. Why was Namjoon able to watch such a secretive broadcast years ago? Where did he get the password from?

And did it have to do with why Taehyung was in America...?

"I mean, that was two years ago, and all idols had access to the site...he could possibly still have access if he remembered his password...." Jungkook gasped. "But...what about Taehyung...?"

Saying he was having a midlife crisis was a misunderstanding. No, it wasn't a crisis. He was just letting his nosy side reveal itself. After finding out that Namjoon had a way into such things paranoid him. He couldn't sleep without taking pills or medicine, he couldn't walk along the streets without cursing at anything that seemed sketchy or off putting.

He felt like he was going crazy.

At reading the bolded letters again, he yelled out in frustration, spinning around and walking out of Namjoon's studio.

Why did he need a password on his computer in the first place? Was he cheating? What other secrets did he have? Jungkook's anger dissipated as worry filled him and instead of biting his lip, he went on to bite his nails.

"He..he's not...emailing someone behind my back is he? Of course not!" Jungkook balled his fist as he walked into the living room. "No one emails people these days, it's all about texting and..." Jungkook stopped walking. "Well...it is Namjoon, though.."

The boy ruffled his own hair and tugged at the locks again. "He couldn't find anyone better than me even if he tried-" He frowned and seemed to shrink back into his imaginary shell.

Wow.

Jin's narcissism sure did rub off on Jungkook all those years ago.

He sighed and plopped down on the couch, letting his head hang back against the couch, eyes shut lightly. "Maybe I can hire a professional hacker.."

"Or, and this is just a though, maybe you could ask him for the password like a normal boyfriend would?"

Jungkook flipped BamBam off as he walked in from the kitchen, holding a bag of chips. He plopped down next to Jungkook. "You're really stressing about this, aren't you? But why? He probably got it when he still worked under Bighit."

"My main concern is why would he still have it."

BamBam hummed and licked his finger before shoving his hand back into the bag. "Mmmm...mayhaps he just came across it on an illegal site? Like the dark web?"

Jungkook's eyes shot open. "Is that seriously supposed to make me feel better? Oh my god, you suck."

"Not as much as you do," BamBam said with a wink, resulting in Jungkook punching his arm.

"You act like Joon and I are sex addicts."

"I mean, it's no secret that he's a freak," he replied. "Back when he was a associated with those Kpop idols, some of his early songs were....quite provocative. Cough expensive girl cough cough."

"He was young and stupid and that was a cover-"

"Cough Trouble cough cough."

"Oh my god I get it! But still! Don't depict us as sex-crazed people."

"I mean, it's hard not to. Have you read the fanfics about you guys?"

"The- the what??"

"Fanfictions. Not only are you two a major OTP but you're both fine as hell." BamBam nudged Jungkook's arm with his elbow, winking. "A lot of them do have Namjoon being this nice, kind, sweet guy to you who wouldn't do anything to make you uncomfortable but then there are the ones that resemble his true colors if you know what I mean."

"No, no I don't know what you mean," Jungkook replied, narrowing his eyes.

"Hubby on the street, daddy in the sheets, if you get my drift."

Jungkook's face lit up in embarrassment and he hit BamBam's arm multiple times, cursing him out before pouting. "How the hell do you know about this stuff??"

"This younger girl I'm paid to watch. Hey, did you know in bl anime they don't usually show the sex scenes but in manhwa they-"

"Oh my god, I don't have time for this," Jungkook groaned, making BamBam smile playfully before he ruffled Jungkook's dark hair.

"I think you're worrying about what I said too much. It's almost been six years since you've started your new life. Things change. Namjoon is a smart guy, I wouldn't be surprised if he was able to figure it out. You said he watched it from the first trial right? He probably figured it out like it was a piece of cake."

BamBam had a point.

Jungkook knew his lover was intelligent and could figure out the hardest riddles there were to solve, so guessing a password to a show that was strictly hidden away from the public eye and only for those working under the companies was no deal.

Right?

Jungkook still didn't buy it.

"Anyway," BamBam said, setting the chips on the coffee table. "I actually, uh...have some serious news to talk to you about."

"If it's about you being bi-curious, I already told you not to use vegetables or unsanitary things to experiment with-"

"I told you to never bring that conversation up again!" BamBam almost hollered, face turning as red as Jungkook's skin tight long sleeve. "I'm being serious so please don't make any jokes... So....we both know I joined, uh...that company under his name because I couldn't support myself and stuff, right? And, like...you know how I came here with you and Joon after everything ended? Well...I've, sort of, been thinking...about going back."

Jungkook's eyes widened and he sat up. "Wh-what? Seriously, Bam?"

Bambam was cringing as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Like I said. It's almost been six years. Call me stubborn, but I miss it there. Not to say America, or California sucks, but...they kinda do..."

"W-wow, okay..." Jungkook looked at his lap. "That's dangerous, Bam. You don't know if you'll be safe."

"I know, I know. Just a thought, though..." BamBam looked ya him with a frown. "I want to go back but I...I don't think I could bring myself to do it. I'm grateful for you and Joon taking me in and helping me leave that hell hole, but I miss it...I really really want to go...lately I've been thinking about everyone over there."

