•revised 10/24 2021•

Can you hear them, too? The voices...they're there. They are. It sounds...different, don't you think? They don't...sound the same in my ears. This isn't what you heard, was it?

What was it that you heard, that made you claw at your skull throughout the day, that made you double over in pain?

I don't want to know? You say that now after years of wishing I heard them the way you did.

Did you hear me in a different light? Different than what I thought I sounded like? Is that... why you became so hostile; so overly paranoid?

If you can hear them now...I wonder how you hear them. If they're different, or the same. Have you met them, the voices I've lived with for years?

Even though we're nowhere near each other...I can hear you. Hear that you're still in a deep sleep back in that room. On that cold bed. Each waking moment for me is another eternity of sleep for you, you know. It didn't have to be like this. I never asked for them to do this. Never thought they'd go to such lengths.

Using science on a mind like yours...like so many rare people around the world. But us?

We're special.

It worked with us.

Our conscience may be one of the same, but our bodies... One being artificial and dying, and one living and breathing as you once did.

Are we really the same still?

Just two little boys wanting to reach happiness.

V-ssi...

You put yourself in that position. Where you're at now. If you would've just listened to me...love me like I did you...stayed by my side like you promised. Like friends are supposed to do.

You'd be here instead of me. Or...we'd be in our platform in front of thousands like before.

But you didn't listen to me.

You never did.

You listened to him.

Him of all people— an annoying brat. An intrusive brat.

When he's really gone...you'll listen to me.

I'm all you have, hyung.

All you've ever had.

That's what I used to think.

That you were better off just with me. But you aren't. I see that. I've been seeing that you would've been better with him. Away from this place.

But this is how it has to be. I'm in charge now.

It's for your own good. You and your friends.

Forgive me when you wake up, V.

•••

It was loud. More than a Jungkook expected it to be, but why would he think that? A room full of celebrities and 'wannabe' influencers was bound to be loud, with all the talking and discussions that lingered around new faces. Jungkook, himself, wasnt one to conversation with the celebrities and Hollywood stars. That was Namjoon's job, to speak to others.

He was just...there for the ride.

A soft sigh left him as he lowered his head again, almost allowing it to make contact with the bar counter. His shoulders hunched and he stared down into his half empty glass, eyes studying each bubble that rose, or the sparkles that shined when light hit the glass.

He Inhaled deeply and rubbed his face, head hanging low to not be seen by anyone. As if anyone would notice him, he was no one compared to the people there. But it was almost something he did out of habit.

As little as he tried to think about the past, it stuck close with him like a devil on his shoulder whispering into his ear. Past actions stuck, and being conscious of people recognizing him for the worst carried on with his day to day life. The smallest things would cause a reaction from him, whether it be a soft tap to his shoulder or seeing a semi-familiar face in public.

It was a curse in his mind, maybe karma for leaving all of his friends to be selfish and live his life away from the action movie style he had lived in for a year.

It wasn't entirely easy to forget. But he still tried.

Jungkook glanced up from his glass seeing the men and women dressed neatly in aprons, almost like the way waiters and waitresses dressed back in South Korea, serving the customers drinks at the bar. Jungkook waved his hand over and a very familiar face appeared, smiling happily at Jungkook.

Jungkook grinned and sat up more. "Bam! You're working for the party??"

"Any money I can get is worth it," the old friend laughed, leaning against the counter and reminding Kook of the old times. "Did you come along with your hunk of a man?"

"Stop being gay."

"Says the one who probably takes it up the ass twice a day-"

"BamBam!" Jungkook gasped, covering his red cheeks. "Just...a refill, please?"

"Why should I with that attitude, hm?"

Jungkook looked at him with his brightest smile, wiggling his nose. "Please, Bammie?"

".....You're lucky you're cute."

Jungkook laughed as BamBam scurried away to make his drink. He looked off to the side, spotting Namjoon with a group of two men and three women, all looking intrigued by what was coming out of his mouth.

