Thirty Three

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vote and comment!! and most importantly, enjoy ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

sorry for mistakes!!

Cameron POV

Having to stand here and watch Ant leave is more upsetting than I had anticipated. I've been preparing myself for this moment since the day I found out about his mental illness, but there is only so much preparation one can do to genuinely feel at ease while watching their husband leave to another state, much less than a month since he was released from prison. Voluntarily at that. And he's taking our son as well which doesn't make this any easier.

I know this will be nothing like it was when he was in prison. There will be calls, texts, and a lot of visits, of course I know that. But since he's gotten back, Anthony out of my sight triggers my anxiety and I think that's because I always feel like he's in some trouble or something. With him all the way in Virginia I know there will be no way I have access to him 24/7. Of course I'm used to thatโ€”not having access to him, but after being able to be in contact with him for the short couple of days that I was, I don't know how I was managing to function without him being with me. I really don't know.

But, I know this is something that has to happen, for us but more importantly for him. I want nothing more than for Ant to be happy and healthy and I know that he's far from that, with or without me. So this is important. At the same time...I cant pretend that I'm not ridiculously sad. The crying type of sad, but today I'm not gonna cry. I'm suppressing my tears because I don't want or need to be the one who is being comforted while Anthony is literally the one who has to leave.

"Aight," Anthony shuts the trunk after Aj put his suitcase in there. Aj doesn't waste anytime standing around or saying goodbye, instead he opts for getting into the backseat of Anthony's car and closing the door without saying a word. I feel relief when Anthony dismisses Aj's actions and moves on to say bye to Taleah. Honestly, anything Aj does, I'm scared that it is actually something disrespectful that has gone unchecked which would make Ant react in a negative way, so when Aj does things like slamming car doors, or even like yesterday, throwing things around, I do fear how Anthony is going to correct that behavior since discipline is another reason for him taking Aj.

Ant pulls away from Leah then kisses her head, "Love you. I be back in a couple weeks to visit." He reassures then kisses her again. I know in this case Anthony and Aj are the ones doing the move, but Leah is really upset about all of this. She was speaking to Anthony yesterday when Aj was gone and said everything she was feeling, which included feelings of sadness, anger, and suspicion. She told Anthony that it wasn't fair that he was leaving us after promising that he's not going anywhere anymore, and she was feeling like he doesn't want to be around us which is why he opted for a therapist in Virginia rather than in New York.

When she was saying that, Ant surprisingly didn't get cold or annoyed. He was actually very patient with her and reassured her that he will be back as soon as he can. He also explained to her why he couldn't be in New York with us too, just in a more watered down way than he told me. At the end of the entire conversation between them, Leah was still upset but she was more understanding which I understand because that's exactly how I feel too.

Anthony says bye to Tyler and Zaniyah then he approaches me being that I'm the last person he's saying goodbye to. I smile at him while he comes in for a hug, but when his arms are finally embracing me I feel my smile slowly drop. The speed of my blinking probably looks so ridiculous right now, but it's doing the job of keeping these tears in my eyes so it'll just have to do.

"If you make this dramatic you gon think this a last goodbye," he laughs in my ear. Too late, it already feels like one. Every time Anthony has left me it's been for months or years at a time and I'm always uncertain about whether or not he'll come back safely. Nothing has changed.

He looks into my eyes. "Nothing to be sad about." He mumbles.

"Are you telling yourself or are you telling me?" I question. He smiles at that and nods his head.

"Both." He answers which makes me laugh. I thought so, he sounds like he's trying to convince himself to not be sad as well.

I sigh. "I'll be sad, but-" I pause for a second as he rests his hands on my back while kissing my cheek. "I'll call you and try to be less sad or something, I don't know. I cant help it." I finish.

"I know."

He moves from my cheek and onto my lips, so we stand there for a moment, having our last kiss until God knows when. The constant affection was nice while it lasted, but missing it will be worth it so that in the long run we won't ever have to be apart from each other again.