Jungkook's knew the reason why part of Bam didn't want to go back, same reason he and Joon refused to go back. That place was full of bad memories for all of them. It was scarring just thinking about it all, it would feel suffocating actually going.

Kook bit his lip and grabbed Bam's hand. "I don't agree with you wanting to go back, Bam. Really, I don't. But, it is your choice. And your life..."

"I mean, I want to, really but...Is it worth my mental health?" Bam looked down at his lap. "I've been thinking about it more lately..."

"Why?"

BamBam looked hesitant, refusing to make any eye contact with Jungkook. Jungkook cupped his face and pinched his cheek.

"Hey...tell me. I have tough skin, I'm not gonna break, silly." Yeah, says the guy who thought he saw a dead person less than a week ago and cried about it. Jungkook grunted in annoyance at his inner monologue.

"....Since...seeing Jackson. It's made me worry for things back home. I just have this—odd feeling..."

Jungkook bit the inside of his cheek and looked away before he folded his arms. "If anything I'd think you'd want to steer away from Jackson after seeing him. Going back home because of it, it just...." He ran his across his jaw. "Is it really safe to think like that?"

"All these years, I forgot that he existed, thought my mind made him up in the past. I forgot he was a real, living, breathing person...remembering that Jackson Wang is alive and breathing and real has sent my mind into...a frenzy. I don't know what to do- I don't want to risk my life, Kook...." BamBam looked at Jungkook with emotional eyes. "But I want to make sure everyone's okay."

"...maybe..now just isn't the right time in your life to be thinking about going." Jungkook rubbed his friends back. "Maybe look into it and see if you can find anything out about idols and how things are out there. Just to make sure it's safe. You said that newer idols wouldn't recognize me, so they wouldn't recognize you. But, if BigHit is still stuck in the past, we'll for sure be people that they look out for."

Bambam sighed with a tense nod. "Yeah..." he breathed out as he looked at his lap. "I just..."

Jungkook hummed and looked at the coffee table. "I get where you're coming from, Bammie." Jungkook smiled sweetly. "But...how about you give it a little more thought? Even confide in Joon, I'm sure he'd give good advice. Oh! Like that one time you wanted to know if you should've gotten the pink or purple-"

"Yeah yeah, I remember," BamBam laughed, checking his watch.

"If you do plan on going, please...let us know before you you go. Not to say we'll go with, but..." Jungkook let Gus eyes wander to the side. "You never know."

"I'll think about it more and let you know later, okay? I need to go to the rich people and babysit their snotty kid. Good thing I won't be short on time seeing as how you probably live in the same neighborhood," he teased. Jungkook pinched him and watched him get up and leave.

He felt sorry for the guy.

He wouldn't know what to do in that kind of situation. That place held too many thoughts that haunted Jungkook for the longest time, he wouldn't be able to bring himself to go back even if was for a life or death situation.

Even if it was to check on his friends.

Jungkook leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, staring at the bag on his coffee table. Thinking about Korea made him think about his parents. If his father was still alive somewhere he would be searching everywhere for Jungkook. Looking left, right, under rocks and in places that would be ridiculous. He would be worried for his son, looking everywhere to make sure he was doing fine and living happily.

His mother and Daehyun, especially Daehyun, would be looking for him for different reasons. His mom would beg Kook to sign the rest of the company over to Daehyun and her while Daehyun would just want him dead. I'm pretty sure, after all this time, he still wants me dead.

I get why he wants to kill me. I'm out of the picture, he basically has full control of Jeon Corp and BigHit. Would it be possible to sign over the papers to him just to get him to leave me alone? "No...because there would still be killing. Plus, I doubt he'd let me go. Especially after witnessing everything in the idol business for being just an ordinary dude."

Jungkook wondered if his mom was aware of everything happening. Aware that Daehyun was out for blood, and had been for the past few years. It was she just as oblivious as Jungkook was?

"When was the last time..." Jungkook pulled out his phone, then froze. That's when. The last time he heard from his mom was when he met V at the hospital. Wow...Time sure did pass. It only seemed like yesterday he was arguing with her over the phone as usual-

Jungkook yelped as fingers dug into his sides, throwing his phone into the air. He breathed heavily, pupils wide as he saw Namjoon laughing at his reaction, his hair falling to his face as his body was covered in sweats and a pale olive green long sleeve that fit on to his perfect frame. Jungkook sighed, realizing Namjoon had scared him and he wasn't being attacked by invisible hands.

He stood up, shoving the taller man. "You need to stop doing that."

"You'd think that after four years you'd be used to it," Joon teased, crinkling his nose. Jungkook sighed and stepped closer, sliding his arms around Namjoon's waist, resting his head against his chest. Namjoon wrapped his arms around Kook's shoulders and set his chin on top of his head. "How was your day?"

"Boring," Jungkook sighed, closing his eyes. "Bam came over but he was annoying. You should've heard the things he was spewing out."