Jungkook stared at him, wondering how he got so lucky to end up with him in the midst of healing over the past years. To think his first crush was his current love amazed him. Or, it would've under different circumstances. Now, it was more mind boggling to think they were both still alive and living peacefully. Two people who, internally, hated the thought of each other.

Both reminding them of the past. Making it impossible to ever really move on.

It wasn't like they hopped into a relationship right after their lovers and friends were killed off or left. After a full year of recovering, they made things work. It felt like a mistake at first because they had both lost someone they loved but after some months and another year, they felt like a real couple.

Even moved out of the country together and forgot about everything that had once troubled them.

It was hard for Jungkook, to say the least, to heal. Watching the man in front of him, the one he actually loved, during that time, place the gun to his own head pull the trigger.

No more kisses or words would slip through his mouth and at the moment, Jungkook thought his entire world would crumble before him.

But, like everything else, he got over it. He moved forward.

At the start, Jungkook always accused Namjoon of using his silver tongue on him to get him to succumb to their current relationship. I'm truth, it wasn't fully a lie, but Jungkook knew the other did it with best intentions. Part of Jungkook did honestly love Namjoon. Really. But it was nothing compared to the part of him that mentally blamed the other for where they were at now.

But they were both at fault.

BamBam came back with the drink, sliding it to Jungkook. "I hope you know it's not easy making your weird concoction," BamBam sighed, wiping his hands on his apron. "You know how many different types of alcohol are in that glass?"

"Nope, and I don't care," Jungkook said, downing half the glass. BamBam smiled and looked over Jungkook's shoulder, groaning. "...No one said anything about them attending."

"Hm?"

Jungkook looked over his shoulder to see a group of very rich looking people walk. They were escorted by men and women in black suits and glasses, all of them fit and ready in case anyone tried anything on one of their idols. Idols...wait...

"I thought we left Kpop and their companies back in Korea," BamBam muttered, making Jungkook nod.

"What are idols doing here?"

"Haven't you heard?" The other asked, eyes glancing down as he acted like he was drying off an unused glass.

"Kpop's reaching the Americas. In...a rushing pace, too. It blowing up all over, really." He went quiet and stopped drying off the glass, setting it upside down on the counter as he leaned to the side to rest against the counter more. "Kpop got really big seven or eight months after that trial. Music blew up again and new groups formed again. Especially after BigHit—"

"Wait—" Jungkook's doe eyes widened and none other than fear seared through him. "I...I thought Bighit shut itself down after the big blowout," Jungkook stated, tilting his head to the side in a confused matter. BamBam's frown worried Jungkook.

"They did," he started. "For a year, at least. To recoup. Figure out how to come back from it. You know, having multiple top idols 'suddenly disappearing'. To the Korean public, Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, Jonghyun, Sehun, and...others just dropped off the face of the earth. It was odd to everyone...and of course BigHit went under an investigation after idols started disappearing."

A disappointed sigh left BamBam. "Of course, their partnering companies were brewing something devious. When aren't they?" Bambam frowned as he ran a finger over the wine glass. "They couldn't have their other idols knowing they'd one day pin them against each other as tasks. After the system, other companies saw how effective it was. Keeping idols in check and what not."

BamBam closed his eyes for a brief moment before looking at Jungkook. "Only those who had insides about the the idol Hit Site knew of the trials. It was only meant to to be seen by the tops guns...BigHit wasn't expecting survivors that witnessed everything to still be lurking on the site to see it. It wasn't like it was broadcasted to the public eye...so they were fine popping out Idols left and right."

Jungkook frowned more. The idol Hit Site...? But...Jungkook and Namjoon both watched it on the computer—

"If they aired that on Live, national TV, more problems would've risen," BamBam explained. "If millions of people found out that all idols actually killed people, do you really think anyone would be considered as an 'idol' anymore? I sure as hell didn't look at any of them the same when I learned they all killed."

"None of us did," Jungkook answered. He looked off to the side as he frowned. Especially him... Jungkook downed the rest of his drink and set it on the table. "Another one."