I don't want to let him go, so he eventually has to turn his lips in an opposite direction to get me to stop kissing him."I gotta go baby. I love you." He grabs my hand.

"I love you. Be safe." I answer back sadly. The questions and concerns I have in my head are so overwhelming. But I keep them to myself because Ant makes his own decisions as a man and as a father, so sometimes the most that I can do is take a step back and let things happen the way they are going to happen regardless of my opinion. I know they'll be fine though, I'm just a nervous wreck. And I wish I could at least say bye to my son, but I know it's better off if I say nothing to him at all.

When Ant is inside of his car, he lowers his window to say a final goodbye to us and then, unfortunately, he drives off shortly after. I watch the car until I cant see it anymore and just like that, they're gone.

I slowly turn around to the rest of my family and smile at them. "Okay, let's go." I say. There is other things we have to do, and as much as I want to sit around and mope all day, it's not the smartest option. Since Leah and I will be staying with Tyler while Anthony is gone, I have to get a few things together that I'll be bringing with me. It's not like a major move or anything, I'm keeping most of my things here and I'll be back probably every week or so. But, Anthony and Tyler both think it's best if we live in a new environment for a while and think it's better if Tyler is around since Anthony can't be here.

Back at the apartment, I take a medium sized duffle bag and fill it with the things I need for now while Leah does the same. It's not much but some clothes, shoes and toiletries. I already know Leah is trying to bring her whole entire room though, but I think Zaza is in there helping her pick what stays and what goes.

"That's everything?" Tyler asks as he takes our bags from us. Zaza helped Leah condense a lot of her choices because just like I do, she has a single duffel bag.

"It would've been way more if your daughter had her way," Zaza laughs.

"Yup and I'm still missing mad shit, so Uncle Tyler you gotta make up for what I don't got."

Tyler holds the door open for us and laughs, "Aight. Long as you do all your chores."

"Chores?" Leah questions in confusion. That would be funny, if Tyler actually makes her do chores. She's helpful but for her to do dishes and mop floors and clean bathrooms, you would have to pay her an insane amount to convince her to do all of that. Knowing Tyler, he's probably serious about chores despite him already having housekeepers.

After Tyler gets our bags in the car, we drive to his house and once we're there Leah runs off to pick a room. At this point she's slept in all of these rooms before so she should know which ones are her favorite. As for me, I'll settle in wherever my legs carry me to I don't really have a preference.

"Cant believe I finally got y'all to stay with me. You know how long I been telling you to come live with me?"

I roll my eyes, "Yes, a long time. But your house is..." I look around and sigh. This house is just too big for my liking. I love living in an apartment where everything and everyone are sort of close but at the same time in their own respective area. In here everything is so spaced out. It's gorgeous, don't get me wrong. But I feel like I'm in a place rather than at home. I think it's too nice, if that makes sense. And I miss my plants already.

"What, too big?"

I nod, "Yeah." I say honestly.

"You not wrong. But, this is only temporary. I get where you coming from though...your place feel more like home to me than here do, honestly. But I like it here too and I'll make sure you love it." He puts his arm around my shoulder, then guides me to sit down on the couch next to Zaniyah. She seems extremely busy on her phone, texting away and smiling. Hmm, that's new. Tyler and I share a look that makes me cover my laugh with my hand. He is so going to bring this up. I think it's already happening.

"Who you texting like that?" He questions. Zaza doesn't look up from her phone because I don't think she even notices he said anything to her. We look at each other again and this time he has a betrayed expression on his face and I can't help but to laugh out loud. I guess me laughing gets Zaza out of her trance because she looks up and smiles at us with a confused frown on her face.

"What's so funny? And why is you looking like that for Ty?" She asks.

"I'm looking like that because you just ignored the shit outta me," he shakes his head.

"Oh my bad." She blushes and glances back down at her phone again.

"Yeah whatever, who you texting?" He asks again.

Zaniyah rolls her eyes with a smirk, "Umm none of your business Kordell. Like damn." She holds her phone to her chest while avoiding eye contact with us. She is blushing so bad right now, her poker face is awful.

