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My fingers felt sore from typing all morning on my laptop keyboard. Music blasted into my ears from my headphones, and my foot tapped to the beats as I worked. As I thought about what to write, I puckered my lips and put my black mechanical pencil on top. My lips strained to hold its weight as I read the conclusion paragraph of my career essay. I took the pencil off and leaned back in my chair and sighed–tired from the nonstop writing, and my body aches from sitting too long. 

I looked at my phone which sat on top of my bed frame, and was shut down to avoid any distractions. For the past weekend, I silenced my phone and remained secluded in my room to finish my project, as if my life depended on this single grade.  I'm almost done. It shouldn't hurt to look at my phone for a little break. I shook my head and said, "No, 'cause then you'll scroll on social media for hours and never finish." I stretched my fingers and stayed sitting on my chair.

My cursor blinked as I read the rough draft questions to answer. What is your inspiration? I pursed my lip, lightly tapping my fingers on the plastic keys: do I trauma dump or do I talk about mom? I sighed as I looked at the screen and began typing mom's name.

My door opened and a voice said, "Nova."

I turned around and saw Mom behind me, her hand resting on top of the handle and the other, against the door frame. "Good morning mom, what...", I said as I slipped off my headphones, the song still playing loudly on the speakers. She massaged her hands, letting go of the door, and asked, "I want to ask you something. It's nothing big...anyway follow me to my office." She walked before me as I paused before shutting my laptop and following her, what did she need to talk with me? I left my door open but closed the door to her office as she sat on one of the black plush, chairs placed in front of her desk. I plopped myself on top of the one in front of her and lay on the pillows. I patted the pillows and asked, "Are these new?"

Mom relaxed her back against her seat and asked, "It is, do you like it?"

I nodded and rubbed my hand against the ribbed fabric, "So, what did you need to talk to me about?"

Her lips turned into a tight-lipped smile as she said, "Well, P'Art and P'Nai have been speaking to me about your 18th birthday bash–"

I sat up and shook my head, "I don't want a birthday bash or huge event. I just want to spend it with my close friends and you, mom. You know, I don't do well with things like that."

Mom sat up straighter as she said, "You did fine on the previous events we went to. Pakorn's funeral, the recent charity event we went to...You should be accustomed to it. This is your life."

"But it isn't what I want. It was hard for me to be at Pakorn's funeral, I'm not like the rest of those socialites who can turn off their humanity just so they can sell themselves to the next billionaire for money and prestige. The last funeral I went to was Dad's. I went to that funeral just to appease you.  Plus, I wouldn't have a choice."

Mom sighed and walked towards her desk, sitting in front of her monitor. She already refused to speak about this further from the look on her taut face. "Mom, I don't want a big party."

"You're being too...apprehensive. This event will help you get a chance to network, hon. Will allow you to thrive, and practice being comfortable in the public eye." Mom said as she held eye contact with me. "I don't want my birthday to be tainted as a publicity stunt. It's my birthday. Why would I give the public what they want, when all they've said about me online is malicious, vile rumors or send me death threats!" I argued.

"The chairman wants you and Ren to showcase your relationship more. We can have a private party later–"

I rolled my eyes, "Mom, me and Ren are doing fine. Sure, we aren't going out on dates as frequently as we would like. But, he's graduating high school, and I'm a junior about to be a senior. We have a lot going on not just publicly, but also in private. We've done everything you guys want us to do."

I leaned forward in my chair and asked, "Please tell them, mom. I don't want this." Mom tapped her ring against the wooden desk as she said, "I have no control. The chairman already told me the party will be at the Aira mansion. P'Naiyana will come over in a few days to talk about the theme and decor."

I stood and scoffed, "Perfect. I'm glad you guys let me choose my own theme and decor mom, thank you." I said with every ounce of sarcasm. Mom didn't say anything more and I turned to leave the room, slamming the door.

...

I walked to school in a sour mood from this morning, with nothing but bitterness on my sleeve. My eyes gravitated to the walls, normally bare but, plastered with prom posters and graduation banners for the seniors. I completely forgot about prom and about Ren's graduation. I looked at my phone and clicked the 'Do Not Disturb' off and realized I haven't read my messages from Ren and F4 chat. Kaning also texted me but, I ignored all of it to finish my essay. I sighed as I looked at Ren's message that was sent to me on Friday: 'Are you free?' I scrolled to the end of our chat and read: 'Are you okay?', sent this morning, during my talk with mom. He knows me so well. 