Without question, BamBam hurried off to make another, leaving Jungkook deep in thought. Speaking of something among this topic made him feel queasy and the butterflies in his stomach that were also starting to bloom became rapid, making him wish there was a toilet nearby. How could any of the Kpop companies still be functional after that shit show happened? It was near impossible to think they could all still function so well. The thought... sent chills up his spine just thinking about it.

As the other drink was set in front of him, Jungkook nodded and started drinking it quickly. "You know, you're fine here," BamBam reassured, causing doe eyes to look over at him. "Not every new idol will know of you, or the havoc you caused during that year. You don't need to worry—"

"A drink down here, please!"

BamBam looked over and sighed, and squeezed Kook's shoulder before running off. Jungkook sighed and stared into his glass, watching as the colors mixed with the lemon that was sitting on the rim of the glass, making the liquid appear bright yellow.

He felt somewhat lonely. Lonely in a world full of thoughts he would only think. If idols are still out and about...could he still be out there— Jungkook shook his head and groaned, placing his face in the palm of his hands. He's dead, Jungkook. Far fetched thinking is only going to make things worse...plus. Jungkook looked over his shoulder to see Namjoon laughing with some producers he recognized.

You're with Namjoon now. Nothing's going to change that.

"Hey, you have anything softer for my guys? I don't want them so drunk."

Jungkook looked up at hearing his native tongue, and his head whipped to where the voice was coming from, only seeing white/blonde hair and a big build, the back of the man facing Kook. He watched intently as the man laughed with the younger men around him. "Hurry up, please. We don't have all day, there are people we need to see."

That voice.... Jungkook bit his lip hard and squinted his eyes which diverted to BamBam who looked nervous and scared shitless, unlike before. BamBam's hands were shaking as he brought the drinks to the man, bowing his head.

The man's hand shot out and grabbed BamBam's wrist, tugging him closer. BamBam's eyes widened as he stared at the man, both silent. Tense.

Jungkook straightened up as he parted his lips to help his friend out, but Bam's wrist was let go as the man pulled back. "I-I need to serve other people," he breathed out, taking a step back.

"....Kunpimook Bhuwakul."

BamBam stiffened at the name. "S-sorry?"

The man shook his head and tapped the counter, turning more and showing Jungkook his side profile. "My drink. I'm sure you're familiar with it."

That man....

BamBam went as white as the apron around his waist. The blonde man looked over to the side as the boy to his left tapped his shoulder to ask for permission to do something and it was right then and there that Jungkook remembered where he saw that man before.

Jackson.

Jungkook gulped and quickly stood from his seat, causing it to fall over and clash with the ground. Jackson peer from the person he was talking over to Jungkook, and anxiety spiked within Jungkook's core. But clatter from behind the bar caught the older's attention and he looked over at BamBam, the male having dropped a few glasses. While other bartenders started to complain about his clumsiness and the mess that was made, BamBam slipped from behind the counter over to Jungkook, grabbing his shoulders.

"Bam—"

"I didn't want Jackson to see you. Go get Namjoon, and get out of here."

"But Bam," Jungkook started but was cut off as BamBam laughed loudly, patting his back as he started to lead him to Namjoon. He slightly leaned down to Jungkook's ear, hand on his shoulder tightening.

"I said you were fine here...but you aren't if Jackson's the one they sent with all these idols. You need to stay by Joon and not leave his side."

Jungkook nodded and stepped away from BamBam, walking to where his lover was. His fingers twitched and he became fidgety, chewing on his lip and he stared at the ground, really not wanting to be seen now. Not like he expected Jackson to do anything in front of so many people if he recognized him, but out of fear.

That fear that had itched itself into him.

Jungkook inhaled deeply and looked back up as he approached Namjoon. He walked to his side and slipped his hand around his bicep. Namjoon stopped talking mid sentence and looked at the younger with a bright smile.

"Ah! I'm sorry! I don't know if you guys have met him. This is my partner, Jungkook."

