Hazeth Amaia Monreal. I raised my eyebrow while looking at my Instagram notifications. Siya ito. I've heard her name for too many times. Note that it was from some boys. And who wouldn't know her anyway? Their clan is huge. Kilala ko ang mga pinsan niya.

Inakbayan ako ni Axcel, one of my friends. I creased my eyebrow and looked at him in a ridiculous way. Noong nakaraan ay badtrip pa ito sa mundo pero ngayon ay nakangisi na sa akin.

"May balak ligawan si Jules." Bulong niya at iiling iling.

Jules. Iyong mayabang na taga ibang section. Nakaaway ni Theo noong nakaraan. Ano naman ang pakialam ko doon?

"'La 'kong pake." I removed his greasy hands on me.

Tinapik niya ang braso ko at tumawa. "Hindi ka ba magtatanong kung sino? Unahan mo kaagad, tangina yabang 'nun, e."

First of all, ni wala akong kainte-interes sa panliligaw. Pangalawa, I don't date. I like girls sometimes but they don't make me go crazy to the point that I will chase and ask them to marry me. That shit is dull. I'd rather just sit all day or sleep.

"Pakialam ko 'don?" Singhal ko sabay tapon ng masamang tingin.

"Hazeth Monreal, pre." He whispered.

Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kaniya. That woman. Again. See? Her name is all over! Puta, sa mga nagsasabing liligawan daw siya, hanggang ngayon ay wala akong nababalitaang nasasagot. If that's the case then that girl might be just like me.

It was her cousin's basketball game when I first saw her. Nasa malayo ako noon at si Axcel lang ang pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin kasi bobo 'yon maglaro. But her shouts were distracting me.

Napatingin ako sa grupo nila. She's sitting beside Conrad Monreal and Sean Lester. I looked at how she shouted her lungs out and laughed with Sean Lester. Binawal siya ng kapatid niya at ibinaba ang suot na maikling damit.

Why's she wearing that short top? Ano siya? Si Winnie the Pooh? Umirap ako. How old is she by the way? 18? Nah, too young. Siguro'y twelve o kaya thirteen palang 'yan. Bata.

Naghalumbaba ako at siya na ang tinignan, hindi ang laro. She's petite. Parang pipitikin ko lang, mababali na siya kaagad. Her hair is long and brown, every move of her is making her hair dance. Her eyes are alluring and it was so dark yet it looked soft on her. She has the natural pink cheek and lips. And lips.. yes her lips are pink.

Maputi. Parang kapag kinurot mo lang ng kaunti ay mamumula na. She giggled. I can't help but smile. She's beautiful, I will not deny that. Maybe its the reason why she gets all the boys' attention? Even mine?

Pinawi ko kaagad ang ngiti ko nang mapansin.

Damn, who's she again? Hazeth. Even her name sounded so nice. But I like her second name better. No one called her that.

"Excuse me." Boses niya 'yon. Soft and very girly. Nagkunwari akong hindi narinig, nagpatuloy ako sa pagbuhos ng tubig sa baso ko.

She cleared her throat. "Uhm, excuse me."

Nilingon ko siya. Today's her cousin's graduation. Ngayon lang ako sumama kay Kuya na pumunta dito. I never thought she'd be here even if its her cousin's graduation.

Her dress is short and sleeveless. I glanced at her very luxurious bag. Even her smell is fancy. Ngumiwi ako. She's high maintenanced, dude. Mukha pang may pagkamaarte. I would never like her.

Umatras ako para pagbigyan siyang kumuha ng tubig. Nang matapos siya ay humarap siya sa akin na may matamis na ngiti sa labi.

Ang tamis. Does she really smile like that? Kaya naman pala ang daming nakukuhang lalaki, e. Kaya naman pala ang daming nanliligaw.

Is she allowed to have a boyfriend, anyway? Nah, mukhang hindi. His cousins are mostly boys.

"Leander, is it?" She talked like we met somewhere before.

I nodded and didn't smile back at her. Ano? Nanliligaw pa din ba si Jules dito? Hindi lang si Jules.. marami pa. Ano? Lahat sila?

"Leander nga.." She nodded. Nakita ko ang pagngiwi niya.

