VOTE&COMMENT
❗️I know the scenes in the rehab are inaccurate as hell but y'all I did my best & sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes 😔

Cameron POV

"Okay, we're gonna step up."

The nurse grabs my hand and I tiredly, slowly step up onto the scale wearing almost nothing had it not been for my underwear. She supports my back so that I don't stumble. My balance has not been its best.

She waits about ten seconds and writes something down. "Okay, step down." She grabs my hand again and I step down from the scale. She walks me back to my bed.

"So you've gained two pounds in the past week— which is good. That's good. You just came out of the hospital and you gained a little weight there. But we just want to bring that up a bit higher, okay? Right now you're at 113, we're trying to get you in that 120 range. You're already looking so much healthier."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me, you did it with hard work."

I smile at her as I'm putting my t shirt back on with her help. My arm is in a cast and it's still giving me a hard time. I do physical therapy everyday but nothing has changed yet. I still can't move it. The only thing that has really made some dramatic progress is my face. Even though I still can not completely close my left eye, and my smile is still a little off, people are at least able to tell what I'm doing.

"Can we push therapy until later on today please? I'm a little tired." I ask. The truth is I get nervous whenever someone I know isn't here while I'm doing therapy. The twins went to school, Zaniyah is working and Tyler is in and out like always. He told me he'd be back in about thirty minutes but it's been two hours. I need someone here with me. Lately I really don't like the feeling of being alone.

"Yes, we can. How does four sound?"

"Good. Thank you."

She smiles at me before leaving the room. I lay back on the bed and close my eyes. These past couple weeks have had its ups and down. I was transferred here about a week and a half after I woke up and it's been a week since then. I'm so ready to go home at this point, but I'm still on suicide watch and they're still trying to find a solution for this arm of mine. I think they should just give it up because I'm starting to believe this is permanent. I can't feel my arm at all. I don't know how I could come back from this kind of damage.

And part of me feels like I'm only still on suicide watch because of Tyler. Had it been anyone else who behaved as I had been for these past weeks, they wouldn't waste time on making sure I don't kill myself and I say that because I haven't been showing signs of being suicidal lately— at least I think I haven't. But Tyler is the type to have them keep watching me.

I won't try to attempt to do something like that ever again. I made a promise to my babygirl and to myself that I will stick around. I was being completely selfish, and I knew that, but at that moment I didn't care. That changed when I woke up and I saw how hurt my family was. I felt so disgusting. And it makes me sick to my stomach thinking how Leah felt walking in on me like that. I wish I could take it all back. If there was a way that I could erase myself from their memories so that I could take myself out of the picture peacefully, I would. But besides that, I would take it all back.

And, to think I would have missed Aj opening up to me a little bit. I'm smiling to myself now just thinking about it. He didn't really speak to me and that's okay, but I hope I'm not wrong for thinking we're getting somewhere because he introduced his boyfriend to me.

When I met Zyier, I was shocked with Aj but I didn't want to express that. Not only because he has never opened up to me, and not because he's something other than straight, but my mind couldn't help but to reflect exactly what he told me that night that everything happened.

'Everyday I gotta deal with people asking shit about you. number one thing is you being a faggot. It's not your preference, it's the way you act. I never understood, you a man so why the fuck I feel like when I'm around you I'm dealing with a sensitive female child? You don't even make an attempt to dress the part and I know you trying to fucking draw attention to yourself. If daddy was here you wouldn't do have the shit you be doing.'

I was shocked to really take in the fact that Zyier was not necessarily the most masculine young man in the sea. I can tell through his mannerisms and through his expression that he is more on the feminine side. There are qualities I noticed in him that I have which Aj complained about. And that leads me to the confirmation that it's really just me. It's not the way I act, the way I dress, the way I speak, what I'm doing. It's just me that Aj doesn't like. Switch all of my qualities and he still wouldn't like me. There's no code to crack. I'm the problem. There's nothing that I can change.

