Thirty Nine

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vote and comment 💓💓💓 most of all enjoy

guys this is a short chapter, but a symbolic & important one. i hope u enjoy nonetheless :)

sorry for mistakes!

ANT POV

Saturday was a good day.

I came home. Saw my family. Took my daughter out. Came back, dropped my kids off to Tyler's house then went back to Cameron's apartment. We found out he was pregnant, I gave him his bracelet, then we ended the night by doing what we do best. I didn't smoke, but I was cool. I was too distracted to notice that much.

But I know by now to not get too comfortable when things seem too good. It's only 1pm and already, things isn't looking too good for this experiment. I woke up to my phone being blown up by Rue, asking me what time today I'll be back in Virginia, which makes no sense because I told specifically her that I'd be gone for the weekend. Now, she's going on about how I'm trying to take advantage of her and that she's gonna show me what happens when I try to play her. Why would I be back today when I had to work on Saturday, left on Saturday, just to be back before Sunday? I even explained to her that I don't work during the day so why the fuck is she worried about where I'm at. I told her I'll be back Monday, and I'm not changing it just because her fucking dementia is kicking in. I told that bitch once, I'm not bout to do it again.

On top of that, now Zaniyah is trying to sit here and tell me about some pregnancy that I really can't wrap my mind around.

"Who's pregnant?" I ask, frowning in confusion. Everybody's here in their living room right now. Cam, My kids, Tyler, Zaniyah, and me. Zaniyah is trying to tell me something about pregnancy, but I wasn't listening. Cameron hasn't told them he's pregnant yet, so I'm wondering if they peeped the same shit I did.

"Me, Ant. I'm pregnant." ZaZa repeats in frustration. Oh.

"How?" I ask.

She sighs. "Nigga how everybody else gets pregnant, what do you mean how?"

What? "Clearly. But who you pregnant by?" She thought she could just pop up and say she's pregnant and get an okay congratulations? If she in a relationship, I didn't know that. Or if not, okay. But I rather I got some type of 'I met somebody' story, and then after that she follow up with she's pregnant. I haven't heard nothing about her dating nobody.

"Does it matter? I'm just letting you know I'm pregnant. That's it." She answers defensively. I haven't had to go in brother mode for a while because my sister is an adult. And I got my own shit to worry about. But all I can see right now is a irresponsible ass kid who's trying to brush past shit that has no business being brushed pass. And if I have to ask my kids to leave so they don't gotta see me be stern with they aunt like she a child, then I'm going to get upset. How she gonna tell me she's pregnant but leave things out?

"Zaniyah. Try again." I say simply. She got one more chance. She uses her chance up to start crying and not say anything at all. "Don't bring shit up if you gonna start crying when I ask you questions." I say bluntly. That makes no sense. She shoulda kept it to herself longer if she wasn't ready for a simple 'by who' question. Unless it's deeper than that, and it was against her will. But then I don't understand why she would say something like that with my kids around.

"You don't gotta be so mean, damn. Give me a second." She wipes at her eyes. I'm waiting. There nothing else I can do. "My boyfriend. His name is Black. We been dating for a couple months."

"So why you couldn't just say that instead of asking me if it matters? You made it sound crazy." I say. What's so secretive about her being pregnant by a boyfriend. I didn't know she had a boyfriend, but granted I got home not too long ago so maybe it slipped her mind. But all this crying and shit is unnecessary.

Zaza and Tyler share a look. And then Zaza looks at Cam and he gives her some type of encouraging smile. That alone tells me that there's more to it.

"What?" I ask.

Zaniyah sighs. "Well...me and Black have been dating for a couple months..." She's bout to tell me she getting married or something. That must be what this is. "And he's a really great guy. Great for me. And you know I haven't been with anyone for a really long time. So I plan on him, you know, becoming apart of the family. Being around more. I mean, he is the father of my child so that's a given. But yeah. He-he really, really is great. But, there's something about him that you probably won't approve of. It's his job. Tyler knows, everybody knows except for you. And Aj. But um—"

"Long as he ain't no cop I don't care. Relax." I say. This whole long ass rant. Cool, whatever, she's in love with the nigga and wants him to be around. I can't say no to that because she's my sister, as much as I don't like new people. I'm happy she's happy. And I'm happy she's having a child. We can move on now.

