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🚫Trigger warning 🚫
*mention of r*pe

Cameron POV

I hold my daughter who burst into hysterics, tears managing to fall out of my own eyes. Externally, I have to remain calm to support my daughter. But internally, I am feeling ways that I can't describe. A mixture between wanting to hurt someone and feeling torn that my little baby girl is going through something that she, no one, deserves.

"No, I can't be! Please, no," she sobs into my shirt.

"Taleah, Honey. Let's discuss your options. You have a lot of them. And whatever you decide to do is entirely your choice, but you need to listen."

"What am I going to do?" her tears soak my T-shirt and I close my eyes and hold my breath to try and stop my flowing tears, but I crack and a whimper comes from the back of my throat. I give it up and exhale, and continue to rub on Leah's back.

"Why me, papa? What did I do?" she looks at me and I use my hand to wipe the tears on her face away. I take a tissue from my bag and wipe her nose. I kiss her forehead.

"Nothing sweetheart. This is not your fault."

"Care to explain?" Doctor Venus asks. I look at Taleah and she doesn't give me any signs that she doesn't want me to tell the doctor what happened so I go ahead and do that.

"Well, a few weeks ago Taleah was, um, taken advantage of. She was Uh-" the r word was taking forever to come out of my mouth.

I exhale helplessly and wipe my eyes. "She was, um, she was raped," I lower my voice on the last word "she doesn't know by who, but she was."

Dr. Venus' eyes widen and she takes a deep breath, "why didn't you guys come to me earlier? As soon as this happened?"

"I-I don't know, that was my mistake. At that moment all I was worried about was making Leah feel better," I lower my head.

"And how did you do that? Did she take a shower?"

I nod my head.

"Cameron. You know that you should have called me or went straight to the hospital, this issue could have been quickly resolved." Dr. Venus looks at me disappointedly and I can't look her in the eyes because I know she's right. I come up with the worst of solutions to every problem.

"We could've easily found out who that man was since there was sperm inside of her. Now there's no evidence. I really wish you would have told me earlier. Why didn't you tell the police, or anybody?"

I pull a tissue out of my bag and wipe my eyes. I shouldn't be crying. This is my fault.

"I don't trust police, but I should have called them anyway. I know. But what about right now? My biggest concern is still my daughter."

She can tell me all I've done wrong afterwards, but I want her to discuss with Leah her options first.

Dr. Venus sighs and looks at Taleah, "Alright, Taleah. Are you listening?"

Taleah sits up and nods.

"Alright, so ultimately you have three options. Your first option is to keep the baby, and raise the baby. There are plenty of programs out there that help teenage mothers and guide them through pregnancy. I understand that the way this baby was conceived was not ideal, but you still have rights to your baby."

I swear that I stop breathing for a second. I am not going to make any suggestions or comments to Taleah because this is her body, and one hundred percent her choice. I have an opinion, but I will keep it to myself. I don't want to sway her decision making.

"You also have a second option. You can go through with the pregnancy, and put the child up for adoption. You won't have to raise the child, but you can preserve a life by giving He child to a family that wants a child but can not have one."

Dr. Venus sighs, "and your third option is an abortion. It's a medical procedure that will terminate the pregnancy and get rid of the fetus and you will no longer be pregnant. You don't have to be impelled to choose this option just because of your situation, just really think about it an—"

"I want an abortion. I want an abortion now," my daughter starts to hyperventilate "what the fuck, I didn't ask for the responsibility to raise a child, I can't raise a child." She pants and cries and I caress her back.

"Ok baby," I look at her with concern.

"I'm going to give you some time to think about it. You don't have to get rid of an innocent life." Dr. Venus says and I'm shocked at her approach to such a sensitive situation.

"Stop it, please. Stop trying to guilt trip her because she wants to have an abortion. She has every right. And as her doctor, you should know that," I have to say. I don't like the way she's going about this at all. Regardless of her personal opinion, it doesn't matter at all if Leah already made up her mind.

"I refuse to carry a child for nine months that I will hate for the rest of my fucking life. A constant reminder that I was raped? I can't do that, I just can't. I'm sorry, I can't. Just get it out of me please," Taleah continues to sob and the doctor sighs.