I ticked my lips, you couldn't even text your fiance back. I typed a quick apology and an emoji so hopefully, he forgives me. I looked up and saw a huge group of people huddled close to each other. I picked up the pace and pushed around a few people, whispering a few 'sorry' and 'excuse me'. I stopped as I saw Thyme and Lita kiss in front of everyone. Some were crying, most were watching out of shock, and people around me whispered and recorded the kiss to post on social media.

Thyme pushed her off and touched his lips in horror as Lita stood triumphantly before him. Oh, Gorya, I looked down at my phone and went to my contact list to find Gorya's name. I pressed the call button but, Ren called me before I could dial.

I placed my phone on my ear and answered, "Hey, sorry about not answering your messages."

I heard his soft voice through the speaker, "It's ok, I respect your space. I know if you needed me, you'd call me."

I smiled like an idiot as I said, "I know."

Ren wasn't in front of me but I could sense he was smiling too, "Can you come to the rooftop?" I looked at my watch and read 8:32 AM and put my arm down, "Class is about to start in ten minutes."

"It won't be long. Come up."

I sighed and rolled my eyes half annoyed but, mostly excited about what he needed to show me, "Ok."

"Ok," he said and hung up. I looked at Thyme and found them still together. Did Gorya see it? I hope she didn't. I glanced at my phone, contemplating if I should call her. But, memories from the funeral flashed in my mind, "Do you think I'm that shallow?" I blinked and let my arm fall. She might not want to talk to me right now. I tucked my phone in the pocket of my vest jacket, walking towards the roof. I passed by a few students walking down the stairs, I quickly picked up the pace and stood in front of the door to the rooftop. I pushed the bar to open the metal door, and the sun's rays immediately greeted me. I squinted as I walked forward looking at Ren's tall figure.

He walked towards me with his hand behind his back. I quirked an eyebrow as we met each other in the middle. Ren's lips closed in a sweet smile as I asked, "So, why did you call me up here?" He evaded my eyes as he looked around the perimeter of the roof before saying, "I just wanted to see you and give this."

Ren's hands came to the front, showing me a beautiful small bouquet of assorted flowers in his left hand, and a small box in his right hand. I hid my smile, "What's this?" He gave me the flowers so he could open the box. He said, "Don't laugh."

It was a cupcake with messy frosting and squiggly penmanship with Prom? on top, barely legible. I peeked at him and saw he was shyly looking at me. I bit a side of my lip and accepted the cupcake gratefully.

He said, "I made it...do you like it?"

I chuckled, "That explains the messy frosting." Ren slightly pouted, "I worked hard on that."

"I appreciate it, I really do. Thank you," I said. I sniffed the flowers as he nervously played with his hands, "So, what do you say? You're making me nervous." I nodded, "Of course, I'll go to the prom with you."

Ren exhaled dramatically and I laughed as I took a bite of the cake. He built the frosting so tall, as I took a bite, a whole section of frosting covered the tip of my nose. I frowned as Ren chuckled and wiped off the frosting for me. He licked his thumb and I wiped off the rest. I showed him the cake and asked, "Do you want some? I should've prepared something for you...I didn't have the time, I'm sorry. It's your graduation too...Ugh, I'm so terrible."

Ren shook his head, "You don't need to prepare anything for me. All I want is you. Plus, my graduation is tomorrow."

I sighed, "How did I land such an understanding fiance? Here." I gave him the cupcake for him to taste. He took a bite from my section and said, "Hmm, it's too sweet, huh?" I shook my head and took another bite, "No! It's really good." A strand of my hair stuck to my lip and Ren chuckled and tucked the strand away from my face. He turned me around and rests his arm on my back, leading us to the exit, "Let me walk you to class."

"Mm," I said as I finished the cupcake, and licked the frosting off my mouth. I struggled to swallow the cake, "You did put a lot of frosting." I licked my fingers as he went to open the door for me. Ren ticked his lips, "You shouldn't eat it if it's not good." His hand went for my cupcake as I dodged his fingers, "Don't take it, I like it." He shook his head with a sheepish smile as I finished the cupcake. We walked down the stairs and he asked, "Have you talked to Gorya lately?"