Zaniyah looks down at the ground. "...He is a cop. That's why I said you wouldn't approve. I knew you wouldn't." She starts crying again. Wow.

Man, I can't deal with this shit right now. I'm feeling irritated already and if I really get into how much I don't approve of nothing she's telling me right now, I'm gonna get too upset. And nothing about this visit back home was supposed to make me upset. "That's on you." Is all I have to say. Nothing more. She should know better than to bring him anywhere around me unless she wants me to stay away from the both of them. Simple.

"No, you can't just say that and—"

"I could say whatever I want. Be glad that's all I gotta say." I mumble.

"That's not how we should talk about this though—"

No way. "Yo, you ain't hear me the first two times?" I stop myself to tell the twins to leave for a minute. It doesn't seem like Zaniyah has any plans on thinking before she speaks, and that's what's gonna get me mad, and I don't want my kids seeing that. Didn't I settle it from jump? I ain't scream at her, I ain't ask her why. This is her life and if that's who she associating with, so be it. The fuck imma do about that? I ain't even tell her to keep him away from me, I just know she knows better than to do otherwise. None of this had to be hostile. She shoulda took what I said and moved the fuck on.

"Ant, I don't think this is fair. You're mad about this but you don't wanna talk about it. How does that solve anything?" She asks once the kids are gone.

There's no common ground when talking about trying to get somebody like me to want to be around some police. There's literally nothing to solve, nothing to talk about. Look at me, I look like I need to be anywhere near a police officer? I do not care about nobodies boyfriends or none of that. I have my own family to worry about. And clearly she does too. Simple as that. That has nothing to do with me. "It's nothing to solve. Say one more thing, you gon make me mad."

"So nobody can ever talk to you about anything? It's just stop whenever you want to stop and everyone just has to accept it?" She asks. See.

"Zaza...," I hear Cameron say quietly "please don't. Please."

Zaniyah speaks again. "No, I don't think that's fair. How come everything has to be on his timing? You know when you said 'that's on you' you were being passive aggressive. And then you woulda ignored me after that. How come you don't see a problem with Cameron being with you even though you're not perfect, but I can't be with Black cus he's not perfect? How come??"

Tyler jumps in. "You can't compare that love. Ant didn't even say nothing crazy for you to be bringing that up. Come on. I understand—"

"No, you don't understand anything."

"No, I understand you want him to be accepted, but it's not gonna be that simple. Give people time."

Zaniyah stands up. "What time do you need?? I'm the one that's with him, fuck do y'all need time for?!"

And now the bad day I was having just got worse. You could never get too comfortable, see how fast shit switches? The only right thing I did was tell my kids to leave. And it's not that I'm feeling violent. No. But I'm bout to check out. The sound of her screaming. The way my attempt at staying calm ain't even fucking work because she wanna drag the issue. I can only keep a stable image for so long. If I don't go leave from here and smoke a blunt right now, Imma say something that'll hurt someone's feelings. I'm really not trying to do that.

As I'm about to get up, Cameron holds onto my arm. "No. Please don't go anywhere."

"Get off me." I say. I didn't mean to say it like that. Which is why I have to leave.

"No. Where are you going?"

"Don't worry bout it. I said I'll be back." I grab his wrist and pull his hand off me, quickly getting up and heading for the door before he could grab me again. But Cameron is persistent. He follows after me and pulls me back by my shirt.

"Ant...please sit down."

"I said I'll be back. Relax." I pull him off of me again and leave the house. Without hesitation, I go into my car, take out my black book bag, roll a blunt, light it, and smoke my first blunt in one and a half days. I tried my best to be sober, but like I told her, I can't. I can't even deal with my sister being emotional. On the regular i woulda just treated her like she's one of my kids or something, and waited till she calmed down to reiterate what I said until it clicked in her brain. But now, as soon as she got to pushing the issue, my mind got foggy. I needed her to shut up. And I needed to be alone.

I finish my first blunt and roll another one. Because it's been a day an my tolerance is high, it's not doing nothing and I'm not calming down fast enough. Things are only getting more hazy. I light the second blunt.