"Sounds like him," Joon laughed, swaying back and forth. Jungkook inhaled his scent and nuzzled Joon, feeling his arms tighten around his body. Joon always made him feel safe in his own special way. His scent. His touch. Mainly because he was always there for him. Yeah, they had past fights, but it was working things out that always made them stronger, not just separately, but together.

But even though he felt safe, he never felt at home. Not like he did when he was with the one who smelled of strawberries and light lemon.

"How was it?" Jungkook asked softly, feeling fingers massage his scalp.

"It went well. I missed having you by my side.. I'm regretting not taking your dance classes."

"You and I both know you wouldn't learn shit if I was the one teaching you how to dance," Jungkook laughed.

"You're right. You'd be too much of a distraction. And that's not a guess, it's a fact. I don't get how your students can concentrate with the way you move your body around. I'd ask to be excused to the bathroom multiple times in one session-"

"Joon!" Jungkook laughed, pinching his sides before pulling away. Namjoon smiled and followed Jungkook to the kitchen, leaning against the counter as he watched Jungkook pull a bottle of water from the fridge. He gave a tight lipped smile and inhaled deeply.

"....Do you ever....regret me being with you guys that day?"

Jungkook frowned at the question, confused. "Huh?" he asked as he turned around to look over at the older.

Namjoon's arms tightened in his arm fold and he shook his head, pushing from the counter. "...Nevermind...What were you and Bam up to?"

"...We were talking about home."

Namjoon visibly tensed at the mention of it, and he tilted his head. "About...Korea?" Jungkook nodded and leaned back against the other counter. "What...brought that up?"

Jungkook looked at the bottle as he slowly opened it. "Bam...brought up Jackson. At the party. He's worried for people back home."

Namjoon's tenseness seemed to soften, and an almost relieved expression crossed his face as he scratched at his head. "Is he planning on going back?"

"He wants to," Jungkook shrugged, taking some sips from the water. "I don't agree with it, but I'll support him if he chooses to go. I mean, it is our home, I can see that he also misses it. There were good times there, despite there being so many bad ones."

"Do you miss it?"

"I mean..." Jungkook stared at his feet. "Of course. Just because I had bad memories doesn't mean I didn't have good ones...there were a lot of pleasant memories."

"...Like when you met me...and how Jin took care of you..?"

"And how I met—" Jungkook quickly shut his mouth and closed his eyes with a frown, wondering why V immediately appeared in his mind. It was awkward talking so casually about it since they both agreed to never bring up the past. "....yeah. Like those things."

"I wish we could've made more of an impact," Namjoon spoke quietly, causing Jungkook's gaze to lock on to him. "I feel like we made things worse for everyone. We never solved anything. Never got to kick Bighit's ass. We never really saved anyone from that hell. If anything, we just spread it to those who didn't want to deal with the war between the two. I just...It makes me hope that maybe...Hoseok was able to do some good...That is, assuming he's living-"

"Joon-"

"I know, I know...I'm sorry..." Namjoon opened his eyes and glared at the fridge, his tone getting serious. "But if they ever hurt you again, I don't know what I'll do, Kook. I love you more than anything. And I can't afford to lose you yet."

What the hell was he talking about?

Jungkook just slowly nodded his head as Namjoon pushed away from the counter. To Jungkook, Namjoon was spewing nonsense from lack of sleep. He knew he got like that when he was exhausted, so he never questioned the random things he said.

But this...These words were different. As if he was saying to someone other than him.

"I'm heading to my studio. I also ordered pizza on my way here, so holler when the pizza gets here." Namjoon grinned at Jungkook. "Or if you hear anything else...."

Jungkook bit his lip and nodded, watching him walk off. Why was he acting so out of place today? Did something at work happen? Maybe during his dance class? Jungkook sighed and leaned against the counter. With folded arms, he started chewing on his lip, now thinking deeply about it.

Yes. I wish we could've made a bigger difference back then. We made things worse for everyone. The AWOLs, the idols and artists...for Hoseok....Jin........Yoongi......V... We never stopped Bighit, never got hold of that one assistant guy that had control over Bighit... Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut, freezing.

Would V still be alive if I had never gotten involved? If I had just...let him off me when he had the chance?

"I'm hopeless...." Jungkook pushed off the counter, deciding to hang with Namjoon, not wanting to be left alone with his thoughts. He walked up to the door and pushed it open, seeing Namjoon tapping his pen against the paper. Jungkook walked in, making sure his footsteps were loud enough to inform the other he was approaching.

"Writer's block?"

"Understatement," Namjoon sighed, setting the pen on the notepad which sat in his lap. "I don't know why it's so hard to put words on a paper lately. I'm not stressed or worried or anything.."

Could've fooled me. Jungkook squeezed his shoulders, not believing those words, and massaged his thumbs into the back of his neck. "Don't stress yourself over not knowing why. It'll make things worse. Maybe you just need a spa day. You know....to relax....to let loose."

"Kook, we just got back from vacation," Namjoon groaned, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "One we were on for months."

Jungkook chuckled and continued to massage Namjoon's shoulders, a soft smile on his face. He