"Alright," she hesitates "I'll make an appointment for next week Friday. I just want to make sure that you're sure, that's all. I want you to make the right choice. Don't get me wrong, I see exactly where you are coming from. I'm sorry I let my own personal experiences cloud my judgement. That time span will give you some time to think. Is that okay?"

Taleah looks down at her lap, "I want it out now."

"I want you to think about it, if you still feel the same by Thursday, I will perform the abortion on Friday. Is that alright?"

Leah is quiet for a second and then she nods.

"Are you sure?" I ask her and she shrugs.

"I want it out as soon as possible, but I can wait," she says.

Dr. Venus and I talk for a while longer while Taleah stays close to my side as I hold her. She gives us a pamphlet about pregnancy options for us to read and we make our exit.

"I thought I heard a condom papa. When I was showering, I didn't feel anything there just pain. If I would've known," she whimpers and I pull her closer to me.

"No. You didn't know any better. As your parent I should have been more cautious," I whisper.

Now we may never know who did this to her all because of me and my stupid, stupid decisions. I'm disgusted with myself. That was the worst thing I could have possibly done. I don't have anything together, who am I kidding. I can't even tend to my baby the way that I needed to. I'm always panicking, always looking for the quickest solution instead of the smartest solution.

"I'm sorry baby," I try to say but I start crying and I have to vigorously wipe my eyes in attempt to stay strong for Taleah. I can at least try to do that right.

"I'm so sorry for neglecting your health when that was the most important thing. I am so sorry." The tears come back. I sniffle and I feel my daughters soft hands wiping my eyes. We stop walking and I look at her and I wipe her eyes because she's crying too. And now we're both wiping each other's eyes.

"I love you sweetheart and no matter what you decide to do, I'll be here to support you and provide for you one hundred percent. Whatever I can do to protect you from here on out, I will do. I'm sorry that you're going through this, papa is always on your side." I rant while we wipe one another's eyes.

"I know. I love you," she says. I kiss her and hug her tight. When we separate I notice a nervous expression on her face.

"What do we tell Aj?" she asks me.

I freeze, "Uh," I scratch my head.

"He's gonna want to know what happened. I can't lie to him," she states. I nod.

"You tell him if you feel comfortable, but don't feel obliged to. It's your choice."

We continue to walk out of the doctors office and when we reach outside I see that Aj is sitting on the hood of my car. He doesn't notice us approaching him because he's too busy on his phone, staring at it intently.

"Get up," I say to him when I get to my car and he closes his phone quickly and gets up. When he's on his feet he looks between the both of us and I already know- our expressions show worry and that we've been crying.

"What?" He asks us expectantly. I look at Taleah and her mouth is stuck open without words coming out.

"What is it?" He asks again but this time he's nearly yelling, growing impatient.

"Aj, I'll tell you when we get home. Can we just go?" Taleah asks.

"Nah you gon tell me now. The fuck, tell me now!"

"You're making a scene, stop it." I try to tell him and he cuts his eyes at me.

"What? Was I talking to you or was I speaking to Taleah. This nigga told you not to tell me anything or some shit? I'm apart of this family too, fuck is you on. Whatever he told you, you need to tell me why the fuck you come out here looking like that regardless."

"I don't care who you were speaking to, I'm talking to you and I'm telling you to stop making a scene. If she wants to explain it to you when we get home she will."

"Yo, stop talking to me. Deadass. Because I'm bout to get tight."

"Get tight for what, Aj! Tight for what?! What is your problem. Get in the car," I feel my hands start to tremble which is a bad sign but I am trying my absolute hardest to suppress an anxiety attack.

"Nah, y'all could go. Clearly I'm not apart of whatever the fuck going on so leave me alone."

"Get in the car. Now." I force out with my teeth clenched, trying my hardest to stay calm.

"I ain't doing shit."

With all my strength, I grab Aj's arm and pull him as hard as I can to the backseat. I'm barely thinking about my actions so I'm spaced out as I'm pulling Aj. He's stronger than me so of course I'm barely successful, but I manage to open the back seat and get him in the car. I don't think it's because of my strength, but because I don't put my hands on my kids in any hostile way for any situation. Maybe he figures that I am serious. But right now, I just needed him in the car so we could go home.

