Anxiety. It could hit you at anytime, it's unrelenting.

It happened after Hunter dropped me off and after I saw the Instagram picture of me he posted.

At the moment, it made me smile. Hunter always seemed to take the best pictures of me without me looking. The caption was even cuter "an actual Queen", it read.

Smiling at the picture, my phone in hand, I walked out of the room in search of Celine.

I ended up finding her in her bedroom.

"Celine look" I said with a bright smile on my face.

Looking up from her phone, she stares at my phone screen that I faced in her direction.

"Yeah I just saw that, The ShadeRoom posted it on their page. The photo is extremely cute, but what's not cute is these comments" she said shaking her head

"Well what are they saying?" I asked curiously taking a seat at the corner of her bed.

"You're better off not looking at it. There just ignorant and stupid ass comments from people who don't have a life. Always got some shit to say. Don't even worry about it." She said rolling her eyes

"Okay Celine I won't" I chuckled "you know some people get a sick kick out of talking shit about others on the internet. They know damn well they wouldn't say half those things to someone's face."

"Rightttt?!!" She said in agreement "half these girls jealous you with Hunter and they not!"

"I'm not even gonna worry myself about it. I knew that shit was gonna happen." I said shaking my head

I knew going public about our relationship, there was gonna be shit talking on the internet. It all was inevitable, at the end of the day our relationship consisted of Hunter and I—no one else.

"Okay well I'm gonna get ready for bed. See you in the morning" I said getting up from her bed and began walking out of her room

"Alright" she says back

Which brings me to now, I couldn't see myself going to bed anytime soon. It was around 1 am and my ass was scrolling mindlessly deep in the Instagram explore page.

This was kind of a routine for me something I'd do every night—a bad habit I have to get rid of.

My phone vibrated in my hand notifying me I got a message from Hunter:

He followed that with another text:

It's little thoughtful things like this that make me fall in love with him just a little bit more. Which is fucking scary cause it's happening so quick.

I've never been in love before so I don't know the duration for these things.

Shaking out of my thought I sent a quick text back:

I exited iMessage and went back to scrolling through Instagram hoping that sleep would come to me soon.

That was until I saw the The ShadeRoom post and curiosity got the best of me. Against my better judgment, I clicked on the post:

I told myself repeatedly in my head, I was just going to take one look.

I lied.

It wasn't just one look, it was me up scrolling through each and every comment. My heart sinking lower and lower.

People were ruthless. I felt like I was back in the 1960's when interracial relationships were frowned upon.

kengotsfans this what we doing now? They stealing our women too?! This gotta stop✋🏽

Dating Hunter, I often overlooked our skin color because at the end of the day we were just two people dating like any other common couple. Reading these comments made me feel like I was betraying my race.

Celine fucking told me not to look.

There was one comment that really sent me over the edge.

prettikendra_1 she ain't gonna last long with him. he just taking her out for a spin just to be with a black girl. he gon get back dating snow bunnies in no time 😂😂

That wasn't true right? I'm not an experiment to him right?

Why was I letting this get to me? 

Finally locking my phone screen, I placed it on the night stand and just stared at the ceiling. I was alone with my thoughts, which at this moment was a crazy thing to do.

My mind began to run wild as I begin to analyze my relationship with Hunter.

Did I move too fast in having sex with him? He  doesn't love me. Am I just a temporary thing, an experiment?

Was I smart in agree to this with him? Is he using me?

Right back, my consciousness attacked me.

Of course he using you Nadia. Why out of all the people in the world he'd want you?

You gave it up too fast and now he probably thinks you're easy. He got what he wanted from you, sooner or later he'll be done.

Ruby is right, girls throw themselves at him all the time. You think he's gonna stay loyal to you? You're only fooling yourself Nadia.

You're so naive.

His Mom already hates you, what the fuck are you doing Nadia?

At this point, I didn't even know that I was crying or breathing hard. The air leaving my lungs quickly as I begin to panic.

Why am I fucking crying?! I'm stronger then this! Fuck! Fuck!

I really thought that I chased this away when moving to New York.

I was having an anxiety attack.

I guess Celine heard me because it was only a few minutes later that she ran in my room flipping the light switch on and gasped in shock at my panicked state.

"I'm so sorry Celine, I didn't-" I stated as the sobs and gasps for air begin to worsen "I didn't listen"

"Jesus Nadia" she said as she grabbed me and cradled me in her arms to soothe me

I couldn't stop crying.

Grabbing my phone in a haste, she begins to go through it.

"What are you doing?" I croaked out

"I'm calling Hunter"

"What?! Why?!" I said through my sobs

"Because I have a feeling he's the one that could reassure you and calm you down" she said as she clicked his contact name. "I told you not to look Nadia"

I just continued to cry into her shoulder as she began to speak to Hunter. They spoke briefly before hanging up.

"He said he's on his way"

A/N: she's only human. I lowkey shed a tear because I was playing the song in the description while writing this and it made me so sad. People can be so fucking mean sometimes and it just pisses me off.

Anyways, expect slower updates (like once a week updates) because I started school 👌🏽

Make sure to COMMENT and VOTE ❤️

Chapter not edited. Grammatical errors