Until the end.

This is the end. The final end of us.

Loud music. Wild people. Beating of my heart. Tears flowing because of heartache.

Sinipat ko ng tingin si Derek nang problemado niyang inaagaw ang bote ng whiskey sa kamay ko. He looked at me with full of concern in his eyes. Kung tignan niya ako'y awang awa siya sa itsura ko.

Umirap ako. I don't need envy. I need to breath. I need alcohol. I need to get drunk to be numb. I can't just sit there, crying because I'm broken. No. Nasaktan ako pero hindi ako loner.

Derek extended his hand with a handkerchief. "Wipe your tears, Hazeth. 'Yan ang napapala mo kakagusto sa maling tao."

I giggled and reached for his hand. "We both liked a wrong person, my friend."

Tumango siya habang nakatitig sa akin. "Mukha nga."

Tinungga ko ang whiskey. Halos kalahating oras na kami ni Derek dito sa hindi ko kilalang club. We're far away from Puerto Alcala. Sabi niya ay bunganga na raw ito ng El Vicente. Hindi ko alam na ganoon kalayo ang drinive namin. Kanina'y nasa beach pa lang ako!

Gumuhit sa lalamunan ko ang pait ng alak. I felt the heat on my throat down to my stomach. I drank too much yet I feel like its not enough. Paano ba naman kasi ay ang boring naman sa sofa na pinili ni Derek. The dance floor isn't even visible here! Sabi ko ay hindi ako loner pero pinapamukha niyang loner ako!

I grabbed the Martini on the side. I raised it to Derek like asking it I could drink it. He rolled his eyes. Ininom ko iyon. Its not like I'm not going to drink it if he shook his head.

"Zeth, enough drinking please. Hindi ko alam kung paano kita iuuwi, utang na loob."

"Just take me to some hotel. Doon na lang ako papalipas." I sipped on his drink. Sumandal ako sa couch habang sinisipsip iyon.

"Hell, no." He laughed sarcastically. "Do you want me to get ambushed by your cousins?"

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "They won't know!"

"I doubt that. One of your cousins is like running a private investigation company."

"Sino naman?" Taka kong tanong.

"Sean Lester!"

Umirap ako at humalakhak. Hindi ko din alam. Pinanganak na iyong chismoso. And maybe yes, he's running a private investigation team. Ang dami naman kasi niyang source. Hindi ko kaya.

I'm really glad that Derek's my friend. Hindi ko alam kung papaano siya pasasalamatan. Kanina, he didn't ask me on what's going on or what's the problem. He just take me to where I want. He really wants me to tell him naturally what is my problem. I admire him for that.

I admire him for not getting tired of my dramas. Lalo na't sa tingin ko'y gusto niya ako. And yet he's still giving me comfort. He knows how to handle me as a friend and no feelings involved. Siguro nga'y kahit papaano dapat sinagot ko na lang siya dati.

Derek will be a good man as my boyfriend. He will not cheat. And his mom is nice.

Tumawa ako sa ideyang iyon. Tinignan ako ni Derek na may kunot ang noo. Feeling niya siguro'y nababaliw na ako dito.

Mabigat ang mata ko siyang tinignan. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?" He played with his martini on his hands.

"Kung mahal mo ba ako-"

"What a question." He laughed.

I glared at him. "I'm serious!"

"Fine! Fine!" Irap niya sabay simsim sa inumin.

"Kung mahal mo ba ako, lolokohin mo ako?" I felt so stupid in asking that.

Tumaas ang kilay niya. "Niloko ka ba?"

Nag init ang gilid ng mga mata ko sa tanong niyang iyon. I immediately sipped on my drink just to focus on something. Nagtiim bagang ako.

"Ano nga?"

Nag igting ang panga niya. "Ano bang klaseng tanong 'yan? Of course not."

Tumulo ang luha ko. I closed my eyes while letting my tears flow like a nonstop faucet. Numerous sharp things is stabbing my chest right now. I can't even breath properly. All I can do is cry my heart out and wishing that the hurting will stop.