"What can I do for you?" Malamig na sabi ko.

Ngumuso siya. Nag iisip. She's very easy to read. Her expression is very showy. Alam ko na kaagad ang itsura niya kapag badtrip at natutuwa.

"Hazeth," She extended her small hands on mine.

Tumitig ako sa kamay niya. Too clean. Her nails are painted colourfully. I can even see glitters and diamonds on it. Walang kahit anong galos at peklat. She's rich. Her posts are always her bags and some of her whims in life.

She's like a walking designer bag in my eyes that always turns my neck just to look at her. Ngumiwi ako.

I nodded and didn't accept her hands. I would hold her but I can't let go. Baka isipin niya ay manyak ako kapag ginawa ko iyon kaya hindi ko kinuha ang kamay niya.

I walked away.

Nakailang lakad pa lang ako ay lumingon ako sa kaniya. Nakanguso na siya at badtrip na nakatingin sa kawalan. I crossed my arms while I threw the cup away.

Tss. I would never like her.

That was what I thought. When I saw her the first time that she went on my studio, I was stunned. I mean, she said she was looking for her cousin but why am I assuming that she went here for me?

Si Theo ang kumausap sa kaniya. Nasa loob ako at nasa gilid pintuan ako, nakahalukipkip habang pinagmamasdan siyang malaki ang ngiti sa peste kong kaibigan. I gritted my teeth while looking at her giggle. Her giggles. Damn it.

"Lean, ano na uli?" Tawag ni Miles habang inuulit iyong nirehearse namin kanina.

Dancing is my life before her. I always thought that dancing is the only thing I would persue in this life. But that's the only thought I'm thinking when I haven't met her. Akala ko, alam ko na kung ano ang gusto ko. But when I saw her, naguluhan ako. Is it really my career or.. her?

Hindi maipinta sa mukha niya ang gulat at pagkagulo nang utusan ko siyang labhan iyong pantalon ko noong nakaraan. I don't even know why I did that. Come on, she doesn't wash clothes. Halata naman.

Hinagis niya sa mukha ko ang bag ko. I closed my eyes. Tinignan ko siya na may masamang tingin.

"Kailangan ibato?" Angal ko sa kaniya.

She frowned. I suddenly want the time would stop just for me to had a chance to stare at her for even an hour. Even her frown looked like a mad goddess in front of me. Para akong natutuwa na nakikita siyang nakasimangot.

"Nasaan si Theo?" She asked.

Hindi ako nagsalita. Matalim ang tingin ko sa kaniya habang binubuksan ko ang bag ko. Theo? Aanhin niya 'yon? Don't tell me she like him? Dude, I'm way.. way better than him. Bakit siya pa?

Noong una ay akala ko si Theo ang gusto niya. Kung si Theo man, sisibakin ko kaagad 'yon sa troupe dahil sa galit. But then, I saw her with a dog.

Malaki ang ngiti ng hayop na aso na iyon kay Hazeth habang sabay silang kumakain. Hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa kanila na may galit ang tingin. Are they dating? Teka, akala ko ba liligawan siya ni Jules? Bago na naman?

"Oh? Isusumbong mo ako? Go ahead, I'm not scared. Samahan pa kita." She laughed sarcastically.

I tilted my head. Hindi kita isusumbong. But I'll do if it means you'll stop lingering on that dog. Ang lalaking iyan ay sa tingin pa lang, alam ko na kaagad na manginginig kapag nabangga ang mga pinsan niya. While me? Dude, I can even kiss her in front of his cousins. Ako ba ang hinahamon niya?

"At bakit ko naman gagawin 'yon?" Tanong niya nang sabihin kong h'wag niyang sagutin dahil hindi sila bagay. Hindi naman talaga bagay.

I stood up. "Kasi ayaw ko."

Do you know what's for you, Hazeth? Me. Ako.

My life is dark. Very dark. But I am used to it. Puno ng hinanakit ang dibdib ko. Sa lahat. Sa magulang ko, sa kapatid ko.. I don't either know why I am built like this.