And I can't help but to feel as though that is revealing an insecurity of his which may be as surface level as his sexuality or it could be something more. The hate and disgust he spews towards the idea of being feminine does not add up with his actions. And I'm no psychiatrist but I believe he has been projecting his own insecurities through hate onto other people instead of coming to terms with himself. I don't know, I could be thinking too much into it. Regardless of all of that, I am really happy that he opened up to me at least a little bit. I hope this is the start of something bigger. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed.

My phone buzzes and it's a text from Milan.

Milan: I haven't heard from u in a while I was just thinking about you I saw the blogs say Tyler has been in an out of the hospital and rehab. Is everything okay

I haven't told anyone I'm here. Not Milan, not my parents, and not my job because I'm sure they already know by now. But I really want to get better and get out of here so I can live life normally again. I don't want anyone to worry about me. It's not something that I'm hiding, I just don't want to explain myself.

Me: Hi, I know and I apologize. I'm in rehab. I had a stroke, but I'm getting better. Thank you so much for asking. ❤️

Milan: really omg I'm glad you're okay oh my god I had no idea I was wondering what happened to you can I come see you tomorrow

Me: Yes, you can if you'd like. That would be nice.

Milan: alright ill see you tomorrow than just send me the address im so glad your ok

Me: Thank you so much, I'll see you tomorrow.

I send him the address and I almost get to put my phone down but I start to get a call from an unknown number. I almost let it just ring without picking up, but I remember that my kids are at school and this might be some type of emergency.

"Hello?"

"Cameron?"

"Yes, who's speaking?"

"Cameron it's me, Kyle!"

I'm glad no one is here to see my funny smile because it probably looks ridiculous right now. I am so happy to hear from him. I forgot I gave him my number when he was here in case he needed anything or just wanted to talk.

"Hi sweetheart, how are you?"

"Im okay, how are you? I miss you guys."

"I'm alright, we all miss you too. I promise when I leave rehab I'm gonna get you a plane ticket to New York." I day genuinely. I don't mine Kyles company at all. He is lovely to be around.

"Rehab? You're in rehab?" His voice drops. I reflect back to my statement and I realize that I did tell him I'm in rehab. I sigh.

"Yes, I am. But I will be out soon."

"But what– what happened? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I had a stroke, but I'm okay now. Just recovering."

"Oh no, I'm so glad you're okay. I didn't know young people could have strokes too."

I laugh, "I'm not particularly young."

"You are young. Anyways, I'm so glad that your okay and I hope you get out of there soon. I want to come to New York as soon as possible. Things are not getting good at home. I need a break from dad and Tai. Mom is not doing so well, she's on chemo but it's not looking too good. And dad is being so fucking- I'm sorry for my language- but he's being so inconsiderate and he's making everything about him and it's just so annoying."

"I understand. He can be like that. What I used to do is just stay out of his way. Do what you normally do and try to avoid his negativity to the best of your ability. Because it's not going to stop. You need to do something to protect yourself from that energy because it almost drove me crazy. Be there for mom and that's it. Everything will work itself out, no matter what happens. Okay? She needs your support. Don't worry about him. He's fine."

"You're right. I just hope mom pulls through this and doesn't leave me with them. She's my only friend in this house. Everyone else just hates me."

"Don't forget Kyle, you have a home here in New York too. Whatever happens, worse comes to worse, you have a home with me, okay? You may be miles away but I'll do whatever it is to keep you safe and in a good environment."

I hear sniffling on the other end, "where have you been all my life? I always needed a brother like you, not like Tai. All he does is smoke cigarettes and not take frequent showers."

I have to laugh even though it's really not funny at all, "I don't know, but I'm here now."

"Thank you so much. Well, I have to get ready for school now, you guys just came across my mind. Thanks for making me cry. I can't wait to go back to New York. I love you and I love everyone else that I met when I was there. I'll talk to you later and I hope you get out of rehab as soon as possible."

"Alright sweetheart, I love you too. Bye," I smile.

"Bye bye."