I looked at Ren and asked, "Why?"

He shrugged, "Thyme told us she broke up with him. And he told Lita he would be her boyfriend." I stopped walking and exclaimed, "What?!"

Ren paused as he looked at me in surprise, "You didn't know?"

"No! I didn't know they broke it off, I thought what Lita did was for jokes." I immediately took out my phone and texted Gorya: Are you okay? I heard what happened to you and Thyme. I sighed, "I saw Lita and Thyme kissing in the courtyard..I was going to text Gorya, then you called me up to the roof."

Ren asked, "Did you two fight?" I looked up at him waiting for my answer. I put my phone back in my pocket and scratched the nape of my neck, "Not necessarily. I mean, I didn't talk to anyone this whole weekend. I don't know, I just hope she's ok." I walked towards the exit door leading back into the school as Ren followed me out. Most of the hallways were bare, with only a few people walking to their classes.

"I'll talk to her soon, to see if she's ok." 

I tossed the wrapper in the nearest trash can as Ren walked next to me. "So, what time are we going to the venue on Friday?" I asked. Ren replied, "Does 6:30 work for you?"

I nodded as we came to the door of my class. I turned to Ren and smiled, "I'll see you at your graduation, thank you for the cupcake and flowers."

"Even if the cupcake was too sweet and had too much frosting?"

"I loved it," I said. He smiled and leaned closer to my face, I slowly put some distance between us–my head backing away. He stared at me softly as I stuttered, "Wh-what are you doing?"

"What should I do to get a kiss from you?", he teased. I rolled my eyes and sheepishly smiled at him. I looked around us and saw no one was in our vicinity. My eyes met his as I touched his chin and turned his face to the side to give him a kiss on the cheek. My lips lingered on his skin before I let go, Ren looked at me with soft eyes, and cheeks blushing almost immediately.

I shyly blushed, "Are you good now?"

Ren stifled a laugh, hiding his smile with his hand as he straightened his posture. I lightly pushed his arm and frowned, "Why are you laughing?" He shook his head as he turned me around, "You're cute." I blushed as he opened the door to my class, and said, "Go to class."

I looked at him, annoyed, but he quickly closed the door–waving at me through the small glass. I smiled and looked at my teacher who had a disapproving look on her face. I quickly bowed my head, "I'm sorry, I'm late."

She waved me off, "Go to your seat. Kids these days."

I sat in my seat, earning a couple of looks from my peers. I ignored them and placed my flowers carefully on my desk.

"Mr. Samsara can't be here today but, that doesn't mean your final project isn't due. He expects your physical copy and an electronic copy today. Also, he expects you to prepare for the next semester. Be productive." the teacher said to us. The whole class groans as they took papers out of their binders and backpacks.

As if I'd been struck by cupid himself, I only played with the petals of the beautiful bouquet, with a small smile playing on my lips.

...

That night, after I came home, I took some bills to make a money garland for Ren and the guys. Music played from my speakers and my body swayed along to the melody as I carefully folded the paper and put ribbons to decorate the garland.

Someone knocked on my door and I quickly reduced the volume of my speaker, "Come in."

Auntie Cel opened the door with a tiny clear vase, holding the flowers Ren gave me. I smiled as she put the vase on my window sill. "Thank you, Auntie Cel." She nodded and slowly sat on the floor with me, taking some bank notes in her hands, "Let me help you."

"You don't have to Auntie Cel. I know sitting on the ground isn't comfortable, this won't take long."

She ignored me and began placing the notes inside plastic covers. I sighed as I got up and took a random pillow from my bed and went to give it to her. "Sit on this Auntie, please." She took the pillow and smiled, "Thank you, my sweet girl." I went back to my place and continued with my work. After a silent moment, she asks, "I heard the conversation you had with your mom this morning."

I peeked up at her, "Were we too loud?" She lightly nodded. I shook my head as I tied the ribbon, "I couldn't help but yell. I feel like sometimes she doesn't understand me if I don't. Did you talk to mom?"

Auntie Cel threaded some flowers to form the garland as she said, "No, I just did my work around the house. After you left for school, she left to go to the hospital. She hasn't come back yet."