Isang suntok sa pisngi ang nakuha ko mula sa tatay ko. I clenched my jaw and felt the pain from his knuckle. The usual scenario. But now, he punched me. Medyo hindi nakakagulat. Buwan buwan yata akong nakakakuha ng suntok galing sa kaniya.

Dinuro niya ako. "Wala ka nang ginawang tama. Why don't you throw that stupid career of yours and focus on studying instead? Iyan ba ang gusto mo? Hindi mag aral at magsasasayaw na lang habang buhay?"

"Samuel." My mom's voice. Tumingin siya sa akin na puno ng pag aalala sa mata niya. Hinawakan niya ang braso ni Dad. She just whispered something at him but he never asked me if I was hurting because of the punch.

"Your son will be a big disgrace on our family. He's not even going to school! Puro bisyo ang alam at hindi na ako magugulat kung kinabukasan at nasa rehab na ang anak mo!" He shouted.

"Samuel, tama na." Pigil ni Mommy.

I want to laugh. Why didn't they just named me disappointment instead? The punches won't make me listen to them if that's they think. Hindi ako mapapatino ng masasakit na salita nila. Halang na ang bituka ko doon. Try harder, father.

I don't like school. Not because I love my career but because I don't think it'll make my life better in the future. That won't make me happy. Hindi ko gusto iyon.

Tinapik ako ni Kuya nang madatnan akong mag isang umiinom sa rooftop. He sat beside me. Hindi ko siya pinansin dahil ayaw ko munang kumausap ngayon.

"Nagpaakyat ako ng gamot." He said. Tinungga ko ang bote ng rum na ninakaw ko sa ref kanina.

My brother, the favorite one. Kahit kailan hindi ako nagtanim ako ng sama ng loob kay Kuya dahil siya ang laging pinupuri. Dapat lang naman. He's hard working and always attending his classes. Halos sambahin na siya ng magulang ko.

"Go away, Kuya." Taboy ko.

He chuckled. "Gusto ko din uminom? Bawal ba?"

Hindi ako nagsalita.

He tapped my shoulder again. "Sira ba ang motor mo? Ipapaayos ko."

I stared at the table blankly. I don't need help. Ayaw kong kaawaan ako. Dahil ako, hindi ako naaawa sa sarili ko. I like being miserable. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako ang sarili ko kapag hindi ako nakakaramdam ng sakit. I lived with the pain. I love being in pain.

But Hazeth showed me that life isn't about pain and heartache. She proved that blessings and happiness is visible in life. Ang ngiti sa labi niya ang ilaw sa madilim na paligid ko. Her eyes was the sunlight in my dark life. I found a reason to wake up everyday and face the lonely world because she's in it. Because she's here.

She's the silver lining in my life. Ngumiti ako habang nakasimangot sa akin dahil nakatitig ako sa kaniya.

She doesn't want her cousins to know about us. About us. Yes, I got her. Iyon ang nag iisang pinanghahawakan ko para mabuhay ng matiwasay. She thought that she found me first but actually no, I found her first. She doesn't know that.

Right before she concluded that she doesn't want me drinking, I stopped. She also doesn't want me smoking, I stopped. I went to school because that's what she want. She wants to change me, ginawa ko. Because what she wants will always be my priority. Siya ang uunahin ko bago ang iba.

Even my parents couldn't believe that. Hindi din ako makapaniwalang mas sumusunod pa ako kay Hazeth kaysa sa kanila. That's my queen. She rules me.

Ayos lang naman sa akin kung ayaw niyang sabihin sa mga pinsan niya. As long as her eyes are all on me, I don't care. If that's what Hazeth wants. If that's what my baby wants. Ngumisi ako.

"Malilintikan ka kay Conrad niyan, gago." Si Theo. Ang walang hiyang Axcel ay nakasagasa ng babae at hindi man lang nagsuot ng proteksyon, he's now miserable than me. I know.

I shrugged at Theo. "Hindi naman ako natatakot."

Why would I? My father's punches are hard than Conrad's. And he can't do anything. Baka siya pa ang matakot sa akin kapag binantaan ko siyang bubuntisin si Hazeth at iuuwi ko sa amin.