He reminds me so much of my younger self, just a more animated version. If something happens to my mother, I don't care, I am not leaving him with my father. I will take it to court if I have to. He deserves a loving home, not a home where he is emotionally abused. And he would be wonderful company.

I remember my dad making me being a teen parent all about him. He's extremely narcissistic that it's borderline scary. How can you turn every single situation into a you problem? I don't like that Kyle is around that energy, especially when it has to do with something as life threatening as cancer. How can you make someone else's cancer all about you? Where do they do that at?

"I've got your lunch. All you wanted was a garden salad, right?" the nurse comes inside interrupting my thoughts.

"Yes, thank you so much."

"You're very welcome."

She sets the tray down on the table side. I sit up. I threw out my breakfast this morning so I'm going to eat a little bit of this salad so I don't pass out. I'm going to try to push for five bites in ten minutes because it usually takes me about a half an hour to get through five bites.

I take one bite and I already don't want anymore. And it has a lot to do with the fact that it's disgusting. The lettuce is all soggy and old. I place it back on the tray and push it aside and opt for drinking some water instead. I'll call Tyler to see if he can bring me a better one.

"Hey what's up? You good?" He answers.

"Yes, I'm okay. Where are you?"

"I'm like an hour away. Why, what's up?"

I sigh. I don't like it when he lies about how long he's going to take. I rather know than be anticipating his arrival thinking that it was supposed to be only thirty minutes when in reality it has turned into nearly three hours. But, he is his own man and what he does is not my business. I have no right to monitor him, I just get very paranoid very fast. 

"Oh. Nothing. I was just wondering."

"Cameron you sure? If you need something say something."

I've been crying a lot, which is nothing new, so I stay silent on the phone as I wipe my tears away. I really don't like being alone and I think I just used the salad as an excuse to call Tyler to see how far away he is. There's always this unsettled feeling in my stomach when no one is here with me.

"I'm sure. I'll see you later."

"I'll be there soon, I promise. Take a nap and when you wake up I'll be there. Did you eat yet?"

"No. There's this salad but I don't want it. It's nasty." Worse salad I've ever came across.

"I'll bring you something to eat aight, I'll see you later."

"Okay, see you later." I hang the phone up with a sigh. I wish it was sooner rather than later. I feel so useless alone in this room. At this point all that I want is to make enough of a recovery to go back home and take care of my kids and go back to work and again take care of my students. I miss them so much. I've been getting some word from Treyvante through Taleah since they are now friends... "friends". But she tells me that everyone misses me, even the students I didn't have. That's nice to know. I received some of their get well cards. There were so many to read but I read each and every single one of them. Yes, even Giovanni's which was way more heartfelt than it had to be. He was basically professing his love for me in a get well card. But it's the thought that counts.

I guess while I wait for Tyler to come with my food I'll take a shower. I learned that while I was in a coma a nurse would come and give me a bed bath. The thought of that makes me cringe. Not that I ever have, but I will never take being able to give my own self a shower for granted. Thankfully there is a shower in this room, so I don't have to be escorted to some kind of community shower. All of that is courtesy off Tyler and Jim spending unnecessary money. I have a change of clothes as well, comfortable clothes.

I use my right hand to brace myself on the bed and push myself up. After all that's happened, I'm so grateful that my legs still function because had they not, it would be hard to do many things on my own. My left arm not moving is inconvenient, but it does not hinder me from feeling independent in most cases.

I close my room door for some privacy then close the bathroom door. I'm not allowed to lock it, matter of fact, there is no lock, being that I'm on suicide watch. I know one thing, I would've protested if I had to be watched in the shower as well.

It's a very small bathroom so it takes me some time to maneuver around and take my clothes off, especially with only having one working hand but I get it done. I step inside the shower and let the steaming hot water run on me. The shower is always a great place to think, but it's a terrible place when you want to separate yourself from your thoughts. Because now is when they all have time to occupy my mind and instead of relaxation I'm feeling anxious, nervous, and afraid. So I decide not to stand still with the water falling on my body and make my sole purpose be to get clean. Still, I spend nearly thirty minutes straight scrubbing my body, too focused on not allowing my thoughts to wander that I lost track of time. So I'm startled but not surprised when there's a knock at the bathroom door.