Humikbi ako. "He told me he loves me. Mahal niya ako, Derek."

Lumapit si Derek. May inis sa mukha niya at hinawakan ang pisngi ko. He wiped my tears using his thumb. The envy on his eyes is making me more cry. Please, h'wag kang maawa sa akin dahil mas naaawa pa ako sa sarili ko.

"You don't deserve him, Zeth." Igting ng panga niya. "Gusto kitang maging masaya. And the happiness I want from you is only visible when you're with him. But seeing you like this is breaking me, too."

Hindi ako nagsalita. Sinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya dahil hindi na nakayanan.

"I'm willing to give you up when it means you're happy with him. Your happiness will be mine, too." Hinalikan niya ang noo ko. "I can't bear you crying because you made a wrong decision, Zeth. Just lean on me whenever you want. I'm always free for you."

Tumingala ako. I grabbed his nape and kissed him on his lips. Tumulo ang luha ko nang maabot ko ang labi niya. He didn't protest but he is not moving.

Umawang ang labi ko nang humiwalay ang labi namin. I smiled genuinely at him. "Thank you for everything, Derek."

Hindi pa ako nakakakurap at may humila na kay Derek palayo sa akin. A cursing was heard. Sa isang kisap mata ay nakatihaya na si Derek sa kabilang sofa.

Nakasandal pa din ako sa sofa at nanlalabo ang tingin sa kung sino man ang nambato kay Derek doon. He was a tall man wearing a messed polo shirt and his hair was a mess, too. Pulang pula ang pisngi at umiigting ang mga panga. His hands was clenching, too.

"Putangina mo din! Ang yabang mo din, e 'no, Leander! Ikaw pa talaga nanunugod, ikaw na nga ang nanakit!"

Leander.. Leander?

He grabbed Derek's collar and punched him one more. Hindi kaagad nakalaban si Derek dahil nagulat din sa paghila sa kaniya. I groaned and tried to sit properly just to stop them. Hilong hilo pa ako habang sapo sapo ang ulo ko.

"You don't know anything. Shut up." Malalim ang boses niya.

Kinapa ko ang kamay niya. He immediately held my hand. I held it to help me stand up. Nang nakatayo ako ay mabilis kong binalibag ang kamay niya sa kung saan.

"Go away." I breathed.

"Yes, Zeth. I'm going away with you." Namungay ang mata niya at hinanap ang siko ko. I immediately moved back.

He flashed a aghast look on his face. Umawang ang labi niya sa pag atras ko na parang takot akong hawakan niya.

Tumayo si Derek at dinuro si Leander. "Tarantado ka, Salazar. Don't you ever take her away from me again. Sumusobra ka nang puta ka. Kung wala kang ibang gagawin kundi maging gago, sana pala ay hindi ka na bumalik-"

He immediately grabbed my friend's collar. Matinding galit ang nakita ko sa mata niya na ultimo maging apoy na iyon. His jaw is clenching and his hands are almost turning white because of gripping Derek's shirt. This is the first time I saw him very mad. He would probably kill right now.

"Do not fucking try to shut me out of this. I've been here before you, son of a bitch. I'm more a part of her than you are."

"Aba't tarantado ka-"

"Stop it!" Sigaw ko. I almost screamed my lungs out just to shut them off.

Nilingon ko si Derek. "Derek, let's just go-"

"No!" Leander immediately groaned. "You will leave with me."

I was about to talk when he grabbed my hand and slammed me on his chest. Napapikit ako dahil sa sakit sa ulo at pagkahilo.

Right before I could hear Derek's shout, my senses shut down. Dumilim ang paligid ko at wala na akong naramdaman.

___

I moved my feet. Kinunot ko ang noo ko habang nakapikit pa din. My hand started to grope around. I just felt a very soft material that I'm laying with. Unti unti kong dinilat ang mga mata ko.

The first thing I saw was a dim ceiling. I stared at it, realizing what it was. Dahan dahan akong umupo at sinapo ang humihilab na ulo. My head is aching so bad and so is my feet. Ngumiwi ako habang hinihilot ang sentido ng ulo.