"Don't put your fucking hands on me my nigga."

"I'm not your n word, I'm your parent. Now stop it, please. Stay there."

"Nah cause you putting your hands on me, don't touch me." He kisses his teeth and shakes his head without even processing anything I'm saying. "Don't fucking touch me."

My hands start shaking vigorously and I tell Taleah to get inside the car. She gets in the front seat. I stay outside because I gradually feel my state start to get worse, and I can't drive like this. I feel like my throat is closing up and I can barely breath. My vision is starting to get blurry and it's as if I can only see through a small black hole. I put my hand over my racing heart and take as many deep breaths as I can to regulate my breathing, but that only seems to be making it worse. I'm getting light headed.

I'm dizzy and all I can see are blurred doubles of everything around me including Taleah getting out of the car and racing to me.

I pant rapidly and use all my energy to tell her that I'm fine with my hands. Just another anxiety attack, as always. This is the last thing I'd ever want my kids to see.

I motion Leah to go back inside the car and she  hesitantly obeys. I wipe sweat off of my forehead and open the car door myself and take a seat. I lean my head on the steering wheel and inhale and exhale deeply in attempt to slow down my heart rate. Tears are falling out of my eyes, but I'm not paying them any minds.

I feel Taleahs hand caressing my back. I lean back in my seat, and grab and kiss her hand. I can tell her that I'm sorry forever. I want to tell her I'm sorry now.

I sniffle and squeeze her hand tight. I let go of her hand, wipe my eyes, take one last deep breath and start the car without saying a word.

"Papa, are you okay?" Taleah asks worriedly and I nod my head and start to drive.

I don't know what's wrong, or why I broke down. It's not because my daughter is pregnant, I cried over that already. It's not because of my son who hates me, I knew he did already. I am not worried about it. Every other week I break down because I can't handle what comes with the life I put myself into. I can't concern myself with it and nobody else should either.

I slowly follow behind my children when we're walking to our apartment. A man comes out of his apartment and Aj immediately pushes Taleah to the other side of the hallway, even though the man had done nothing. I'm not mad that he did that because I too am now more overprotective that I ever was, but Taleah told me she doesn't appreciate me or anyone monitoring her as if she's not the same person as before her assault. That she doesn't want it to define her. And I'm not mad at that either.

Leah and Aj wait for me to unlock the door, and when I do, then close and lock it Taleah speaks.

"I'm pregnant." She says while Aj's back is turned to us.

Aj pauses while he takes his jacket off. He drops it on the floor. He starts to walk away.

"Aj?" She asks.

"You not." He mumbles, "stop saying that shit. No you not."

"But I am."

"You not having no fucking rape baby, my nigga! Fuck outta here. Pregnant?" He chuckles, "Nah. Not you. No way."

His face becomes serious and he stares at her, "You not deadass. You can't be."

"Why would I lie?! I am, why do you think I was crying?" she screams, "you beg me to tell you and now you suggesting that I'm lying?!"

I see Aj's Adam's apple move in his throat and his jaw clenches.

"Stop screaming guys. Please stop," I beg.

"Why we didn't know this earlier? Why the fuck we just now figuring this out? You knew this shit?" He asks me and I shake my head no.

"We're all just finding out. Now you need to calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down? She pregnant," he motions at Leah and stresses "how can I be calm? Niggas better fucking wish I don't come across them shit is dead soon as I see'm my nigga on everything son. On God bro."

"Okay Aj-" I try to interlude and calm him down.

"Nah, I don't wanna hear shit from you especially. How you gonna let this happen? Huh?! How the fuck you gon let this shit happen?"

"You think you got all this shit together and you a perfect parent but you got your daughter carrying a fuck ass baby," he chuckles humorlessly "I assumed you took her to get checked soon as that shit happened. What did you do? Sit there and let that shit marinate?"

"Please, stop," I say. I'm not going to make a scene. Taleah just got some news and I do not want to feed into unnecessary drama. I'm going to let him talk, because if I feed into it he will never stop.