On the third blunt, I think I'm starting to get back into my usual state of mind. The only weird thing is it feels like I'm watching some nigga smoke from the window of my car. In my head, I'm telling him to stop, but he keeps going. Whoever he is that keeps rolling blunt after blunt—he's the drug addict, not me. I finish the third blunt. Then the fourth. I can't get to the last one yet because I'm light headed. And I don't even know where the shit came from. Who put all these fucking blunts in my lap? Now I feel like I don't know where I'm at.

I finally light the fifth blunt, and look out the window of my car at a figure standing in the midst of the smoke. It gets closer and closer and closer. I would be scared, but there's nothing I can do. I don't get scared. I be seeing these figures all the time. The figure opens my car door. And I just sit there, waiting.

"That's enough." The figure rips the blunt out of my hand and throws it on the floor. I focus my eyes and quickly realize that figure is Cameron. My husband. My pregnant husband standing in the midst of all this smoke.

"Fuck is you doing?" I question him, getting out of the car and pushing him away from the fumes.

"Anthony you've been in there for an hour, smoking non stop. Stop it, please."

"It hasn't been a hour."

"It has. And I tried to give you your space but I'm not gonna let you sit there do that. Can you look me in my eyes?"

I try to get myself to focus on his eyes but everything is foggy. "No, you can't." He mumbles sadly. "Go inside. Please."

I walk slowly beside him. Then I remember what I was even out there for. "Where's Zaniyah?" I ask Cam. He looks like he doesn't want to tell me, so I follow where his eyes aren't looking. And Zaniyah is right there.

"If you bring him around me, I'm gonna get you in trouble. And your relationship is gonna end. If you don't want that, let the shit be on you. Live your life separate from mine." I explain. If she wants to go out there and fuck with police knowing good and well I ain't a saint, she made her choice already. And I don't say that with anger. I say that because it's true. And because at a certain point, you gotta let shit go.

"That doesn't make any sense." Zaniyah shakes her head. "End how? You openly out of prison. You haven't done anything else. So why can't he be around? Unless you are doing something?"

"Oh my—please, Zaza? Okay. You love your boyfriend, Ant accepted that and wants you to live your life. But, Ant doesn't like police, and you're not accepting that and are trying to convince him to like your boyfriend, regardless of the fact that he's a cop. If at all, it won't happen overnight. We need to respect each other's boundaries. Family can have boundaries too. We don't have to always agree with each other." Cameron says.

"Really, Cam? And what about my child? Y'all gonna have boundaries too? What, it can't be around?"

Cameron sighs. "Of course your child will be around. Your baby hasn't done anything for there to be a boundary. There will be no personality clashes or hostility between your baby and Ant or Tyler because, well—they're a baby. The same can not be said for your boyfriend. That is where and why boundaries are set. It's not about the baby honey."

Zaniyah doesn't say anything else. When Cameron gets to talking, you have no choice but to listen to what he says because he doesn't interject much. It matters more when he gives his opinion.

"I think I should just tell you now I'm having a kid too." Tyler says quickly. I frown. So everybody having a kid? With Tyler I don't have to wonder who it's by, because it could be literally anybody.

"You remember Cameron's old friend, Pheonix?" He asks randomly.

I think for a minute. Then I nod. I remember. She was annoying. And she sent that boy after Cameron. "We crossed paths. And I was desperate to be in love with somebody again, and she brought back them old feelings. Long story short, I got her pregnant. But I don't want to be with her." He explains.

Okay. So what I'm hearing is Tyler and Zaniyah just felt like being on some weird shit. Like I said, their life, not mine. And with this one, I really care how Cameron feels about it the most because that's somebody he dealt with. She set him up and for that I won't never forgive that. If Cameron is hurt by him associating with her, I'm not gon be on good terms with him right now either.

"You knew this?" I ask Cam. He nods.

"Yes, he told me last week. I understand why he did it. I'm not mad, so don't be mad at him. And don't be mad at Zaniyah. She's just trying to figure this out." Cameron says.

I can't afford being mad. Especially not over nobodies personal life. I say my piece, and I move on. And if Cameron is okay with Tyler and that girl, then I'll move on as well. How would it look if I start screaming at some grown ass adults because they felt like associating with people I wouldn't catch myself dead with. That's what they want, then so be it. I'm not making anybody's problem my own. I got two kids, and a pregnant husband to direct that passion towards.