Unfamiliar place. It is a bedroom. Large bed in the middle, where I am. Couch on the side, coffee table too, a veranda and a two separate doors. Where the hell am I? And its night! Anong oras na?

I looked at what I'm wearing. I gasped when I saw a different outfit from what I wore a while ago! Namilog ang mata ko at kinapa ang puting longsleeve polo shirt na suot ko. Nahuhulog sa kaliwang balikat ko iyon dahil hindi maayos ang pagkabuton at maluwang pa.

I touched my breast and realized that I wasn't wearing anything! Lumipad ang tingin ko sa suot ko sa ibaba. Hinawi ko ang puting kumot sa hita ko. My hand flew on my mouth when I saw my pink thong on me. Only pink thong!

Dahan dahan akong bumaba sa malambot na kama. I searched for something or someone. The lights are dim. May malaking veranda na bukas na bukas. Akma akong pupunta doon nang makarinig ako ng kung ano. A sound of a splashing water.

Its coming beneath the door on the corner. Dahan dahan akong naglakad doon. Pinihit ko ang door knob at binuksan.

It was a bathroom. A large sink was on the side and a bowl area in front of a blurred glass wall which I think is the shower.

Sinarado ko ang pinto. Tsaka ko lang napagtanto ang ginagawa ko nang huminto ang shower, tila narinig ang pagpasok ko. I swallowed hard and didn't move.

Ilang minuto pa'y isang lalaki ang lumabas sa shower. Napatuptop ako sa bibig ko nang masilayan kung sino iyon.

My breath started to get fast. Lalo pa't wala siyang saplot kundi tuwalya lang sa baywang. I immediately faced the door and opened it.

I was about to get out when he quickly pulled me and slammed my back on his chest. He closed the door in front of me and held it for me to not open it anymore.

Kumalabog ang puso ko at nanlalaki ang mata na sinilip ang kamay niya sa baywang ko na nakayakap doon.

I started to thrash. "Let me go!"

"You stay. Mag uusap tayo," Leander whispered behind me with a low husky voice.

Ramdam ko ang lamig niya sa likod ko. Even his wet hair is dripping on me. Sinuntok ko ang braso niya sa baywang ko para lang makawala.

Why did I end up with him? Nasaan si Derek? Why the hell did he let me get away with this bastard? Akala ko ba ay ayaw niyang nasasaktan ako!

"Pakawalan mo ako! I hate you! I hate you so much! Let me go!" I shouted.

In a swift move, he let me face him. Kinulong ako ng isang kamay niya na nasa pintuan pa din pero ang isa'y nakahawak na sa dalawang kamay ko.

I saw his riley eyes on me. Umigting ang panga niya. His hair is wet and messy yet why does he looked so hot with it. Pulang pula ang labi dahil basa. My eyes went down on his cold chesy. Where my name is tatted on it. Suminghap ako. He is towering me. I looked so small in front of him.

"Kick and claw all you want. You have no choice but to talk to me right now."

Sinipa ko siya. "Ayaw kitang kausap, naiintindihan mo? Ayaw kong kumausap ng manloloko at sinungaling. Let me go!"

"Lucia is just a friend-"

Sinipa ko uli siya. Ngayon ay nakita ko na siyang napangiwi dahil doon pero nanatiling mariin ang titig sa akin.

"I don't care! I don't care about you anymore. Date your secretary or even every girl in your company! Wala akong pakialam!"

"What you saw a while ago was nothing! We're not kissing or what!" He shouted back but with gentleness in it. Iyong tipong sinusuyo ang isang bata para kumain ng gulay.

"Sabi ko, wala akong pakialam! Kiss her in front of me if you want, I don't care! You can even fuck her if-"

"Damn it, Hazeth. Ano bang dapat kong gawin? I told you, that was nothing. I already fired her, okay?"

Uminit ang sulok ng mata ko. I looked at him with such a hurting eyes. Namungay ang mga mata niya. In a very quick move, he looked gentle and pure in front of me.