"Nahhh, what nigga got you blushing like this, oh shit," Tyler smiles as he reaches over and playfully hits her. Zaniyah holds her phone closer to her chest and smiles bashfully.

"Ohhhh myyy God yo, you're mad nosy." She sighs. Tyler keeps eye contact with her until it compels her to say more.

She leans back, "Okay, fine. His name Black."

"Black, huh. That sound like a drug dealer name." Tyler responds suspiciously. It's interesting to me because Zaniyah hasn't been in a relationship since we were in our twenties, and even that relationship only lasted like five months.

"Nah it's nothing like that. He's actually aโ€”" She scratches her head then looks away. She clears her throat and looks down at her lap, leaving us hanging. If it was only me around, the conversation would've been dropped and we would probably talk about something else, hence her clear hesitance. But Tyler is dedicated to getting all the answers he wants.

"He a what?" He leans forward.

Zaza's expression goes from embarrassed to one that clearly shows she is starting to get nervous. I give Tyler a look that says just leave it alone, but I don't know why I thought he would listen to me.

"What is it Zaniyah, you making me worried now. Just say it." Ty says.

She sighs, "He a police officer. But I been talking to him for a couple months and he not like how you think of police officers as, he's really nice andโ€”"

Tyler sighs and shakes his head, "Damn, Za. Come on." He definitely sounds disappointed.

"This why I didn't want to say anything because I knew especially you and Ant was gonna drag it." She mumbles.

"Nah don't get me wrong, you a grown ass woman. So you make whatever choices you wanna make. That don't got nothing to do with me."

She frowns, "Don't do that. You clearly feel a way about it."

"I do, but what Imma do, tell you no? So it's whatever."

"No but wait, I do wanna know why you so mad about it, just because some police is bad don't mean he is too. You don't know him, you didn't even get the chance to meet him."

Tyler looks down at his hands, keeping his eyes low. I'm sitting right in between the middle of them and tense isn't even the word to describe this. "You right, I don't know him. I really don't want to either so you ain't even gotta worry about it."

"So if I was to take this serious...you mean to tell me you gonna avoid him?"

"What you think Za. I never wanted to associate with no police, and you never did either. I don't know what changed your mind."

"What changed my mind is not being so close minded. When I tell you he's not like what you thinking I mean it. Imagine somebody judging you off of a stereotype, saying all rappers are murderers."

"Am I not?" He asks which makes Zaniyah sigh in defeat. I mean, it's not like Anthony and Tyler remained such close friends for no reason. "It come with the territory. Just like abusing niggas come with they job. I'm not interested in hearing you plead his case though. This family got too much going on to be associated with cops bro."

She laughs humorlessly for a moment, "I'm part of this family, so what happens next?"

"Nothing next Zaniyah. Nothing, you do what you wanna do but keep that shit from me."

"Oh so that's how it's gon be now?"

"Yeah, it is." He says dryly. "Long as you with the nigga."

She runs her hand over her face, stressed. When she puts her hand down her eyes fall to the floor, "Im pregnant." She says bluntly and instantly my eyes go wide.

"Oh," I say quietly. Well, I was not expecting that. My first reaction is to put a hand on her back and console her because I know she is so nervous. I don't know how long she was planning on keeping this a secret. I understand why she did though, because I assume that the father is the police officer and she didn't know how to say she was pregnant without bringing up who the dad is. "Congratulations." I kiss her cheek. She's still avoiding eye contact with Tyler who hasn't said anything yet.

Tyler gets up and begins to walk away but then he stops. "How long you was gon wait till you told us?"

"I don't know, I just knew that you would react like this so I kept it to myself... I really like him Tyler. You know I don't like just anybody. Give him a chance...he's the father of my kid so he's going to be apart of my life regardless which means he's apart of ours too. You included."

"No, love. He apart of your life. I'm happy for you, but...at the end of the day, father to your kid or not, he never gonna be family to me. He know who Anthony is?"

