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TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
*mention of rape
*mentions of abuse

read the authors note, i have a question for you guys AND a surprise 👀. enjoy the chapter! 💖 sorry for any mistakes

Ant POV

I got here around 3pm. I was gonna keep my distance for today, but I felt guilty for leaving Cameron to deal with the mess I made, so I told him I'd be here. Since I got here he's been asking me non stop if I know what I'm gonna say to Aj, and it's the same answer each time. No, I don't know.

A message from Tyler comes in saying that he's bringing Aj home right now and that they're like a hour away. I put my phone on the table and sit up. I have an hour to think about what I could possible say to him. I would ask Cameron for help, but he can't always give me the answers. Even without asking he's still doing a lot when none of this should be his concern anymore. He's been in and out  of Aj's room, setting things up for him to make him comfortable. I know that's his kid, but regular people would've made it simple— go to your room, and that's it. That's what I would've done.

I stand and stretch my arms behind my neck. Its been kinda quiet for a minute now. My daughter been in her room and I haven't heard from Cameron since he finished setting Aj's room up either. I put my phone in my pocket then head for his room. The door is closed so I knock first then open. I walk into him sitting down on the edge of his bed. He looks up from the ground and smiles at me briefly then looks back down at the floor. I approach him slowly until I'm standing over him. He tilts his head with a tight smile and a sigh while I hold his face firmly in my hand. "You good?" I ask.

"I'm okay," he says. I bend down and kiss him. He puts his hand on my cheek and kisses me again. Cam smiles at me then looks away and clears his throat, "Do you know what you're going to tell Aj?" He asks and looks back at me.

"No," I answer for like the fifth time today, "Stop worrying. I said imma talk to him right?" He looks back down at his lap. "Look at me, I got it." I lift his head up, "Relax, I got it," I repeat, trying to sound as confident as possible to convince him that I know what I'm doing. I can tell how worried he is from his eyes alone.

Cam sighs, "Okay."

I keep eye contact with him. "Nothing to worry about," I drop my hands from his face. I don't want to give him anything to worry about either, I have to control myself. I rather walk out of the situation first  before I start getting mad and beat his ass again.

"Well, then...I'm gonna go take a shower and get ready for bed," he starts gathering his towel and stuff, "I want you to sleep with me tonight."

"Okay."

"Wait—seriously?" He looks at me in shock.

"Yeah, why you confused?" I ask.

"I don't know, I was expecting you to say no. I'm just glad that you're staying. I'll wait up for you."

"Get your sleep. You'll know when I come."

"No," he says then disappears into the bathroom. Watch him be sleep by the time I'm back in here.

I reach into my pocket and pull out a blunt I had rolled earlier. I'm contemplating. I probably should to distract my mind. I put it back in my pocket and leave Cameron's room. I head straight for the front door, but as I'm passing by my daughters room I remember that I have to talk to her about something that's been on my mind all day. I knock on her door and wait a little bit before opening it. She's got on headphones so she doesn't notice me standing there. Eventually she looks in my direction. She takes out her headphones, "hey daddy."

"What you doing?" I ask her.

"Um," she sighs and looks down, "well, I'm tryna do this homework but like, I'm lazy. I answered like one question so far, I really been on my phone..."

"Get your work done. Imma take your phone."

"Maybe you should so that I could focus," she holds her phone out.

"I don't want your phone for real. You smart, I don't need to take it. Just get the work done," last thing I want is for my kids to end up like me and not graduate. She puts the phone back down. "Lemme talk to you," I'll just get to the point now.

"Alright..." she sounds nervous. She can be nervous, but she still needs to talk to me, I hope she understands that. To make her comfortable, instead of standing up, I sit next to her on her bed.

"Come here," I put my arm around her and pull her in closer. She lays on my chest then looks up at me, expecting me to say something. "You need to tell me as much as you can about what happened to you," I say. She immediately looks away and takes a while to answer.

"No," she mumbles.

"No?"

"I'm not telling you," she crosses her arms.

"I'm not asking you," I state. This ain't no option.