Umiling ako. "Lalabas ako, Lean.."

I caught him with my soft voice. Umawang ang labi niya habang namumungay pa din ang mata. He loosen his grip on my hand and walked back.

That was my cue to ran away. Binuksan ko ang pintuan at mabilis na tumakbo palabas. Iniisip ko pa lang kung paano ako makakatakbo palabas sa lugar na ito ay malabo na kaagad tignan.

He immediately grabbed me from behind. Hindi pa ako nakakalapit sa pinto ay niyakap na niya ako sa likod. Tumulo ang luha ko nang maramdaman ko ang yakap niya.

Binaon niya ang ulo niya sa leeg ko. I stopped. His embrace was so tight like he doesn't want me to go. He doesn't want me to leave him. Nasasaktan ako habang nakikita ko ang kamay niyang mahigpit na nakayakap sa baywang ko.

He shook his head. "Baby, please.. Why do you always have to leave me?"

Humikbi ako.

"Lean, let's break up." Namamaos na sabi ko.

He tightened his hug more. I felt him kissing my neck and my shoulder continuously. His bare chest are pushed on my back. Pumikit ako at hinayaang tumulo ang mga luha sa mata ko.

"Lean, ayoko na.."

He shook his head once more. "Let's fix it, Hazeth. Ayusin muna natin, please. Why are you making decisions when you're mad?"

"I'm not mad! I'm hurting!" Pumiyok ako. "Can't you understand? Ang sakit na, kaya ayoko na!"

"Whatever it is, Zeth, I'll fix it for you. I'll fix it for us. Don't worry about the fighting. I'll do it. H'wag mo naman sana ako iwanan ulit.. I don't think I can take it anymore."

Pilit kong inaalis ang kamay niya sa baywang ko. I covered my mouth using my palm just to stop my sobbing. My chest is aching so bad. Nasasaktan na ako ngayon dahil sa akin. Dahil sa ginagawa ko. But I know this is right.

"Leander, please.. Nagmamakaawa ako. Pakawalan mo na ako." Humagulgol ako.

"Bakit ba ang dali dali mo akong sukuan? Do you love the way you leave me? Or you just want me longing for you? Tell me, Hazeth. Because I don't get why you always push me away." His voice was hurting.

"Because its the right thing!"

Pinaharap niya ako sa kaniya. Natulala ako nang makita siya sa harapan ko. The same Leander I saw years ago. When I broke up with him. The very weak Leander in front of me.

His eyes are bloodshot, his lips are almost trembling.. Tumulo ang luha ko. I can't do it. I can't.. Please, hayaan mo na ako. Kasi ngayon, hindi ko na kaya. Hindi ko kayang tumakbo. Hindi ko na kayang iwanan siya.

"Right thing? It was never the right thing, Hazeth." He cupped my face and searched for my eyes. "Loving you is always the right thing. Making you my world is the best thing."

Humagulgol ako sa harap niya. I shook my head. "Lean, hindi.."

"Tell me, Zeth. What is making you this heartless? I'll trade everything just for you. Why are you giving up on me? We're on this together, right? Zeth.." Desperado ang boses niya na hinahanap ang mata ko.

"Hindi, Lean! Hindi pwede!"

"Give me an enough reason, Zeth. Hindi ko maintindihan-"

"Because your mom is right!"

Namilog ang mata ko nang masigaw ko iyon sa harapan niya. We both looked stunned. Napaawang ang labi niya at may kunot ng noo sa mukha.

Umiling ako. "No.. I mean-"

"What did she tell you?" Humigpit ang hawak niya sa kamay ko.

I shook my head as fast as I could. "Lean, hindi. She just.. well.."

"Hazeth! Ano ang sinabi niya sayo?" He shouted.

Anger was seen on his eyes. Umurong ang dila ko at takot na ang naramdaman sa dibdib ngayon. I never want to say that. God knows I didn't even want to spill anything. Hindi ko alam kung papaano ko iyon nasabi.