I looked at the time on my clock and read: 23:28 PM. I couldn't help but feel bad despite my stubbornness. I groaned as I let go of the plastic covers, "I mean I don't get why she doesn't understand my point of view. I told her, I don't want a big party and to invite people I don't care about. And most definitely don't care about me. They'll be there because of the Aira's. I mean my birthday isn't being held at the house but at their house!" 

She only worked as I continued ranting, "I know it's hard to speak against the Chairman. But shouldn't she vouch for me? She thinks I'm being unreasonable but, they are, she is." 

Auntie Cel said, "Mothers and daughters fight. It's bound to happen whether you like it or not. My daughter back home, when she was growing up...we would argue all night because that was the time I went home."

I asked, "What did you argue about?" 

She sighed as she assembled the garland, "Work. That I wasn't there for her when she needed me the most." I looked down as she continued, "It was turbulent in the house. The rest of my family hated the yelling and the nagging. It was like that for many years until she began working and building her family. Then, she began to understand why I worked so much, and how hard it was to be a mother. Because, darling, it is hard." 

Auntie Cel laid the garland on the floor as she looked at me, "We don't always know the answer or have the right solution. In my old age, I feel as if I still have to learn how to be a parent. Even though my kids are all grown and have their own lives." 

I listened as she told me, "What I do know is how important it is to make compromises. Your situation is complicated, I won't lie to you. But, you'll have to understand your mother. The Chairman is a powerful man and your mother's boss."

I felt defeated and helpless as she spoke. There isn't a way for me to get what I truly want, what I choose. Auntie Cel asked, "What is the true reason why you don't want a big party?" 

"They never went well for me. You know Auntie Cel. Before the engagement, events for the hospital I can do. I don't have to talk much, and I don't have to mingle. But ever since I got engaged to Ren...I feel like my life has changed and not in a good way," I finally said out loud. 

My hands began to shake and my heart began to race. Tears formed in my eyes as I fought to speak the next words, "I feel like I can't control anything. I feel like my life is so exposed, everything I say or do–I will be scrutinized for it. I feel like I'm not me. Like I'm not Nova Sansithorn, but Nova Aira. It's like I was taken from that and forced into this role that..." I wiped the tears off my face and sniffled, "I love Ren. I do...I just..." 

I sob into my hand, and couldn't talk any longer. Auntie Cel went to sit next to me and placed my head on her shoulder as I wept. She pats my hair soothingly, "Shhh. You're ok. You'll be ok." 

I hiccuped as she rubs her hand through my hair, "You know one thing? You are so strong and resilient."

"Look at me." 

I sniffed as she held my puffy cheeks in her hands. Her eyes soften as she wipes my tears with her thumbs, "Don't let anyone take your name, or your whole self away from you. There's only one of you. And it is the best, most beautiful, most real version."

She smiled, "You have me. I will always be here for you at every step of your path, no matter what." I smiled back and pouted, "Oh Auntie Cel, you're going to make me cry even harder." I sobbed on her shirt as she hugged me, swaying us both in one rhythm.

After a few minutes, I calmed down and she pats my head, "Ok, we should finish these before tomorrow morning. It's late already." I broke the hug and wiped my eyes. She helps me by taking tissues from my dresser and giving me some. I wiped my face as she sat back down, "Are you feeling better?"

I hiccuped and blew into the tissue, "I feel better." 

Auntie Cel sighed as she fixed my hair, "Don't be afraid to come to me. You shouldn't keep this in all by yourself, ok?" 

I sniffed and smiled at her, "Ok."

...

I walked into the school by myself and saw parents and graduating students taking pictures together in their black gowns, and feeling excitement course through their veins. I packed on the concealer to hide my sunken eyes. I curse as I looked at my face, still puffy from last night. I iced my face for an hour, how is it still puffy? I sniffled a bit as I fixed my hair and carefully adjusted the heavy garlands–making my whole body smell like money and flowers.

"Nova!"

I looked around to see where my name came from and saw Kaning wearing a light pink sweater with a white skirt. I smiled and waved, as she walked to me holding a bouquet in her hand. "That's beautiful Kaning, Is it for Kavin?" I gushed at her bouquet.

Kaning said, "It's just something to congratulate him."

My eyes sent

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