"Daddy I don't want to talk about it, please," she says. I know my kids don't know me very well, so I'm not bout to work myself up over having to go this hard to get information from her. She don't know no better.

I'll try and explain it to her, "In order for me to take care of it, you got to tell me something."

"Exactly. I don't want you to go to prison again, okay. So, I'm not telling you. Because you're going to do something to get back at them then go to prison. No," she brings her knees to her chest. "I'm not telling you." So that's what this is about? She's just like Cameron.

"Don't worry about that. I'm not going nowhere, but you still have to tell me."

"I don't even know who the guy was. Some girls from my school that I thought was my friends set me up," she says. She's tryna downplay it, but I'm not going to let her.

"What's they name?"

She hesitates, "I don't know about this... what are you going to do?" Leah asks and looks up at me. I understand that she's worried. But I don't need my fifteen year old daughter thinking she got a say in what I, a grown ass man, her father, needs to do.

I look her in her eyes. I don't want to have to repeat this again, and I'll say it slow and calm so I don't trigger my own self, "When I ask you something, answer it. Especially something like this. Only thing you need to be worrying about is telling the truth. You understand?"

It takes her a while but she looks away and nods her head. "Yes."

"So what's they name?" I ask again.

"Justine and Maliyah."

I make a mental note of those names in my head.

"The guy. You know what he look like? Sound like?"

"No, I couldn't see anything... I just know he had a deep voice."

"Show me a picture of the people you just named."

She goes on her phone and I watch her as she clicks through apps and usernames, clearly stalling. I got time to waste, just as long as she give me what I ask for. I stare ahead while she going through her phone, what I usually do when I'm about to zone out. I get it bad, but I don't have to resist it too much because my daughter puts her phone in my face. My response time is a little slow because in a way it's like I gotta come back to my own body, but I eventually do and I grab her phone. It's on a picture of two girls.

"Which is which."

"Um," she points to one, "that's Maliyah. Then that's Justine... I think it happened at Maliyah's house." I stare at the picture. I hope I have a change of heart soon, because I know they're somebodies kids. But who's not? Youth can't spare you, and I don't spare nobody. Not anymore.

"There's this video..." she takes her phone out of my hand and looks for whatever video she's talking about. She shows me a video where I see them same two kids someplace they clearly not suppose to be, doing shit they not supposed to be doing. "If you listen in the background a guy is talking. When I first heard it the voice sounded familiar, but I'm not sure if I'm hearing it wrong."

I hear the voice. It's clearly an adult. An adult that got little ass girls in the club.

"Who it sound like?" I ask her.

"I think I recognize it from that night but... I don't know. I don't know if I'm just making it up but..."

I listen to the voice again. I hand her the phone,"Send me their picture and that video. Bring me to the other ones page." She gives me her phone again. I look through each of the pictures. I stop scrolling when I see a familiar face. "Who is that to her?" I ask. Leah leans over and looks at the phone.

"Oh, that's her sister."

I'm not gonna ask her nothing else about who they are because I think I got it from here after seeing that. Before I go I just want to know how she is then I'll leave her alone.

"You still think about it?" I ask. I'm not bout to ask her if she's okay because I know she's not, and she doesn't need to be.

"Um," before she can continue I pull her closer. "Sometimes I do think about it and it bothers me a lot. But, I can't live my life in fear. That's not my style."

I said that she's just like Cameron earlier, but now she's sounding like me. I wish I could give her some type of advice or something, but I have nothing appropriate to say, especially to her face. So, all I have to offer is that I'm here to listen to her, "Well you know you can talk to me. Call me, text me, it don't matter. If you can't get it off your mind. Aight?"

"I know. Thanks daddy."

I kiss her forehead then stand up to leave.

"I don't know if you know..." She starts speaking again. I turn back around and look at her. "you probably don't, but I don't know what better time to say it than while all of this is happening. Don't get mad at papa either because if he had went and told you I would've been mad."