"Aight." I say.

"Are you mad?" Tyler asks.

"Nah." I'm not mad. Like I said, it's not my problem.

Tyler sighs in relief. "Okay. Cool. Um, she not gonna be around or nothing though. It'll be a co parenting thing." Okay. I have nothing to say about that. Bottom line is he having a kid with that girl. From jump that don't get no leeway regardless of whatever parenting plans he got set up. I fucking hate when the people I care about do some weird shit, and it happened not once, but twice in a day. I know I wasn't supposed to give in and smoke, but if I didn't, my response to all this wouldn't have been as calm. This is why I said I don't want to experiment when I'm around my family. Of course I wasn't expecting this but I feel like I should always be prepared.

I don't say anything in response to Tyler trying to explain himself, so there's a long period of awkward silence until Cameron says something.

"Well...in that case...I guess we all have some news. We'll tell the twins later, right?" Cameron asks me.

"Aight." I say. It's really always been up to him, so he didn't have to double check with me. It's not a secret or anything.

He turns to Tyler and Zaniyah. "So, we're expecting as well. I'm pregnant. Found out yesterday." Cameron says.

Tyler smiles, "You fuckin lying."

"No, I'm serious."

"Everybody having a kid?" He questions in confusion.

"That's what it seems like."

Tyler laughs, and hugs Cameron, "Oh shit. Congratulations sweetheart. I knew you woulda got knocked the fuck up, nasty ass. Congratulations bro," he says to me.

"Thanks. You too." I say. Even though I don't understand why he would go and do something like that, I don't want him to feel like I didn't congratulate him on his first child. That's still my brother.

"Nah, that don't need a congratulations. That's stress. But thank you."

Zaniyah wipes away a tear. "Congratulations Cam."

Tyler let's go of Cameron, and Cameron hugs Zaniyah next. "Thank you honey...I love you, and we all love you, okay? Just because there's conflict in one aspect of all of this doesn't mean it's all sour. When I said give it some time, I just wanted you to face the reality of things. When Ant and Ty say things like 'keep it separate from me' all that means is they love you so much that they want you around, they just don't have any interest in that part of your life. You know why they feel that way. It can not change with the blink of an eye just because you want it to. Like, even if Tyler decided to be with Pheonix, I would tell him the same thing. I'd say just keep her away from me. But I'd still love him the same." Cameron explains while Zaniyah nods through her tears. Now she got me feeling bad. I didn't say what I said to make her cry or feel like I don't love her or nothing, but I had to put it bluntly because I don't want no confusion. Even if I was willing to put my views aside, like I said, I would end up messing her relationship up. I bet you she ain't even told that nigga who I was. I can't be around that, not with my anger.

"Okay?" Cameron kisses Zaza's forehead.

"Yeah." She sniffles, wiping at her face. Cameron looks up at me and gives me eyes that's saying 'come comfort her'. I quietly sigh to myself, then tell Zaniyah to stand up and stop all that crying. I hug her when she quiets down, but she only starts crying more into my shirt, and hugs me tighter. While she having a breakdown, I glance at Cameron who's smiling at us. Look what he got me doing bro, I didn't even say nothing to make her cry like this.

"Okay. Now that we're all on the same page, we're gonna go tell the twins." Cameron says when Zaniyah goes back to her seat.

"Leah is gonna be so excited. She's been talking about wanting another sibling." ZaZa says.

Cameron raises his eyebrows, "Really?" Must've been his first time hearing about it. Zaniyah nods in confirmation, which visibly makes Cameron more confident about telling the kids. We begin to walk towards the towards the back of the house. "I didn't know Leah wanted another sibling." Cameron says happily. "I thought she'd gotten comfortable with it only being her and Aj."

"Yeah."

"I hope Aj is happy about it." He mumbles. I think about it for a second. Aj will either be unhappy or he won't care. I can't see any other reaction besides that.

Cameron looks into each room, trying to see where at least one of the kids are. I had a feeling they'd be in different rooms, but we actually find them both inside the same room, sitting on opposite ends but still together nonetheless. I haven't really

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