"What a lovely sight!" one of the women said with a smile. Jungkook smiled and shook her hand, looking up at his boyfriend.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Joon looked at the group and excused himself from them, walking a few feet away with Jungkook by his side. "Is everything okay?"

"Feel free to tell me if I've gone batshit crazy," Jungkook whispered as his hand tightened around Namjoon. "But, Wang is sitting at the bar."

"Wang?"

"Jackson."

Namjoon stiffened at the name and poked his head up to see over others, eyes landing on the man in a suit surrounded by other men and women dressed like him. Namjoon swallowed hard and looked at Jungkook, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're not crazy. But it's nothing to worry about-"

"Nothing to worry about?" Jungkook hissed quietly. "Namjoon, I don't know if you've failed to notice, but I feel like having a fucking attack at the sight of the man who tried killing me for four months."

The older held his hands, feeling how badly Jungkook was trembling. Panic was evident in his eyes, and Namjoon sighed, pulling him against his chest, hand caressing the back of his head. "I didn't mean to invalidate the way you're feeling. But he isn't going to do anything." Namjoon looked over in Jackson's direction as his voice went quiet. "Not while I'm here." Namjoon kissed the top of Jungkook's head.

"He's here to promote music, isn't he? Why else would he be here with Idols, Kook? The music industry here is corrupt, but not in the way BigHit was. Remember...we aren't in Korea anymore."

"Joon," Jungkook breathed heavily against his chest, arms tightly wrapped around Namjoon's waist. Namjoon allowed Jungkook to calm his nerves down, staying silent with his arms wrapped around him. And, after a few moments of recollecting himself, Jungkook pulled away, his head hanging. "I know that...I know." Jungkook glanced to the side.

"Will it make you feel better staying by me?"Jungkook nodded his head before looking up at him. "Yeah. It would."

Namjoon smiled. "Come on. Let's go occupy your mind. Want a drink?" He asked as the two walked to a different bar station in the room.

"I've already had two."

"Well, let's make it three then."

The two sat together at the bar. Namjoon gave Jungkook a reassuring grin and squeezed his arm before getting them a drink. Jungkook stared at Namjoon for a moment. He was lucky to have a friend by his side. Over a lover, that's what Namjoon was. Jungkook's friend.

Someone who'd protect him.

He had nothing to worry about. Just like Namjoon said. And, after a few drinks were down, they were laughing, goofing off even. Being obnoxious as if they were teenagers again.

Of course, Jungkook didn't forget the things BamBam told him. Didn't forget that Jackson Wang, the man who tried so hard to kill him on multiple occasions, was in the same room as him.

But he didn't want to bother Namjoon about atill being bothered by Jackson's presence. Namjoon stressed enough about music and deadlines, he didn't need the unnecessary stress on his shoulders.

Neither did Jungkook.

After about seven shots of who knows what, Jungkook was buzzed and Namjoon was off mingling again, leaving Jungkook slouched against the bar. Bambam walked to him and patted his head, handing him a water bottle. "If you need to use the bathroom it's out of the room and down the hall, kookie.."

Jungkook looked up with one eyes. He studied BamBam was out of his uniform and in jeans and a tucked in shirt. Rubbed his face and took the water bottle, studying it.

"Are you okay?" He asked Jungkook, who stayed staring at the bottle.

"I really really need to piss."

BamBam rolled his eyes. "...i just told you where the bathroom was."

"In...Indeed you did," Kook slurred, standing up with the water bottle in his hand as he made his way out of the crowded room.

Once he was in the quiet hallways and the door shut behind him, he felt like he could breathe. It had become so stuffy in there. So crowded and gross with all the drunk breathing mixing with the overly used perfumes and colognes. Strong perfumes and colognes.

With a small limp, Jungkook made his way down the hall until he came across the bathrooms, pushing the door open and hurrying to one of the urinals. He quickly got to business, peeing a stream with a relieved sigh. He didn't even think he needed to use the restroom until BamBam mentioned where they were.

Talk about sudden realization. He stuck his tongue out as his brows furrowed in concentration as