Every meet ups with his cousins, I always end up getting tired because I can't sit with her. Wala akong ginawa kundi tumitig lang sa kaniyang nakikipag away sa mga pinsan niya. She keeps looking at me sometimes, I loved it. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya nang mapatingin uli siya sa akin. She cleared her throat and typed something on her phone.

And then my phone beeped. Katabi ko ang kapatid niya at walang hiya hiya kong hindi tinakpan ang cellphone ko.

From : Baby

Stop looking at me.

I smiled and typed my reply immediately.

Me : I can't. I'm trying. Ang ganda mo.

Tinikom niya ang labi niya at pinamulahan ng pisngi. I bit my lips while looking at her. Look how red her face is. I chuckled.

"Asan girlfriend mo?" Si Conrad. Nasa malayo sila Hazeth at kasama ang mga pinsan. She's wearing a very short shorts and a I-don't-know-the-fuck-it-is top but its short, too.

Ngumisi ako. "Nandyan lang.."

Umiling si Zarrick na seryosong nakikinig sa amin. He knew about us. Even Asher. I didn't said anything. They're just too observant. Wala naman silang sinasabi tungkol doon.

"Nandyan? Saan?" Pabirong tinanaw ni Conrad ang tinitignan ko. I raised my eyebrow, I'm looking at Hazeth.

"H'wag mo nang tanungin, Rad. He likes to keep it secret." Ash said.

"O baka secret talaga." Zarrick concluded. Putangina nito. Ilalaglag pa yata ako.

Pero okay lang, parang gusto ko pa nga. I'm just thinking about Hazeth. Baka mamaya'y makinig siya sa kapatid niya kapag inutusan siyang hiwalayan ako. Dude, I can't take that. Baka talagang iuwi ko na siya sa amin kahit impyerno doon.

She was very jealous about Miles. I don't know why. I don't even look at Miles the way I stare at her. She found Miles as her rival. Hindi ko magawang mainis dahil doon. I like when she's jealous and trying to fight with me about it.

Malaki ang away namin dahil doon. It took us days before talking to each other. Matagal tagal akong nag isip kung papaano siya susuyuin. Sa huli ay pumunta ako sa tapat ng tattoo shop.

Malakas ang tawa ni Theo nang makita akong blangko lang ang mata habang tinutusok na ang balat ko sa dibdib.

"Anong ilalagay mo? Hashtag mahal 24? Baduy!" Humagalpak ang tawa niya.

Sinipa ko siya. "Putangina mo. Lumayas ka nga."

"Seryoso nga, anong ilalagay mo?"

I clenched my jaw. "Her name."

"Woah! Hindi ba bawal itattoo ang pangalan ng jowa mo? Gago!" Bulalas niya.

Yes, I know that. Kinailangan ko pa ngang suhulan ng pera itong tattoo artist para lang magawa ang gusto ko. He didn't do anything but to do what I want. Kapag hindi ay ipapasara ko na itong shop nila.

H. Amaia.

That was what I want. It was written in a typewriter font. It was tatted on my left chest, where my heart is. May kalakihan iyon para mahalata naman kahit papaano.

Theo shook his head. "Wala na, baliw na talaga."

"Alam ko." I said with a straight face.

"Paano kapag nakita ng kapatid niya 'yan? E'di huli kayo?"

"Picturan ko pa at isend ko sa kaniya kung gusto niya." Iritado kong sabi. "I'm not scared, Theo. Mas natatakot ako sa reaksyon ni Hazeth kapag nalaman ng kapatid niya."

Her birthday was the happiest day of my life. Umuwi ako para sa kaniya. Sinuway ko uli ang mga magulang ko. They can't stop me. Ang kapatid niya nga, hindi ako napigilan, e.

Sinadya kong magpahuli para lang maging last dance niya. This only happens once in a lifetime, susulitin ko na. Nakaupo ako sa sulok habang hawak hawak ang pulupon ng bulaklak. I saw how stressed Conrad is while he went and danced with my baby instead of me.

"Tita," I called her mom from the back. Napatalon siya nang makita ako.

"Leander! Ay jusko! Bakit ngayon ka lang nagpakita?" She exclaimed. Napatingin si Tito sa akin at tumaas ang kilay sa bulaklak na dala ko.

I showed the flowers. "Can I have her last dance, Tito?"