He made me look at him. Umiigting ang panga at namumula na ang mukha niya dahil sa galit. I swallowed hard.

"What did she tell you, Hazeth.." Nagbabanta ang boses.

"All she wants is the best for you!" Pagtatanggol ko kasi totoo naman.

"Best for me? And it wasn't you?" He asked as if it was a ridiculous thing.

"I was your poison! I will drag you
down-"

"Bullshit!" Napapikit siya. "Did she tell you that? Kailan?"

Mahigpit ang hawak niya sa kamay ko. Matinding takot ang naramdaman ko. My hands are trembling and even my lips are. Mabilis ang paghinga ko.

"Two years ago-"

"Putangina."

"At kanina.."

"Is that why you broke up with me? And now you want us to broke up too because of her?"

I didn't know what to say. That wasn't my intention. I don't want him to hate his mother because of me. At baka isipin pa ni Mrs. Salazar na nagsusumbong ako at ginagamit ko ang anak niya para magalit sa kaniya!

Lumunok ako. "She was right, Lean.."

"Putangina, Hazeth. You're not the poison. She was! She poisoned you and you took it!"

"I believe her!" I shouted back. "You almost failed because of me! And now she's just concerned about your company!"

"The company was fine-"

"Prevention is better than cure, Leander. She just want to-"

"She will never dictate what I want to do! If I chose to love you and be with you, she can't do anything about it." Hinawakan niya ang siko ko. "Wala akong pakialam sa iba, Hazeth, as long as I have you."

I didn't talk.

I love him. I love him so bad. Iniisip ko pa lang na mahal niya ako, ayoko nang tumakbo. I don't want to lose him anymore. He's right. No one can dictate us. If I chose to stay with him forever, no one can do anything about it.

"You pushed me three times, baby, yet here I am.. still running back to you." Namungay ang mga mata niya. "I'll be better, Zeth, I'll do my best. Give me my chance, please?"

A chance for us. Yumuko ako at tuluyang nanghina. His breaking voice is tearing my heart into pieces. He looked desperate. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi masaktan. I am the reason why he's hurting.

I touched his chest where my name is on it. Hinaplos ko iyon kasabay ng panginginig ng labi ko. This always reminds me of my teenage. My teenage with him.

I made a wrong decision before. I regretted it. Nagdusa ako dahil sa maling desisyon. And this time, I want to make a right one. I think that will ease the aches that we're both feeling.

"Love me again, Zeth, please?" Nangungusap ang mga mata niya at halos lumuhod na.

Tumitig ako sa kaniya. Inangat ko ang kamay ko para abutin ang mukha niya. Gulat ang nakita ko sa mata niya nang ngumiti ako habang umiiyak.

"I never stopped, Lean."

His face reddened. It was too late when I catched him tearing up. He pulled my face to give me a kiss.

Kusa akong dumikit sa labi niya para salubungin ang halik. My tears flowed. The kiss he gave me immediately eased the aches on my heart. This time, I knew I made the right decision.

The right decision is to keep him. Stay with him and be with him forever. I promise to never let go of him anymore. Hindi ko na kakayanin.

I was coward. I was afraid. I was scared to be a huge mistake for him. I was afraid to burn him. But I realized that that's not what is right.

Love isn't about fighting for each other. Its not about who is the fire and who is the fuel. Love is about holding on. Love is about being each other's strength to hold unto each other and never let go.

His hungry kisses went to my cheek and jaw. Pikit mata kong sinalubong ang mgs iyon. His kisses were like a drug that is making me crazy. My hands started to get tremble. I pulled his nape and almost pulled him towards me just to feel him. He pulled my waist and his other hand started to cup my breast.

The thin layer on my breast made him feel my hardened peak. He played it with his thumb in circular motion. I moaned between our kisses.

"Fuck." He cursed between his hungry sipping on my neck.

Umatras siya hanggang sa maabot namin ang kama niya. He sat there and pulled me down to seat on his lap. His naked lap. Isang boxer ang nasa ilalim ng tuwalya niya kanina na inakala kong wala.

"Lean.." An