"What happened?" I sit back down. It's always something that someone isn't telling me. I understand where she's coming from, but I can't help but to wonder how much it is that I don't know. They looking me in my face knowing they got shit on their shoulders and not saying anything about it.

"Well, long story short, I had gotten preg— well I ended up pregnant from you know, what happened to me, because I guess the man didn't use a condom. I didn't contract no STD's, but I did get pregnant. I got an abortion like a week or so after I found out. Uncle Tyler still doesn't know. And I just told you. So I'll probably tell him too, just because it feels better to say it out loud. But yeah..."

I process what she says. Honestly, knowing the nigga touched my daughter in the first place already got me at 100 so I'm not any more or less angry right now. I'm glad she feels comfortable enough to tell me because I'm sure it's relieving for her. But, it doesn't worsen what imma do to who touched her because I can't think of anything worse than what I'm already planning to do. I'm not mad at Cameron for not telling me, and I'm not mad at her. Had she chose to keep that baby it would've been a different story. But they took care of that. So now I'll take care of the rest.

"Good for telling me. I'm not mad at nobody. You made the right choice. Stop being scared of telling me things," I say. Leah looks up at me.

"It's kind of scary telling you things because no one knows how you gonna react. That's why I hesitate, I don't want you to be too mad like when I told you what happened with Aj and papa. So like, yeah."

"So lemme ask you," I lick my lips, "when y'all tell me shit, how should I react?" I ask. And I genuinely want to know. I already know what Cameron wants me to do. But I want to know what my kids think I should do too, maybe I could work on it when I leave.

"How I think you should react? Ummm," Leah looks up, "I mean there's nothing wrong with being angry. But maybe think about your what you're about to do before you do it. I don't know though, I think advice like this is easier said than done."

I know that. Easier said than done. I stand back up, "you got anything else to tell me right now?"

"Nope—Wait, actually yeah. One more thing," she stands up in front of me, "I have to go to the bathroom. That's not what I wanted to say by the way. But like, try not to let what happened with Aj distract you guys too much. I'm really worried about papa, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that he hasn't stopped stressing for a very very long time. I know you know more than I know about you guys relationship, but just like...prioritize him."

"Don't worry, I got him," I do. It's easy to get distracted especially with me dealing with what I got going on, plus actually being a father for the first time and trying to get these kids in check. I know a lot is going on, and Leah is right. I ain't even been here a week yet, and more bad has happened than good. He don't even be complaining about shit like that to me, so I have to make sure I remember to give him his peace of mind.

"That's all?" I ask her in case she has anything else to  say. She nods her head. "Alright, give me a hug," I say. She hugs me tight. I hug her back and kiss her forehead.

"Make sure you finish that work," I let her go. She sighs.

"I'll try."

I leave her room and make my way to my car. Hopefully after I smoke this blunt I'm more relaxed. After seeing that bitch in that picture I can't lie, I'm a little on edge. I want to take care of that right now, but Cameron wants me to deal with my son, and if I don't then that's a whole other thing. If I can't handle it right now, right at this moment, it's getting handled before I leave without a doubt. And once I get my hands on the nigga, he's gonna wish that I had just shot him and killed him.

I get in my car and do what I came here to do. I woulda let my windows down because I don't need to be hotboxing right now, but I don't know how things operate in this area and I'm not tryna draw no attention to myself.

I get through my first blunt in fifteen minutes. I pull out another one from my pocket and stare at it, tryna decide whether or not I should light it. I won't, I'll probably smoke it later or something. The blunt I just smoked was type fat so I don't think I need another one right now. And I still need to talk to Aj, so it's best that I don't.

I reach to the backseat and get my bag. It has the things I use everyday in there so I'm gonna take it up with me since Cameron wants me to stay. I put it in my lap thinking I'm bout to get out but I end up sitting in silence, then start to lose track of time each minute that passes by.

I'm too deep in my thoughts now. Way too deep. Dead silence, small spaces and being in my head is not good for me anymore. It makes me paranoid and all around just mad. I be trying to fight through it but I get so anxious and angry, I feel trapped sometimes.