Tumitig sa akin si Tito ng matagal. Nagkatinginan sila. Wala akong nararamdamang takot ngayon. I don't care if they knew. We've made this very far. I trust our love foundation.

Tinapik ni Tito ang balikat ko. "I assume that you're late that's why you're asking for her last dance."

I shook my head. "I'm inlove with your daughter that's why I want her last dance."

Suminghap ang Mommy ni Hazeth. In the end, Tito sighed and looked at me in a problematic way. Akala ko ay hindi niya ako papayagan pero dahil patapos na din ang kanta ay tumango na lang siya sa akin.

Nang matapos ang sayaw nila ay nagpakita na ako. I smiled but immediately faded away when I saw her tearing up. Hindi ko pinakinggan ang mura ni Conrad sa akin sa likod ko.

She looked stunning with her gown. Her make up fits her perfectly. Hindi ko maipinta ang mukha niya habang nakatingin sa akin at umiiyak. She's beautiful yet she's crying. Her cries were like thunderstorm for me. Takot ako tuwing umiiyak siya.

So I kissed her. Like what she wanted. I've been dreaming for her kiss very long time ago. It was better than I expected. Namumungay ang mga mata niya sa akin. I stared at her for a long time. Damn it. Ang ganda. She's too beautiful that I feel like I don't deserve her.

"I'd probably kiss you more than that. But your family is watching. Papatayin nila ako pagkatapos nito, sigurado." I said while thinking about his brother.

"I won't let them do that!" She announced like she was my hero and I was the damsel in distress.

Yes, indeed she is. My little hero. She saved me from being eaten by the darkness. The light of my life. My silver lining.

She tiptoed and gave me a kiss. "I love you."

Hindi maipaliwanag ang saya ko. She loves me. She loves me! Of course, baby, I love you too.

I can't see myself living the world without her. It was a blessing from above to have her beside me. She was my first and only true love. I admit that. I looked at her and wished if I could have her forever with me. Para akong isang bata na nagdadasal lagi na h'wag siyang mawala sa akin.

I'm scared, too. Takot ako na baka isang araw magising ako at wala na siya sa tabi ko. That will be my worst nightmare. Siya ang mundo ko at kapag nawala pa siya, hindi ko alam kung saan pa ako pupulutin. Saksi ang buwan at kalawakan kung gaano ko siya kagustong h'wag mawala.

"I can't believe you, Leander! Why don't you look at your brother? He's a successful engineer! At ikaw? Pipitsuging mananayaw lang! You think you're great now, huh?" My father exclaimed when they knew that I paid a down payment for the house that I want.

Yes. A house for me. For us. For Hazeth. Hindi alam ni Hazeth iyon at ayaw kong sabihin. Baka isipin niyang nagmamadali na ako masyado. I'm doing it for my future. For our future.

Umigting ang panga ko. "You want me to leave the house, right? Heto na, aalis na ako! What else do you want?"

Sinampal ako ni Mommy. Tinanggap ko sng sampal niya. I saw her crying. That affects me a bit. Umiwas ako ng tingin dahil nahihirapan makita ng ganoon ang ina ko.

"What's making you this stupid, Leander? Is it some woman? Who? That Monreal? Iyon ba?"

Tumingin ako sa kaniya na may galit sa mata. I glared at her. Nakita ko ang gulat sa mata niya na makita akong masama ang tingin sa kaniya.

Some woman? That Monreal? She's not just that Monteal! She is my Monreal! She is my woman!

"You don't call her that." Matalim ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

Tumawa si Daddy. "Oh, you like a girl? Bakit? Magtatanan kayo? Sa tingin mo ba'y gusto niyang sumama sa lalaking walang kinabukasan?"

Naputol na ang pasensya ko. Curse me all you want. Suntukin mo ako hangga't mapagod ka. Hindi ako lalaban. Pero kapag usapang Hazeth, hindi ko kayang manahimik na lang.

I grabbed his collar. Narinig ko ang sigaw ni Mommy. Punong puno ng hinanakit at galit ang mga mata ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya.

"Wala kang karapatang magsalita ng ganyan dahil lang ama kita. I'd rather have no father than to have you. You don't know