He scoffs and turns around, "If daddy was around, none of this would be happening. Why it couldn't be you," he says the last sentence lowly, but I heard him. Loud and clear.

Aj pushes the wall ahead of him hard as he walks away from us.

"So, instead of asking any question about the well being of my mental and physical state, you use all your sorry ass, negative ass energy to blame papa? How you gonna blame him more that you blame my rapist, nigga? Huh?!" Leah calls out. Aj turns around.

"It's okay," I tell Taleah.

"No, it's not! I'm sick and tired of him using every fucking chance he get to trace things back to you and blame. All he do is put blame on people that don't deserve it!"

"So why he can't speak up for himself? Why he can't say that shit? Because his weak ass knows I'm right. This is not about him right now," he speaks as if I'm not standing right here. But that's also my fault as well.

"It's not about him but you was just making it about him. I'm pregnant by my fucking rapist. That's it. That's my reality right now, and that's ours and you can't blame papa for that. There's only one person to blame."

"There's more than one when people don't play their role."

"Just get the fuck outta my face, I should've never told you shit. You're fucking miserable," Taleah says.

"Don't talk to me like that."

"Or what, nigga? Ain't nobody scared of you. I'm gon' talk to you however I feel like talking to you. Fuck outta here, fuck you think this is nigga I don't obey you. Only person I obey is my parents- oh wait, you can't fucking relate because you're a miserable bitch who gets a rush out of blaming people."

"Jesus, guys. Please stop," I scream and grab Taleahs arm since Aj is too far from me.

Taleah face turns red and she starts to cry, "No because it's not right," she cries, "You do everything that you can do for us and you got people coming at you left and right, nit—" she sniffs, "nitpicking at everything thing you do. Every move you make. And you can't even get a break in your own home because Aj always wants to attack you for shit that's out of your control," she wipes her eyes and I wipe at mines quickly before the tears gathering in my yes can fall.

"You think daddy would want this shit?" She yells and Aj rubs his hands over his face, "you so worried about daddy. How do you think he would feel?" She asks and I can't stop my tears from falling.

"How you think he would feel if he knew papa was being verbally abused by someone he almost died for?"

"Here we go with the sob story," Aj throws his hands up "Here we go with the fucking pity party. What you want me to say, thank you? Thank you oh so fucking much, oh thank you for making a choice that I had no say on because I wasn't even fucking developed at the time. That was his choice to keep us, why I gotta be thankful for that? What if I told daddy all the times I catch him speaking to niggas he don't have no business talking to? What if I told him he can't even keep his eyes on a fifteen year old female? Nah, but we worried about what I'm doing."

I feel everything falling apart right at this moment. I'm kind of stuck- I hear them but my mind is someplace else.

"You're ungrateful. Who the fuck raised you, who taught you to be like this?"

"You really asking me that?" Aj shakes his head, face burning dark red and so is Taleahs.

"Yes, because nobody raised you to be an ignorant asshole. Aj, do you hear yourself? I'm pregnant by my rapist and the first thing you do is blame someone who didn't even know what was going on. Don't you see a pattern? You keep blaming him for everything?"

"I'm not going back and forth with you. I'm gonna handle what I need to handle and that's it. I don't give a fuck about this other shit. If you not worried about how he played apart in this sick shit, I won't. Fuck am I stressing for," Aj turns back around and proceeds to walk to his room and he slams the door making the whole apartment shake.

I stand there for a second, still feeling like I'm not really here and I'm mentally someplace else. I heard everything, I tried to find the words to say but they were yelling over each other and I tried to stay as calm as I could to avoid panicking. But I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I hadn't noticed that my who face is the exact color of a tomato and i have so many tears trailing down my face, it looks like I have been crying for days. Crying. All I do is cry, that's what I've always done best since I was born. Conflict? Cry. Happiness? Cry. Sadness? Cry. Anger? Cry. I'm sick and tired of using tears as a form of expression. I am so angry.

I'm angry at my son for hating me and using his words to hurt me.

I'm angry at Tyler for leaving me alone for two months.

I'm angry at Zaniyah for not being available all the