I turn off the shower water, "yes?" I call.

"Are you alright in there?" The nurse who comes to check on me asks.

"Yes, I'm okay. I jut lost track of time. I'm coming out now."

"Alright, let me know if you need something okay, I'm one button away."

"Thank you so much."

I listen as her footsteps fade and the room door being shut. I wrap myself in a towel and before I leave the bathroom I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is wet and slicked back so you can tell how thin it really is. I haven't told anyone about my hair thinning yet because no one has noticed and I don't want them to notice. I'm hoping they don't before I can restore it so that they won't suspect a thing.
On the bright side, my face is getting fuller again. But I still have harsh eye bags and a scar on my forehead. It's just a fuller face with the same things going on.

I peek my head outside the bathroom door to make sure no one is there before stepping out. When I was at my home, I would take my time to get dressed but now I feel anxious to the fact that there is no lock. So, as fast as my one working hand could take me, I put on my moisturizer, deodorant, a black t shirt, black spandex knee shorts and black socks and that was nearly fifteen minutes. When I'm fully dressed, I call for the nurse to bring me some new sheets and then I change the sheets on the bed I sleep in. After I do that, I get back into the bed and turn on the Tv. That's usually my activities for the day. On most days, it's therapy first, but today the order is slightly switched. But my day consists of getting weighed, eating, watching Tv or my phone, taking a shower, and doing therapy— in no specific order.

It's been about an hour since I spoke to Tyler and he's still not back meaning he probably won't be back until later on tonight, he just told me what he did to give me false hope. Leah and Aj don't get out of school for another 2-3 hours. So I have to be alone for a little while longer. Ugh, I hate it here. Not much longer. Hopefully, not much longer. I need them to hurry up and realize my arm will never move. I've come to terms with it, and I need everyone else to as well so that I can go home and tend to everyone and stop feeling so stuck and useless here.

My heart jumps when there's a familiar knock on my door and I smile instantly. Finally. He pushes open the door and I can't contain the smile from spreading on my face.

"What you so happy about?" Tyler asks smiling at me.

"You're here, I was getting so bored," I sigh and sit up.

"I bet you were, I'm sorry you know I be so busy when I think I'm done with something then it's another thing," he gives me a hug and I hug him back— with my working arm.

"How did therapy go?"

"I didn't do it yet I have it at four. Uh, do you know when they're planning on letting me leave?"

He smiles, "soon. I know you ready to get out of here. I think you be out within a week or so."

I sigh. " 'or so' huh."

"Well, that's only if something happens like worse come to worse. But if you keep putting on that weight and doing your therapy for your arm you'll be outta here. Don't worry," he ruffles my hair and breaks away from the hug.

"Fuck, I forgot to pick up your food. Imma have them deliver it, I'm not tryna leave outta here again."

"That's okay, don't worry about it."

"Nah you gotta eat, lemme call them."

He dials a number.

"Yeah, bring a salad to the rehab. Like a garden salad, right Cam?"

I nod.

"Aight. Room 323"

He hangs up and takes the seat next to me.

"What you been doing all day, watching Tv?"

"Pretty much. I spoke to my brother today, he called." I say. Tyler makes an annoyed expression.

"Ew for what, he on that bullshit."

I frown in confusion at the hostility towards my brother but it dawns on me that he thinks I'm talking about Taishawn. No, never.

"Not Taishawn, I'm talking about my little brother Kyle."

He raises his eyebrows, "Oh shit, yeah that lil nigga. My fault. Aw, how is he?"

"He's okay, he just called to tell me how my mom was doing. She's not doing very well and my father is not being very considerate. I don't know what's going to happen God forbid something happens to my mother, but I'm not gonna leave him with them." I rant. I'm so worried