"He doesn't know who he is to me." She stutters.

"And why not?"

"You know why. Fuck, Anthony can't be the same shit that scare niggas away from me. I'm tired of that shit. And yeah, he a police officer so I'm purposely not talking about him because how that look. I'm already pregnant, I can't do nothing now."

Tyler picks his phone up off of the table, "I can't and I definitely don't want to control who you date. I ain't nobody you gotta be listening to. I just wish it was anybody but a fucking cop. You gotta go as far as to hiding your family from him."

Zaniyah fixes her posture then clears her throat. I continue to remain quiet because I can't take sides. I would tell Tyler that Zaza has really never taken her love life seriously, and the way it's looking seems that this is the most serious thing she's been in in her entire life, and there must be a reason for it so he should cut her some slack. Police officer or not, he clearly makes her happy. Plus, he's going to be the father of her first child. She is an adult and can associate with whoever she pleases without having to feel bad about it, especially if it isn't outwardly causing anyone any harm.

On another note, Tyler and Anthony have always been anti-police. They really do hate them, and have never resorted to the police to solve their problems. And as black men especially, they have every right to be anti police. Aside from the crimes they've personally committed, the NYPD has a history of harassing black people, and they literally build their careers off of attacking innocent people. And they still do till this day. And anyone who can side with an organization who operates like that, "good cop" or not immediately cooperates with the foundation that organization was built upon, which is ultimately racism. So, I understand why Tyler is upset as well.

As for me, I do not support the police. I never resort to them because of the way they prioritize killing and arresting people over small things rather than paying attention to sexual assault, or hate crimes. That's why I didn't call the police when my daughter was r worded. I didn't have faith that they would make the situation better, only brush it under the rug and call it a day. Plus, seeing the way they beat Anthony the day they caught up to us stays in my mind. He was a criminal, yes. But he was following all instructions and still managed to get awfully beaten. I can't help but to feel that them beating him was less about the crimes he committed and more about them assuming he was harming some random white man's kid. Emphasis on white.

But again, Zaniyah really likes him it seems and whether or not any of us approve, he will be apart of Zaniyahs life which by default means he will be in ours, especially if they get more serious than they already are. I just don't know how long she's going to keep Anthony a secret from him if that's what she wants. Which reminds me, I don't know the conditions Anthony and Tyler are under for his release from prison yet. So who he's able or unable to interact with is still unknown by me. If I remember, I'll ask. But, if those conditions are that he has to avoid police at all costs, well, that's a discussion him and Zaniyah have to have.

All I know is, I'm going to support Zaniyah's pregnancy and respect how Tyler feels at the same time. I can't do much besides that.

"You the same one who said you in love with somebody that you shouldn't love because of us. At least I ain't tell it to the world first. And you still ain't said anything about that to us till this day. So if it turns out that we in the same boat, I don't want to hear shit else from you about who I'm with." She says. Yikes, see... now I see what she means with that one. He did say something that makes him and Zaniyah's situations parallel.

Tyler stands there for a second more and then walks off without saying anything else. Zaniyah made a really good point, we still don't know who Tyler was talking about because he's so hush hush about it.

Zaniyah sniffs loudly, and when I look at her I see that she's crying. I was going to try to make her feel better, but she wipes her eyes once and then she doesn't cry anymore after that. It literally lasted one glance. By the time I looked at her the sad and upset expression was still on her face, but her eyes were completely dry. "I shouldn't have said nothing. Should've just kept my fucking mouth shut. I knew this would've happened."

"No, no... you would've had to say something sooner or later. Just think of it like you got it over with."

"No, because Anthony gon disapprove too, and Taleah don't even know this either and you know how she get. I just can't. I love y'all to death, but I'm tryna start a life of my own too. With who I choose to be with, no matter they fucking job. Like, it's a job at the end of the day. Shouldn't be this mad over what somebody do." She rants.

"I understand." Is all I respond. I do understand where she is coming from and why she feels this reaction from Tyler is unwarranted. There's not much else I can say though. I don't know the

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