My fingers tap at the steering wheel to try and calm myself down, but it's not helping. It actually making it worse. I take my hand off and rub at my face, "Fuck." I do not need an outburst right now. I already fucked up, and when I get these random outbursts that isn't even triggered by anything in particular, it's like a chain reaction. I start feeling my depression getting worse, I get paranoid, and I start spazzing out. I don't want or need that right now.

Let me get out of this car because now it's starting to feel like I can't breath in here no more. Soon as I step out my phone starts vibrating. It's Tyler calling me, so I answer.

"Yea." I hope my breathing doesn't sound too heavy, I don't want no questions.

"Where you at bro? I got here like ten minutes ago."

"I went to smoke. I'm coming."

"Why you sound like that?" He asks. I stay silent because I have no explanation for him. I don't like talking about my problems because I know I can handle it myself.

"I'm coming right now," I say then I hang up the phone. I am, but I'm gonna stand by my car and wait until I feel this shit pass. I lean on the door and just stand until my heart beat slows down. It takes a minute, but eventually it starts slowing down and it no longer feels like a struggle to breath. I take that as my cue to go back upstairs, but I grab my bag out the car first. I put it on my back then look at my phone to see that Cameron was calling and texting me. My phone be on vibrate so I don't hear it all the time. I'll see what's up when I get up there.

I walk back around the block to his apartment building and get in the elevator— it's another place that's way too confined, but my body picks and chooses when it wants to be extra and be all paranoid in these situations. Sometimes I'm alright, like I'll think about it but it won't affect me, other times are like how I was just feeling not too long ago, sometimes worse.

Before I go in, I go in my bag and get my cologne and spray some on myself. I know I probably smell real strong right now. I open the door and see Tyler sitting down. I close it and give him a head nod.

"You alright?" he asks, "I'm asking like you gonna tell me the truth. So, it's probably a no."

"I'm good."

"See? What I said," he shakes his head. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I start to walk off. "You know you can trust me right? Like, you could talk to me..." he says as I'm leaving. He taking it too personal. It's more about me not wanting to talk, it has nothing to do with who I'm talking to.

"I just don't feel like talking about it. Nothing to do with you personally."

"Oh yeah, no, I know. I'm just reminding you bro. Because I feel like I'm looking real bad right now with not telling you things. I just don't want you to feel like I'm being sneaky or like going behind your back, because I would never. I don't want to overstep or anything."

I don't need a reminder. I never felt like he was tryna do me dirty. I was mad, that's it. I'm over it now, "I know."

"Aight, good, good... Well, I'm bout to be out, work catching up to me now. And I haven't fucked in a couple days... I'm down bad. So let me figure all that out and I'll be back in the morning to make y'all get out this apartment," he goes for the door.

I nod at him and almost immediately he mocks me, "Nodding at me. Say 'bye bff, love you, can't wait till you come back.' Damn, you really know how to make a nigga feel bad," he frowns. I got three kids or two?

"Tyler, I'll see you in the morning. Go do what you gotta do. Goodbye," I say.

"Whatever nigga. Imma text you," He closes the door. If it's one thing that man needs, it's validation. All the time.

I check in on Cameron first to see what he needs. He's sitting up in his bed on a laptop, typing away. He looks at me.

"What you doing?" I ask.

"Trying to respond to a few emails that I missed. It's so hard to do with one hand. I'm trying to see if I can get back to work soon, but they're trying to make sure I'm fit to work again. I miss my students a lot."

"You sure you healthy enough for that?" I would never say this out loud, but if it was up to me Cameron wouldn't even be working in general. Just for the simple fact that at this point, he don't have to. But, it's his choice, not mine. And I know he loves what he does. Them kids need someone like him.

"Yeah, I'm feeling better. I mean of course I'm going to have to go to physical therapy, but I can do that while going to work. So, I'm hoping I can be back sometime within the next month," he sighs.

"They gonna let you go back. Don't worry," I say. I actually don't know nothing about that, I don't know what they gonna do or choose not to do, I'm just saying it to make him feel better.

"I hope so," he holds his hand out so that I can